《Youth Unsupervised》Chapter 13- Glittering Shards

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Kiss him? I don't know what pissed me off more, the fact that he asked, or the fact that it was such a good play. I might have clapped, had I not wanted to reach over and punch him. What was with this guy? Get a few drinks in him, and suddenly he got all bold. I focused all of my mental strength into silently willing her to take a drink. No such luck.

She smiled and scooted closer to him. I really didn't want to watch, but I couldn't look away either. I was transfixed. He closed his eyes and blushed as she leaned in. Her lips went straight to his forehead. His eyes shot open. She kissed him like you would a cute animal or a small child, then giggled and went back to her cushion. I was so happy I nearly sprang from the table cheering.

"That's cheating," he protested.

Saki shook her head. "You weren't specific enough."

"Serves you right," I said.

He folded his arms and grumbled under his breath.

"So?" she asked.

"Truth," he mumbled.

"Did you feel dirty on the train ride home?" Saki grinned and poked his arm. "Were you thinking everyone would figure out your secret?" She poked him again.

He sighed. "What is this obsession with my boxers all about?"

"Now, now," Saki said. "It's not your turn to ask questions."

He turned his head away from her. "I walked very carefully and kept my legs clamped shut on the train."

She clapped and giggled. Hiromasa sighed again and looked over at me.

"Guess," I said.

He smiled. "Who are you in love with now?"

I gritted my teeth. When the hell had this become a tag team? I took my second shot. It was just as terrible as the first one.

"Ask your stupid question," Saki said, pouring whisky into my glass.

"Why does your mother have these emotional outbursts?" I asked.

Saki didn't hesitate before taking a shot this time. Too far, then? That was alright. I didn't actually expect her to answer that question. I just wanted to test the boundaries a little.

"Still going with truth?" she asked.

I nodded.

"What's your type?"

Trying to work it out by process of elimination now? What could I say? I couldn't exactly go, "I like women with straight long hair and attitude problems," now could I? I took my final drink.

Saki grinned. "You're screwed next time."

She was absolutely right. How the hell had I become the first one to use up all my outs? I had a decent plan in the beginning.

"Truth or dare?" I asked Hiromasa.

"Dare." He said and sighed. "I can't handle any more questions about my boxers."

"I dare you to take another shot," I said.

"What kind of dare is that?" He gestured at his glass. "I could take a pass and it would still be the same thing."

"Should be an easy one then," I said.

He sighed and took his drink.

"I'm assuming you didn't pass." Saki poured some more in his glass.

"Nope. I'm still doing better than this guy." He jerked his thumb at me. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," she said.

"I dare you too-" His sentence stopped short as he clasped his hand over his mouth and lurched forward.

"You ok?" I asked.

He sprang from the table and ran out of the room. The sound of his footsteps raced down the hall.

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"Guess I overdid it." Saki got up from the table and went out into the hall.

I followed her out and found her in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. She went over to the bathroom door and set the bottle of water next to it. It sounded like he was puking his guts out on the other side.

"Hiromasa." Saki knocked on the door. "I left you some water by the door. When you're ready, make sure you drink some, slowly."

No response, just more vomiting sounds.

"I wonder if he heard me," Saki said, more to herself than to me. She started walking back towards the sitting room, turning back to me when I didn't follow. "Don't hover. He's embarrassed enough to be sick. Leave him be for a while."

"You know, you're surprisingly in tune with other people's feelings. For being a monster, I mean." I returned to the sitting room with her and we sat in our original spots.

She placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on folded hands, smiling at me like a lion might smile when it corners prey. "You're about to find out how much of a monster I can be. Because it's just you and me now, and you don't have any outs left."

I swallowed hard. "We're still playing, then?"

"Of course," she said. "And unless you have any objections, we can both just start asking questions, or would you like to finally have some dares?"

Whatever questions she had for me would be nowhere nearly as painful as whatever her dares might be. She went easy on Hiromasa, that look in her eyes said she wasn't going to be nearly as gentle with me.

