He takes a few more moments staring questioningly at the scene, now just filled with his drunk squadron members, dancing and climbing on top of masts, monkeying around in the late afternoon sun. They’re probably planning to party the entire journey to the east. With another heavy sigh, Feno’s again doubting himself if he’s made the right choices. He then spaces out into the horizon by the bow, watching the sun reflect sparkles off the waves, turning orange and listening to the jumbled mess of war songs that they kept repeating the entire day to boost their spirits. Regardless if they’re completely out of pitch due to most of them being intoxicated.

During the evening, Demos, utterly wasted, sneaks up on Feno to throw an arm over his shoulder, asking him,

‘Waddap Captain, you’ve been rather sulky.’ chugging the umpteenth mug, face completely flustered,

‘I saw you getting-’ he’s disrupted with a hiccup, before he continues the rest of the sentence,

‘Close to that new girl. I didn’t peg her to be your type. Thought you were more into,’ waving his mug in the shape of an hour glass, spilling the drink with his gesture,

‘Older sister vibes.’ before buzz cut too, joins in the conversation on his right, pushing a rum into Feno’s hand,

‘I mean, she is pretty cute. Has that entire-’ he isn’t entirely sober either, ‘docile, younger sister look to her. I get it, you- you want to experience both sides of the spectrum.’

Despite Feno’s accepted the drink, he isn’t taking a sip out of it. He clasps his hands the container, neither entertaining their conversation nor correcting their misunderstandings, he mutters,

‘Actually, I was contemplating about the weight of life. As adventurers, why are we so willing to end the lives of those that we deem evil, those that we deem, broken our rules, and yet punish others who do the exact same thing?’ that immediately made them lose interest, Demos looks half-dazedly at him,

‘What the hell are you talking about? Did you get rejected by that new girl or something?’ he’s too inebriated to indulge Feno’s sudden philosophical thoughts. Whereas buzz cut tries to simplify,

‘It’s like this right? People who break the rules, are bad people. And we, are supposed to kill bad people.’ Lanara’s broken the rules. Nana’s broken the rules. Even Feno’s broken the rules by keeping their secrets. Are they all bad people? Do they all deserve to be punished? It isn’t so black and white, isn’t it? But Demos reminds,

‘Well, one thing is for sure,’ stumbling a bit then resting himself on top of the crate so he’s able to find his thoughts before the alcohol rattles it out of him,

‘If you’re using your Magia to commit mass slaughter against innocents, no matter what reasonings you may have, that’ll make you a bad person wouldn’t it?’

‘But what if those innocents, aren’t so innocent? What if the innocents, harmed you first?’

‘Then it’ll make them the bad guys.’ buzz cut suggests,

‘I mean, if someone punches me, I sure as hell would not just let them continue hitting me without retaliating.’

‘And what if, they resist harder, when you retaliated? When will this cycle end? Until one side’s dead? Strength? Is that what determines the weight of life? Is that what constitutes justice and righteousness? Whoever lives get to tell their tale and their side of the story?’ Feno isn’t accepting this ideology. Demos is slapping him across the back,

‘You’re thinking too deeply into this. All we need to acknowledge now is, the crimson witch wishes to destroy us. She is the bad guy we need to take down.’ that seems to shake Feno out of it a little,

‘What good is showing mercy to an enemy that has never shown us mercy?’ as if he only just realized the parallels in his own statements. Feno probably was only describing Nana’s situation,

‘Right...’ he agrees softly. Finally, he sighs and takes a sip from the mug, the sight of it makes Demos and buzz cut resume their previous conversation. Incessantly prying about his interactions with Nana. They’re awfully nosy. And when Feno’s dismissed their curiosity with a simple, he’s not interested in her. She’s way too young. Buzz cut’s eyes immediately lights up, oh, declaring that he’s about her age and if Feno isn’t going after her. He’s tagging in. He’s always liked timid and shy girls he could protect. Feno’s choking on his drink at the statement. If only buzz cut knew he’s getting jebaited on so many levels. She is neither of those. But Feno figured it’s best if buzz cut finds this out and decides by himself, that is, if Nana’s even interested in him to begin with, so Feno says nothing.

