Chapter 3: Great Tescape Apedestrian V

From my ear, the feeling of being touched spread. It wasn’t really a touch in the sense of a grope, but rather, it was more of a getting ‘wrapped by a blanket’ kind of feel.

All of a sudden, I felt pins and needles across my body.

Didn’t really hurt too terribly much though, even without pain reduction.

After a second, it vanished and was replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling.

「Pain signals no longer detected. Pain reduction protocol exiting.」

The borderline numb feeling I get with pain reduction on, vanished.

With a new sense of curiosity, I opened my eyes fully. A teenaged boy looked down at me threateningly.

He said something in the doohickey language everyone else was using.

“Huh?” I asked apathetically.

He instantly slapped me across the face and said it again, louder.

Not understanding, I copied him by slapping him and repeating his words rather badly.

Some of the others in the room began to snicker.

He began to yell furiously and beat me. I didn’t bother blocking any of his attacks. They were kinda pathetic, to be perfectly honest.

I monotonously chanted his words back to him, but that just seemed to make him even angrier.

He wrapped his hands around my neck and started to choke.

I made a choking noise and his face seemed to light up instantly. He wants me to make choking noises, obviously. How could I have missed such a thing?

Immediately, I began to make extremely loud, exaggerated choking noises.

Just then, Mullet man and the burly guy walked in again.

Immediately, the teenager let go and backed off.

Not yet had my fill, I decided to antagonize him a bit further.

I made a show of trying to gasp in air, but failing before letting out all the air in my lungs and lying still.

Maybe if I play my cards right, I can escape!

Aipers, run the Possum macro!

「Decreasing brain activity to 10% and disabling all skeletal - muscle systems. Dropping heart rate to 6 beats/minute. Activating manual control on diaphragm, one breath/minute.」

In my Possum macro, decreasing brain activity to 10% didn’t physically mean use only 10% of the brain, but rather, run the brain at a 10x lower tickrate, or fps if you will.

Through my eyes, I saw the world as a time lapse while Aipers maintained careful and precise control over my vitals.

Basically, the teenager got the shit beaten out of him quite literally and the room went into a panic.

Various glowing occurred. I was left on a table somewhere. As soon as I was sure that I was alone, I resuscitated my oxygen-starved body.

End Possum macro.

「Returning bodily settings to normal.」

Sadly, I couldn’t move immediately after using the Possum macro. I breathed extremely quickly and manually raised my heartbeat to 220 beats per minute to restore power to my limbs as soon as possible.

Within a full minute, I was back to normal. Unfortunately for me, Mullet man had just turned the corner and saw me get up.

Obviously, I made a run for it. Unfortunately, Mullet Man seemed to have predicted what was about to happen. Cuz he instantly raised the alarm.

I tried to move quickly, but a wave of bodies forged from pure oppression tried to stop me and I had to resort to juking tactics to escape the flood of pursuers.

With the strength of two midgets and the screech of almost one Neal, I managed to escape the net of people.

I sprinted harder than I had ever sprinted in my life and made an all-out effort to get outside. Bad news for me though, was that I was using a tiny body. Yeah, because every jail breaker dreams of having one… Until they have one.

Mullet Man was yelling again.

I could already hear footsteps all around me raping the floor with their incessant pounding as fat and burly men alike flooded the halls.

Using my microchip enhanced ears; my AI co-processors could work out exactly where each of my pursuers was located.

I ducked around corners, hid in rooms, and hung on rafters in order to make my way to the side staircase.

A man was at the staircase, but that couldn’t stop me. In a burst of strength, I leapt over a railing and slid down the handrail.

The man bellowed out something.

Once I made it to the ground floor, I headed in the opposite direction of the front entrance and went back up to the second floor via the laundry chute.

With my location unknown, I was able to make it to a supply closet for a razor, a rope, a hammer, and a lead doorstop undetected.

I cut a hole in the upper seam of my shirt, broke off the handle and hid the razorblade there. I might need it for lock picking or stabbing or something.

Working with extremely limited time, I tied the hammer to the rope and headed to the central staircase. Once I got there, I found myself overlooking half a dozen security personnel and an extremely angry Mullet Man.

I took the doorstop and threw it at the window to the right of the door.

As the doorstop hit the window, it broke through and created a spider web of cracks.

