Tyson.

It was the name I kept repeating in my head over and over again until it hurt until it felt like bursting out of my head. I wasn't in a state of shock anymore, but I couldn't swear that my chest wasn't hurting anymore–that if it was because he lied to me or changed his identity and pretended to be someone. I wasn't sure if I was angry or hurt.

Tyson.

Not Rogue Slade. Rogue Slade was someone else. Rogue Slade was a lie. Tyson was deceit.

Who had I been with? It was what scared me to ask. Who kissed me first? Rogue or Tyson? If Rogue had episodes, could it mean he had stolen a kiss from me? I didn't remember if I had seen a scar or not, which made it worse.

"What are you doing here?" I asked the moment I felt her behind me, keeping a distance between us as I stayed on the ground, my forehead pressed against the railing. I came back from a world where the person I liked had shattered it and I thought I couldn't be in my flat. I would feel suffocated. I was already suffocated. This rooftop was the only place I thought would let me breathe, but Veronica being here with me added more to my stress.

I didn't want her to be here. I wanted her to be here, just so she could tell me what I needed to know.

"I came to see how you're doing," she replied as she sat beside me, then opened her mouth and more words came out. "I can see you pretending to look fine. You don't have to be. You've been told the guy you like has changed his entire face and identity and has been lying to you along with everyone else. It's not something anyone can just forget and be okay with."

I didn't look at her when I said, "How could he have done that? Is he insane?" I still could not wrap it around my head that someone would be able to do that for a person they loved. I loved Lauren from the deepest part of my heart, but neither one of us would be able to do what Rogue did for his friend.

"It's not easy for him, Beth. He has to wake up every day for the past fourteen years with a face that wasn't his, sit through dinners and parties with his friends and family that didn't know he was alive."

"His family doesn't know?" My shock and eagerness to know more compelled Veronica to share more.

"It was a decision he thought was for the best. How do you think his family would react if they knew he was going to do this? It was better for everyone to think he's dead."

Veronica licked her dry lips and forced herself to continue as she gazed at nothing. "The three of us grew up together. Our parents were best friends. When Rogue's parents died in a car accident at eleven, he was left in the care of his uncle. His uncle was a horrible and greedy man. He made so many attempts on his life so he could inherit what Rogue's parents left for him. The last time he attempted on his life was when they went out on his father's yacht and he pushed him into the water."

I gasped. My breath hitched. A lump in my throat moved up and my muscles tightened. Veronica's voice was a little shaky as she continued.

"Rogue was in the water for three hours before he was rescued. Tyson had a feeling something was wrong so we took his father's boat out there without anyone knowing. We found his uncle first, and Tyson almost killed him before he told us what had happened. When we found Rogue, he was dehydrated and sick. We took him to the hospital and told our parents what happened. Tyson's parents took him in and his uncle disappeared."

"The three of us did everything together. Rogue was different from us. He was calm and cool-headed, but Tyson and I..." she laughed with affection in her voice. "We were troublemakers. We were crazy. We fought with everyone and caused so much trouble that we even spent a night in jail once."

My brows went up high. "Really?"

She nodded but didn't feel the need to elaborate on it. "But something happened to Tyson when he went to visit his cousins in their summer house. He came back different, darker. Suddenly, everything he did had a purpose. He hurt people and got a thrill from it. Rogue and I did everything we could to get something out of him, but he wouldn't say. When things started getting out of control, that was when his dad shipped him off to military school. When he came back, he was still the same. Military school hardened him more." Her voice was rough, edged with some emotion I couldn't discern.

"It was during our senior year when he got into a fight with a rival school. He somehow got into the school and destroyed their locker rooms, went to the quarterback's house and destroyed all three of his father's car, and set off stink bombs in the house. I gave him the idea to destroy the cars and the stink bombs and helped him do it. I didn't think about the consequences. I just thought it was funny to do all of that."

