Chapter 28

~Riley’s POV~

“Watch your step.” Nathan warned just as I was about to smash my foot against a protruding tree root. I paused briefly then stepped over the thing, quickening my pace so that I was once again walking directly behind him.

He didn’t seem like he was in a particularly good mood and even though you could never really tell with Nate, I had a feeling I was right this time. The way he and John had walked through the door looking more pissed off than I could ever remember either of them being had had me sweating bullets and this little ‘walk’ Nate had planned wasn’t helping the situation.

“Nate?” I called uncertainly.

“Hmm?” he seemed to be deep in thought.

“Where are we going?” he glanced back briefly then continued on his way.

“We’re just walking.”

I bit my lip, looking around me at the thick trees, then up at the blue sky above us. It seemed so peaceful out here with the chirping birds and the natural scent of the woodland, opposing the apprehension roiling within me.

“Why do you look so worried?”

I tore my eyes from the sky and glanced back at Nate who had finally stopped not too far ahead. He was looking at me with those piercing intelligent eyes, his expression unreadable.

“Do I?” I replied with a nervous chuckle and his eyes narrowed.

They’d finally learned the truth.

I could see it in just the way he looked at me and I swallowed hard, frozen in that very spot as I watched Nathan watch me. I’d worried it would come to this the moment they’d made plans to go see my mother and of course she wouldn’t have kept it to herself, she’d tell anyone who would listen how her deranged little boy killed his own father.

I looked away from Nate, my heart hammering. He had probably already decided I was guilty, even after all this and I didn’t think I was up to the task of convincing him otherwise, I’d spent most of my time in prison trying to do just that.

I lowered myself to the ground then, sitting with my back to a massive tree trunk, waiting for the accusations to fly.

He didn’t say anything right away, instead he watched me and waited and I watched him and I waited.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” he finally broke the silence and I shook my head slowly.

“John and I had a conversation with your mother today and we learned something interesting while we were there.” He’d moved so that he was standing across from me.

I picked up a twig from the forest floor and snapped it in half, then I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do and whatever words I’d planned on letting out had lodged firmly into my throat.

“Riley we can’t help you if you lie to us and if this is the way it’s going to be from now on then we might as well give ourselves up now.”

I snapped the twig again and again and again until he reached over and pulled the pieces from my hands and then I had no choice but to look up at him.

I took a deep breath, fixing my gaze on his nose because I couldn’t meet his eyes. “What exactly did she tell you?” my voice was a little over a whisper.

Nate frowned, “Tell me what you’re hiding.” His voice was firm and his tone brooked no argument

“I didn’t kill anyone.” I said pitifully.

“I didn’t ask you that.”

“What’s the point if you all think I’m guilty anyway? It isn’t even a big de-”

“Stop fucking around and tell me what I need to know, you think it’s just your life hanging in the balance here? This is serious Riley.”

He was angry now.

“I swear it’s not even a big deal Nate…” I took a deep breath. “My name isn’t Parker, it’s Menza, Riley Menza, Parker is my mom’s maiden name.”

I stole a glance at his face to see him watching me like a hawk.

“…I didn’t want to share the same name with him, he…the man who was killed is my father and I hate him.”

It sounded childish even to my own ears and maybe even a little bit heartless but he’d asked for the truth.

He crouched to the ground so that we were on the same level.

“Because he abused your mother.” It was a statement not a question and I was surprised by the strange understanding in his voice.

“He abused us both. He was vicious and a drunk. He did drugs and he treated us like shit but no matter how bad it got she always took him back, it’s like she didn’t even give a damn if he ended up killing us, she loved him too much and I hate him for it, for everything, but I didn’t kill him.” I spat the last words, my disgust most definitely showing on my face.

I shook my head at Nate’s expression because despite how understanding he looked in that moment, he didn’t really understand, no one would understand what we went through when that man was alive and no one would understand how I could be so happy that he was gone out of our lives forever, so I told him as much.

