It wasn't easier to break up with West in my head than it was easier to say the words out. When he picked me up, I wanted to tell him. Then I didn't. Through dinner, I had the words at the tip of my mouth, but it hadn't been the right time. I kept telling myself that it wasn't the right time, that I should just man up and tell him what was on my mind, but then I saw how happy he looked. How he laughed and told me stories about his day.

Then I decided I couldn't wipe the smile off his face. At least, not right now.

Not right now.

That was what I told myself ever since I stepped into his car, and now I was stepping out of it after he dropped me off at home. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me and offered to walk me inside, but I lingered behind, unable to move from where I was. I knew I was acting strange, but all I wanted was to muster the courage and break up with the loveliest man I had ever met. That was what made it so hard. The fact that West Ward was so great in every way, and breaking up with him literally broke my heart.

"I noticed that you were a little quiet today," he noted as he stood beside me, looking at me with the concern that I didn't deserve. "You didn't like the restaurant or the food, or you're just having a bad day?"

I shook my head, looking down at my shoes. "It's not that." I became quiet immediately, but I could sense that he was worried about me, and for a second there, I almost changed my mind. But it wouldn't be fair to him to go on with something I wouldn't give my whole heart into.

"Is it about work?"

"Yes, but not completely."

"Tell me what's on your mind," he encouraged, and when I lifted my head, I caught the smile he was giving me. West shouldered me and leaned on his car beside me, darting his gaze back to me. "We're friends, aren't we? We can share our problems."

That was a good opening.

"Are we?" I asked, then cocked my head. "Friends?"

"Is that what this is about?" he asked, no trace of malice or annoyance in his voice. If anything, he sounded mildly amused as if the very thing that worried me was not a thing of importance. "Do we have to put a label on our relationship? I enjoy your company, Beth. You enjoy mine. We go out to dinners. That should be enough to tell you what it is."

Except, I didn't want a label. I didn't want anything. What I wanted lay with a man who had the most complicated life and didn't strike to be good for me. But I would like to think I was doing this for myself because I wanted to go back to being single and alone, with nothing to put stress on me. Being single, I missed that. Not so long ago, I had it, and I didn't cherish it. Now, all I wanted was that freedom again.

Relationships were complicated. Mine was just proving to be bad for me, so I wanted a way out of everything I found myself in; including West, and even Rogue.

I was unable to look at him, and so I found a way to look at the sky instead, inhaling and exhaling into the night. "I enjoy your company, West, so much, but these dates feel more like dinner with a friend than an actual date."

"Well, we are friends."

A chuckle left my mouth. "We can't be friends and not be friends," I said, wringing my hands forcefully. My God, I felt like I was trying to roll them into balls.

"Why not?" He sounded confused now, but still on point. "Love starts with friendship, everyone knows that. You just have to be a little patient with me, Beth." West took my hand and squeezed. "I know I may act a certain way, but I want this to work, and I believe it will. This time around, I'm doing it right, I think. Am I?" He cocked his head at me in an innocent way as he gave me a questioning look.

"You're perfect," I consoled him with a small laugh. "More than I thought you would be, to be honest."

"I'm full of surprises, and you haven't seen anything yet."

The smile slipped off my face "West...."

He grinned, staring at me expectantly. "Oh, I know."

"You know?" His response struck me, and for one brief moment, I toyed with the notion that maybe he knew. Was it on my face all along? Had I failed to keep it from my face?

West shook his head as if I wasn't giving him enough credit. "You think I don't recognize the signs? You want to break up, don't you?" he asked with a smile that caught me off guard. I had not expected him to take it so easily like I hadn't expected him to say the words that I was finding hard to say. He made it easier for me.

"I'm sorry, West. You're amazing—"

"Don't tell me what you think I will hear. Besides, that's an awful line to say to someone to console them.

I gaped at him, not the least bit happy; although, I did feel relieved that he didn't look like how I had imagined he would have in my head. "You don't sound mad."

