《Ice Queen》Chapter 36 ~ "Tell me something in Russian"
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☆ Hello readers! So nice to see all of the wonderful comments and votes popping up on my chapters!! I've alway loved writing and this is the first time I've heard such wonderful feedback! I write these stories because I love them, and I'm so glad to hear that other people are liking them too! Thanks for your patience and I hope you enjoy 'Ice Queen' :)) ☆
This is a bad idea.
I've walked through this backyard too many times, looked up at that roof too many times. I've stood outside this window too many times, but I needed to see her.
I know she needs space of her own to adjust to being at home again but I can't help myself. I must have rolled around in bed for two hours because I missed Sasha so badly. I even tried going across the hallway and laying in the guest bed. But all it did was make me miss her more, it still smelled like lavender and reminded me she wasn't here anymore.
I know she must be upset and want some support, I want her wrapping her arms around me, whispering how much she loves me. I don't know when I became so pathetic.
Now I'm up on top of her roof debating whether I should go in or not. I suddenly see the room light up and I watch Sasha get out of bed. I feel my heartbeat pick up when I realize she's just wearing a slip of some kind to sleep. It barely covers her butt and her long blonde hair flows over her back.
I watch her walk into the washroom and splash some water on her face. She then comes back into her room and I take that moment to get her attention. I tap on the window and she looks over to me and just about runs to the window, sliding it open.
"I'm sorry I couldn't-" She doesn't even let me finish the sentence before she presses her lips to mine. I feel instant relief, there wasn't anything like kissing Sasha.
"I'm so glad you're here." She whispers and I pull myself through her window.
It's only been eight hours but I feel like I haven't seen her in years. Just feeling her wrap her arms around me is comforting.
"Baby." I whisper and she nods. I run my hands over her body feeling the silky material of her slip under my fingertips. There's lace that trims the bottom of it, the back and the neckline. It's almost lingerie.
"I can't sleep." She mumbles and feel my heart shatter. I close the window and pick her up, her legs instantly wrap around my waist and I sigh.
"Neither can I." I breathe sitting down with her. "Jesus, what is this?" I groan running my fingers under the thin straps on her shoulders.
"A nightgown." She whispers with a small laugh. "Do you like it?"
I feel my breath leave my throat when she says that, where were these 'nightgowns' when we were sleeping in the same bed?
"Yes." I say quietly, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
Of course the answer was yes, the material sat over her body almost perfectly. It was practically made for her, nothing could look better.
"I missed you." She whispers and I lean in to kiss her cheek. I look at her wide blue eyes feeling overwhelmed, I'm so glad to be back with her like this.
"I missed you too." I breathe. "More."
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I didn't know how to explain how I felt about Sasha, to most people it probably seemed ridiculous how obsessed I was with her. But she was my oxygen, I needed her to survive.
"How was everything?" I whisper and she shrugs.
"A little awkward." She admits. "It just felt really weird given how I left and everything. I haven't seen dad yet, he's here we just haven't talked and I'm not exactly rushing to do it."
"I get that." I tell her cupping the side of her face. "No rush." I remind her and she smiles putting her hands over mine. "I know you said I wouldn't have to climb through your window anymore but-"
"It was probably a good idea." She confirms. "Not the best choice to show up on my doorstep at midnight."
"That's what I figured." I say.
"Are you.....going to stay?" She asks quietly.
"Only if you'll have me." I tell her and she nods pressing her lips to my forehead.
I feel her small hands move to my jacket and pull the zipper down. She pulls it back off my shoulders and I let her have her way. I kick off my shoes and lay down taking her with me. She giggles and I smile letting one of my hands trail up past the hem of her slip. She holds her breath and my thumb finds her hip, trailing back and forth over the skin.
I love that even though we've made tons of progress physically, she still jumps when I put my hands on her.
"I love you, I'm so glad you're back with your family." I whisper and she smiles.
"I love you too." She whispers, kissing the underside of my jaw. "It's kind of a mess but it's so nice to be back in my room."
