"Momma! Wake up!" Rowan giggled as he jumped on my bed.

I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes.

"Good morning, baby." I smiled at him. "What would we like for breakfast today?"

"Jam!" He laughed as he climbed off my bed. I rolled my eyes. My son is addicted to jam.

"Jam toast? Crumpets? Pancakes?" I got up and followed him to the kitchen.

I watched as his little chubby face got lost in thought. "Toast." He said to me.

"Okay. Jam toast coming up." I pulled out the toaster and slipped the bread in it and turned the kettle on. I made Rowan's toast and myself a coffee and leaned against the bench as I drunk my drink, watching him.

Rowan offered me a bite and it would be rude to say no so I took a mouthful and made enthusiastic noises. "Yummy."

Rowan giggled as he continued eating.

"Eat up, then shower and get dressed." I told him as I finished my drink.

I don't know why, but I like to tell him what was next, maybe it's a form of preparing him a routine for him to instinctively follow as he got older.

I helped Rowan off the stool and gave him a quick shower. I sat on the closed toilet as I rubbed the towel through his messy and wet hair.

"Boo!" I laughed, making him giggle. Once his hair was dry enough, I let him attempt to brush it before I took over and dressed him. "What do you want to do today?" I asked him.

It was the weekend and I always like to makeup for lost time on the weekends with Rowan. I refused to do any work unless he was asleep.

"The park!" He jumped in his excitement.

I gave him another smile. "Sure, bub. You go play. Momma will get ready."

Rowan might be shy of three, but he knew go play means in his room. I wasn't fussed on having his toys scattered through the house.

I quickly showered with the bathroom door open and got dressed for the day. I ran some mousse through my hair and gave it a quick roll out with one of my curling wands. Just enough to manipulate the loose and bouncy curls before pinning the top part back, out off my face.

I slipped on some canvas shoes and went to Rowan's room to get his sandals. But Rowan wasn't in his room. Frowning, I walked to the lounge and saw him in there crawling on the floor with a small car.

I picked him up, making him giggle again as we sat on the couch and I did up his sandals. "Let's go!" I smiled as I got my bag and his little backpack. I placed his hat on his head and went to the car, buckling him in.

"Where are we going again?" I asked him in a silly matter.

"The park, Momma!" he giggled as I tapped his nose.

"That's right! Silly Momma."

"Silly Momma." Rowan repeated as I got in the car.

Flashback

"I don't like that name." Rhea said, her face all scrunched up. "Why must it start with a R?"

Ryder grinned at her as they laid out comfortable on the picnic blanket.

Rhea had her head in Ryder's lap as he leaned back.

"Why not?" He asked her.

"Why are we even discussing baby names? I'm not even pregnant." Rhea sighed at him.

"Yet. You ain't pregnant yet."

Rhea glanced up at her husband. The waves were soothing as she brushed some sand off her arm. "Why the sudden change of tune? You said you didn't want kids for a couple years yet. Something about not wanting to share." She teased him.

"I can change my mind if I want to." Ryder's hand went through Rhea's medium length hair.

"If we have a son, I'm not naming him Rowan."

Rhea gave out a small whimper as Ryder lightly tugged at her hair. "We'll see."

Rolling her eyes before closing them, Rhea stayed in her position. A picnic by the beach was a great way of relaxing, which they both needed.

"Besides, we've only been married a couple months." Ryder said softly. "We have plenty of time."

"That's right. And right now is not the right time to discuss it. We came here to relax." Rhea looked at Ryder as she lifted a hand and stroked his cheek.

Ryder took it and kissed her hand, his eyes on hers.

"Okay. Another day. You're right. We need to relax."

"That's right, now listen to me. I am after all, a doctor." Rhea teased him with their inside joke. Rhea wasn't exactly a doctor in psychology, she needed a masters degree, but Ryder usually teases her about being a wise doctor.

"This place is perfect." Rhea sighed out. "So calm and peaceful."

"I know. Is this why you use to come here all the time?" Ryder asked her.

"With my aunt. Yes. Something about the ocean. It helps me clear my mind."

"We need to come more often then. But I don't like being exposed like this."

Rhea glared at Ryder in confusion. "Why?"

"Because I shouldn't do this in public view." He growled playfully, moving himself and taking Rhea with him, making her laugh as he kissed her.

Now

"Look Momma!" Rowan called out to me as he picked up a rock.

I smiled at him as he ran back to the slide, his little arms and legs climbing the stairs. I watched as he went on the slide several times before coming back to me.

"Momma,"

"Yes, baby?" I asked as I crouched down to him.

"I'm thirsty. Can we go home please?" He asked me as he shook my hands.

Finally! "Of course!" We have been at the park for two hours and I could see his energy levels were draining. His running slowed to a walk and I could see he was starting to get bored. I took out his water bottle and gave it to him before swooping him up. "We will go home and have a snack, okay?"

