Dear God,

I have a very frail heart. So please stop giving me such shocks on a daily basis. Once in a lifetime is enough. I will die due to a heart-attack at this rate. Or increased blood pressure will also do the job.

In either case, please take care that I do not die at a young age. I have yet to taste Feddy’s limited edition Cosmic Fruit-Punch Ultra+.

Yours Sincerely.

**************************************

The biggest 2 shocks of my life were delivered to me one after the other. Without pulling any punches.

First, it seems like my parents got out of the same as before loop.

Second, I have passed the first exam and have now to appear for the second one.

The first one is good news.

The second one is the biggest mistake of my life.

Fuck you world.

************************************************

After the incident with my parents, I tried to contact my friends at my old school. The result? They are still stuck in the past.

Either they didn’t pick up the phone or they spoke like reading off a script.

I had hoped for too much. Just because I had my parents back didn’t mean I was going to get my friends back too.

Bummer.

In any case, my time went in a flash, trying old contacts and finding peace back in my life.

By the time the second exam day came around, I had recollected myself and my thoughts.

This time around, I will definately get placed at a position like a cook or a tailor. Maybe even a janitor. As long as I didn’t get to go to the front lines, I am happy.

I would be even happier if I never went near that war in the first place. Damn my luck.

So I gathered my stuff, entered the exam hall for the test and sat down at my place.

“Good morning candidates. I am Celery of the race of Mortiseptiu Gordo from the planet Greech. I am an empath. That is why after I distribute your papers, I expect you all to give your all in the test. Any deliberate failure on your part will mean a direct-line placement on the front lines.”

… And~ I failed again.

What the hell, is this green-y trying to have me killed at all costs? Why do we keep meeting up at places like this anyways?! Is this destiny? Is it fate? Is that it?!

At this rate I will never fail a test!!

Of course I never vocalized my opinion of our kindly green-y.

I was tempted to act out my feelings but I held back due to consideration of my well-being.

I may be the most bored person on planet Earth but I am not that bored. I don’t want to spend my night in a prison on assault charges. That also, assault to a jackal. It would be fine if it were assault to a man to save a beautiful damsel in distress. Assault to a jackal for the sake of avoiding an exam just makes me pitiable.

Anyways, the exam papers were distributed. It was a written exam. Again.

There was no time limit. Again.

So I filled it full of my entertaining thoughts on the subject matter asked. Again.

Then, I turned the question paper around and found another set of question attached at the back. It was written in gibberish. Again.

This time around, I didn’t waste my time trying to decode the gibberish. I just drew scribbles in place of the answers.

A butterfly here, a flower there.

A birthday cake here, some ballons there.

A knife here, a grenade launcher there.

A ‘fuck you’ here, a nice drawing of the middle finger raised there.

And so on…

Then, after I was satisfied with my scribbles I take the next step. I have to resolve my greatest regret in the previous exam.

I take my question paper, stick my tongue out and fold the paper to form an air-plane.

Then I close one eye, aim and shoot!

It’s flying! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!

It hits! Right at the back of the head! Booyah!

The resulting half an hour lecture from an embarrassed green jackal was so~ WORTH IT!!

******************************************************

“I feel like Iike I am forgetting something.” Dad said over the telephone.

“That’s no problem. I forget things all the damn time.” I consoled him. Today was the day I was packing up to go visit my folks at home. The mobile in one hand and a pair of shoes in the other, I debated mentally debated whether to shove the socks in the shoes to pack it up or forget about them all together.

“You should be ashamed to forget things at your age. You are still young. It’s okay for us as we are getting old.”

The person I am trying to console just betrayed me and started scolding me instead. How cruel~

“If I forget something that means that it just didn’t deserve to be remembered.” I told him.

Yep, the socks were going in the shoes. Wait, are these the new pair or the old?

I raise my other hand awkwardly smell the socks. Smelly. Thank goodness I smelled the before putting them in my bag. Else my bag would have emulated the smell of a dumpster by the end of the hour.

“That’s not the right attitude.” Dad continues his tirade over the phone.

The doorbell rings and a bunch of mail fall through the opening in the door.

At this point of time I am no longer listening to my dad over the phone and walk over to the mail. I shuffle through them, trying to pick out the important ones.

The phone bill. Check.

An invite to a party of juniors from school. Not going.

A bunch of love letters. To the burner.

My final year grades. To the resume folder.

The results of the second test. To the burner.

The medical reports of mum sent over from the – wait…

WAIT a DAMN MiNuTE

The results! The RESULTS!! In the BURNER!!

I acted on my innermost feelings by mistake…

I drop everything in my hands and rush over to the burner. Pressing random buttons in my panic, I try to stop it. Something must have worked because the burner stops working. Digging through the paper cuts and ashes, the result I find makes me pale.

The first page containing my position in the UGF army has been burned successfully. Only the page number containing part remains. Even the second page has been burned half-way through. What I read on it is nothing but bad news.

Reporting place: Geneva Tele-Center

Reporting Date: 13th of June XXYY year

Reporting Time: (burned)

Geneva Tele-Center. The Teleport center for the main barracks.

13th of June XXYY. The day the first battalion of UGF army recruits is leaving Earth.

Shit.

I AM FUCKED.