One of the hardest things to do on our path to be free is to forgive ourselves for the things we do in our ignorance. I did one of the worst things anyone can do because I was scared; I used my instincts instead of reason. I betrayed my savior, my best friend, the person I love the most in the world. I hated myself so much; I punished myself in the worst way I could think of. The only reason I survived was ‘cause I considered death the easy way out, and I didn’t deserve it.

It’s still a painful memory, but I don’t torture myself with it anymore, drowning in self-blame and wishing for my destruction. Although I received help and she forgave me, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Hating yourself is meaningless and a waste of time. You won’t achieve anything that way. And even worse, you’ll help the suffering continue to spread and grow stronger.

If you can forgive yourself, you’ll break free of the chains of suffering. One step forward to being free. I was willing to do anything to undo what I did, to die back then. But that’s impossible; what’s created, created is. Then I could do two things. Think about why, for what, how, when, what, and so on; I did it. Or let the negative emotions take over to the point I had to hide that memory in my subconscious to survive.

But even if you take the second option, like me, you can take the first one anytime. I know how terrible it is to look at yourself in the light of truth. We’re monsters, creatures of abhorrence, grotesque forms, but that doesn’t make us deserve all the wrong things in the world. You won’t like at all what the truth reflects, but keep pushing; that monster is someone who needs understanding, love, and to learn. If you give that monster the knowledge to see reality, the understanding to know why reality is like that, and love to show him he can become a beautiful creature, then it’ll transform into a beautiful being.

And if one can do it, all the others can. Now it’s a matter if they want to; if they have the courage to do it. So I ask of you, please, even if you encounter the worst monster imaginable in human clothing, forgive them. Please avoid hating them and try to understand them if you can. And even if you can’t, remember you’re making suffering, hate, pain, and so on grow when you try to destroy them.

–Uzziye Bakker’s Memories

They say that humans are the dominant species ‘cause we are smarter. I just don’t see how that’s true.

I mean. The guards know the Overseer himself takes me to see a woman with special powers to explore my past. Once Miry touches me and looks into the past, they’ll be condemned and executed. So why do they threaten me? Why do they continue? Why are they deaf to my warnings? I just want to save them, so why don't they listen?!

It’s clear I’m not understanding something. No matter how handsome someone is; or how skilled they’re at sex, I wouldn’t do it if it’s a risk to my life. Even if death isn’t the punishment, I can’t understand why anyone would risk their freedom like that.

I know how alluring I am. But after being raped by the guards, I no longer think it can’t be helped, ‘cause it can. I don’t make people stupider, nor deaf. Before, I was a lonely girl, too hot for her own good, surrounded by hunters who enjoyed devouring girls like me. It was inevitable for them to act like that when they saw a super attractive girl. However, that isn’t the case here. And maybe it never was.

Can you tell me how I can make them listen to me and stop? They won’t listen no matter what. Even though they’re lucky enough that two days have passed and I haven’t seen Miry, how can they let such an incredible opportunity to escape pass?

Now that it has come to this, I don’t feel like I’m killing them.

I don’t want to admit it, but what if the Overseer is right?

It makes me wonder if they want to die. Maybe they do? I don’t know how much time has passed, but I can see myself hating this place to the point that I kill myself after enjoying some pleasure. Is that the case?

The Overseer enters, interrupting my thoughts. He’s walking towards the cage, carrying some papers, when he frowns. He looks around and sniffs. Then he orders them to open the door.

Did he notice?

When he sniffs me, I look away. I don’t want him to hit me for killing his guards. He’s so stubborn, I don’t think he’ll believe I tried to stop them.

He breathes in and out one last time, fixing his posture.

“It seems you aren’t a monster, just a cursed human.”

“…”

“Follow me.”

The Overseer drags me to his side, making me walk side by side with him. The guards approach to chain me, but he stops them. When they insist, the Overseer stares at them with such intensity it makes me feel safe.