NOTTIVAGO:

A person who wonders at night; night-roamer

S H I R A ' S P O V:

I love you, Shira Lamoreaux. Those first three words stung me with happiness. Valerius De Santis loves me? My eyes swelled with tears of happiness and the adrenaline that flowed throughout my body increased.

"I love you so much, Shira," Valerius said wiping a tear that he could see even though the rain washed over my tingling face. "Y-you l-love me?" Sobbing the question, Valerius held me close to him. "Yes, amore, ti amo tanto." But as always something has to ruin the perfect moment.

My heart kept beating at the overwhelming feeling. Yet as much as I wanted to say the words I love you, they couldn't come out.

My subconscious mocked me and the audible thoughts of the same words repeated in my head. You're infertile. You can't be a mother. Valerius doesn't deserve you. Valerius will think of you as nothing much of a useless human. I closed my eyes hard, thinking it would block it away, but the echoes seemed to have penetrated deep down.

Trying so hard not to ruin everything, I fisted my hands, my nails piercing into my skin causing the river of blood to flow through my palm lines. "No, no, no"

Valerius looked down at me, confused. "No, you don't love me, Valerius, y-you...you," I stammered, running my fingers through my hair. "You can't love me Val, you can't, I-I'm not worth it." I sobbed, not meeting his eyes.

"Shira, what are you saying, you ar-" Before Valerius could continue, I interrupted him.

"No! No I am not worth it! I-I'm useless." My subconscious possessed me whilst the Shira that was trapped inside, cried and begged to be freed. Valerius pulled me close to him, "Stop it, Shira, why are you saying this?" Valerius kept pulling me close to him but I kept pushing him away.

"V-Val you don't understand! You can't love me! I don't deserve it!" I felt an intense feeling of pain as I scratched my exposed arms. "Amore, talk to me, please tell me what's wrong? You know I hate seeing you cry." Valerius searched for my eyes that had been avoiding his ones.

The truth was I couldn't look at him in the eye without feeling disgusted and disappointed in myself.

"I-I'm not your amore nor am I your tigre or whatever. I'm a fucking useless woman that's not capable of being a mother! Hell, I shouldn't be called a woman, I'm a nuisance." Tears that were meant to be delicate, now burned the skin on my cheeks and my body trembled. Valerius pulled me into his embrace, stroking my hair, calming me down.

"Is this the reason why you are pushing me away?" Valerius questioned in a soothing manner, nodding, my body began to relax as each stroke calmed the adrenaline that rushed through me.

"Shira, let's go in the car," I nodded and walked with my head still buried in his chest and one of my hands fisting his shirt. Valerius opened the back door and we both got in, the only sound heard was the rain hitting against the car and the sniffles from me but other than that it was silent. "Shira, look at me," I didn't want to; I didn't know how to face him.

Valerius hoisted me up and placed me on his lap. My head was low but Valerius lifted my chin up so I could meet his melancholy prussian blue. "Shira, amore," I opened my mouth to speak but Valerius placed his index finger over my lips, shutting me up. "You're not allowed to speak unless I say so, Understood?" I nodded. "Not after what you have been calling yourself."

"I confess my love to you, just for you to shame yourself. You thought by saying you're infertile I would leave you or not love you anymore. Wrong. Being infertile doesn't make me love you any less. I love you for your personality and how fucking amazing you are." He said, wiping the drying tears off of my cheeks.

"In your eyes, you call yourself a 'nuisance' but in my eyes, I see a beautiful strong woman that is selfless and loving, that can make me feel something that I haven't felt in a long time. Why does this hinder you from being with me? There are many ways you can be a mother and you never know a miracle can happen." Valerius pulled his head forwards, making our foreheads touch. "Please don't call yourself those things, ever again!" Valerius ordered, I nodded and sniffled.

For the first time, it felt the walls of my subconscious were wearing out by Valerius's words.

"Pinky promise?" I looked up to see Valerius sticking out his pinky and I let out a small laugh that was mixed in with a small cough. "It's Sienna, she makes me do this." He said, rolling his eyes. "Pinky promise." I laughed shyly, hooking my pinky with his.

"By the way for the miracle to happen, we still need to do the baby-making process and from what I know of, you have got the right man, I heard he's an expert." Valerius winked, kissing my lips. "I love you, Shira, and I want you to be here with you every step of the way."

Smiling, I realised that I was so lucky to have found a man like Valerius . I buried my head in his neck, inhaling his cologne, the strong sense of his oud, steadied my breathing and relaxed my restless adrenaline.

At that moment, I decided to say the words that I know he wanted to hear, the same words that instantly made me fall for him even harder than I did before. "Valerius..." I mumbled into his neck. "Mm, amore." Valerius groaned, making me bite my lip.

"I love you, mon amour ." I lifted my head to look at a surprised Valerius. "Je t'aime aussi." Valerius whispered, cupping my face and gently pulled me into a kiss, a kiss that secured our love for each other.

Hey, my lovelies, hope u enjoyed this chapter and if you did let me know your thoughts. Have a wonderful morning or good night sleep

Do you have a theme this year for Christmas?

Not this year for me :/

Rose xx