Jin was coming home! He was finally coming home! After three long years he was finally coming home. The war was fucking stupid. And I hated hearing about it on television. I tried to get Dream to not even watch the news. Our president was the one that declared war because of rumors about a possible attack on the U.S.

He sent thousands I mean thousands of soldiers to fight. I don't know how many innocent people lost their lives but the letters I've been getting from Jin was all happy. He never-mentioned anything sad. He knew what he was doing by not telling me, but I still had to know. I didn't want to watch it on the news. Call me crazy but I just can't stand to see bad news. I can't stand to hear about anything bad concerning where Jin was at right now. All I know is that a lot of innocent women and children died. I was actually glad Jackson chose not to continue in the marines. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him.

I hated war

There are different ways to solve conflict. But war? That's just a little too drastic for me. But it's okay. The president was sending some soldiers home. And Jin was one of them. I was so ecstatic. We sent over hundreds of letters throughout these years.

He promised once he came back, he would marry me and we could have more children. He didn't give me an exact day on when he's coming, but his brother promised to let me know once he found out. Speaking of brother, Matt has been coming over my house since Jin left. I wasn't complaining. Dream treated him like a father.

He even came to the hospital room with me when I gave birth to Jin Jr. I wasn't prepared for a short pregnancy. But Jin came early. He was born premature and almost died. If it wasn't for Matt, or my brother? Or even Cindy, I would be lost.

But he grew up into a little healthy 2 year old. He was really tiny just like Dream when she was his age. His hair was also blonde but not as white. His eyes were mixed with green and brown. I loved staring into them. He wasn't as pale as Dream was. Just a little light little baby. No one questioned if he was mine. I believed he looked more like me. His birthday was around the corner and we already planned to take him to a water park. Jin was disappointed he couldn't make it to the hospital room but he promised to make up for it. He couldn't wait to meet his son. Words can't describe how excited I was. It was almost 3pm and Dreams bus was about to drop her home. Kids grow up so fast. She was already eight and trying to survive the third grade. She comes home everyday telling me about boys.

"I wonder what daddy would say about all the boys that like me"

I mean who wouldn't like her. She grew up into a lovely girl. Her face grew into her baby doll eyes. Her hair was so huge and curly that I often had to straighten it.

It was easier to manage.

But her height was coming, I bet she would be the tallest girl in her class once she reaches fifth grade.

I went to the kitchen and poured some cereal for little Jin. He acted just like his father. Quiet, caring, obedient and loving. He rarely smiled or talked, just like Jin. And he had a fascination for soldiers. He loved hearing stories about his dad. He was on his stool waiting for me to finish preparing the breakfast. He mixed it well and gestures for me to feed him. "No, you will be three in a few weeks, feed yourself old man" I said slapping his back.

He frowned and stared at his bowl. "You're not going to eat?"

He shook his head.

I groaned and gave in. I started feeding him when Cindy came downstairs. I moved out of the old apartment once she and Jackson got a divorce. It was quite dramatic and I thought they needed time to themselves.

I had to move out my OWN apartment.

I found a nice townhouse to stay. It wasn't long until Cindy joined me. Jackson moved to a different state and went back to college. As for Cindy and I, we had great jobs as dental hygienists. I planned to go back to college and become an orthodontist. I'm just waiting for Jin to come home so I could make it possible.

"So I heard the violence was decreasing in Iraq, how is Jin?" She asked sitting next to my son.

"Oh he's fine" I said my heart already melting hearing his name. "He will be home before you know it"

She smiled. "I'm glad"

Cindy and I made up. Even though she was the one that asked to divorce my brother, I never held a grudge, especially when she called me out in front of everyone during boot camp. I would be such a horrible friend if I just chose to leave her. She's been there for me ever since we became friends. Never judged me. Never called me out my name. She's was vulnerable at that point and I didn't want to leave her side.

It's been two years since her divorce. She never told me what went wrong. All I can guess is that maybe she was just insecure and paranoid. That's Cindy for you. She's like drop dead gorgeous but she never sees herself that way. Not even in high school. And since Jackson is my brother, I don't think she wanted to tell me every detail.

Jackson didn't either.