My eyes expanded. "Holy shit." I never thought he had been that chaotic, but it would explain everything about who he was now. That darkness had belonged to him for years, and he hooked Veronica on it.

"Yeah, when the quarterback found out, he and along with his friends came after Tyson, but that weekend, he hadn't been home. They found Rogue instead and they beat him up, so much that he had to be taken to the hospital. He was in a coma for three months. It was the hardest three months of our lives. We didn't start to see changes until a week after he woke up."

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say, nor could I imagine how that must have felt like. They did the deed, but it was Rogue who felt the brunt of it all. It would explain why they felt guilty towards him.

She sucked in a breath before releasing it. "We tried to hide his problem from everyone, even our parents. We were scared for him, especially when his uncle came back and took hold of his father's company. Our parents tried to get him imprisoned for what he had done to Rogue, but there was no concrete proof to put him away, so everything that belonged to Rogue was now in the hands of his uncle, at least, until he turned twenty-one."

"It was a week before Thanksgiving, that the three of us went hiking. We thought it would be good for Rogue to be outside, and also because his uncle had been trying to get him to sign away everything he owned to him. He threatened him and got people to call him to scare him. His uncle was doing everything to scare Rogue. We didn't know that these things upset Tyson more than it did to Rogue. So, when we went out hiking, Rogue had another episode, which resulted in Tyson getting hurt. We decided to spend the night outside, and throughout the night, Tyson was quiet. Then, out of nowhere, he said he was going to kill Tyson and told us what he wanted to do."

"Why?" I asked in a choked whisper.

"He said it was because it was his fault Rogue was like this. He and I took part in destroying Rogue's life, Beth. Tyson took it the hardest. He said if he didn't do this for Rogue, he was either going to get himself killed or that he was going to end up in prison. He didn't want either to happen. We weren't on board with the idea because we thought he was crazy. He had been serious. He didn't even care about anything else, not even his parents. I mean, I knew he was crazy but I didn't think he was that crazy. When we slept through the night, he didn't. The next morning, we woke up and he wasn't there. Even his stuff was gone too, but Tyson did what he said he was going to do. Through the night, he made plans to make it look like he had an accident and fell off a cliff. We were so worried about him because we didn't think he was going to do what he said. We thought it had been a joke. The police looked for him. All they found was his sleeping bag, his left shoe, and trails of blood down the cliff. His body wasn't found."

Veronica ran her hand over her face, then raked her fingers through her hair. I could see the emotional stress in her eyes. "It was one of the darkest days in our lives, Beth," she said. "I wanted to tell the police what he said he was going to do, but I was afraid that if I did, Rogue's illness would come to light, so I kept quiet and so did Rogue. We thought he was dead, but a part of us hoped he was alive. Tyson didn't show up until a week after he was presumed dead and his family had a funeral. God, you've no idea how happy I was. I screamed and cried for the whole day to the point that I lost my voice for three days."

Coldness seeped through me. "That must have been awful," I commented without looking at her, suddenly realizing what they had to go through...what Tyson had to go through.

"It was. Tyson was serious about changing his identity. We were so mad at him, especially Rogue. He was so appalled by Tyson's decision he didn't speak to him for two days. We hid him in Rogue's old cabin. Because the three of us have been friends for so long, he didn't need to know everything about Rogue because he knew them all. We graduated high school without Tyson. For seven years, he remained in hiding. We were the only ones who knew where he was and the only ones who had kept him company."

"Rogue and I thought he had dropped his outrageous idea and had just decided to live in isolation. By the time he turned twenty-one, Tyson left with a note that he was coming back. We didn't see him for eight months, and when he came back, he was someone else."

"He became Rogue," I finished, licking my lips.

"Yeah, he got his face changed."

I shook my head in disbelief. To give up everything about yourself, it was insane. And he had done just that. "I can't....."