He chuckled. "Mad? Why would I be mad? You're being honest with me, Beth. There is nothing to be mad about," he said with a decidedly warm smirk.

"I really wanted this to work, but—"

"But you already have someone," he guessed as he studied my face, and I was on the point of squirming when my eyes dropped and I began to fiddle with my hands. "Come on, give me some credit," he added. "I may not have known you for long, but I know what someone looks like when they're in love."

I didn't quite like the last sentence, which shone fully on my face. "I'm not in love with anyone," I corrected with tightness in my voice.

"But there's someone?" He arched a brow, waiting for me to confirm. I guess if I was breaking things off with him, he deserved to know the whole truth. Maybe not everything, but something.

I shrugged. "Kinda?" And I could have bitten my tongue off the second the thoughtless words had left my lips. Kinda? There was no one anymore. I had cut off Rogue, so why did I break up with West with his thoughts in my head?

"Is he more amazing than me?" West questioned with curiosity.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Of course, not." It was not even up for debate. If things had been different, I knew West would have been good for me.

"More attractive?"

West was attractive, yes. More attractive than Rogue? No. There was just something about Rogue Slade that was attractive, and it didn't have to do with his face. I believe if he had been ugly, he would have still been attractive. Flustered, I exhaled in a gust and grinned at him.

"Anyone would pick you rather than him," I muttered with sincerity and hoped he knew that he was an incredible man, and if I hadn't met Rogue, that if I met him first, then maybe we would have been happy together. We would have worked, but Rogue's presence in my life was a blaring noise in my head that I couldn't turn off even if I wanted to.

"Then, why did you choose him?" He was looking back at me with shining eyes and an expression of confusion.

Good question. Why did I choose a man like Rogue Slade? It was a heavy question that had the simplest answer.

"Because I'm crazy," I retorted. We stared at each other. I felt like my heart was beating outside my chest. "I've always been crazy, and I'm attracted to bad choices. I can't help it."

"At least, you're honest. And you like him?"

"I don't want to like him. I shouldn't like him."

"But you do," he stated as a matter of fact.

My cheeks warmed and I nodded. "Yes. I hate myself for it." Every single day, I asked myself why. Why did it have to be him? He was hard, complicated and full of secrets. The more I stuck to him, the more he would continue to hurt me over and over again. Last night, I made a choice. I left him and he allowed me to leave him. That should tell me something. At least, now I was convinced of how important and significant I was to him. I was struggling to accept it before, but not anymore.

West's expression said he found my emotional turmoil amusing as he rests his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Oh, don't beat yourself up. We can't help who we like."

It didn't make it any easier to accept. My frown deepened as I stared at him, hands on my hips. "You know, I'm shocked you're handling this well and being friendly about it. Most men would be out of here immediately or try to get me to give them another chance. There's an experience when a guy called me a bitch." I shook my head with a little laugh when I recalled the incident.

"Maybe it's because I'm more matured than the men you've dated," he pressed on with a thoughtful look on his face. "and I understand you in a way."

"It's okay if you dislike me."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to get me to feel bad or hate you. It's not going to work. I already like you."

Chuckling, my defenses weakened and I finally relaxed when I realized West wasn't going to be mad at me or feel cheated on. "I can't believe you don't feel bad about this. I might cry because I thought I was the woman of your dreams," I joked with a heartily laugh. "You should be trying to get me to give you a second chance. Come on, West, at least let me be happy knowing I've broken your heart."

He laughed with me. "Not a chance in hell. You're already getting the breakup. You won't have my heartbreak too, you thief," he teased back, and it felt nice to slowly get back to comfortableness around him. I thought it would be hard to. I guess sometimes, my judgment turned out wrong.

I took a moment to inhale, then exhaled heavily. My lips spread into a tight-lipped smile, and I pinned him with a grateful look. "Seriously, thank you for being so amazing, and if there's any way we—no, never mind." I caught myself off with a shake of my head, taking a step back from him. "Thank you for tonight and every other night—"

He interrupted, "Are you free for lunch tomorrow?"

