《Tironia》Goblin Life

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Upon awaking, I find that a few details are noticeably different.

First of all, is the comfort that I'm now feeling, it must be a god-level item. Secondly, is that my surroundings have found themselves altered. From collapsing in the office being my last known memory, I now find myself laying in a nice warm bed in a small cosy room. I have no idea how these goblins have beds, mattresses and duvets, but I won't complain. That was the best sleep I've had in a while and I'm feeling especially grateful. A wardrobe decorates one corner, whilst a picture of the ocean hangs from the wall over a desk and chair in the opposite. A large window shows the village outside and the door to the room lays directly opposite it. There is a dressing table beside the bed, with 2 pitchers placed upon it, one with water and the other with a fresh orange looking liquid. Next to it, is an empty cup and a silver platter. A lid sits on top to retain the heat of whatever delicacies it holds inside, however it does nothing to keep me from noticing the delectable smell and my belly agrees loudly.

That was a great rest, and what better way to wake up than to have some nutritious food and a nice cold drink.

It doesn't really matter where it came from, right? If anyone was going to kill me they would have done whilst I slept, so I've no need to turn down the free hospitality I'm being given.

I start by pouring myself a glass of fresh orange, the liquid is smooth with no bits retaining in it. I take my first sip and a tangy zesty flavour rushes into my mouth.

"Ahh, fantastic. It's so good."

It actually tasted like fresh orange too. Next is the platter, removing the lid I begin to cry, the moment is so heavenly it's hard not too.

'Do you always get so emotional over food?'

"You wouldn't understand Temi. Maybe one day I can create you a body, then you would be able to try it and see what you're missing out on."

My happiness is overflowing, knowing that my hardships in the dungeon are on a brief pause for now, and I even forgive Temi for her earlier spat of useless information.

.....

No answer comes back though. I might have caught her off guard letting her know I consider her future, almost as much as my own.

Leaving Temi to dwell on what I brought to the table, my focus returns to the plate on my own.

Before me lays a full breakfast. Eggs, sausage, hash browns, beans and tomatoes, and some black pudding. But what breakfast would be complete without the generous serving of bacon on the side? Two slices of toast sit on a separate saucer, next to my main meal.

"She even left off the mushrooms. How does this dungeon know me so well?

I waste no time and dive right in, but as the first piece of bacon is about to enter my mouth I stop.

I remember why I ended up on the floor now. The dungeon, she was..... I mean, she is... She's been watching me since the beginning.

Why? Is my life like a drama to her? Has she been laughing her socks off at my misfortune? Well, now that my modesty is hidden and as long as I can keep getting more clothes, I suppose it's not too much of a problem.

Hehe, especially not with treats like this. Unless she's trying to fatten me, just like in Hansel and Gretel, except without a witch and with a few hundred goblins instead.

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Either way, I'm still gonna eat it.

I wonder if she's watching me right now?

"Thanks for the food."

10 minutes later and I have never felt so good. That breakfast is what every man needs to start his day. I get out of bed and leave the room, making my way downstairs, I notice a counter with a small goblin behind it. It is clearly a female goblin as she has some sort of garb, wrapped around her small chest. Seems like they do have some modesty here after all. She has short black hair and a nose piercing, these are her only discernable features. Small black goblin eyes notice my entrance and she sits up straight. Seeing how this goblin isn't too tall, I approach her and start rambling at her a little flustered. This is only my second time talking to a goblin, it still feels strange.

"Erm excuse me, how did I get here, where's chief Kroll and is this place a hotel? My bed was really comfortable, thank you."

"No fank me, dungeon provide us wif every fing wes need, wes jus help her in return. She seem to like you dough..... Why not say dat?" She turns to her side whilst asking her question, to no one in particular. She also has good communication skills, almost as good as chief Krolls, not that I have many examples to base my decision off.

She said the dungeon provides everything? I suppose that's true, but damn, how strong is this dungeon and where did it get all of this knowledge from?

"Is she here now."

She nods back at me. I decide to play it humbly as I don't want to end up as Erin Casserole.

"Thank you... I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

She seems to appreciate me asking her name as she smiles at me raising her eyes.

"I am Goblana. Yous name Erin, yes?"

"Yes, that's my name and thank you anyway Goblana. Thank you as well madam dungeon, my meal was most delicious and one that I am likely, never going to forget. The fresh orange was to die for"

It's nice to show the same courtesy as others have shown to you. Although I don't think the receptionist took my phrase lightly as she's now glaring daggers at me, I think she has clearly misunderstood my meaning. Her attention is pulled back to her side and the tension eases up slightly, she begins to gain some type of insight from her master and is quickly back to her original self. She must have explained what I meant.

Eh, how does the dungeon know what I meant, when Temi doesn't even understand my metaphors?

"Erm, so, Goblana. My questions, if you will, please."

"Yes. First, Goby bringed yous ere, dey say yous pass out in chiefs office."