"Neither can I," she retorted, now looking at me. "It took us a while to realize that was our normal. Tyson became Rogue. He took over everything in his life and it became his. Tyson's father's company belonged to Rogue after his passing, so when Tyson became Rogue, he merged both companies into one and grew it into what it is today. Everything you see now, every achievement is Tyson's. Rogue steps in sometimes when he thinks he can handle it."

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been for Tyson."

"He doesn't say, but I know him more than anyone, even more than Rogue. He killed himself and became someone else, and he's lived with that decision for years. I don't expect anyone other than him to know how that feels like." She looked down at the edge of her blouse that she was gripping, then sighed. Looking back up at me, she had a soft look in her eyes. "The point is, he likes you. For the first time since he's made his decision, he's putting himself above everything else. He decided to give himself a chance to be happy."

I grew tensed at her words, a little shaky. "I don't know what you expect me to do with that. I can't be with someone who doesn't have an identity of his own, Veronica. You want me to be part of a lie? This deceit? How am I supposed to look at him knowing that's not his real face? He made up an entire life. A big lie that I can't overlook. How can I allow myself to believe anything he says now when he had done nothing but lie for years?"

Veronica squeezed my hand in her own as pain threatened to rip what was left of me apart. "Beth, please, you're the only one who can make him happy."

I squeezed my eyes tight, blasting myself with both physical and emotional stress. How could I begin to make him happy when I couldn't wrap my head around all of this? It was a heartbreaking story built on guilt, but I was scared. I didn't sign up for any of this. No matter how scared I was, I needed to know. I needed to confront my fear. I looked at her.

"Tell me if anything has ever happened between me and Rogue," I said with a shaky voice.

Veronica stared right back at me with an unflinching gaze. "You've never been with Rogue," she confirmed. "It has always been with Tyson. We would never do that to you."

The tightness in my chest released its control of me and I could breathe a little, knowing there was no chance that my feelings were scattered and only one man was controlling it. All my feelings were for Tyson alone.

———

I was shaking when I got inside Veronica's car. I suffered a pang of terror at the thought of seeing him again. We didn't say a word as she drove. Every few minutes, I was closer to him. Every few minutes, I felt more and more nervous. I thought if I hurt for what he did, then I couldn't understand how he was feeling right now, or how he had been feeling for years, and it would be so selfish of me to think about myself.

All he asked was for me to understand and for me to get to know his pain. He had suffered for years and I couldn't be cruel enough to make him suffer more. He had friends before, but he had still been alone. I couldn't think of how he had managed all those years, taking away his identity and being so close to his family, yet so far. It ached me from the very deep of my bones at the thought of it. How lonely he must have been. How sad and heartbreaking it must have been for him.

Veronica drove to his penthouse; that was where he lived when he wasn't pretending to be Rogue. Nerves skittered and my mouth dried with worry. I was anxious to see him but terrified to. I wanted to hold him, but I also wanted to run and hide. When she parked the car, I lifted my head at the building. My stomach knotted as I continued to stare. Once, I thought a monster lurked inside, but I never considered he could be a wounded one. A monster that liked to scare to fill the loneliness.

My heart firmly lodged in my throat. I couldn't move as I sat in the seat. Veronica didn't say anything to me. I think she understood that I needed a second to gather my bearings. I stared at the front door, and suddenly his penthouse seemed so bared to me. Stripped of everything it tried to hide.

I walked out.

Would he take me back? Would he send me away? Knowing him, he had already done that. Knowing him, when I walked out earlier, he took that as a sign, and now getting him back might not be as easier as I had walked out on him.

But Rogue...Tyson....whomever he was and whomever he wanted to be needed to be fought for. I wanted to win him.

Veronica asked me if I was going to be okay going alone, but I knew she wanted to be there with me. Not for me, but him. She wanted to protect him from me in case I changed my mind. So loyal to him, so protective, and her friendship with him was something I had feared before, but it was friendship that had kept him sane all these years. She had protected him and took care of him, and she had been fierce and lived through each pain with him. I used to want her far away from him, but I could never want that now.

I understood her now. I respected her more for it.

