“What did you say?”

My tone gets threatening. I don’t like how Miry called me a coward.

“With how easy you throw your life, I think it’s better if you never have kids.”

“…”

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll excuse myself.”

Miry touches the wall to guide herself towards the door. I stare at her while biting my lower lip.

The people back in town have always been hypocrites. There was no reason to listen to them. But Miry said something I can’t deny. How can I survive in this world with a child if I keep forgetting things and choosing suicide?

I wouldn’t want a mother like me, so how do I expect my kid to want me and trust me? There’s no way it’ll happen.

My kid could even be waiting for me, but he won’t be born if I die! Not only I’ll be killing myself, but I’ll be denying my kid’s chance to live.

“Wait!”

I’m trembling and feel a void in my chest. My breathing is erratic, and sweat runs down my forehead.

“Will you do it?”

“I’m scared.”

I close my eyes to concentrate on my breathing and relax when I feel Miry’s hand.

“I’ll be here with you all the time. I’ll see what you experienced, so I’ll understand you better than anyone. It’s okay to be afraid, the past is already over, and you’re safe now. I’ll do my best so this doesn’t become another traumatic experience.”

For my kid.

“Do it.”

“Keep your eyes closed. You’ll see flashes of your broken memory, but remember you’re here with me; concentrate on my touch.”

“Okay.”

I don’t know what she’s doing, but it feels like she’s waving threads in my brain. It’s like when you forget someone’s name or something and then remember it. But I still don’t remember, though it feels as if I did.

I open one eye to see what Miry is doing. She has her eyes closed, moving them in all directions. It’s-

Kids. Screams. Blood. Monsters. Village. Sacrifice. Monsters. Torture. Slaughter. Cuts. Oblivion. Rescue.

Tears run down my cheeks. I remember. Now I understand why I want to forget.

“Uzziye.”

“Uzziye!”

Miry.

“Can you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll finish here. Rest and focus on your happy memories.”

Happy memories? My best memories are the times I played with the kids back in town. But after remembering her death…

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Miry’s words make me notice the guards are approaching me. They release me, however I can’t stand and fall to the ground.

“What happened?”

Miry stares my way, but I can’t talk.

“She’s weak.”

“Give her a bath and take her to sleep. She’ll recover after that.”

Miry goes out first, accompanied by a guard. She takes another route. The guards are gentle enough to carry me, though they still chained me.

My hands are trembling. I just want to sleep and forget. It’s, it’s my fault that Rose died. I remember what my mind erased. After leaving town, I rescued a girl only to abandon her and let her die. Then I became a sacrifice, though my punishment was to live.

If such a memory is getting in the way to know how monsters are born, then I don’t want to continue. Just how terrible is my memory of monsters being born that layers are blocking it?

I’d like to say that dying is the solution but… After letting Rose die ‘cause I was scared…

If I don’t let them discover how monsters are born, and we lose the fight against them, I’ll become the murderer of tens of thousands. All ‘cause I’m scared.

Just imagining it makes me feel a chill run down my spine.

I’m still too weak to stand, so I sit on the ground while the guards secure the chains to the floor. Except for one of them, they clean my body professionally. They don’t play around with my body and clean it seriously. I find it strange, though this time I was more comfortable thanks to that man. He caressed my pussy a few times, moving his finger around my slit.

When people don’t desire my body, I become restless. If they don’t like me, then it won’t take long before they hit me for no reason.

My adoptive father was different, though. He never desired my body and didn’t hit me without reason. When he did, it was ‘cause training, or I was causing trouble. I gave him lots of trouble each time I had sex with a married man. But I was happy that he understood how much I hate pain and only slapped me a few times. Not like the people I had sex with. My adoptive father beat them into a pulp.

If my adoptive father was here, then I wouldn’t fear these people getting angry at me.

Are these happy memories? I don’t know. But it was a peaceful time in my life. Mm? So before meeting my adoptive father, my life wasn’t peaceful? That’s right.

The guards take me back to the cage. I lie down on the bed and close my eyes.

It’s strange. The more I think about it, the more lost I am. I have no happy memories between my parents’ death and meeting my adoptive father. By that, I mean that all my memories are awful. So what could be so much worse than being captured by a bunch of people who had sex with me all the time until my body gave up and they threw me like trash? I remember how adventurers were dismembered in front of my eyes by hideous monsters, so I don’t think my memories are blocked ‘cause of the blood.

Don’t tell me I killed someone?!