《Star Wars: The Twisted Force》Chapter Thirty: Empathy
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LN awoke without feeling like her head wanted to die, which was an improvement. For a long minute she didn't even move; she just lay, eyes half-lidded as she let them adjust to the morning light, and tried to sort out her feelings about the all-too-real dream she had just awoken from.
Sometimes, dreams were easy to recognize. Stormtrooper helmets with wings were cute and flying through nebulae without a ship were thrilling, but always absurd. You awoke and thought, oh, that was a dream.
More often for LN, though, dreams were harder to sort from reality. Dreams of violent shootouts, of running through a battleground with the scream of fighters overhead, of waiting forever in line for the inspector to find your wrinkled sleeve... dreams of conflict within the team, of fighting with her own squad. Even though she understood they were just dreams upon waking, they remained a dark hole in her memory - a nagging feeling that followed her throughout the day - of anger or guilt or sadness.
Or all three.
She rolled over onto her side, hands tucked under her puffy white pillow. The nurse had seemed to find it a little amusing, putting her back in to the same recovery room that they had just cleared out from her previous stay. LN didn't see the joke.
Her nurse knocked on the door, then peeked in when LN didn't respond.
"Oh, you are awake," the woman noted, apparently unconcerned with having just invaded LN's private contemplation. "Good. The princess is here to see you, ma'am."
LN slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, careful to avoid any sharp movements that might trigger the headaches that had been haunting her since her concussion.
"I'm... not very presentable," she began, but the nurse just waved a hand dismissively.
"You're on sick-leave. Doctor's standing orders – don't get out of bed or touch that uniform until someone tells you to. I'll send her in."
LN glanced over at the "uniform" the nurse had mentioned, sitting, as neatly folded as careless civilians could fold clothes, on the window ledge. It was almost the same sort of clothes the New Alderaanians around her wore, just made of a slightly stiffer material, and with a few... alterations. Higher collar, sharper edges, and a tight white hat to top off the pile that LN recognized at a glance to have been copied almost exactly from the old Imperial style.
She didn't know what to think of it all. Someone, some unusual individual, had seen how uncomfortable she was in their civilian clothes, and had spent actual time customizing an outfit for LN's comfort.
The door slid open again and Princess Leia walked in, her expression concerned.
"The nurse said you weren't too happy about seeing me – is it a bad time?"
LN stiffened, silently furious the nurse had snitched on her like that. "No, your highness, not at all. Please, sit down."
Leia's smile was brief, but sincere. "I won't take long, I just wanted to drop in before checking on Raey. The doctors are allowing visitors, and I wondered if you might want to come with me?"
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"The nurse threatened me if I move," admitted LN reluctantly. Leia gestured to the window and the little stack of clothes.
"As ruling princess of New Alderaan, it is my right to... ask the doctors to reconsider their orders, which they have granted just this once. I'll wait for you outside, but take your time."
Either someone had brought scrap for him to fiddle with, or Raey had found something non-critical in his hospital room to completely disassemble before anyone could stop him. Either way, when LN and Leia walked in, he was deeply engrossed with a tangle of wires, a mini-torch, and a half-constructed tubular shell that looked somewhat like the barrel of a very strange gun.
LN's lips twitched, a smile of relief finally breaking through her strict facial policies. Not that Raey could see it – the left half of his face, the side visible from the door, was still covered in bandages, obscuring the horrible damage left by Kylo Ren's lightsaber. His fingers moved slowly, more deliberate then she had ever seen him work.
Leia came in right behind her, not waiting a moment to break the silence. "Good morning, Raey. How are you feeling?"
Raey started, some outer-rim curse slipping half-formed from his lips, and hastily shoved everything under his pillow before turning to face his guests, arms folded awkwardly in a poor attempt to look casual.
"Ah, Princess Leia! Sorry, I didn't see- I thought it was just the nurse again. Hi, LN."
He looks alright. Better then I expected. His uninjured right eye was bright, his childish admiration of the princess intact, his obsession with garbage unquenched. From what LN could see, her scavenger seemed more recovered then she felt, and from a far worse injury then she had suffered. Must be that Jedi magic.
"I'm glad you're alive," she replied, a little absent-mindedly. Then a half-second later, when she realized what she had said, "Not that you had any right to survive that fight. What were you thinking, going saber-to-saber with the Knight?"
Raey's somewhat embarrassed smile faded, and LN bit her tongue. Too late. What is it they say here? Bedside manner?
"I guess I don't know," he muttered, looking away. "He just... wouldn't stop pushing me."
Leia sat down gently at the edge of Raey's bed, placing her hand on his knee. "You did survive – that's the important part. As I've told LN, now all you can do is consider what you would do differently next time. Learn from the experience."
Raey shrugged one shoulder, not even his hero's words of comfort breaking through the sudden mood-drop. "If there is a next time." His left hand twitched. He didn't finish the movement, but LN knew what he had wanted to do.
