In the muddled view of the lake, a young Li sits at the edge with her feet dipped in the water. She was surrounded with water lilies and buzzing dragonflies. The amazing view of dozens of dragonflies darting and hovering about made me curious, so I tried to catch the blue dragonfly hovering on top of the lilies.

“Lu, you shouldn’t catch them.”

She warned leaning back while she splash water with her feet. The vivid dreamy state of the glassy lake glittered from the sun and the droplets fell like sun drops.

“But, but look! Their eyes look weird! I wanna touch it!”

I tried pointing at one but it flew away like a blue line and continued to buzz nearby.

“Yes, but papa said that we shouldn’t. Dragonfly represent change, he said.”

Those were words the five year old me could never understand. Change was very familiar, something unavoidable but hard to understand, it was hard then, more so now.

“Change?”

I asked with curiosity.

How can a tiny insect represent something so profound?

But, those thoughts never ran through my mind at the time. I was only curious at father’s words, words that made those dragonflies so significant.

“Hm. Papa said that dragonflies are the basis for his qigong.”

Father was a mystery even for mother, but everyone thinks that he was an accomplished martial artist because of his habits and skills. And even though he would leave for long periods of time, he was able to provide so nobody asked the important questions.

“Lulu, Lili, where are you?”

From a distance, a shadow of a muffled voice called for us. I remembered that this glassy lake was inside the vast backyard of our forgotten home. This lake was our favorite place to play.

“Over here, mama!”

The young Li called her, still playing with water. A blurred image of our mother came bringing with her drinks and snacks. I saw tons of mother’s pictures but I still couldn’t remember her face well. She felt unfamiliar than any stranger I’ve ever met.

“Wow! There’s so many of them.”

The muffled voice exclaimed happily, watching the dragonflies with us.

“It’d be nice if papa can see this too, no?”

Her face was still blurred but I’m sure she was smiling warmly when she said that and I’m sure, father would’ve been happy to see this too. We spent the whole afternoon in the lake where mother would often sing to us. The song she often sang when we were at the lake, the only song I remember her by, the song about dragonflies…

***

A sobbing voice entered my ear. It was different from mother’s, it was a small voice, a little out of tune but sweet and it was singing the same song.

I was waking up but I wanted to sleep some more, I want to keep staying in that dream. I wanted to forget, to sleep away all the regret, the anxiety, all the stress. If I wake up now…

“Dear dragonfly, your wings so clear..."

The voice sobbed again. I know whose voice it is. Why is she crying? I opened my eyes and an unfamiliar ceiling greeted me, my back hurt and my neck was stiff.

When did I fall asleep?

I sat up, rubbing my neck and my eyes. It felt like I haven’t slept at all. I looked up to find the source of the sobbing that woke me up.

“Nadi…”

She noticed me and wiped her swollen eyes right away. She was sitting beside Li, who’s been sleeping for 3 days. She laid there, never stirring, never moving, not even a mumble from her lips. It was freaky, it was as if she was dead.

She’s definitely alive tho, I’m sure. I mean, I always check her pulse and she’s still breathing normally, even now. She wasn’t sick but the ever powerful healing magic couldn’t wake her up.

We tried to search for a cure— from poison to curses, but nothing matched. Nadi and I switched from watching over her and researching a cure, we were both tired and stressed.

“Sorry, but I suggest you sleep some more. Look how dark your eye bags are! With your black hair and clothes, you look more like a panda by the day!”

She gave me a wry smile while I gave her one of my own. I know that I’m regressing back to half a year ago, but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like god’s been playing tricks on me since we arrived here. Giving me hope then slapping me with it. I can’t even compare it to lemons.

“By the way, Andi called. I— I couldn’t tell him…”

Her voice slowly trailed off. True, even as the eldest amongst the three of us, I’m still scared of his temper. The only one who can stop him is Li.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Just tell him to come, we’ll tell him when he gets here.”

I stood to wash my face. The luxurious room were staying in right now can’t be compared to the inn rooms we’ve been staying. In the embellished mirror, reflected my face. My skin was rough, I had dark circles under my eyes and my beard was already growing.

I really do look like a panda.

I splashed some water to wake me up. I need to go to the Magician’s Guild this time to read about curses and an all-cure. Maybe I’ll find something and I might be able to ask a high ranking mage about Li’s condition.

“Nadi, I’ll go to the Magician’s Guild next. Call me if anything comes up.”

I flung my black coat over my shoulder and left the room. It felt like running away but I wasn’t, you know. Really, I wasn’t…

I sighed loudly but it felt like the burden got heavier and right outside the door, I saw that guy was waiting again.

“What do you want?”

I don’t know why, but every time I see his face I have this annoying feeling that makes me wanna punch his pretty face.

“As always, please allow me to see Miss Violet.”

For days, now, he’s been trying to visit Li. I’m thankful that he saved Li, but I can’t have a stranger near her, especially now that she’s defenseless.

“Her name’s Leila, not Violet and as always, no.”

I placed a barrier at the door and walked pass him.

It’s too early and I lack sleep, so please don’t bother me.

I pleaded and begged in my heart, but a stubborn as he was, he continued to follow and plead his case.

“Please Sir Lucas. I am able to use high class light magic that’s able to heal anything, from wounds to sickness. I’ve been under Miss Vio— Leila’s care, I cannot allow myself to just turn away when I am able to help!”

Yeah, yeah, I know about your light magic. I also know who you really are, oh, Aureate Prince of Aurelis.

“I can also do the same thing, I’ve tried the same things you’d try.”

“Impossible. Magic manifests in one’s appearance, I’ve never seen anyone with black hair but I’m definitely sure that light magic couldn’t manifest from your hair and blue eyes.”

Again, he defends his case. Is that so? Then, I can just use Nadi eye color as an excuse but, I doubt it’ll end with just that. I sighed deeply and ran away from him.

“Sir Lucas, you worry that I might hurt Vi— Leila, right? Then, I could also say the same about you.”

Those words stopped me in my tracks. I see, he’s right, Li’s like Schrodinger’s cat to them. But…

“Let me help you with research. If you can’t trust me nor anyone, I can at least help with finding a cure.”

You’re a friggin’ Prince, you know that? Do you really have the time to waste?

I scratched my head. How I wish I could just run away and leave everything. I looked back and saw his determined face.

“Do what you want.”

I turned to run from him again. People with such determination aside from Li scares me. Yeah, all I can do is run away.