I shook my head. "Questions are fine."

"Good." Saki spread her arms. "I'm so nice I'll even let you go first."

"Why did you try and kill yourself?" I asked, bluntly.

She glared at me and took her final shot. Good. That was my goal. Now we would play this on equal footing.

"What did you like so much about Izumo?" she asked.

I smiled knowingly and nodded. I knew this question was coming. "At the time, I thought it was everything, but I've come to understand that it was really only one thing. She chose me. In a sea of people, she picked me, and it felt so good to finally be wanted by someone. It was my first relationship and I was slow to realize that she was just playing around. By the time I did, she was just about through with me."

Saki opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Her eyes drifted to the side and she was quiet for a moment.

"Ask," she said.

"Does your father ever try and contact you?"

She turned her eyes back to me and stared at me intently. I couldn't read the look, but it made my heart race all the same. I don't think I'd ever seen her look so focused before.

The alarm on my phone sounded. I hung my head. Beaten by the timer, and just when I was starting to get somewhere.

"In the beginning he did," she said.

My head snapped up. Was she actually giving me the answer? No strings attached? I reached over and turned the timer off.

"He tried calling," she continued, softly. Her gaze was directed at the wall again. "Even stopping by, but I would never answer him, never go to the door. He even tried sending various gifts; clothes, jewelry, and money. I destroyed it all." Her hands tensed themselves into fists and her words became harder. "I'll never forget the day he finally gave up. He had this huge white teddy bear delivered to the apartment. That thing must have been half as big as I was. I dragged that piece of shit bear all the way to this house and threw crap at his front window until he drew back the shades. Then I doused that stupid thing in lighter fluid and lit it on fire." She leaned her head back and smiled at the ceiling. "God. I'll never forget that look on his face while he watched that thing burning beside me in his front yard. He was so defeated, so utterly broken."

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"Saki, that's..."

"Don't you dare tell me he didn't deserve it!" Her head snapped forward, her eyes blazing. She slapped her hands on the table and leaned forward. "You know that stupid fuck still pays for our apartment?" Her voice rose as she spoke, until she was screaming the words. "As if that makes up for anything he did. As if that makes it alright that he bailed on his family when they needed him most." She grabbed her glass, stood up, and thrust it at the wall. It burst into sharp glittering shards. "I'd burn that stupid place to ground too." She grabbed Hiromasa's glass and threw it at the wall. "I'd burn it all." She circled the table, grabbed my glass and threw it with a scream. Then she slumped to the floor with her back facing me, breathing heavily.

What should I do? What could I do? How much I wanted to magically lift all that anger from her, to push it into myself, freeing her from pain, but life doesn't work that way, so I sat silently, wishing I had the courage to reach over and hold her.

I realized I had misunderstood earlier when she told me I was about to find out how much of a monster she was. I thought she was going to force me into a corner and ask me questions I didn't want to answer, but I think what she really meant was that the questions I asked her were going to leave her exposed. I had seen her mad before, but that was nothing like this. This was fury, a product of all that hurt, abandonment, and loneliness, all balled up and compressed. With no other means to expel these emotions, she went berserk.

"You should take Hiromasa and go," she said, refusing to look at me.

As if I'd just leave. I went to the kitchen and grabbed more glasses out of the cupboard, as many as I could carry without breaking them, then returned to the room and started setting them on the table. She turned her head and watched me silently for a moment.

"What are you doing?" she asked, finally.

I sat back down. "I noticed you were out of glasses to smash."

She stared at me blankly, then her lips crept into a smile and she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard it made me laugh too. We were still laughing like idiots when Hiromasa stepped back into the room.

"I'm glad you're both still alive." Both his arms were wrapped around his stomach. "I heard some yelling and some stuff breaking, but I was too busy trying not to puke out my own insides to come check."

