《Vampire Vixens From Planet X!》6: Hard Pass
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“Who was your friend?” Anna asked, wiggling her eyebrows so there was no doubt exactly what she was insinuating.
“Oh shut up,” Liam said.
“I would shut up,” Anna said. “But it looked like you were flirting with that girl pretty hardcore. So do you want to tell us what was going on there?”
“I don’t, thank you very much,” Liam said with a sniff.
“All right then. You keep your secrets,” Anna said. “But she was a total hottie. Like we’re talking I wouldn’t mind having a little fun with her if I was willing to take a walk on the wild side.”
“Wait, so are you saying that’s something you’d be into?” Michael asked, his eyes lighting up. “Because if you are then there are probably lots of open minded ladies at this con, and…”
He stopped as Anna held up a hand. It was her universal signal that he needed to shut up before he said something monumentally stupid that got him in even deeper than he already was.
“You’ve been barking up that tree for how many years and it hasn’t worked?” she asked. “Besides, the odds are good but the goods are odd at conventions like this.”
“Tell me about it,” Liam said. “That girl was going on like she actually thought she was a Galactic Enforcer.”
“Cosplay people who think they’re the character are the worst,” Anna said.
“Girls who walk around like they think the world owes them something because they’re in a sexy costume are the worst,” Rick said, rolling his eyes.
“Why do we even hang out with you when you spew stupid bullshit like that?” Liam asked.
“What?” Rick said. “You know she’s going to bask in all the attention she gets wearing that costume, and then get on social media and bitch about how a bunch of guys were staring at her in the costume she used to get that attention!”
“If your misogyny was any more out there then you’d be able to get a spot on Fox News,” Anna said.
“What?” Rick said, looking defensive.
“We’ve explained this before, man,” Michael said. “Girls aren’t into guys who obviously hate them.”
“I don’t hate women,” Rick said. “I love them! One of my best friends is a girl!”
“Who you hit on at every opportunity even though I have a boyfriend,” Anna said. “You need to cut this shit and get rid of the toxic masculinity if you’re ever going to get anywhere with a woman.”
“Whatever,” Rick said.
“So are you going to tell us anything else about that girl?” Anna asked. “Are you thinking of having a con fling? And what about that nice girl working the front desk? Are you going to blow her off now? You’re like a nerdy Casanova.”
Liam flipped Anna the bird. Mostly because talking about con flings had been the subject of a lot of talk on the drive over, which had amused her and Michael endlessly.
He thought about the other girl he’d seen. The striking one with the mess of curly red hair. It was as though thinking about her was enough to have her face appear in front of him. Like he could almost reach out and touch her.
And thinking about her was enough to bring back that warm feeling as well. So warm that it was like a rapid onset fever. His body shivered and shook, and the only thing that brought him out of it was the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder.
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“Are you okay?” Anna asked, looking genuinely concerned.
“I’m fine,” he said, even though he didn’t feel fine at all. He decided to deflect with a joke. “You’re awfully obsessed with other people’s sex lives. What’s the matter? Upset you’re stuck with one dick for the rest of your life?”
“Wait, why do I get in trouble when I say stuff like that and he doesn’t get in trouble doing the same thing?” Rick asked.
“Because with him it’s a joke, and you’re serious,” Anna said.
“Hey now,” Michael said, seeming to finally realize they were bringing him into this. “When a lady has access to dick like this she doesn’t need any other dick.”
“And I’m merely providing a service for the ladies at this convention who are unfortunate enough to not have your magical dick,” Liam said.
“Shut the fuck up,” Michael said, flipping him the bird.
“So you’ve never considered another dick before?” Rick asked Anna, no doubt trying to sound smooth and doing a terrible job of it as always.
“Not unless you’re talking about the Sparklefang guy,” Michael said.
“Seriously?” Rick asked. “You have a thing for Jacob Grey? Like, seriously?”
He sounded scandalized. Like he was upset there was another man Anna was interested in and it wasn’t him.
Anna shrugged and blushed. Liam couldn’t help but grin. He figured dealing with Rick’s bullshit was the least she deserved after trying to make a big deal out of him having a simple innocent conversation with a pretty girl in an elaborate cosplay. It was nice to see the tables turned.
“Can we please not talk about this?” she asked.
“She likes him so much that he’s on her celebrity list,” Michael said. “If they hit it off in the autograph line there’s not a damn thing I can say about it when she goes to his room later that night to be his glittery vampire groupie.”