There was nothing left of his eye. He's lucky to be alive. No... not lucky. Kylo didn't want to kill him. Why...? What is he planning?
LN jerked back, shocked, and Leia's gaze snapped towards her. Knowing...
Later, LN.
She caught her breath to say something, but the princess closed her mind off again, shutting out the voice LN had somehow heard. It was too late, though. LN had already felt enough. The words meant nothing much, but Leia had done nothing to hide the emotion she'd felt when thinking that infamous name.
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Later, LN reminded herself, and tried to refocus on Raey. Tried and failed. It was only when Raey's voice rose in concern that she realized they were both staring at her.
"Are you alright? You look pale."
"I... I'm fine," she stammered, feeling suddenly dizzy. "I just need to go lie down again. I'm sorry... I'll come back later, Raey. Just... got to go."
She didn't go back to her room. She slipped past the nurse in the front room while the woman was distracted and found a place to sit outside, her back against the hospital wall. The sticky heat did nothing for her headache – she drew up her knees and leaned on them, palms pressed against her eyes in the vain attempt to ease the sharp pounding behind them.
It took a surprisingly long time for Leia to follow her. By the time she did, LN's headache had eased despite the jungle humidity.
"Do you want to talk inside, or out here?"
LN looked up at her, not even tempted to stand. "Out here."
Leia nodded and then carefully settled down next to her in the narrow strip of grass between the wall and the street. "Do you want to start, or shall I?"
"Go ahead. I'm sure you know what I'd ask, anyway."
The princess did not reply immediately, as LN had expected. She considered for a long moment, first, as if unsure how to say what she wanted to.
"You heard my thoughts in there," she said finally, and LN frowned.
"Of course. You were projecting them with the Force, right?"
"Actually, I wasn't."
LN gave that statement a long moment to stew, then licked her lips and asked, "What?"
"You mentioned in the debrief that Kylo insulted you inside your head while you were trying to rescue Raey; that wasn't his doing. It hasn't been mine, either, or anyone else taking advantage of some perceived mental weakness on your part. It's been you."
LN's gaze fixated on Leia, her expression demanding answers. Leia continued after only a moment's pause, but not in the way LN expected.
"Our knowledge of the old Jedi is very limited, mostly made up of rumor and legend using Luke's time with the Last Masters as a base-line. We've barely scratched the surface of what they were capable of using the Force, but not everything was lost. In fact, we've found that Force-sensitive people had all kinds of titles and factions beyond just Jedi or Sith. Sentinel, knight, sorcerer, witch... the variations might be endless."
"What does this have to do with me?" LN interrupted, and Leia met her impatience steadily, unmoved.
"Because I believe you are a natural empath."
Sweat from the jungle heat ran down LN's back, making her skin crawl. She took a breath, dropped her hand to the ground to steady herself.
"A... what?"
"An empath. You can read people, their thoughts and emotions. You instinctively connect with the men and women around you. I suspect this affinity has always been there, and all it took was an introduction to the Force, you opening yourself up to the reality of it, for you to start using it on a conscious level."
There were so many questions and alarms suddenly going off in LN's head that she simply latched onto the first one that didn't demand a complete reevaluation of her life and ran with it.
"You're guessing. You just said you barely know anything about the Jedi from before; how can you know empaths are?"
"It's all in the name, LN, and what we already know to be possible. The Force connects us all, already. It is perfectly plausible, from what I've seen in both my own and Luke's apprentices, for that connection to manifest in you in different ways then it does in others."
LN knew where this was going. She refused to go there. The princess wasn't going to divert her attention away from what really mattered.
"Then it's time for you to explain yourself, your highness. Or keep your secrets, and I'll leave right now. And Raey will be coming with me."
Leia looked at her for a long moment, and her expression turned almost judgmental. "What makes you think you have any right to an explanation?"
LN straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin. The princess was shorter then her, but it was hard to feel in control of the situation. Jedi didn't need to tower.
"Because Raey and I just escaped the First Order twice. I am not eager to have to do it again, but anyone who thinks like you do about their leader... frankly, I cannot trust you right now."
Leia looked away, hiding a smile, then turned back to LN.
"Good for you. But in this case... I would ask you to try and trust, at least, that I have the best intentions for you and Raey, despite not explaining my innermost thoughts to you yet." A pause, to let the request sink in, then, "I see a time coming when I need your help, when you need to know everything, but not yet."
LN muttered one of Raey's nonsense words under her breath. This Force is really not as helpful as people make it sound.
Because, while every bit of good sense told her to demand answers, her 'feelings' said it was fine.
Feelings get soldiers killed.
She let out a frustrated breath, and realized her headache was gone.
"I'll be keeping my eyes out," she warned the princess. Leia just stood, offering her hand to help LN back up, too.
LN took it.
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