《Dear Heart... Why Me?》Chapter 9

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Waking up, I felt rested and so what better. I still felt my anxiety come back on facing her. I cannot afford to stay another day absent. Although I did not want to encounter her, but as they say life goes on and does not wait on anyone.

Avoiding her as best as possible was the only available answer. I honestly wish we met at different circumstances. Maybe a chance for me to be finally happy you know, but pathetic right.

A cup of coffee was all I needed now. Staring outside the window as rain roll down the windows, watching as students hurry for the school bus. I love rain, it brought a sense of calmness to me. Dressing as warm as possible, deciding on walking to school. I know I could get sick but I needed it I really did.

I needed more time to think. I know what I had to do, but id wasn't going to be easy.

Taking my umbrella as I left my house. I don't know what today will and I dont want to know. You know why, since I started school nothing good has happen. So why should I be positive. So many bad memories had been imprinted to be in my mind that everything I think will always have a negative impact.

It may sound depressing and sappy but happiness is not made for me. And that's not okay, okay! Im a freaking teenager and I have to go through so much bullshit and it fucking sucks.

I don't even know what to think or what to even do anymore. This is the reason I hurt myself. It helps me feel numb. It stop the pain. I feel less pain than more pain. But Im really trying to stop hurting myself.

Finally making it to school, just as the bell rings. I don't even know what class I am suppose to be in right now. Guess I'll just skip it in the bathroom, but then again if I go to the bathroom I know that cutting myself would acquire you know.

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So I guess going to the library would suffice. Reading is one of my favourite activities.

A book can portray so many emotions. Sadness, happiness, worry, and so much more. It gives me a sense of peace or sadness of the different emotions of the characters throughout the story.

I could read books all day if I could. At times it helped me whenever I wanted to self-harm but it became such an addiction that I gave in. A distraction like television or laptop never also helped much, much to my disappointment.

I guess it became I sense of feeling nothing and that's why cutting myself became a solution to me. And I know it should not be an excuse , but when you have no one, you don't really have a purpose to stop doing certain things. There is no one that will need you or even miss you.

At times you can even relate to what is happening to character and can give you a way on how they deal with situations.

Entering the library and of course it was empty as expected. The librarian was fast asleep at the desk with her head in the table. I decided to sit were the sunlight reflect. Choosing a far away table and took a book about romance, not my favourite genre but the title looked interesting.

I was so invested in reading the book that I did not notice a shadow fall upon me. Feeling the heat of the sunlight disappear, I looked up and of course it is ......

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