☆ This chapter is dedicated to who left such a wonderful comment on my most recent update, vacation wifi is still a bit touch and go, but I'm doing my best to update. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the delay in updating :)) ☆ 

I wake up with a ridiculous smile plastered across my face. I kept remembering last night and feeling embarrassed and happy all at the same time.

Of course the moment was more than bittersweet, I wouldn't get to wake up like this with Nate anymore. He wouldn't be a few steps away when I wanted to see him, but I knew his feelings for me didn't change.

I also knew going home presented its own set of challenges. I wouldn't be a part of the all-American family dream immediately, but at least I had my mom on my side looking to fix things with me. 

The other bonus with this is of course the fact that I can really be with Nate now. Nothing's going to hold me back anymore, I feel confident for the first time in ages and I didn't want anything to change that.

I feel Nate stir and I sigh knowing we'd have to face the music now, that this was the last morning we'd make our lunch together in the kitchen.

"Hey beautiful." He mumbles, cracking his eyes open and I smile.

"Hi." I whisper back, pressing my face into his chest.

"What are you still doing here? Usually you're long gone to the washroom by now." He asks and I sigh.

"I didn't want to get out of bed." I whisper, feeling tears spring into the back of my eyes.

"It's nice to wake up next to you." He says quietly kissing my forehead and I nod.

We were both dancing around the situation. I didn't want to think about the fact that when I came home tonight I'd be packing up my things and we wouldn't be able to spend almost every second together anymore.

"Are you alright?" He asks and I nod. He sighs running his fingers through my hair and I kiss his chest. "Don't worry about me Sash, I'll still be around I promise. I'll even come make sure you're alright tonight."

I smile feeling comforted by his words and reach up to run my fingers through his hair.

"Thank you." I whisper and he furrows his eyebrows. "You don't know what you've done for me Nathan." He smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head. "You took me in and you....fixed me. I was so mean and miserable, closed off, and I was really hostile towards you when you were just trying to help me."

"I know you were hurting." He whispers back. "Sasha, you were worth it. I wanted you in my life again."

I always feel like I'll never be able to show Nate how much he really means to me. Nobody in this universe cares for me the way he does. He needs to know I care about him too.

"You mean everything to me." I whisper and he smiles. "I trust you with everything I have, I love you with all of my heart." 

Then he does something that really surprises me, I watch a tear roll over his cheek. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to cry." I say reaching up to wipe away his tear and he shakes his head.

"No....it's just.....Sasha that's everything I feel for you. Sometimes I'm scared that....you still don't want me." He says and I shake my head feeling my own tears start to fall. I don't want him to feel like that.

"Of course I do." I say quietly, moving into his lap. "Nathan I would fall apart without you."

"I know that." He says holding my face in his hands. "It's just so nice to hear."

I wrap my arms around him and pull him close feeling my tears falling faster now. I felt so safe when he pulled me into his arms, ran his fingers through my hair.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I love you more." He says and I nod. 

We sit in a ball of tears for so long, I'm convinced a whole day has gone by. Because the second we end this hug, that's the second it's real.

Eventually my tears are dry and I'm just running my hands over his back, feeling his smooth skin under my hands. I think about last night again, thinking about the two of us holding onto each other in the shower, him trusting me and me trusting him.

That was terrifying.....but also exciting and new. It was like a rollercoaster, scary, but of course after it's over you're happy and getting back in line to go again.

I knew Nate and I had made a lot of amazing progress together and I felt incredibly content about it. I'd have to talk to Kate again, get her advice. She was really the only person I could talk to about all of this stuff.

"Shoot." I hear Nathan say over my shoulder. 

"What is it?" I ask pulling back to look at his face.

"We're going to be late." He says and I nod, mustering all the energy necessary to get off of him and get ready.

"I don't want to move." I mumble. He nods and stands up holding me in his arms and walks me to the washroom. He lets me down next to the vanity and the two of us go about our morning routine, side by side.

When I realize just how late the two of us are I make sure to speed up my routine as best as I can. I get dressed quickly and pack up my school books. The two of us both grab something fast to eat for breakfast and rush out the door.

I didn't want to be late, we both come in late to first period together and everyone would talk. The theory that Nate and I were messing around was already out there and I didn't want anyone to have ammunition to use against us. I'm not ashamed of any of it, but it's private and I'd like to keep it that way.

We get to school just when the bell rings and we're running up to the school. We manage to get to class with everyone else and I sigh, feeling relieved.

All day I just feel jumpy and on edge, I was excited to be back in my own room and my own space. But I knew I'd feel just as trapped there as I did with Nate in his house. I felt caught in between two worlds but I knew going home was the right decision.

"Ready?" Nate asks when I meet him in the lobby and I nod quietly.

"Just a sec, I promised Alex and Nik I'd meet them here." I tell him and he nods.

I see both of my brothers come around the corner and they walk over to give me a brief hug.

"We'll follow you alright?" Alex says and together the four of us head to the parking lot. 

