The Overseer takes me to what I can only describe as his home. There I see Miry and the first man I met here Oliver something. He makes me sit and then whispers to Miry and Oliver.

Even if he whispers, I know what he’s talking about; the guards raping me. Their faces tell me everything, especially Oliver.

Why don’t they ask me? Why do they assume they raped me? What if it was just an orgy?

“You don’t need to hide anything from me.”

The Overseer turns around so fast it’s surprising.

“Won’t you get crazy trying to save them?”

“I already tried… Can I ask you something?”

He nods.

“Why do you assume they raped me? And why did they do it? I don’t understand why they didn’t listen to me.”

“They can’t engage in sexual activities with the prisoners no matter what. If you’re a monster that wants to reproduce, that’d be perfect. We can’t allow such a possibility. And seeing this list, I can’t think otherwise.”

“Then, why?”

“Because they’re damaged individuals. They don’t understand and don’t listen, believing themselves invincible. That’s why we execute them. There’s no place for them in society.”

“Aren’t they part of the security force? Why can something like that happen between your members?”

“I also want to know.”

The Overseer calls Miry and Oliver. Miry sees my past, with Oliver grabbing her hand. Now that they know who did it, Oliver goes out. The Overseer leaves too.

Maybe we’re more alike than I think? I also wish to die, and even if they seem fine, maybe they’re empty like me?

What about my past experiences? Were they also empty humans? Well, in the orphanage everyone was dead inside.

Is this the list of all the people who raped me?

I grab the papers the Overseer left. I hear Miry cough to fix her throat, so I turn to look at her.

“That person who came the other time can show other people what he sees. He sent to the headquarters what I showed him. All the times you were raped. I know it’s terrible to have others see that, but we had to investigate everyone.”

“Why are you telling me that?”

“You didn’t want me to tell you?”

I flip through the papers. Seeing them filled with names makes me embarrassed and feel guilty. And what’s even worse is that I don’t remember most of them.

Maybe Miry can help me understand this madness. She saw them too, so maybe she knows.

“Do you know why they would do something like that?”

Miry stays silent for a long time. I don’t interrupt her, hoping she’s close to the answer.

“You remember I’m a criminal, right?”

“Yes.”

“When I was young, people always bothered me. But after discovering my power, their secrets became my weapons, and now I was in charge. The first thing I did was to pay them back, many times worse than they did to me.”

So they rape me as vengeance? But I did nothing to them.

“Among the crimes I committed, rape was quite frequent. It gave me an indescribable sensation of power, making me forget my pain, and fooling me into believing I was superior to the people who used to abuse me. I thought I was safe, now that my superiority was clear. But soon, I found myself raping them each day and forcing them to rape each other. Now I see I was still afraid of them, and each time I felt bad, I made them feel pain and fooled myself into believing that I was superior.”

“But I did nothing to them!”

“Once you become crazy like that, it doesn’t matter. They never raped me or tried to kill me, but I did that to them. And even when once was enough, I didn’t stop because the problem wasn’t with them; it was my fear and pain. Probably you make them remember something they fear or cause them pain, so they target you.”

“So I’ll live the rest of my life like that?”

“I don’t know. I hope not.”

Why do all the bad things happen to me? Just what did I do to deserve this? I don’t harm others and try my best to be a good person, so why do I have to suffer?

This is unfair.

“I thought I was the only one with that power until the security force captured me.”

“But the ones who raped me had no powers like you, so why?”

“It seems you don’t care about my story, but let me finish.”

“If you know I don’t care, why do you continue?”

I don’t care if Miry raped people too. I want to know how to stop that from happening to me again.

“When you’re hungry, you eat, right? Our necessities impulse us. What do you think rapists don’t have and search for?”

“Sexual pleasure?”

“Maybe. But that’s not the main issue they’re lacking. Think for a bit like a rapist. What did I get when I took out their penises and put them in my vagina while they showed a desperate face?”

I don’t know. Pleasure?

“An orgasm?”

Miry sighs. Even though she’s blind, I can perceive how disappointed she is; I feel her stare, telling me she gave up on me.

“Well, both of us will die here anyway, so I’ll tell you. Power. Power like no other. The sensation of ruling a town with people is nothing compared to the feeling of owning an entire town of slaves. Just a few years back, I could masturbate while remembering how I raped them and sleep peacefully. And why do we seek that type of power? Because we have nothing.”

“Do you mean you feel empty?”

“Like a bottomless hole that is never satisfied. Well, back then. They forgave me to put me here. Most people with abilities became insane after seeing the past of the prisoners. It was the worst, and I understood that the pain that drove me to commit those crimes was nothing. They made me blind, and I lost all sensations in my vagina. I felt rejected to a degree that I thought I had to do my best in my work or they’ll kill me. And I still can feel how much the Overseer wants me dead.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“Because you’re blind too, even if your eyes work.”

Well, it’s true I prefer to stay in my mind than see reality.

“But that power is fake. As you can see, I’m here after losing everything. The world will maintain balance, and I inclined my side too much, so to compensate, I have nothing left now. It’s a treacherous debt that promises happiness but only takes more from you.”

“I have no plans to rape anyone.”

Miry slaps her tight in frustration.

“This isn’t only about rape! You mustn't succumb to that fake power! It has many faces, money, knowledge, abilities! Uzziye, I care about you. I was so happy to meet a person who is willing to accept people like me; that’s why I would hate it if you became like us.”