NO POV

You woke up with Libelle by your side. The sun had barely peaked over the horizon and the pink sky ached upwards. Elle was already awake; she never leaves your side whilst you're still sleeping. It was cold and the clouds were a musty grey colour and didn't look forgiving. We must be more up North than I thought... That means we're even closer to Berk... you thought.

Your journal was on your lap, you must've fallen asleep in the middle of writing. You looked down and saw the last sentence you wrote last night... 'I need him.' You were disgusted by the sentence, even though you believed it. You didn't want to rely on Hiccup, but yes... you needed him. You needed him to help you out of this rut. You've been avoiding your troubles for long enough and by now, you knew it. You've been locking everyone out of your life, isolating yourself from the world. Too make matters worse, you've been doing this to Libelle as well. You knew it was unnatural, unhealthy and wrong. Hiccup was the answer all along. Your sleep deprived consciousness knew this, and now, you knew it was time for you to accept that .

YOUR POV

I looked around for Hiccup. There he was, sleeping, with his arm around Toothless's back, about ten yards away from me. I couldn't help but notice how his armour fit tightly on his body... His grown, body...

Last nights actions were filling my head. The memory of the remarkable kiss sent butterflies down by spine. How he held me close to his body... it was so romantic. But it ended. It ended abruptly, he pulled away... Did I do something wrong? All I knew was that I wanted him... and only him. A big part of me thought that he still liked me: The way his hands were clasping my waist... pulling me closer to him, and the way he kissed me... passionately. It felt so amazing.

Then why pull away?...

Maybe things have changed for him since I've left. Maybe, he has someone... No. He would've told me by now, for sure.

But then why? Maybe the kiss we shared made him realise that he didn't want me anymore. Maybe I've changed too much...

I was staring at Hiccup, he looked peaceful. I didn't want to wake him. His dragon was also in slumber under his arm. I noticed that Libelle was looking towards his direction. I smiled. She likes Toothless... I gently stroked her face and looked into her eyes with joy.

"We found one Elle... we've finally found a Nightfury." I whispered.

She grinned in her own dragon way. I knew that she didn't want to leave this island without him. As for me... I didn't want to leave Hiccup's side either. But I can't- I can't go back. Even though he tempted me a substantial amount.

I looked down at my journal and quickly flipped through the pages. I'm almost out of blank pages, I've been writing in it ever since Hiccup gave it to me 6 years ago, when I was only thirteen... It was nearly completely full by now. Full of sketches, stories, and maps of our past travels. I hesitated whilst opening page 115... I knew the number of the page off-by-heart, because I knew to always avoid it while going through my journal. This is the page that explains the reason why I left Berk. My eyes started watering - the suppressed feelings were making their way back to me.

I made myself write this page to remember everything, how it happened, how I felt and how much I had to leave. I've torn it out of the book once. I didn't want to be tempted to read it... reading it would cause me to break down. I was so angry and ashamed that I couldn't handle seeing the truth in words laid out in front of my face. But nevertheless, I kept it, right where it was torn because I knew I had to keep it close... as a reminder of what I did and for anyone else that reads it in the future.

I knew I wanted Hiccup to read it. There was no way I could tell him without sobbing or screaming with guilt... I wanted him to know what happened. He needed to know why I had to leave him. So, I decided then and there to give him the journal to read.

I walked over nervously towards Toothless and Hiccup, with my journal already opened to page 115 in my hands.

"Hicc- Hiccup? Are you awake?" I said quietly... I didn't want him to wake up straight away, so that I could have a few moments to think about the consequences of showing him the content of journal...

"Morning (Y/N)" he said with a raspy voice, effortlessly smiling. He stretched his arms... causing the muscles he had to flex a little... ugh why is he making me feel this way? He then opened his green eyes and gazed upon me. "What's this?" He asked in his morning voice, pointing towards the pages I was holding in front of him.

"Read it Hiccup. All that you need to know is in here... finish on this page" I pointed to page 115 on the right hand side.

He looked up at me once again, with an insecure look on his face.

"It's okay Hiccup... I want you to know what happened. But if you read this, you may not look at me the same again...." I said, preparing him for the worst.

"Are you sure?" He asked. He was so thoughtful. I nodded yes.

I flipped back to a few pages before page 115, where he could read everything leading up to the cause of my disappearance. He looked into my eyes for a few more seconds, giving me the chance to change my mind... which I didn't. He then looked down towards the pages and started to read.

I couldn't bare to stand in front of him, waiting for his reaction. I walked back towards Libelle, who was still laying on the grass, tired from yesterday's chase... I tried my best not to think about what Hiccup must be thinking, reading through the pages of my sins.

END OF CHAPTER