I picked up my makeshift grappling hook and whirled it around expertly before sending it flying at the chandelier, where it wrapped around one of the arms satisfactorily.

I grabbed the rope and jumped, whooping like an Indian in old last century film.

The security agency tried to intercept me. But it was too late!

With a maniacal, high pitched screech of a laugh, I smashed my way through the already weakened window.

Sadly, I found myself ambushed by another half a dozen security agency members waiting outside that tackled me and held me down.

Mullet Man slowly approached me, amidst two dozen onlookers.

Mullet Man was clapping very slowly. With every step he took, I could sense my impending doom draw closer.

I thrashed about wildly, drawing upon the legendary strength of three midgets, but alas, all was for naught.

With no path of escape remaining, I let out a screech of despair before falling silent, defeated by the flesh heap of bodies that surrounded me.

The Mullet man exclaimed some stuff happily.

They put me in heavy security this time.

Long story short, I was completely tied up and thrown in a small, padded room with a single barred window. My legs were connected to a massive iron ball. It looked pretty heavy.

The stupid little shits forgot to search me though.

I sat still and bided my time.

Three hours after I was so rudely not given dinner, when all through the Slave House, no one was stirring, not even a mouse; I pulled the razor blade hidden in the upper seam of my shirt with my teeth and began sawing at the ropes at my hands.

Two hours later, my hands were free.

Ten minutes after that, my legs were free.

The door to my room wasn’t even locked, stupid animals.

With a confident stride, I stepped forward… right into a net that suspended me five feet in the air.

Sighing in annoyance, I took my razor and started cutting.

Another hour later, I was free once more.

Now wary of traps, I progressed slowly. There were many traps, almost all of which I would not have been able to detect without Aipers.

Some undisclosed amount of time later, I found myself standing in front of the door.

I found it extremely dubious that I hadn’t encountered even a single guard the entire time.

They were probably all waiting somewhere in a stupid ambush.

All of a sudden, something tickled my ear; a sound at the corner of my hearing ability.

Unfortunately, there was too much background noise to clearly distinguish it.

Useless Chickenlord.

Should have told me those berries were dangerous. Fuck his mother.

The sound tickled my ear again, but I couldn’t really determine what it was. The sound of my heartbeat drowned it out.

Anyways, fuck the door. The door’s probably an ambush.

I picked up a bench with all my might, and carried it to the side of the building where I threw it through a window.

I nodded at my handiwork, stepped through the broken glass and onto the gravel. My feet bled a bit, but that didn’t matter.

Once again, something unanticipated happened. My entire body suddenly froze up like I was hit by a Taser. My mind went completely blank for a second before Aipers initiated the Pain Reduction Protocol.

Shakily, I got up and advanced.

Then the thought struck me. Why not use Aipers Autopilot?

I had been so mentally disabled from the jolt that the thought hadn’t even come across my mind.

Initiate autopilot. Use current objectives: escape from the slave house, increase distance.

Like my body had a will of its own, I began moving. Not quickly, but it was moving.

Maybe it would be more accurate to describe it as hobbling, really. Even with Aiper’s control, my muscles wouldn’t obey.

With a massive surge of willpower, I imagined myself wearing a swagging pro ‘Obey’ cap.

My hobbling speed increased a bit.

Unfortunately, all my input facilities were thoroughly messed up at this point.

I couldn’t see shit. I couldn’t hear shit. I could feel myself burning. I could taste fire. I probably smelled like shit.

At some point in time, I realized I was on the ground. Based on my last known location and heading, I began rolling towards freedom.

It’s the above ground railroad.

Choo choo! All aboard the freedom hype train! Chugga chugga chugga~~~

With enough effort, anything’s possible!

---------

Sometime later, I woke up in a straitjacket.

I quickly found that all my limbs had been secured by a secondary mechanism and I was gagged. My body had been completely immobilized.

I guess that means no more razor blade.

In fact, I couldn’t even twist my head.

Isn’t this a tiny bit overkill?

To be quite honest, escaping a straitjacket is actually quite easy. Not so much if you can’t move your… anything.

Ha! Bet! I’ll find a way!

A few minutes later, my suspicions were confirmed. I couldn’t move anything. They even weighed down my dick with a sandbag.

Since it was like, dangling, it wasn’t as if it was squished or anything. I just couldn’t move it if I wanted to.