He shocked me into silence. "Huh?"

"We can still be friends, Beth. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you're not someone worth holding on to. Just text me when you're free and we can go out to eat."

I wrestled with a response that refused to get out of my mouth, still shocked that he was willing to be friends with me. "It won't be awkward for you?" I probed.

"If it were, I wouldn't have invited you."

With a relieved smile, I teased, "Seriously, you won't let me have your heartbreak to feed on?"

West looked at me like I was the most interesting creature on earth before he laughed. "Get out of here." He turned to walk around to get to the driver's seat.

"Good night, West," I called with a small wave, turning around to head inside, feeling a heavyweight lifted off my chest.

———

I stood alone on the rooftop, lost in the breeze caressing my face, and the starlight dancing in the sky. Up here, it was like looking down at the world. The wind tossed my hair around my shoulders, my hands clutching the railing in front of me. Cold numbness came over me until I could feel nothing at all.

With the same unemotional detachment I had felt last night, I stood where I was, watching, but not actually seeing. I heard the rooftop door being opened, but I didn't turn around. Soft footsteps came up from behind me.

"How long have you been out here?" Fallon asked as she came to stand beside me. I darted my gaze to her when she handed me a beer while she held a Diet Coke in her other hand. She must have known I was out here.

"Not long," I replied, looking back at the world in front of me, completely distracted for a moment from my own worries. I only took a single sip of the beer, not feeling any taste except the bitterness in my heart.

"What happened? Weren't you having dinner with West?"

"I broke up with him."

I felt her sharp gaze on me, but I didn't turn around when I tilted the can to my lips and drank again.

"Oh, oh!" she exclaimed, not knowing what to say. There was a surprise note in her voice, however. She hadn't expected me to say that. Well, I never told her I was breaking it off with him. "I'm sorry. I guess I was right to bring you something to drink." After a beat, she asked, "Does this mean you made a decision?"

I knew where the direction of her question was heading, but I didn't show the slightest interest in what she was asking. "Yeah, to be single," I answered cheerfully, or what sounded like a cheerful tone. My mind was all over the place, and I was furious with myself for letting it be.

"Wait, what?" she demanded, dumbfounded. "I thought you broke up with West to be with Rogue?"

I turned to face my friend with the beer halfway to my mouth when I brought it down. "No, I didn't. I broke up with West because I didn't want to string him along," I confessed, my cheeks stained hot pink, then I suddenly became absorbed in straightening the sleeve of my coat. "No other ulterior motive." My head was bent now, looking down at the trees and cars, and the busy road that looked small from where I stood.

"And rogue?"

I felt as if the world was turning upside down. "He can go fuck himself, I guess."

Fallon laughed at my response. "I would rather he fuck you instead."

"He's done that already," I disclosed, hiding a laugh that was part hysteria and part hurting for the breakup that wasn't actually a breakup. It was like ending a fling where emotions were attached. "We got that part out of the way, so now I'm both free of men in my life," I continued, lifting my smiling eyes to her.

"You like him."

I grumbled. "Does it matter if I like him? I would rather feel like this than allow him to continue hurting me. No way, Fallon. I deserve better." I stretched my hands in front of me, my finger still curled around the railing. "He knew what he was doing and he continued to do it, and then thinks I'm going to look away? Nope."

"Why doesn't he want to come clean about Veronica?" she asked in puzzlement, looking at me carefully as she weighed up my reaction to her question. I shrugged in answer. She swung her coke. "What an asshole. If he's not ready to tell you anything, then I don't expect you to continue being with him. Who the hell does he think he is?"

"Right? I would rather he comes clean and tell me he's in a relationship with her, so I would at least have closure, but I can't help but be so invested and curious about them. If you have seen the way they act around each other and you hear them deny being together, you will be as confused as me."