The first day passed like that, nothing drastically hectic occurred aside from a few drunken squadron members precariously tipping over the ledge of the deck to piss into the ocean when the night comes. Surely there must be bathrooms onboard right? Although, the state of their ship did manage to stay in far better condition than Algo’s. Looking across them, his division members got into brawls and punctured holes into the sailing masts. Nearly toppling the entire pillar before Fray leaped from the main vessel to fix their mess. Now, Fray's lecturing Algo so loudly on keeping his men in check that the entire fleet’s able to hear him. Gathering all the busybodies to watch the commotion under starlight. It’s afterwards Feno descends from the deck.

Exploring the rest of the area. The gunport’s right beneath them. Armed with cannons and Magia bombs stacked in crates lining the walls. Further under that, are the cabins which the squadron have been assigned to rest in. Labelled with golden cursive of each member’s name. Right at the bottom of the vessel, where a flight of spiraling stairs descends to the hull, are the prisons. It’s cold and empty down here. The floorboards and walls, creaking with moss and dripping seawater in tippy-taps. It’s rusted the bars so badly; it wouldn’t have kept Nana in regardless. The thing looks like it’s going to snap with just a slight force. Regardless, it wouldn’t have been any less lonely being locked down here. It’s so quiet, each step echos with wave currents. The extremely tall ceilings only further that sense of destitute.

At least it isn’t claustrophobic.

Afterwards, he returns to the captain’s cabin three floors up. It’s bigger than the other dorms apparently. With a bed by the port windows, an arm chair below it, oil lamp sitting on the office desk on the opposite corner on top of a moldy circular carpet that’s seen better days. When he gets in bed, it starts thundering. Sending the members who were still drinking on the main deck to scamper for their rooms with their pitter-pattering footsteps, resounding to the heavens above him. Screetching the floorboards loudly, but Feno doesn't seem bothered by it. He turns on a side, watching the seas, blacken with the storm clouds. Tides, picking up with the wind, rocking like a carousel ride. In the horizon, bolts of lightning rip across the skies. Striking into the distant waves and Feno drifts asleep to the sight.

The next few days are spent in alternate, one in drunken stupor, the other to recover from their throbbing hangovers. The deck’s gradually getting more and more disgusting, with crusted vomit, and piss drying off the bulkheads. It’s eventually gotten bad to the point that Feno’s requested them to clean up, it’s pirate’s ship and they shouldn’t be trashing it like that. Although, from the looks of it, at least the state of their environment far triumphs Algo’s squadron that’s almost falling to pieces. It’s incredible the thing still manages to stay afloat a week after the umpteenth time Fray had to patch the holes and undo the damages that Algo and his men dealt under the severe intoxication. To the point, the book keeper admiral’s just staying there until they reach their destination.

On the second week, a fight’s broken out in the bathhouse beneath the dormitory deck. There’s only one, in a huge open area where barrels of water and buckets are kept. On the first day of the journey, Feno’s assigned odd days to the men and even days to the women. That is until a Tuesday when buzz cut thought it was a brilliant idea to lead a batch of guys to crash the party. The female adventurers were enraged, drawing weapons and Magia upon the sight of them and demanding for them to be stripped naked and tied to the main mast. Blasting a few holes into the side of the walls mid battle and letting sea water seep in that’s threatening to capsize the entire ship. Feno has already coddled up in bed when he was rocked awake by the sudden violent shaking. Rushing into the scene upon eleven squadron members, six of the women wrapped in towels, brutalizing their male comrades that’s retaliating with an onslaught of spells and clashing blades as the bath house gets gradually submerged in five inches thick of sea water beneath their feet. Feno froze all of them in place, admonishing that they patch the holes or shower access is closed forever.

It’s no wonder Cyan’s said men and women don’t bath together; they don’t know how to share the facility peacefully. Adults can be so lame.

By the end of that week, Feno finally runs into Nana again in the showers. He’s a little surprised to see her there, dead middle of the night. She’s sitting on a bucket, back turned. Droplets, licking down her spine column, drenching her wavy pink hair, untied and sprayed across her back, with the water she’s just poured over her shoulders. The sound of Feno opening the door’s made her tense up, eyeing him across the shoulder with a dangerous dagger light to her pupils for a split second before she realizes who it is and slips beneath her mask again with a terrified,

‘S-sorry.’