Inside the elevator, I focused on breathing instead of how not to. Veronica already told me the passcode so I punched the numbers in and got the doors opened. Walking inside, it was so dark and gloomy.

The living room was empty. The kitchen was empty as well. It was hard to be convinced he was still here, and when I started to head to his bedroom, a lamp was switched on. I spun around. Facing him. I didn't see him before because he was seated on a single chair at the corner of the living room, wrapped up in shadows. The lamp he had switched on illuminated his face, and I saw his pale hazel eyes, dark and emotionless. Vacant. The air crackled, tension flooding the room. Goosebumps erupted inside me and an intense need and want flooding through me.

I walked to him, drawn like a magnet. He continued to keep his gaze on me, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. If he was happy that I was here. There were lines around his eyes that weren't there before. The knotted tension in his shoulders and the lack of emotions in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

I paused above him, parting my lips to answer, but I ended up swiping my tongue across my lips. The sparks between us couldn't be denied. It was electrifying, waiting to explode. I continued to stare at him, realizing that I never really took the time to see what was on his face. I had always seen what I wanted to see. I haven't realized how lonely he must have been—being caught in a lie, sharing a life with someone else, never finding happiness in any of it.

"I came here for you," I finally managed to say, and then he scoffed, getting up from the chair. He walked past me, and I turned to see him pulling the curtains open and moonlight peeked into the room. I didn't like what he was doing. "Is that a bad thing?"

"You're free to leave anytime," he said with a hard edge to his voice, standing in front of the window with his hands inside his pockets. He wasn't looking at me. He didn't want to look at me. He was so suffocated by his own pain to realize that I left mine.

I took a step forward. "Tyson—"

"It's Rogue," he snapped icily. "It's Rogue now. Tyson is dead. Don't call me that."

"I will call you whatever you want me to call you if you will look at me." He sucked in a huge gust of air as he shifted, looking back at me. "I'm sorry." I didn't know what I was apologizing for. Maybe for leaving him when he needed me to hold him. "I don't know what to say." I flailed my arms with a sigh, my arms dropping to my sides.

"Then you will have no problem leaving."

"Don't say that." My voice trailed off as my throat clogged with hurt. "I came back for you, for the man I like and the man I see inside. I came back for you, Rogue or Tyson...god, if you want to go out now and change your name again, I'll still stand here, waiting for you. I came back to be with you." My heart thudded like a drum, roaring in my ears.

He finally turned and stepped closer, but didn't close the distance between us. He was still guarded. His voice echoed dark and thick. "I'm still going to be Rogue Slade. I'm still going to pretend to be someone else. You don't know what you're offering, but now is the right time to turn away. This is your moment."

"I won't." I shook my head. "I told you, I don't care." I moved close enough I could feel his heat. "I want your pain, Rogue. I want you to share it with me. I don't want you to feel like you're not alone because I'm here. I'm going to be here to feel everything with you. Your pain, your soul, your darkness...they all belong to me. Everything about you belongs to me now."

"No." He started to shake his head, backing himself into a wall. "Just shut up, shut up." His finger shook as he pointed at me with a warning glare. His eyes were darker as he sank into the floor, lifting his legs to his knees and leaned his head back against the wall, staring with closed eyes at the ceiling.

I knew what he was thinking. I knew he was in a state of shock because god forbid anyone would look at him and love a lie. Rogue wasn't allowing himself to hear me. He was scared. It was easier and safer when I resisted, but now that I yielded and accepted him, he wanted to push me away.

Tension sat in my shoulders when I knelt beside him on the floor. I knew it wasn't just about dealing with a fake identity, that there were some deep-rooted problems he was dealing with and some might think he was the path to destruction, that he had no way to navigate back to who he was before. I didn't know how to help him. I didn't know how to take him back to who he was before because that didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter what happened in the past. What mattered was that he was here with me in the present and I knew I would try to pull him out of the darkness. I would do everything to keep him.