So I'll just wait until she's ready

"I need some penis...like really huge penis in my life-

"What?" I said covering my sons ears

She nodded not caring. "I'm tired of using vibrators, do you think I'm losing my mind?"

"Uh- yeah. Just call Jackson, I'm sure he would be able to-

She punched my shoulder before I could finish "no thank you. I'm over your brother. No offense."

I could catch her bluff

Jin started feeding himself and I let go of the spoon excited. Finally! He depended on me too much. Followed me like he was my tail. I can't even use the toilet in peace without him barging one

"Have you heard from Dylan, Nick, Zack?" She asked taking a sip of my son's breakfast milk.

The last letter Jin sent was that everyone was good. All three men apologized to me except for Sophia. She was the only one that didn't apologize.

I still remember that day.

I was watching something with Dream when they knocked on the door. Thinking it was Jackson and Cindy I opened it. All three faces were filled with sorrow. They couldn't hide their guilt even if they wanted to. They all had their soldier outfits on like they were about to go to war. Dylan was the first to apologize. Zack was second then Nick. They explained that it was a stupid dare they made during freshmen year. They involved Jin just for the hell of it.

"That man loves you. And when he found out that you committed suicide- well-you know, he turned to a different person" Nick added.

Zack nodded "it was never the same. We felt awful. We didn't think-I mean-we didn't know we were that mean.....we didn't think you would-you know, try to end your life-

"We were kids. Silly, kids. You know people always made fun of fat people- not that it makes it right" Dylan stated.

I wanted to slam the door in there faces. But my heart allowed them inside. Who would have thought I would have three manly soldiers cry like babies. I didn't expect anyone from telling them about my Identity but Matt.

I'm kind of glad he told them

I would have never had the courage to do so

While they were apologizing, Dream came downstairs and mistaken Dylan for Jin. The resemblance was spot on. The only difference was that Dylan didn't have facial hair. He sat Dream on his lap and said "you and Jin made a beautiful kid" then stared up at me "thank you. For forgiving me. I never thought you would"

I wanted to ask him why. Like why did he call me a whale. Was it his own insecurity? Was there something going on at his home? There has to be a reason.

"Quinn, we are all sorry for damaging you to that extreme. It was sick of us." Zack said

"We like nothing but just be a friend. From this day on, we will be your brothers, always protect you-and your daughter" Nick said tickling Dream.

I felt, really good. It was like a hard weight was lifted from my shoulders. I finally felt relieved. They felt bad. It was all over their faces. I finally had that closure I needed. All three of them gave me a hug. We sat there for hours just talking. Who would have thought I would become close to them? If you were to ask me if I'd ever talk to Dylan, I would have said not in a million years. But here I was. Talking to him. And not because he had a small crush on me. I'm actually surprised he wasn't angry when I shot him down that other time.

He did truly change.

And I was now happy.

Someone knocked on my door.

Thinking it was Dream I excused myself to pick it up.

Matt was at the door. I haven't seen him in weeks. I mean he probably had stuff going on so I never really was hurt by it. He still looked the same, the only difference was that he had a really great tan and he shaved off his facial hair. He still looked dashing as ever. Today he had on his shades. He never wore his shades.

Like never.

"Matt!" I said giving him a hug.

He didn't return it

Thinking I did something wrong I whispered "what's wrong?"

His mouth was muffled and his jaw was clenched. "Matt you're scaring me" I whispered

From behind him I could see a man coming out his car. My heart leaped when he came closer. He had his army suit on and for a second I thought it was Jin. But the red hair gave me a disappointed frown. I didn't recognize this human being. When he got closer I realized it with Nick. His facial hair wasn't as thick as before.

Excited I went in for a hug. He hugged back and I started asking him so many questions "when did you get home?! Where's your brother?! Is Jin in the car?!" I turned to Cindy and yelled "the soldiers came home!" I cheesed

"No way!" She said grabbing on to my son and jumped off the stool.

"Quinn-

"Oh my god! Come inside!" I said grabbing on to Matt's hand. But he didn't move. That's when I started to panic

"What's wrong? Where's Jin?" Cindy asked looking around "how was the war?"

Nick shoved his hands deep in his pockets and looked down "brutal..."

