Alvin stirred, partially waking up, before deciding that sleeping was better than being awake. he rolled over to get to the cooler part of his bed, and promptly rolled off of the bed

“Well, I guess it’s time to wake up then,” Alvin groaned, glaring at his bed as if it were to blame. He got up and started to stretch, before taking a second look at the bed, and then the room, he was in, realising that he was not, in fact, in his room. The room was small, with just enough space to move around the small bed, almost a cot, that dominated the center of the room. Everything in the room, from the walls, to the bed, and even the door, was a sterile and plain white. Not a pure snow white, more of a dull, almost beige. Even the folded clothes by the foot of the bed are the same bastard child of white and egg yolks.

Upon realising that he was only wearing underwear(Bastard White, like everything else), Alvin hurriedly slipped on the provided outfit, a loose pair of pants and flowy button up shirt. Feeling ready to leave the small room, he approached the section of wall that should be a door. Despite the lack of doorknob, handle, or even hinges, a rectangular section cut into the wall of an otherwise featureless room had to be a door, right?

‘How does one open a door without a knob or handle?’ Alvin scanned the door, looking for some way to open it, or maybe a sensor that would automatically open it. He ran his hands along the edges, pulled at every side, and spent a few minutes trying to push open the door.

“How am i supposed to open this door?!” Alvin yelled, flopping onto his bed like a thrown sock puppet. He paused, hoping for a response from who, or perhaps what, put him in this room. Unfortunately, no response was forthcoming, so Alvin laid on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. Then the wall. After memorizing that wall to the best of his ability, he turned his head to stare at another wall. Same horrendous color that you’d find in an elderly community? Check. Same smooth, featureless surface? Check. Same complete and total lack of stimulation? Check.

“Maybe I could try going back to sleep,” he mused aloud. “Sleeping means I won’t be conscious, and can’t slowly go insane in this stimulation deprivation chamber.” Wriggling under the one blanket and retrieving the pillow that fell off with him, Alvin made to carry out his suggestion. His attempt lasted an astounding 5 minutes before he shot back up into a sitting position.

“Too awake to sleep. Only things to do are sleep, nothing, and go insane,” he considered. “Or, I could beat my head against a wall until whatever did this is forced to stop me? No, gotta make a good first impression. Maybe I’ll just do some basic exercises to keep my mind off of……. This.” Gesturing wildly to the room at large, Alvin manages to unbalance himself and fall off of his bed. Again.

Since he was on the floor anyway, Alvin decided to go ahead and start some exercises. After an excruciating twenty-five (25) pushups and a minute of planking, he gave up.

[Species 82113114, designation “Human”]

[Subject 82113114-11222914, designation “Alvin”]

[Subject Alvin has yet to be processed. Prepare for Relocation to processing]

“Wait, wha-” Alvin started, before the world went black. Not the black of closing your eyes, or the basement at night. No, this was the dark of space, the far side of the moon, of the deepest depths of the ocean. So dark, that you can feel it.

And as suddenly as the darkness appeared it retreated, as if chased by the Heavenly Host. And as the darkness disappeared, Alvin found himself another off-white room. This room, however, was much less plain than the closet Alvin had been in. Covering the every inch of the walls, floor, and ceiling were glowing lines etched into the material of the room. The lines glowed gently, with colors varying from gold and silver, to brilliant greens and reds. Each color and pattern flowed smoothly into the next, from organic, to geometric, and varying levels of combination between the two. In the center of the room, where the etchings glowed brightest, was an oddly shaped pillar. For the most part, glowing patterns aside, it looked primarily like the meeting point between a stalactite and a stalagmite, except made of crystal. In the middle of the pillar, which Alvin suspected was the exact center of the room, was a crystal polyhedron the size of a basketball (slightly larger than a soccer ball), like someone decided to make the most valuable D20 ever. The etchings on the central crystal glowed intensely, no longer gentle like the rest of the room.

Alvin stood where he was, and just stared at the crystal. It was beautiful, the beauty of something natural that is rare to the point of being borderline impossible. It was-

“Subject 11222914, cease your gawking and proceed to the Installation Core!” A harsh voice growled. Somehow, Alvin had completely missed the 8 foot tall green person standing next to the crystal. How he missed an 8 foot tall, muscular, green humanoid, with glowing blue veins, and entirely black eyes is anyone’s guess. The more he looked, the more Alvin realized the person wasn’t human. Their hair, held back by what was likely an industrial hairband, looked more like porcupine quills than human hair. The humanoid’s hands only had 2 fingers and a thumb, and their upper arms were slightly longer than their forearms.

“Subject 11222914, you are strongly advised to finish the installation processing procedure, or you will be returned to the planet without the systems’ aid, in which case the likelihood of your death is 99.99746 percent,” the green humanoid barked. Alvin, being a fan of living longer, shrugged, and approached the crystal. He started to feel an itch in the back of his mind, like the beginning of a headache, that only grew more pronounced as he drew closer to the core. Once he was close enough to flatten his palm against a side of the crystal, the green humanoid thrust out their arm to stop him.

“To allow the system to finish the installation, place your palm flat against the core,” they said. “And do so quickly. There are still 2.34 billion members of Identified Species 82113114 that require processing.”

“I’ll get to it! But first, I’m curious about you.You are the first non-human person I’ve met. What are you? How many Identified Species are there? How-”

“Enough! I will answer the 2 queries you have posited, but none more. There are approximately 3686168 recognized sentient races currently living within the boundaries of the System’s Multiverse, and countless more who have gone extinct or faded into the annals of time. As for me, I am a member of the species known as the Erethizon. Now finish the installation process.”

“Fine, fine, keep the uninformed backwater primitive in the dark, whatever. Bastard,” muttering snarkily under his breath, Alvin followed instructions and placed his hand against the Installation Core. As he did so, he felt what was a little like an electrical tingle, and a lot like something with a lot of legs, crawl up his arm as all the muscles in his arm contracted, keeping his palm firmly against the core.

[Scanning Subject…………]

[Subject is 82113114-11222914, designation “Alvin”]

[Welcome to the Final Installation Process, Alvin. The System would like to inform you of the 0.00825 percent likelihood of death during this process. Would you like to proceed?]

“Well, I guess I like my odds. Sure?”

[Procedure initialized. Creating a link to the System. 94.572 percent of sentients report excruciating pain during implementation. Good Luck!]

‘Did the System just effectively promise me horrible pain and wish me luck?’ Alvin hoped he would be one of the people who didn’t feel unholy amounts of pain, but based on his personal experience, he would get the pain.

Before he had any more time to reconsider, his back arched as he involuntarily screamed at the agony coursing through him. It felt like flaming, electrified acid was poured through his brains, and infused into the sketchy gas station tacos he ate the day before. If there was a Devil, even he averted his eyes at the suffering inflicted upon Alvin. As his vision started to fade, he just managed to catch a glimpse of a notification from the system. Then all went black.