“Then help me understand what you went through, tell me about him.” he prodded.

“No.” my words were dripping with finality but he didn’t take the hint.

“Riley-”

“No, don’t you understand Nate? This is the reason I changed my name in the first place; to get away from him, to get away from the memories, I don’t want to tell people about him, I don’t want people to know what I went through, I just want to forget!”

He was calm in the face of my rage.

“Changing your name won’t make you forget Riley, you’ll never really forget you just learn to get past it and holding it inside won’t help you to move on.”

“This coming from the emotional recluse.”

Then I realized I was being an asshole “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Despite all that, you don’t keep secrets from us when we’re here trying to solve your case. It doesn’t matter how trivial you think something is, any and every little fact can affect the outcome of this case, do you understand that?”

I nodded.

“After a while I wanted to tell you guys but I thought it would make me look guilty if I said anything after all this time.

“Yeah and look where that got you.” Nate commented drily. “John’s back at the cabin, convinced you’ve been playing around with us this whole time. Now you need to go tell both him and Kyle the truth; they deserve your honesty.”

I nodded again.

He stood and stretched out a hand to help me to my feet which I took graciously, then still holding my fingers he spoke again, looking deep into my eyes as if wanted to discover the secrets hidden within my very soul.

“Is there anything else you’re keeping from me? Tell me now because if we discover something else down the line that doesn’t add up that’s it; we’re done trying to solve this.”

I shook my head. “No nothing I swear.” I promised and finally there was nothing more I had to hide, he knew everything.

I felt emotionally drained.

…………………………………………………….

We headed back to the cabin almost immediately following our little talk and I felt shittier than a dog covered in his own mess. Mostly I worried about what Kyle would say and whether he’d believe I was innocent after this pointless lie, because even though I’d done it to keep the memories of my father at bay, when I looked at it from Nate’s perspective it really had been pointless and it only made me look guilty as sin.

I followed closely behind Nathan as we made our way back, my eyes fixed on the back of his head. His reaction out there had surprised me. I never expected his easy understanding after having lied to his face for weeks.

I found myself thinking of those first few months with him and how angry he’d been at the world, that Nathan would have throttled me out there and I found myself wondering what had changed in him to make him suddenly so calm…so accepting.

I didn’t get much time to think on that because a few more steps brought us up to the back porch and I paused, taking a breath to calm my nerves.

“There’s no way John’s going to believe me.” I told Nate who had stopped by the door to wait for me.

“That’s on you.” He said simply, as always never one to mince words.

I pushed past him and entered the cabin, passed through the kitchen where I came to a stop at the entrance of the ‘family room’. Nate stopped not far behind me, leaning onto a nearby wall with his arms crossed and we both paused watching the scene playing out before us.

Neither Kyle nor John had noticed our presence and I didn’t alert them to it as I tried to figure out the best way to go about apologizing for keeping secrets from two people who had only ever wanted to help me.

They both sat on the largest couch in the space, John at one end and Kyle sitting on the chair arm beside him. In one hand John held a piece of wood and in the other a small pocket knife. He was whittling away at the piece of wood with Kyle watching keenly.

“Aren’t you going to cut this piece off?” Kyle asked, touching the wood with his index finger. John’s hand froze just in time to prevent the blade from slicing into Kyle’s skin and I watched as John looked up at him in annoyance.

“You want to keep that finger?”

Kyle pulled his hand away and to my surprise he blushed, smiling sheepishly at John who had resumed peeling away at the wood.

I glanced back at Nate who was watching them with a strange expression. The coward’s way out would be to beg him to explain it all to them, to get him to make them see that what I did was harmless and in no way had I intended to deceive them, but after everything we’d all been through simply to lend a hand to my cause, they deserved to hear it from me.

As I stood there, biting my lip and trying to figure out the best way to break the news I fought hard to keep thoughts of the man I’d been convicted of murdering at bay, but with just the thought of having to tell another soul that we had shared the same blood, the memories came rushing back, threatening to impale me with their viciousness.

