I’m bored. It’s been more than two hours already.

I feel like I’m back at the line, just waiting all the time in hopes something happens.

Except Mark is missing so I have no one to piss off …

Well, besides the author … but he is no fun …

Life sucks when you have no one to piss off … That’s why we invented marriage !

Sadly Mark never proposed … *sigh*

And now I miss that son of a bitch … Can’t believe it ...

Bored, I Looked around for something to distract myself, only white walls and couches entered my vision. Until my eyes eventually rested on Dan’s ex world.

“Now that I think of it, I don’t even know what kind of world that is.” I pondered out loud

I sure had heard Dan talk about it once in awhile, but never in detail. The few time I tried to look, I was shooed away instantly with excuses like ‘Don’t touch that, you’re gonna break it’ or ‘make me another coffee’.

It’s not like I could do it discreetly either, there was always someone in the office and desk climbing wasn’t exactly a discrete way to have a look.

To be fair, This had made me extremely curious.

Would it be bad if I took a quick look ?

Nobody would know right ?

The thing wouldn’t just break because I touched it. Right ?

Wait, were those dead flag just now ? Probably not … Let’s hope not ...

Approaching the device, I applied both palms on it and, hoping for the best, I willed a tiny bit of energy to leave and boot it up. I had seen the gods do it quite often back at the office so I knew more or less what to do.

Booting up, the greyish white device lighted up with a tune, much like an old windows computer, and a planet appeared on it’s surface. My immediate reaction was something along

“Wow, that’s fucked up, there is nothing left !”

Seriously, everything was destroyed, this world was only ruins at this point.

Only big ass waste lands with no living being around ...

Applying my palm on the globe, I made a sweeping movement to make the globe view spin on itself, getting a good view of the whole planet. Or at least what was left of it ...

And I backed away. Flabbergasted.

There was just no way … it was too familiar … was that a boot just now … Italy ?

Rushing back to the globe, I reoriented it before taking a second glance, more carefully this time.

“That’s Earth” I muttered to myself.

“THAT’S FUCKING EARTH ! IT’S UPSIDE DOWN BUT THAT’S FUCKING EARTH ” I shouted.

“Waaait, does that mean that, no way …

“DAN IS OUR FUCKING GOD !”

“OH GOD, DAN IS OUR FUCKING GOD !”

Trembling, far from getting a grip to myself, my eyes and hands went back toward the device.

This was a fucking disaster, what the fuck happened !

I had been dead for what, thirty years tops, what the fuck happened to make it like that !

It was nothing but a charred Earth, far from the blue jewel it once was.

The skies were dark, clouded with nuclear fallout and dust, much like a chinese city, it was impossible to see further than four meter away except with extremely good weather !

Most of the oceans had a brownish color, replacing completely the old blue on the most touched areas. Volcanoes where raging, defiling with dust and grime what little remained of this planet. And when I say volcanoes were raging, I meant all of them.

I don’t even know how they did that with nukes ! Nukes are not supposed to do that !

The usage of nuke was easy to see though, where huge capitals once stood, only gigantic craters remained. Not Hiroshima sized crater, more like Tsar bomba sized at the very least.

Kilometers from those crater, already far from the conflagrations, only charred corpses and building could be seen, already falling to dust, swept by the wind with each breezes. The nearest traces of civilization that remained were far into the countryside, the people barely surviving already. It had only been like ten hour since the apocalypse happened, things were still relatively stable, but It wouldn’t be long before gang formed and people fought for food or clean water.

“What the fuck happened ?” I asked myself, falling back into the couch.

Wait I know the answer, Dan happened, that’s all.

Pretty sure we can resume all Earth history with that.

Like, “At the beginning it was kind of a nice place, then Dan happened and there we are ! Sucks right ?”

I took a few minutes, trying to get my shit back together. Going back to observe after a while. More out of morbid curiosity than anything else at this point.

To sum everything up, animals and men alike would soon discover the enjoyable pleasure of starving to death, this was only a question of time.

It’s the dinosaur mass extinction all over again … Except worse, and with a nuclear touch this time around ...

Trees and mid-sized plants would soon wither due to the dust filling the atmosphere, stopping the sunlight and warming the globe. Seriously, there is no longer a noticeable difference between night and day, the dust is just that dense ...

The oceans did not fare much better, the algae and plankton that fed fishes would also soon start dying. The first due to the lack of sunlight and the pollution, both caused by the huge amount of dust, the second due to the acidification of the ocean, caused by the future desalination of the ocean due to a sudden melting of the ice caps.

Seriously, the poles were melting before, but now it was so much worse, like ice cream on a sunny day and I shit you not. It’s like the temperature of the globe jumped 10 degree all at once !

I’m not a nuke expert, but that doesn’t seem like a thing a few hundred nuke should do.

And I doubt someone would nuke the fucking poles to cause a sudden melting too … besides to kill what ? The penguins ?

Anyways, In short, this place was badly in need of some godly vacuuming …

Without the dust, it would already be a bit better. The people would just slowly die of diseases rather than starvation.

Thus this planet needs a maid, and quick !

And guess who’s job it’s not ?

That’s right, not mine !