The drive home is quiet, sad even. I know nothing between the two of us changed but it feels like I'm losing this amazing thing we have right now. It feels like something's going to change.

He pulls into the driveway and we both sit in the car looking dead ahead. I didn't want to be the one that reached for the door handle first.

"I know you don't want to go." He whispers and I nod. "But I know you....you need to."

"I do." I whisper back feeling tears spring into my eyes. "I love you."

"And I love you." He whispers and leans over to kiss my cheek. After another moment I take a breath and step out of the car. We walk up to the door and Alex and Nik are quick to join us.

"I just need to pack up my things." I say quietly.

Alex and Nik offer to wait downstairs so I can pack up with Nate alone. We quickly realize with everything Kate bought me, I couldn't put it all in the one bag I had. So Nate loaned me another one and I shoved it all in, got my things out of the bathroom and carefully tucked my scrapbook away.

"I can't believe you brought your scrapbook." He says and I smile.

"I brought what was important to me." I tell him and he nods kissing the top of my head.

"I think that's all of it." He says and I nod.

"Let's double check one more time." I tell him and he smiles. The two of us make our way around through the upstairs again, looking for anything I might have left behind. Of course we didn't find anything, but that wasn't really the reason we were looking.

When we get back to my room I reach out for his hand and he pulls me close instead.

"Thank you." I whisper. He nods and leans down to kiss the space between my eyebrows.

"You're always welcome here Sasha." He whispers and I nod. "I'm serious about the calling, you need me, you call. I'll be there as fast as I can."

I press my face into his chest feeling the material of his sweater under my skin. I was going to miss that smell, that clean detergent-like, manly smell.

"Here." He says and slips the sweater off. "You take that with you alright?"

"Thanks." I say appreciatively and pull it on over my own shirt. I lean up and give him a brief kiss and I feel sparks explode through my body.

He takes my bags and walks me downstairs where my brothers are talking quietly together. They perk up when they see me and Nate sets the bags down.

"Thanks Carter." I hear Nik say, extending his hand. Alex follows suit and I watch Nate shake hands with my brothers. There's a part of me that feels happy to see that, considering how they all used to feel about each other. They're making an effort to get along for me, and it makes me smile.

"Of course." Nate says and they all nod at each other.

"Are you ready to go?" Alex asks and I nod with a small sigh. I turn back to Nate and give him a big hug, he holds me tightly and I don't want to let go.

"Alright." He says and pulls back. "I'll see you soon." I nod and blink back tears that have started to form in my eyes.

"Bye." I whisper and give his hands a squeeze. 

He lets me go and I nod. Alex and Nik grab my things and I turn to follow them. Nate walks us out to our cars, my bags get tossed into Alex's trunk and I watch Nik start to walk back to his car. 

"Come on." Alex says and I nod. Nate walks around to my side and opens my door for me. Before I get in I take one last hug that he gladly accepts. 

"I love you." I whisper and he kisses my cheek.

"I love you too." He says quietly. We've certainly been saying that a lot today, but I really do. "Don't cry." He breathes wiping my tears away and I nod.

I pull back and step into the car, closing the door before I have any second thoughts. I watch us slowly pull away and Nate standing in the driveway waving. I wave back trying not to become a mess of tears. I knew me crying would just make Nate feel awful.

Once we're away from Nate's I sink into his sweater and feel hot tears running over my face. I think we made a mistake, the two of us got too involved while we were living under the same roof. Now I don't even want to think about sleeping alone tonight.

"You really love him don't you Sash?" Alex asks and I nod pressing my lips together.

"I do." I breathe. "I really, really do."

He doesn't ask any further questions and I'm just thankful at this point. The rest of the drive home is solemn, I can't speak or I'll cry. I nearly feel my throat close over when we do reach home. It's overwhelming to say the least.

"Dad's not here." He says quietly. "It's just you, me, Nik and mom. We'll make sure you're settled." I nod and step out of the car, taking deep breaths as I watch my brothers carry my bags up to the house. 

Mom meets us at the door where I accept another hug from her. I just wanted to hug someone at this point and mom was more than willing.

It had only been a week and a half since I'd been here but it felt so foreign. Almost like the scene of a crime, like a beach where someone drowned so nobody wanted to go there again. Nothing had changed of course, other than me I suppose.

Alex and Nik help me bring my stuff back upstairs and I slowly make my way to my old room. Nothing had changed, a few things had been disturbed but I didn't expect anything less. All of my awards still sat neatly in my trophy case, my clean carpeted floors. Even my bed was still made.

"Where is dad?" I ask almost afraid to know the answer.

"Working late." Nik says. "He won't be home until after nine." I nod, feeling mildly relieved by that answer. "We'll let you get settled in, mom's making dinner if you're feeling up to it."

"Alright." I say quietly. They both give me a hug and I feel some of the weight leave my chest. Soon enough I'm alone in my room and all I'm thinking about is Nate. Does he feel lonely like this too? Does he miss me the way I miss him?

I lay down and stare out the window thinking about him.