“Damn,” Liam said. “I mean I don’t think you’re in danger of her sleeping with him considering all the women throwing themselves at him this weekend, but still. Bold move taking her to this convention if he’s on her list.”
“And Michael’s not going to be sleeping with anyone tonight if he keeps talking about this,” Anna said through clenched teeth.
“Did you laminate your celebrity list to make it nice and official?” Liam asked, enjoying this moment.
“Please,” Michael said. “I don’t have to worry about not getting laid tonight anyway. We’ll both be too exhausted to fuck.”
“Unless she hits it off with Jacob Grey,” Liam said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. “Maybe he’s kinky and he’ll let you watch.”
“Can we please just go get lunch?” Anna asked.
“She needs a drink,” Michael said, turning to Liam and Rick and talking in a confidential tone that was actually a stage whisper loud enough that she could hear him. “She’s a little hot and bothered after seeing Jacob Grey at that celebrity panel. We even got close to the front row!”
“If you say anything else I’m eating lunch on my own, and I don’t give a fuck if I don’t get the pleasure of any of y’all’s company,” Anna said.
“Easy there,” Liam said. “You sure can dish it out, but you can’t take it.”
“Whatever,” she said. “Are we doing lunch or what? Probably best to do it now while everyone is still fighting over that documentary showing.”
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“You’re sure you don’t want to go to the showing?” Michael asked.
“I’m sure,” Anna said, biting off every word as she looked back in the direction Liam had come from and regarded the crowd. “Plus I don’t think nearly as many people are getting into that showing as wanted to. Jacob really shouldn’t have announced he’d be making a surprise appearance.”
Liam looked to the human stampede pressing into the small room. There was no way they were all going to fit in there.
At first he’d chalked it up to the convention bringing in way more people than they’d anticipated, but now he realized it was something even worse: a star who didn’t realize the convention was a little more Podunk than they were used to dropping the equivalent of a bomb by telling their adoring fans there was a chance to get their hands on said big star if they went to the documentary screening.
Liam had a pleasing image of Jacob Grey getting torn apart by a bunch of thirsty fangirls, and maybe some fanboys, all of them looking to get a piece of him like something out of a Romero movie. Which was very different from the kind of horror adjacent movie that’d made Jacob Grey a star.
“Whatever,” Liam said. “Serves that con asshole right to get stuck in the middle of a fangirl feeding frenzy.”
“What con asshole?” Anna asked.
“Someone who doesn’t appreciate the glory that is Vampire Vixens from Planet X!” Liam said.
“So… like, everyone at this convention pretty much?” Michael asked.
Liam hit Michael with a glare, and he actually took a couple of steps back like he thought he was in real danger.
“Whatever,” Michael muttered. “I’m just saying. There are a lot of people who don’t know anything about that movie. There’s a reason they had to attach it to Sparklefang. Though I’m not sure what they were thinking. It’s not like there’s much crossover between that audience and the Vampire Vixens audience.”
Liam sighed. He knew Michael was right, but it didn’t make it sting any less that it took something way more popular to get a convention to host a Vampire Vixens sideshow.
“That pretty girl in the costume liked it,” Liam muttered.
“The Galactic Enforcer you were making eyes at a few minutes ago?” Anna asked.
Liam opened his mouth to tell her that’s not what was going on at all, then shut it. After all, she was right. He had been angling for a con hookup. The fact that he’d been getting so up close and personal while she was acting like a first rate weirdo taking her character entirely too seriously was proof enough of his ulterior motives.
“Whatever,” he said. “So sue me for trying to hook up at a con.”
“No one’s judging you for trying, Mr. Lothario,” Anna said. “But did you have to try hooking up with one of those crazy cosplayers who thinks they’re actually the character?”
“If she fills out the costume as nicely as that girl then I don’t care if she wants me to role-play being a thrall to a vampire,” Liam said.
He didn’t add that something like that had been near the top of his fantasy list ever since he’d discovered that old VHS player and a worn copy of Vampire Vixens buried in the back of the basement at his house growing up, but he got the feeling from the looks everyone was giving him that they got the idea loud and clear regardless.
“Right,” Anna said, clapping her hands together. “So who’s up for hitting the hotel bar and getting some overpriced vampire themed food? I hear they’ve got a lot of strawberry and ketchup themed menu items since that’s cruise control for culinary blood substitutes.”