Rowan nodded his head as he drank.

As much as Rowan hates naps, he knows that he has one after his snack. He doesn't usually fight me until the last second, and I needed some energy to deal with it when it happens.

After the drive home, I cut up an apple and after Rowan ate that, we were in his bed as I read him a book.

"No. No sleep." He said to me for the fifth time. I sighed loudly.

"Rowan. Have a sleep and then you can have a cookie." I told him.

"No. Cookie first."

I laughed at his negotiations. "You wish, buddy." I told him. "Sleep first."

Rowan laid down and snatched his teddy, pouting at me. I couldn't help but giggle at his expression. It was so cute. He squeezed his eyes shut as I stood up and waited. I knew his antics.

It didn't take long for Rowan's face to smooth out and he was asleep. I shook my head, smiling at him. Every time.

I slowly left his room and went to my CD player in the lounge room and turned it on. I took some letters plus a pen and notebook and sat on the shag rug with the remote control of the CD player.

I turned it over to the CD and let the noise soothe me. A CD of just the ocean. Waves rolling on to the sand, crashing on to the beach.

I sat up, my legs crossed as I closed my eyes, pretending I was there, letting the calming sounds take over.

After ten minutes, I was writing. Sometimes I did it in note form, but I felt inspired as I glided the pen over the paper, writing paragraphs.

I was so drawn to it, to my work, that the knocking on the front door was faint to me.

I frowned as I looked at it. Who is that? I thought as I stood up. The knocking continued and I quickly rushed to the door to answer it before it woke Rowan up.

Before my senses returned to me completely, I opened the door and then my senses it me, hard.

"Ryder." I sighed out. I didn't move from the gap I created with the open door. "What do you want?"

I seem to be getting use to this because my tone wasn't angry, it was bored.

"I told you we ain't done. Now you don't have the excuses of work or meetings to interrupt us."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I am working."

"Don't roll your eyes."

I glared at him. "What do you want?"

"Are you going to let me in?"

"Why are you here?" That's another question he didn't answer.

"Are you going to let me in?" He repeated. I really didn't want to. I had Rowan asleep in his room. "I can stand here all day."

I narrowed my eyes at him as I stepped back and let Ryder through. I could make him wait all day or let him in and get this over with but either way, I didn't have a choice and I was making a risk I couldn't avoid, no matter the decision of now or later.

"Are you ready to listen?" He told me as he came in.

How typical. He wouldn't listen to me years ago, now he expects me to listen. "Just keep your voice down." I told him as I gently shut the door and went back to the lounge room, picking up the notepad and letters.

The CD was still playing in the background.

"No time to go to the beach?" He asked me.

"No. I'm far too busy to make the time." I said softly as I sat on the couch. "Hurry up and talk."

"Why are you speaking softly?"

I hushed him. "Migraine." I lied. "And you're making it worse."

Ryder raised his eyebrows. "Since when do you get migraines?"

"Since you've started annoying me." I replied back. "What do you want?"

Ryder stared straight at me. "You."

I coughed. "Excuse me?"

"I want you."

I shook my head as I stood back up. "No. I don't think so." I told him flatly. "You can't barge in here after weeks of annoying me, ringing me, turning up here whenever you feel like it and expect things to go back to how they were." I whispered loudly. It was that or yell, but I didn't want to wake Rowan.

Ryder walked straight up to me and placed his hands on my waist.

I tried to wriggle out off his grip. "Let me go!"

"No." He snapped at me and it was then that I saw the movement from behind Ryder.

Rowan.

He was up and walking to the kitchen. Ryder saw me look behind him and turned to see what caught my attention as I froze. But Rowan had disappeared behind the kitchen bench and Ryder didn't see him.

I felt his hand in my hair as it sat down my back. "You've grown your hair." He mumbled to me.

"Let me go." I gritted my teeth as I looked back to him. "I want you to leave now!"

All my demands got was a tighter grip as I felt his body against mine. I was upset and angry and content and aroused.

Aroused? How am I feeling aroused? Oh god. I tried to push away from Ryder, my hands on his chest, but Ryder wouldn't budge.

"Let me go." I cried out again. Maybe too loud. "Get off me."

Feeling emotions that weren't mine was exhausting and it suddenly came to me. When I did love Ryder, whenever he touched me I felt even more love for him. Would that have been me feeling his love? Why don't I feel that whenever I hold Rowan?

I shook my head, I didn't want to think about that. I needed him off me now, to stop him from touching me.

"Momma?" Came Rowan's tiny call.

Oh no.

I felt Ryder stiffen against me as I squeezed my eyes shut.

I felt Ryder's eyes bore in to me as more emotions of confusion flooded through me and I shivered.

"Momma?" Ryder repeated.