“Cyndric ? Old Ji just arrived, he is waiting for you.”

“Oh, thanks Jeff, I’m coming.” I responded, closing the device before carrying it in my arms.”

***

“So you won’t exchange it ?” I asked

“Are you kidding young one, have you seen the state of that planet. It’s a wonder there is still something alive on it. Forget about thousands of year, even with tens of thousand this planet wouldn’t recover.” Responded Old Ji while carrying the device in his right palm, closely examining it.

“What ? Just what kind of weapons did those ‘human’ invent to make such damage. That’s impressive” Interjected Jeff on the side.

Pondering while stroking it’s beard with his left hand, Old Ji took a while before answering.

“No idea, most of the thing I can think off would have blown the whole thing away. Here the core is just completely messed up, the planet is already slowly losing it’s magnetic field and when it does, what’s left on this planet will be fried by the sun. It’s like some god decided to roll this planet around or make it fall from high places … totally irresponsible ! Don’t they know those things are sensitive !”

Oh, making them roll around is bad, and fall too …

But didn’t I spend a whole ten hours doing just that ? …

Wait no, that makes no sense, how ?

“Really ?” I asked, anxious.

“Sure thing, ever made scrambled eggs in their shell through shaking them around ? Same principle. Now I don’t know who’s your boss, but I rarely met people so easily angered that they tormented mortal that way. That’s fucked up ...”

Oh, I see, that make sense. Those things are sensitive after all …

So … I really fucked up my entire home planet … killed million of innocent people … all by mistake. What a great way to start the day ...

“My boss is called Dan, from office 42” I said with an audible awkwardness in my voice, trying hard not to let the beads of sweat show up. It’s not a nice feeling to know that you just carelessly become a floaty genocidal mass murder ...

“Office 42 ?” He said with a frown “Well that explains it … ”

That explains it ? Why ? How the fuck does that explains it ?

Does that mean it was Dan’s fault after all ?

Yes, that’s right, it was definitely Dan’s fault after all. I mean, how could a floaty cause such a mayhem after all. Yes, it’s all Dan’s fault, everything is fine !

While I was having my inner monologue, he continued speaking while carefully examining the device. “Don’t worry young one, we will find you a nice planet that will satisfy your boss. Depending of the price range of course.” he said. Then, empathising the device by moving his hand, he asked “Should I dispose of this ? I won’t buy it back after all … ”

“Well, knowing my boss, I think he would prefer to keep it if he can’t get money back by exchanging it …”

“Really, after all that ? That’s quite a greedy boss you have. I know a few gods like them, they're the worst.” he said with a chuckle.

To which I responded with an awkward chuckle of my own.

Maybe, just maybe … and that’s just an untested hypothesis !

But maybe I might have given a hand in dooming this planet.

And this made throwing it away not quite alright with me …

Not quite alright at all …

“So … what kind of planet do you have at minimum price ?” I asked, trying very hard to change the topic without seeming suspicious.

“Minimum price ? Don’t tell me he is that stingy … Well, that’s not really my problem. Follow me young one, I will show you my wares. Jeff, you stay here, take care of anyone that come in.”

“At your order boss !” Replied Jeff, kind of sad he could not participate.

Following that, Old Ji squeezed the planet between both palms, I was about the object, reminding him that I didn’t want it destroyed. But the thing got smaller and smaller until it was the size of a small rock. He then extended it’s hand toward me, the device in its palm.

“Here you go, I ain’t gonna carry it for you !”

THOSE THINGS HAVE A FUCKING CARRY MODE ?!?

What the fuck, someone should have told me !

No wait, that wouldn't have made a difference, it was Dan’s fault after all.

Yes, everything is Dan’s fault. Everything ! It has to be ...

***

“Here we are, the cheapest planets around, all below 5000 unit.” Said Old Ji, pointing toward a gigantic amount of devices in carry mode, neatly aligned on a succession of shelves. “We got a bit of everything here but they are normally separated in categories, at least if Jeff did his job correctly.

To the right, about over there, we have planet with too much gravity, making space travel more than extremely difficult. On the left are planet with a rather low gravity, making for weaker species but easy space travel. More around the center are the in between, that’s generally where you can find the best planets, but of course, since we are in the cheap section, all of them are flawed to a certain extent. You can choose any planet you want, all of them are humanoid life worthy !”