Liam’s stomach rumbled. He could go for something even if it was going to cost him an arm and a leg. That was part of the ancient compact between con attendees and the people putting on the convention. The tickets were only the beginning of getting fleeced, and there were all sorts of interesting ways cons had discovered to relieve people of their hard earned money.
“I suppose we should get while the getting’s good,” Liam said. “The last thing we need is to deal with a bunch of hangry Sparklefang fans who are pissed off they didn’t get into that documentary screening with Jacob.”
“Oh come on Liam,” Anna said, putting her arm around him which earned a jealous look from Rick. “You shouldn’t look so depressed about missing out on your new lady love. She was probably a model or actress hired by the convention anyway.”
Liam hit her with a glare that he hoped communicated just how little he was amused with her idea of comforting him, not to mention her insinuation that a model couldn’t possibly be interested in him, but as usual it rolled right off of her.
“Look at it this way,” Anna continued. “If that girl really is as obsessed with Vampire Vixens as you, to the point that she wore that costume voluntarily without getting paid for it, then there’s a really good chance you’re going to run into her again before the weekend’s over. It’s not like there are many people here for the Vampire Vixens events in the first place.”
He’d opened his mouth to say something snarky and biting when what she’d said made it through the slow-moving neurons between his ears.
“Huh,” he said. “You know, when you put it that way it makes me feel better about my chances this weekend.”
“You don’t have to act like you’re surprised at my genius,” Anna said.
“Thanks for the reminder of why we keep you around,” Liam said, smiling and patting her on the head. Which earned him an eye roll that he figured was deserved.
Thinking about seeing that girl again had butterflies dancing in his stomach. There was something about her that made him feel like a kid in middle school dealing with his first crush all over again, as stupid as that sounded.
And he was pretty sure they’d hit it off, for all that she’d pulled that disappearing act. It was hard to tell with cosplay types who refused to break character.
The point was, a minute ago when he’d been thinking about seeing that girl again it’d been hypothetical. Now that he’d thought it through with some of the logic bombs Anna was dropping, though? He couldn’t help but think that yeah, he was definitely going to see that girl again.
As they walked towards the hotel bar he saw a girl in a vampire vixen costume, a surprisingly accurate one at that, but there was no enforcer to go along with.
“You need to be careful with that one,” a familiar voice said.
Liam grinned and looked around. He was sure he was going to see the red headed beauty. His delightful rogue in her tight leather outfit. Only when he looked around the only people nearby were Rick, Anna, and Michael. No sign of his hottie.
What the fuck?
He turned back to the vampire vixen, though she was walking away now. Not that Liam minded watching her walk away. It was almost as though the appearance of a vampire vixen was what prompted that voice in his head, and that sent a small spike of worry running through him. A spike of worry he quickly shook off, but it was still there.
After all, hadn’t he seen that rogue melt away in front of his very eyes? He figured it couldn’t mean anything good that a mysterious beautiful woman who melted away right in front of him was also talking in his head when he saw a vampire vixen.
He wondered if the vixen he’d just seen and the enforcer he’d chatted with earlier were a costume duo. Or maybe they really were actresses who’d been hired to be part of the background fun at the convention. The live-action demonstration when they’d first arrived made it clear somebody associated with the convention was really into Vampire Vixens, even if the rest of the convention didn’t seem to give a flying fuck.
“Here we are,” Anna said, her voice dripping with doubt as she looked at the entrance to the combination hotel bar and restaurant that had once existed to cater solely to business types in town for the annual shower curtain sales expo, or whatever the fuck went on here when the normals were running things, but had long ago learned to cater to the geeky convention clientele in the name of making a buck.
“This doesn’t look promising,” Anna said, reading the menu pasted to the wall outside the bar.
“I don’t care if it looks promising or not,” Michael said. “I’m hungry.”
Liam’s stomach rumbled in time with Michael’s statement. He was inclined to agree.
“It might not be the best grub in the city, and it’s probably overpriced, but it’s here and we don’t have to leave the hotel,” Liam said. “Now come on. The sooner we eat, the quicker we can get back to the stuff that really matters!”
“Like saving me,” a voice whispered in the back of his head.
Again Liam looked around, and again he didn’t see anything for all that he half expected to see the pretty redhead. He shook his head and followed his friends in to get some overpriced grub.
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