You know what? I’ve always had that list of YouTube videos that I want to watch, but never had time to.

I’d never thought that I’d be in the equivalent of ‘solitary confinement’ before I had a chance to watch them.

Set objective, escape if possible.

「Objective set.」

Aipers, dedicate remaining computational resources to deciphering their hillbilly speak. Learning how to speak a word of their language should be prioritized three times that of learning how to write it.

「Task set.」

Run autopilot to maintain basic needs.

「Task set.」

Inform me if stuff in ‘important,’ ‘’bad,’ happens, as well as if learning the language succeeds in creating a dictionary of 3000 words. Notify me of any Level 3+ developments and resync me to brain if any Level 5+ developments occur.

「Level 5 is a blank set, continue? 」

You know what, Aipers? I don’t care. There are 100 000 hours of videos to watch.

「Then without further ado, I present to you, the very first video of the series...」

----------------- (POV Switch: Aipers Autopilot) (AN: Will only switch POVs between Steele and Aipers on rare occasions. Comment if it sux0rz)

Days passed in my insane asylum. Sometimes I got food, other times I didn’t.

There was probably some kind of pattern, but I didn’t care.

One day, I woke up in a new room.

This room was huge, shiny metal things were covering racks all along the walls.

Of a random sample of ten objects, I found four weapons and six ‘tools.’

A man approached me with a woman behind him and he said something.

Audio samples were sent back to coprocessors for analysis, context attached.

The albino male picked up a whip.

He began performing complex hand gestures and he started to yell. I’ve never seen a monkey do that before.

I yawned and initiated a sleep cycle. Zoos aren’t that fun anyways.

Watching bored animals isn’t exactly my idea of fun.

Pain receptors went off, signaling some kind of attack.

Pain has reached a critical level. Performing audit on body status.

I looked down. There were some red welts around my legs and stomach.

Conclusion: no serious damage taken.

I lay down again and stared at the ceiling with a bored expression.

Is this guy going to leave soon?

I was picked up and forcibly put on my feet.

I think he wanted me to stand up…

He said something again.

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked, annoyed.

Doubt that he’ll understand me. I hope he figures out that I can’t understand him either.

Realization dawned on his face and he shook his head in disgust.

He grumbled something at the female behind him and they both left.

A few minutes later, Mullet man, the albino male and the female walked in.

Mullet man face palmed, and they all acted like disappointed parents discussing grades.

Immediately, I fired off a level one alert. It might just bounce off Steele’s filters, but AiperCore threads will definitely take notice.

「Level 1 alert: An unexpected situation may occur.」

The lady walked up to me and fiddled her fingers around at my neck.

Obviously, it made me slightly cautious since I had never seen someone do this before.

A few seconds later, she pulled out a collar from my neck.

Huh? Where’d she get that?

Must be one of those ‘quarter from behind the ear’ tricks.

She took me by my hand and led me out to the front entrance of the Slave House.

Then, with a light shove, I was outside and the door was slammed behind me.

Huh?

I took a few steps forward and didn’t get electrocuted.

「Level 6 Alert: Escape successful.」

-------------------- (POV Switch: Steele)

After finishing the documentary on medieval Europe, I reassumed control from the Autopilot.

With not much to do, I began wandering around seeing the sights, living the life.

I seemed to draw quite a few hostile stares from walking around.

Near the middle of the city, I happened to stumble upon a massive building which had a steady flow of people moving in and out.

I walked in, curious.

As soon as I stepped through the door, I realized it was a library.

One huge ass library.

How is this possible? From what I’ve seen, this city isn’t too terribly big. At most, it has ten thousand people.

A small city of this size in this time period should definitely not have a library.

I walked to the closest bookshelf and pulled a book off.

After opening it, I found to my horror that the language was completely comprised of logograms.

I still remember my excursions to the East when Project: Aipers was still in development.

My thought was that anyone without photographic memory would want to kill themselves when learning those glyphs.

Now thinking back, the locals probably felt the same way about English.

But now, I do have a photographic memory equivalent!

Where would be a good place to start? Picture books or encyclopedias would be splendid.

Well, I’m not getting any younger just standing here!

I scanned the bookshelves around me, but all I saw were fat tomes about who knows what.

Create a search path; we’ve got a language to learn!

About half an hour later, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that there were no picture books.

Damn, maybe I should come back when I can speak the language…