I'm trying to suppress a smile, at the idea of a goblin named Goby, because I don't want to be rude.... or racist? Would it be classed as racism to a goblin? Either way, it would be inappropriate for me to be so callous especially after how they have treated me.

"Second, chief Kroll is at office, he very busy chief. And last, I dunno wat hotel is but, dis is inn. Yous stayed here, owes me 2 onion monster for payment."

"Payment, Onion Monster?"

"Yes, floor down, nummer 26, all vegable and easy meat monster. Yous get 2 onion monster, for me, payment done. Dungeon made for gobs, she is best. Monster no disappear, yous bring me. Go now."

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Shooed out by Goblana. I notice that I'm in, what I first thought to be, the left-hand side of the room with the many work buildings. Many goblins all stop to observe me for a moment, as I'm forcefully ejected from the inn with the demand of acquiring onion for my payment, before going back about their business as if I don't actually matter to them.

Guess there really is nothing to worry about here. What if I just stay here, the dungeon seems to like me and the goblins have been nothing but pleasant so far. Ok, maybe the receptionist was a little off, but we've all gotta get paid right? At least she filled me in on the details.

From where I stand, out in the street, I can see the village chiefs building. Behind it a bit further away to the right is the hot springs. After breakfast and a refreshing drink, a nice soak would be amazing. It even appears to be empty.

I want to dip myself in so badly but I'm still feeling slightly uncomfortable with it being so open.

Maybe later.

When it's dark and everyone's sleeping.

I approach the central building again, this time it's not surrounded by a mob. Upon entering I see the same desks and clerks working away as I saw on my last brief visit. I follow the same route as last time too and knock on the door, as manners dictate.

I wait for a moment, but after no answer, I decide to make my way back downstairs, before heading to the queuing lines to speak with one of the goblin clerks. To be honest, there aren't many booths open and in fact, most of the place is empty.

I make my way down an empty line and approach the goblin at the counter who looks to be doing some paperwork. This guy is really short and very overweight. His notable feature though is that he is completely hairless, just like me. In fact, the stubble on my head is giving me a dominance in this situation. His red sash almost fails to contain his girth being released from within his grey robe. He also has a large pair of glasses, that seem too big for his face as he keeps readjusting them. He doesn't even look at me, he just carries on writing, although he notices my presence.

"Name?"

"Erin."

"Question?"

That was a little creepy.

"Where is the village chief?"

The goblin finally stops to look at me.

"Is dat all?"

I think about it for a moment.

"Yes."

"Da chief is at village exit."

I wait for a moment hoping for a bit more info. Doesn't appear to be coming through, it's like talking to Temi back at the beginning, one more question is all I need though.

"Which way is that?"

He looks at me like I'm an infant asking about algebra.

Then he points to the wall behind him.

"Dat way."

And this is the guy that's looking at me with judging eyes?

Pffft.

"One more question, where's everyone else?"

"Yous said one question."

"Yes, but now I have another one?"

"Yous must que again."

I turn around and look at the empty room. Does he expect me to walk away and come back? Seriously?

"There's no one else here though."

He shifts his weight to look past me and out at the empty room.

"Oh, is harvest time. Gobs out to count food stuff and bring food stuffs back. Oh and gets ready to cooking food stuff too. Will be big dinner tonight."

Now that's what I'm talking about. It wasn't too hard to give me some good info was it, granted you've got to be intuitive to know what they're saying.

The overweight goblin begins to drool on his papers so I decided I should go find the chief.

Exiting the village hall, I set off in the direction the hungry goblin pointed in. It appears to be the opposite side of where I arrived.

After walking for a few minutes I find the chief, he's talking to quite a lot of other goblins near the floor exit. Some are wearing the same grey robes as the guy in the building I just left wore, whilst a couple of the others have little pieces of armour on. The rest are sporting loincloths as usual like they're going out of fashion.

After the chief finishes his conversation he approaches me.

"Da last hunting party shud be back now. Ders not lots of danger on next floor, some time big cow can crush gobs by sitting down and accident happens. Hope dat not case again."

He actually sounds worried and frustrated, the chief seems like a really good guy, not at all like a monster who should actually eat people. I want to help if I can.

"You want me to run down quickly and have a look?"

"Is ok, one party dat come back gonna go take look for dem."

"You sure? You've been really helpful to me so far, so I don't mind repaying the favour, plus I really want to see the next floor as well."

The chief looks to my side for a moment before replying.

Wait.

Why's he looking at my side?

"Boss said yous can help. She said yous kill monster and mana will rise."

Mana rising? Does that mean more monsters for food, I guess the goblins are growing healthily. Also, can she not just go there herself and look? Or is she too busy stalking me, to do anything else these days, every time I talk with someone she seems to be there? That's not even mentioning how long she's been watching for and what she was looking at.

I have an experiment that I want to try, however now isn't the right time as it may leave me with no mana, but I will attempt it later.