"I still think you deserve to know the truth, even if you're not going to give him a second chance. They owe you that much."

My phone chimed in my pocket. I fished it out and unlocked it to a message from an unknown number.

I need to talk to you right now. Please, it's very important. I'll tell you everything. Meet me at the house where he hid you. Please, come.

- Veronica.

Speak of the devil.

I gripped the phone in my hand, reading the text over and over again until I could practically hear the words in my head. My heart sunk further into a quicksand. Fallon took the phone from me and read the text while I stayed quiet.

"Are you going?" she quickly asked.

"I'm done with them," I said, taking the phone back from her to pocket it.

"This is your chance," Fallon urged on. "She wants to tell you everything. Are you really going to let this chance go? Even if you don't want anything to do with them, don't you deserve to know the truth?"

I pressed my lips together, staring at the sky. I didn't plan on seeing or talking to either Veronica or Rogue. I never wanted to do any of that, but here was Veronica, willing to tell me the secrets they had been hiding from me. Somehow, it felt like a trap because I had no idea why she wanted to say something now. I was confused by it. Scared, even.

Drawing another breath, I bent my head down and shut my eyes, exhaling through my teeth. Fallon was right. I deserved the truth. It may not come from Rogue, but it was still the answer that I wanted, mainly because I wanted to know what happened three months ago. I would never know if I didn't go to her.

————————

My breaths were coming out strong and fast as I stared up at the house in front of me, trying not to panic as I remembered my days here, and suddenly remembering how awful Rogue had treated me. I slammed shut the door, locking Fallon's car before turning around to inspect the property.

Feeling nervous and on the verge of having a breakdown, I closed my eyes and took in a handful of breaths before releasing them. Eyes opened now, I walked toward the front door and rang the bell, but no one answered. I knocked, and there was no response. When I turned on the doorknob and pushed the door open, it sprang open. Even the thought of walking inside the mansion reduced me to a nervous wreck. Three months ago, I was here, brought into this house as a prisoner, and now I was walking into it willingly.

I didn't make a sound when I entered, looking around the quiet house. I guess I was waiting to see if I would run out, and the urge was there, but the will to do it never came. My heart bounced the longer I lingered there in the doorway before my legs started to work on their own.

Where was Miriam?

Not knowing where to go, I inhaled through my nose and checked the living room first, finding it empty. With shaky legs, I entered into his study, and I had to back out of it so fast to forget what had happened inside. I didn't want to think about all the things Rogue had done to me. Thinking about them made me feel guilty about my feelings. Thinking about them made me hate myself, and then hate him for doing them. I winced in agony when I went into the pool house, suddenly getting a flashback of that day with Veronica. I should have listened to Rogue then and stayed away from her.

The kitchen was empty, like the rest of the rooms on the first floor. What was left was that room that I had seen Rogue and Veronica inside. My pulse quickened when I thought about it, then slowed with a thread of unease. The sudden tension in my muscles signaled another problem I had become aware of; I had to go upstairs.

I never knew which room belonged to Rogue, and I never bothered to know. Finding myself in the place I had been trapped in made me weak, feeling like shadows were lurking behind me with their black and sinful harsh secrets and coldness. I tensed and told myself to calm down, enough to keep walking, passing rooms after rooms. However, I came to an abrupt stop when I heard noises coming down the hallway. I hated feeling like this, and despite how much I did, I kept walking.

An almost uncontrollable shock swept over me, twisting my stomach into sick knots and draining the color from my face when I walked into the bedroom. A gasp was what alarmed them that I was in the room, and Rogue quickly got off Veronica's naked body, snapping both their heads at me. My lips were still parted open, hung in shock as dizziness overrode me. I stumbled back, and Veronica quickly pushed him off and climbed out of the bed, stealing the sheets to cover her body. Rogue was shirtless, but he still had his pants on as he gazed back at me with a hooded expression in his eyes.