“What kind of flaw ?” I asked, curious

“Well, depends, some are threatened by regular asteroid shower, some are on a collision path with other massive object, like a moon falling from orbit on the planet. Some don’t have a day and light cycle, since the planet is too tilted and the poles are facing the sun, making most of the planet unsuited for carbonic life.

Otherwise we have the classical flaws, like the planet being too cold or too hot, or having too small an habitable range. That should be about everything, of course there are some odd one out but, if in doubt, the flaws are specified on the price tag.”

“Oh, impressive” I said, examining a random price tag to find an extended description of the planets, along with an history of its past. That planet for example, didn’t have the correct chemical component in it’s atmosphere, making humanoid life possible yet extremely hard to develop.”

“Of course it’s impressive, who do you think I am floaty ?” Said Old Ji in a triumphant laugh. Obviously happy to be praised.

“Can I ask a question, just by curiosity ?”

“Ask away, don’t be shy !”

“I wanted to know, what grade did the planet I brought had ? Before the apocalypse I mean”

“Hum, hard to say without an in-depth investigation.” He said while pondering “About upper middle grade I guess, since it had season, a moon and all. It’s gravity was a bit on the heavy side though, something like 0.8 or 0.7 G would have been better for space travel. For the rest I can’t tell at a glance, but it was definitely middle grade anyway, this thing was far from flawed !”

“Oh, so there are grade, I see. And now, what kind of grade would it have ?”

“None” he said, visibly not as interested.

“None ?” I asked, still feeling bad about my possible, yet unproven, involvement on it’s current state ...

“Yup, grades are used to classify life worthy planets. If all you want is a big space rock, I have billions to offer for free.”

“Billions ?”

“Of course, the universe is infinite after all. You have no idea how much screening we have to do to find this few habitable planet.”

Wait few ? There are more than 300 hundreds right there and that’s just the cheap section !

Hum, wait, maybe it really ain’t that much for an infinite universe, they only show the humanoid life worthy planet after all ...

Back when I was alive, humanity had never been able to confirm the presence of life, let alone humanoid life, in another planet, and we had been searching for decades … That puts it all in perspective …

“And so, what are the difference between grades ?”

“Well, to keep it short and simple. Low grade are flawed planets where humanoid life is either extremely hard to develop or is threatened by an extremely probable or downright certain future annihilation. Middle grade are normal planet, nothing too shabby but nothing to get excited about either. Those two form the majority of planets together, a good 90%.

Then we have the high grade planet, any planet is high grade if there are latent spirit energy on it’s surface. Those planets are much more convenient to work with since the gods will be able to use the latent spirit energy to modify the planet at will. The humanoid living on those planet will also be able to use that energy accordingly, making strong souls an extremely precious resource on those planets.

That’s why we make souls complete reincarnation form by the way, it makes it way easier to sort them toward a correct destination that way ! One where their skills can be put to good use in furthering the civilisation.

Of course, some of those planets are still flawed. Although we generally do everything we can to save them because of their rarity, some just don’t cut it and become low grade planets anyway. The threat is generally quite huge so the planets are rarely picked out.

Then finally there are what we call top grade planet, the 0.01% who possess extraordinarily rare qualities and always end up in the hands of high power members of the hierarchy.”

“What kind of rare qualities ?” I cutted

“Well, it depends, generally it would be very large amount of latent spirit energy but we have had different cases. If my memories serve right, we also classify as top grade planets those with an abundance of extremely rare and precious resources. I also remember classifying one or two as top grade due to extraordinary defensive capabilities in disputed regions of the universe.”

“Just to get an inkling, what would be the average prices range in those categories ?”

“Well, I would say less than ten thousand unit for low grade, up to two million for middle grade and … huuum … high grade would generally be priced in the tens of millions, but they are easily sold much higher.”

In the millions ? Really ? To me those number were just completely frightening, even downright irresponsible ! I barely get paid 25 unit per month ! Working for more than twenty years barely got me above six thousands !

Those price were just unbelievably high ...

“And top grade ?” I asked, anxious about the answer I would get.

“Well, don’t even think about it, those are downright invaluable. Nobody in their right mind would sell them, and any god would offer their families for the chance to own one. That’s just how precious those are. Even for an exalted someone such as I, they are invaluable.”

“I see, that’s good to know.”

Apparently growing bored, Old ji excused himself with the following parting words, going back toward the reception. “Anyway, I will let you look around, if you need me I will be over there.”

Well, guess it’s time to go planet shopping.

Hope they have my sizes ...