‘I’ll wait outside until you’re done.’ giving her privacy, Feno’s saying towards the crisscross wooden planks that the squadron’s messily repaired. It’s a slobby job. The nails aren’t thoroughly hammered in so a few drips of salt water are still trickling in with plinks to make puddles on the ground. Although, the entire area’s already wet and mossy, so it wouldn’t have made much difference. Nana’s voice made him look at her again,

‘It’s alright. I’m done.’ doesn’t seem like she’s concerned for privacy. She’s standing up now, turning around to reach for her clothes she’s hung on one of the protruding nails. Nana really is anatomically male, surprisingly lean at that too. Her biceps and abdomen muscles are well defined, shredded with veins. Probably from her childhood of constant fighting. Feno’s looking at a scar she has, right by her hip bone, jutting brokenly in dim light. A vicious stab, trailing inwards, downwards, before it’s abruptly stopped at the bladder and Lilith is surprised Feno actually pointed out,

‘Is that from the time when your father tried to castrate you?’ he can be quite insensitive sometimes. It’s obvious, Nana killed her father before he could finish the job. Although, from the looks of it, her father seemed more as though he was trying to gut her entirely from how deeply the knife was plunged.

Nana pulls her pinafore dress over herself, making him address her face again when she scoffs,

‘Stop staring.’ in a mocking tone,

‘Do you finally feel sorry for me now that you can see my scars?’ reaching beneath her nape to lift her damp hair from beneath her clothes. She’s wringing it out like a towel to the ground beside her. Real Nana beneath the sheep’s skin is actually quite brazen. After that conversation a few days ago, she’s getting more comfortable to drop her pretense around him. Feno closes the door behind him,

‘I was just curious...’ as Nana silently watches him fill a bucket of water from the barrels with a wooden ladle, he’s asking,

‘Would you have preferred if you were born a girl instead?’ Feno undresses and hooks his clothes onto a stray nail.

‘I would’ve preferred if my parents loved me.’ she commentates noncommittedly,

‘Looks like you have a few nasty stories to tell yourself.’ referring to his scars that’re lacerated everywhere,

‘This.’ gesturing to her temple, the most prevalent one that she’s caught a glimpse of when Feno’s pulled the tunic over his head that displaced his fringe, ‘you were a slave once.’

‘It was a long time ago, so the memories have already dulled.’ then he pauses a few moments, wetting his hair and contemplating, before he advices,

‘You should try to move on too. Holding onto hatred will only make you more miserable in the long run.’ Nana giggles at that, dismissing his concerns,

‘You’re making me sound like I’m a ball of hatred.’

‘Aren’t you?’ she’s getting a little stuttered with how bluntly Feno’s challenged her, ‘your bloodlust is quite prominent. Guild leader Vaegil’s already felt it. I’ve felt it too.’

‘Guess I’ll try harder to conceal it then.’ her statements are making Feno sigh again as he pours more water onto himself,

‘Doesn’t it feel bad?’ he stretches out a limb to poke Nana between her ribs, ‘in here.’ it flinches her back with a click of her tongue. But she isn’t denying, so Feno elaborates,

‘You’ve heard of the saying right? An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. When you’re constantly thinking of revenge, constantly thinking of how to get even at those that’s harmed you, in the end, the only person you’re tormenting, is yourself. If you don’t let your wounds heal, the scars will fester.’

‘It’s easier said than done.’

‘But if you don’t try, you’ll never get it done.’

She’s scoffing now,

‘Then what about you? Are you willing to forgive?’

‘I’ve already forgiven-’ but Nana interjects,

‘I’m not talking about your slave owners. Of course, it’s easy to forgive when they are already dead. When justice has been served to you.’ correcting his misinterpretation of her words,

‘The crimson witch. If she was powerless before you, begging you to spare her life. Would you choose to forgive her? Would you choose to let her live?’

‘That’s not a fair comparison...’