After my parents had separated and I’d finally been old enough to legally change my name, I’d honestly hoped that it would be the end of all my hurt, that I could simply lock away that part of me and become a whole new person, but again and again I’d been forced to tell the tale of a man who had meant less to me than a sperm donor. First with the police, my lawyer, then at trial, with Nathan and now I’d be made to let it all out again and it hurt every time.

“You’re giving it to me?” I turned back to the men in time to see John hand over the finished object to Kyle, who held it with a sense of reverence, as if it was the most precious thing he’d ever received.

“Don’t really have much else to do with it.” John shrugged then deposited the knife onto the coffee table before him and moving the brush away the wood shavings. When he turned to pick up the couch pillow that had fallen to the floor he spotted me and froze, straightened up and folded his hands before his chest.

Then his eyes locked with mine and his narrowed. My mouth went dry.

“Oh hey guys.” Kyle greeted with a grin as soon as he spotted us. I tried to offer him a small smile but the negative energy emanating from John had me stuffing my hands into my pockets and biting my lip.

“Before I start I just wanna say I didn’t kill him, I’m innocent. I never lied about that.” I began defensively and while John’s expression didn’t change, Kyle stared at me in confusion.

“What’s going on?”

“He lied to us, the man he was convicted of murdering is his own father. The only reason we didn’t pick up on it before is because he changed his name.”

Kyle looked between me and John then back at me, his eyes wide.

“Fuck Riley why didn’t you say something? Wow this is…wow.” He didn’t seem angry yet, just shocked, John carried off the anger well enough for both of them.

I looked to Nate but he offered no help as he continued to watch us all, so I turned back to the two, determined to get it all out.

“Yeah I know I’m sorry I kept it from you guys, I swear I didn’t think it was important to the case I just…after everything with him…my dad I needed…” I couldn’t get the words out right and I found myself becoming frustrated.

Kyle pocketed his piece of wood John had carved up for him and dropped back onto the couch, this time facing me.

“Well… I guess if I had a jackass for a dad who beat up my mom I’d wanna change my name too...but jeez to keep all that to yourself this whole time, that couldn’t have been easy…wow your dad.” Kyle was speaking the words quietly almost as if to himself and I watched in surprise as he seemed to think everything over, shaking his head ever so often until he was finally staring at me with a concerned frown.

“I don’t understand, how did you know…I thought you’d be mad…”

“You told me the guy used to beat up your mom...then you went and changed your last name, it’s not really hard to put two and two together. I just wished you’d at least told us. I couldn’t even imagine keeping all that to myself.” Kyle continued and the happiness bubbling up inside me at his words had me wanting to run over and envelop him in a big hug.

Leave it to Kyle to understand me, to understand what made me tick. I grinned at him and he returned a sad smile.

“That’s it? That’s the reason you changed your name? then why’d you keep it from us, something so important? I don’t believe you.” John said harshly and I knew I had to give him a proper explanation, one where I shone light on the entire reasoning behind my selfish actions and so with another deep breath I began, to tell him everything I’d told Nate and even a few more bits and pieces about my life before my father’s death that I hadn’t mentioned to Nathan out in the woods.

It had been difficult and almost painful to recount and when I’d finished I still wasn’t sure whether or not John believed me. He’d simply looked at me for a long time, mouth set and arms crossed, then he’d grunted something under his breath and exited the room, leaving the rest of us standing there looking at each other.

Kyle offered me a warm smile and Nate left the room to go fix us all something to eat. When I was alone with Kyle his smile widened into a grin and he was beckoning me over to the couch.

“I told myself I wouldn’t say anything but…John and I had sex!” he announced in delight and just like that, my issue which had seemed like such a huge deal to everyone else melted into the background and relief flooded through me.

You just had to love Kyle.

I rolled me eyes, “Yeah it’s kinda obvious, the walls aren’t as thick as you think you know.”