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Pretty confident in the fact that I'll never be an alcoholic." He smiled weakly. "What's with all the glasses? Are we playing another game?" His body lurched and he turned his head away. "I'm sitting this one out."

"No. No more games." Saki stood up and started to gather the glasses. "I think I've done enough damage in here for the night."

I helped her carry them back to the kitchen and put them all back in place. We returned to the room with a broom and dustpan. I'd like to think we got it all, but I can't say I really cared if her bastard of a father stepped on a piece of glass.

Saki begrudgingly left the bottle of whiskey behind so we could take the train. We decided it was best Hiromasa didn't return home in the state he was in, so he sent his mom text to let her know he was spending the night. Hopefully, she would see it in the morning before she went into a frantic craze when he wasn't there. When we finally arrived back at my house, I sent Hiromasa upstairs with a bottle of water to lie down. Saki decided to wait for me outside. She was staring at the sky when I came out to join her.

"Well, he's set." I shut the door behind me and started up at the stars, trying to figure out what she was looking at.

"Make sure he drinks a lot," Saki said, still gazing up. "He's probably going to crash, though."

"You could come in, you know?"

She looked over at me and smiled. "I don't think you need a girl crashing your slumber party twice."

I laughed. "You must be crazy. That was the best sleepover I ever had."

She gasped sarcastically. "Hiromasa will be so hurt."

"It's a serious offer," I said.

She shook her head and stared at the ground. "I should be getting home anyway." She went quiet and started pawing at the pavement with her shoe. "Thanks for not running away."

"I would never do that."

She looked up and smiled weakly.

Didn't believe me? That was alright. I had plenty of time to prove her wrong.

"Anyway, take care of Hiromasa." She waved and walked away abruptly.

"Goodnight," I said.

She soon vanished from sight and I went back inside, up to my room. Hiromasa was already curled up on my bed, but it looked as though he had at least drunk most of the water. I went to the hall closet and got a futon, then unrolled it next to my bed.

"Is Saki gone?" Hiromasa asked, as I lay down.

"I thought you were asleep," I said. "Yeah, she's gone."

"What happened to the glasses, anyway?" His eyes were still shut.

I folded my hands behind my head. "We got carried away with the game."

"I'm sorry I tried to get her to kiss me."

I laughed. "Don't be. It was a good idea. I wish I'd thought of it first."

He smiled. "It didn't work though."

"No, but it surprised me. You're more competition than I gave you credit for."

That cheesy grin looked a lot cheesier with his eyes shut. "Thanks."

He went quiet after that and his breathing started to slow. I shut my eyes, but I wasn't the least bit tired. My head was swimming.

Saki's whole story still wasn't available to me. I wasn't sure if it ever would be, but I was leaps and bounds ahead of where I had been. I really wished she hadn't vanished that night we'd met. If we'd stayed close, maybe I wouldn't have had to become numb, and she wouldn't have become enraged, but there was no point wasting time on what could have been. I needed to come up with a plan that would help her now.

She needed escape and a way to channel all of that anger of hers before it built up any more than it already had.

I didn't mind her breaking or burning anything she wanted, but that wasn't a permanent or healthy solution. Eventually, she was going to destroy something that had real consequences. I wish I could convince her that she could vent as much as she needed to with me, and that nothing she ever did or said would scare me away. Not that I was qualified to be a therapist. I wasn't exactly the picture of mental health, but I could at least listen.

I knew she wouldn't do this though. She was far too accustomed to bottling things up until the point of explosion, and past experience had taught her that people who cared about you were not a safe bet to rely on. In time, I hoped to convince her differently, but for now I needed a more immediate solution.

If your whole world was made up of an absent father and a mentally unstable mother, then what do you need? Stability. You needed to know that even though your home life could shift at any moment, the world outside of there wasn't going to fall out from under you. How could I give her that? Hiromasa and I were a good start, but not enough. It might take some time, but I was going to think of something. I was going to save her.

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