‘How is it not?’ the snappiness of her reply has made him defensive,

‘She’s committing mass genocide. She’s destroying our livelihoods.’ the next one’s getting a bit personal; this is the one that’s truly resonated with Feno,

‘She’s killed people I care about.’ Nana’s got her answer. Feno couldn’t. He wouldn’t forgive Luci. She calls him out,

‘In the end, after everything you’ve said. You’re itching to kill her. Itching to get revenge. Get even. So how are you any different from me? It just so happens, the enemy you despise, is unanimously seen as the villain, whereas the enemies I despise, are seen as the heroes.’ she’s clutching her heart,

‘Their actions are no different. When the adventurers were hunting me down, it struck the same fear in me, as the crimson witch has struck in you.’ she mimics his words,

‘When I close my eyes, all I see are their sneering gazes upon me, as if I’m nothing but their next pay check.’

‘Then why did you become an adventurer? Why do you choose to become one of us that you despise.’

There's no hesitation in how quickly she answers,

‘It’s easier to be the predator than the prey.’ she’s implicating, by joining an Elite Ten guild, the local guilds that once hunted her, could no longer touch her.

‘What if one day, someone outs your past. You’ll still get into trouble.’ she’s weaving around the question,

‘Are you planning to out me?’

‘Well... not me. But you were a wanted fugitive just few years ago surely someone still remembers y-’ but she cuts him off with a giggle,

‘Are you worried about me?’ intentionally throwing him off from his prying, jabbing her fingers against each other cutely,

‘I didn’t think you cared so greatly about me.’ Feno’s getting swindled by her pace,

‘That wasn’t what I’m saying at all!’ rubbing into his temple, but she’s quick to continue before he’s able to clarify,

‘When that happens, that’s going to be my problem to deal with. Don’t worry. I won’t drag you down with me. You can just pretend that I’ve tricked you.’ she zips her mouth with two fingers,

‘My lips are sealed.’ her words are making Feno sigh,

‘That wasn’t what I was worried about.’ he admits,

‘Lanara’s tasked me to look after you guys. No matter your past, you’re part of Altyria now. I’m just trying to figure out how complicated your situation is so if a trial does happen, I’m able to defend you. Although, I reckon, a bounty case like yours is probably the last thing people will be thinking about right now, especially if there isn’t anyone left to pursue it.’ he’s whispering quietly, as if he’s afraid of letting others hear him despite there’s only the two of them in this open room,

‘You silenced all the villagers properly, right?’ Feno’s completely taking her side. His moral grounds are surprisingly fickle to where his heart sways.

Nana shocked by what he’s saying. Widening her eyes in disbelief, she hasn’t anticipated this. Skeptically muttering,

‘Y-yeah...’ before panning away with a tormented expression on her face.

Something’s gnawing at her, something’s wavering in her pupils. It looks like guilt. Nana’s weak to others showing her kindness and acceptance. She inhales sharply to find her composure, closing their gaps, she grabs his wrist, furling his hand out with a thumb. She draws on it with a pink spark of Magia on her fingertip,

‘What are you doing?’ Feno’s puzzled at her gesture. Watching her scribble five triangles into a circle, making a pentagram,

‘Keeping you alive.’ she says, finishing the dreamcatcher looking charm, ‘It’ll shield you from death. Once.’ before she lets him go,

‘Be grateful, I’ve got a yearlong cool down on this spell, I was initially planning to use it on myself. But you can have it.’

Feno’s still staring at the fading mark on his palm as Nana brushes past him to head for the door, mumbling over his shoulders,

‘You should’ve kept it.’ he catches her by the exit, she’s tilting her glance to meet his eyes,

‘Don’t underestimate me.’ admitting matter-of-factly,

‘I’ve gotten disgustingly strong over the decades.’ it’s making Feno realize. Nana’s older than she lets on. Just how many secrets is she actually hiding? The next sentence is a lot softer, gentler, in comparison as she disappears behind it,

‘I wish we could’ve been friends.’ it’s strange, because this line is riddled with an earnest yearning and regret. But she isn’t staying for Feno to question her about it, so he’s just looking at the wooden door creaking to a close where she’s once stood, muttering with an utterly confused look on his face,

‘But we can be friends...’