"You guys are scaring me. What happened?!" I asked

Nick rummaged inside his pocket and pulled out a pink bloody blanket. Then handed it to me before whispering "I'm deeply sorry"

Cindy and I both stared at the blanket confused.

"He's gone-my brother is gone" Matt finally said taking off his shades. His eyes confirmed it. They were all watery. It was so watery he had to leave and get back in his car. Nick was the only one that stayed. "Wait, I'm so confused, what do you mean he's gone? I heard the violence decreased and-

"He's gone. Zack is gone. Dylan is about to be gone-" Nick said

I stared at my son and he looked oblivious to everything. I turned back to Nick "how? How did they- I mean are you sure? Are you sure?!"

"Dylan got shot pretty badly, he's in critical condition...." he cleared his throat before continuing. "My brother...he..uh..you know..died"

My heart dropped "and Jin?"

He didn't say anything. So I lightly tapped his shoulder "please tell me" my face was already drowning in my tears.

"He died....saving a kid from running on a minfield. The blanket was the only thing we could retrieve."

Jin's face appeared in my head. I tried to imagine him being blown up into little pieces saving a kid. No...no..this was too much. I couldn't even process it. My head refused to process it. Jin...that Jin I fell in love with..is gone. No..no...this can't be true. I stared at the dry blood on the blanket. My whole body was shaking so badly that Cindy had to sit me down in the rocking chair on the porch. "Are...are you sure it wasn't someone else?"

Nick slowly nodded. "He died a hero. Something he always wanted" he started wiping his eyes and asked us to give him a minute.

He soon joined Matt in the car.

Cindy and I sat quiet. In disbelief. It didn't hit me yet. It didn't hit me that he wasn't coming back.

Dreams school bus pulled up and my daughter came racing out. I knew she saw Matt's car. But she raced to me first. Her runs turned into a halt once she spotted the pink blanket in my hands. "What's that?"

I wiped my tears and said "nothing, just something-

"Is it from dad?"

"Dream-

She dropped her book bag suddenly and whispered "where is he?"

"Come here" I said

She walked over to me now rubbing the pendant Jin gave her.

I grabbed her and sat her on my lap. I didn't want her to see me lose it. Jin jr saw it. He titled his head and gave me a sad face. He placed his finger on one of his eyes and slid it down his face, letting me know that he sees my tears.

I lost it

I started crying.

Wailing actually.

Crying for Dream, crying for Junior, crying for Jin, crying for Matt and crying for me.

He was gone. And he's not coming back. The last thing I told him was to not die. I was so cruel to him. So mean. I was so angry I took my anger out on him. Even when he tried to make amends, I was such a bitch to him. And now-he's not coming back.

I could picture his face smiling at me whispering "I'll be back, I promise"

He wasn't coming back. He was never coming back.

I finally got Dream to bed. She missed school and refused to go back. She's been crying for weeks and if it wasn't for Cindy, I would have lost my mind. Jackson and my mother were coming to see me in a few days.

I needed more shoulders to cry on.

It was almost 2am when I heard to door bell ring.

I couldn't even sleep without having nightmares of Jin's death. All I thought of was picturing him being blown up. That's all I could see. We couldn't even bury him. He was gone.

I strutted downstairs having hope that maybe he was there. I wanted to see that stupid smirk he always did. I wanted to hear him say "I'm alive! Don't worry! I'm alive!"

Even if his death was all fake I wouldn't be mad. I just wanted him here

I tried to hide my disappointment when I spotted Matt. I pulled him in a hug. He looked so much like Jin that I just needed him to hug me.

We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. "I'm sorry for your loss" I whispered

"No I'm sorry for your loss" he said. "Now two kids will have no father"

My heart hurt

He suddenly knelt down on one knee "marry me"

"What?"

"Marry me. I promised my brother I would protect you if he didn't come back, and I don't want anyone else fathering those kids. I love them, and I love you."

I was speechless. So speechless I was glad he was blind. He couldn't see my shocked face. The more I stared into his dull eyes, the more I saw Jin. Did he really want Matt to do this?

He pulled out a huge diamond ring from his pocket and repeated the question.