Being given the go-ahead by the chief I don't feel apprehensive at all, I am actually excited, as I dash into the stairwell and down the stairs. It's amazing what an effect, a good sleep and a warm meal can have on the body. I feel great whilst taking multiple steps, in each bound, before arriving at the bottom in no time at all.

Record setter or what.

This floor is almost three times the size of the one I arrived from. On further inspection, the dungeon has made it as easy as possible for these goblins to live a stable life. The area is an open pasture, I can see many different animals grazing or are they monsters? Regardless they look just like farmyard animals, with the only noticeable difference being their size, they appear to be twice as big as there normal counterparts. Seeing how most goblins are quite short, a full cow out here must go a long way. I can also see how an accident may occur as most goblins aren't too tall. I doubt they could eat all that meat quickly, but even if they exhausted their stock, I think the dungeon would replenish the animals time and again.

If the indoor sight of a farm was hard to take in, then the next surreal sight almost left me rolling on the floor laughing.

Aside from the meat of all farm like variety, not too far away, I can see an onion running along the field. It is being followed by some large daikon and a few potatoes, in what appears to be a game of keep away.

Keep away from the goblins.

Damn, that's a lot of big vegetables, they don't appear to have faces or arms, only legs and feet which looks hilarious. Just a giant vegetable running through a field, has this dungeon being experimenting on them, to keep the village happy?

It seems there was no cause for concern and the reason the goblins have not returned yet is that they have yet to catch their required quota of ingredients. They look drained.

I run through the field before arriving by the goblins carrying a couple of large sacks already full of remains, or ingredients. They don't seem surprised by my arrival, just out of breath from chasing veggies all day.

"Want help?"

I try talking as simply as I can so we can communicate better.

The largest goblin steps forwards, obviously chosen to be the leader of the three by the two behind pushing him forward, clears his throat before trying to attempt conversation.

"Wes get fud for gobs, needs mor onis an pots an big purp too."

Woah. That was complicated. I may need a translator for that guy.

I nod along and ask a different question.

"Want me to carry those?"

I point at large sacks the goblins seem to drag around and proceed to make my way towards them.

They look at their sacks, which they are already struggling with, then back at myself before bursting out in laughter.

"Yous big, but nos strong."

One laughs out as though he's heard the best joke ever.

"Hes say hes carry haha."

Another goblin joins in on my mockery.

"Edunowowevydisishahaha."

Adds the last goblin to speak yet. Not that I understood a word of it.

I'm glad he didn't approach me first. As they stand there laughing away, I move myself to the first sack and place my hand on, thinking of storing it in my inventory.

Not a problem for a boss like me. Another few seconds later and I've stored all three bags.

I didn't notice until I finished, but all three of the goblins are no longer laughing and jolly. In fact, they actually appear to be very angry with me.

"What's the matter?"

"Weres der food!"

The first goblin that spoke to me, does not sound very happy.

"It's in my inventory, like magic, it's safe."

He doesn't take his eyes off me, nor does he stop the glare he is throwing my way. I think the dungeon may be talking to him, but he has no interest in listening and is still staring daggers into me.

I pull one of the bags from my storage and it lands on the ground before me, startling the lead goblin.

"See? Safe, you check."

He has an apprehensive look written on his face now, as though he believes I've switched the bag with evil or something. He still checks it over, being the diligent worker that he appears to be. Once satisfied he looks back to me before asking.

"Stor?"

Once more placing my hand on the bag it disappears before him, again this causes him to worry but he also shows a little wonder too. With me carrying all their harvest, they should be a lot faster now they don't have to keep dragging it around.

"Safe?"

"Yes it's safe, it will be fine until we gather the rest."

"Ok, wes need few more before wes go back. Den done."

"Ok, Let's hunt then!"

I declare and the goblins begin to chase after the vegetables once again. I sprint forward, faster than the four goblins combined, reaching a the fleeing vegetables immediately. They seemed a lot faster when running away from the goblins with their sacks. I retrieving my scimitar, slashing once never having used the weapon before on an actual enemy, and slicing the onion in half with ease. Feeling no resistance from bone or muscle tissue because it was a vegetable I don't feel sorry for it, in fact, it felt rather fun.

As we're chasing vegetables around the meadow collecting their remains, I ask a question to myself and no one in particular.

"I wonder why the dungeon likes goblins so much?"

A cold chill blows down my neck, causing me to shiver slightly. I also wasn't expecting an answer, but I get one regardless.

'It isn't what I remember but it does appear to be more beneficial to you. Killing monsters on this floor is helping with your level advancement and the goblins are accepting of it, who would have thought it.'

Temi seems back to being helpful but I can't help but feel as if something is wrong.

We need to have a serious talk soon, without her shutting down or me feeling guilty. To make realistic decisions, I need to be better informed. For now, though, I think I'm actually going to enjoy myself dashing around chopping up veggies, for a while longer.

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