He chuckled, then seemed to just mellow out, his eyes going soft. “It was perfect Riley, I swear that man can handle his business.” He seemed very proud as he said the words and I laughed.

“That’s not even the best part.” He sighed “He actually held me after, like I meant something, I can’t even count the number of guys on one finger whose ever done that for me. He’s so sweet.”

John and sweet sounded odd in the same sentence and I told him as much.

“Gimmie a break, you’ve got Nate, the one who never cracks a smile, treats me like I’m kid, major control freak who pretty much acts like he’s got a stick shoved up his ass…Not to mention scary as fuck. John though…” his voice gentled, “John’s perfect...”

I watched him in amusement, shaking my head. “Trust me Kyle, I don’t have Nate, he’s in a world all by himself.”

……………………………………………………..

I guess I should have known I wouldn’t be seeing him for the rest of the night when he’d left the room with his pillow secured safely under his arm and I thought I’d finally be satisfied with the entire bed to myself, but after the initial excitement had worn off I’d begun to feel just a little bit lonely and now four hours after Kyle had gone, I was still awake listening to him and John talking to each other in ‘their’ room not too far down the hall.

Maybe if I could have heard their actual words rather than just soft mumblings I would have felt slightly comforted but as it were I was lonely.

It took me forty-five minutes of arguing back and forth with myself to make the huge decision to drag my ass up to Nate’s room and when I finally pushed his door open and entered, my heart was going a million miles a minute.

He was asleep.

I could just make out the outline of his body with the aid of the soft light streaming through the curtains. His face was relaxed and his lips slightly parted. I stood there just mesmerized by the sight of him; like the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the look of his tousled hair against the stark white pillow.

Another thing I couldn’t help but notice was his smooth bare muscular chest on which stood dark rosy nipples, rigid from the cool breeze circulating the room.

I bit my bottom lip as my eyes trailed lower, over his abdomen, past his navel and across the sexy trail of hair leading to his secret place which the blankets managed to cover quite well. He shifted in his sleep and the covers slid ever so slightly off his hips and I fought to keep myself from moaning at the very sight of him.

It should be a crime for someone to look this good and I cursed the stars that I’d been the unfortunate soul who’d fallen in love with not only the body but the man who controlled it.

“Riles?”

I jumped when I heard the sleepy voice call my name and my gaze travelled up from his fun parts to his face. His lids were half open, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned, his voice still muffled with sleep. When he pushed up so that he was resting on his elbows I took a step closer to the bed, as always feeling a little bit shy in his presence.

“Nothing, I just…wondered if maybe you needed company.” I said awkwardly and before I could change my mind and back away, he was shuffling to the other side of the bed, giving me enough space to settle in.

I smiled.

“Thanks.” Then I was sliding between the covers, already warmed by his body heat.

When I turned onto my side to face him he was already asleep once more so I nestled closer and just watched him.

I missed him, missed us being together and intimate. I missed his fingers running through my hair and his body pressed against mine for my favorite ‘after the loving’ cuddle. It wasn’t the first time I’d just wished I didn’t love him and it wouldn’t be the last, but God damn did it hurt like a bitch to know my everything was right in front of me and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

I reached up tentatively to touch his face and when he didn’t stir I ran my fingers along his hair line and across his cheek. I could feel the rough stubble at his chin and the pulse beating in his neck.

When I brought my hand up again, this time I trailed his lips, which were soft to the touch and full…just the way I liked them. When his soft breath brushed the tips of my fingers I shivered as the need travelled through me, so I pulled away to stem the flow of my unwelcome desire.

“You done?”

I froze, the heat building in my cheeks. “You were awake the whole time?”

He grinned then his eyes finally drifted open and he turned to look at me.

“I’m a light sleeper.”

“I hate you.” I said, horrified that he’d caught me in the act but his grin only widened and for that moment I was able to witness one of Nathan’s rare full smiles.