This sort of thing was what I loved about us, just the fact that we wanted to be near each other. The fact that she almost had a calming effect on on me. Without her, I was like a horse without a dog, I needed her to keep me from running wild.
"Will you take this off?" She whispers tugging at my shirt.
I just smile and pull it off, I never pushed her about why she always liked me without one, I just loved that she did.
"Better?" I whisper and she nods. She presses her face into my chest and I hold her close.
This is amazing, just laying here like this. For a long time we just lay in silence, I felt her hands running over my chest, her quiet breathing.
"Please stay with me." She whispers and I nod rolling her on top of me.
"I wouldn't dream of doing anything else." I whisper. "I was hoping I could." I watch as she nods but presses her lips together, like she wanted to say something.
"Do you.....do you think we spend too much time together?" She asks suddenly and I sit up putting my hands back on her waist.
"I don't know if that's possible." I say and she smiles.
"I know what you mean." She whispers. "But I.....I don't know how to get through a night without you anymore."
I know what she meant, we needed each other and since she moved in with me briefly everything had just become that much more intense.
"I know." I whisper back, feeling weak. "We'll work on it, the fact that you're here again will help. But we'll learn, like everything else Sash we'll figure it out together."
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She leans in close and presses her lips to my forehead and I melt away.
"C-can I call you baby?" She whispers quietly.
I can't breathe now that question just caught me so off guard. It was so sweet, adorable even. She loved me the way I loved her.
"You want to call me baby?" I ask quietly and she nods. I couldn't say no if I wanted to. "Sure." She smiles and wraps her arms around the back of my neck and I smile too. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" I ask, running my hands over her back. "Absolutely anything."
I had a feeling she was pretending to be more alright than she was, Sasha only latched on like this if she wanted to feel safe.
"I-I'm just worried I guess." She says quietly. "I really want things to work but at the same time I just....." I watch as tears start to run over her cheeks and I wipe them away. "I don't want to get more upset trying. I don't want to do it for nothing."
"It won't be for nothing." I tell her shaking my head. "Of course it won't."
"Do you know what I'd give to have the relationship with my dad again that I did when I was little?" She asks quietly. "I want that back all the time. I wish he just.....loved me."
I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to listen and comfort. I didn't want to risk upsetting her more.
"I know I shouldn't after he was so cruel to me for so long." She says quickly. "Sometimes the really twisted parts of me wonder if he did it out of love. Sometimes I wonder how things could have been different." She mumbles and I pull her into my chest.
"The saddest part is I miss skating." She says quietly. "I did love it and I felt like it was one of the only ways I could connect with dad anymore."
"You could always skate again." I suggest and she nods.
"I could, but at what cost?" She mutters. "I-I can't lose you, and if I skate again.....I know things would be different."
"Not between us." I tell her, running my fingers through her hair. "No matter where we go or what we do, I'll go with you. I want you to be happy and the last thing I want is for you to give up something you love for me."
"But I love you." She whispers, putting her hands on the sides of my face.
"I know." I whisper back. "But things would be different this time around. I love you and I want to watch you do the things you love."
She runs her hands down to my shoulders and wraps her arms around me. I know all Sasha wanted was reassurance and for someone to be understanding. That was what I wanted to be for her.
"Well for now I'll stick to spending time with you." She whispers and I smile.
"I can't believe this is what you sleep in." I mumble, running my hand over the hem of the slip.
"Why?" She asks, pressing her hands over my chest.
"It's like underwear." I tell her and her cheeks turn red.
"It's just comfortable." She insists. I pull one of the straps down and it starts to fall before she catches it and I laugh.
"There's a bit of a design flaw isn't there?" I tease and she laughs, fixing the strap.
"How on earth did I get lucky enough to be with you?" She teases and I laugh too.
"I ask myself that all the time." I whisper and her face softens. I knew I could get her with something cheesy like that.
"When did you know you loved me?" She asks furrowing her eyebrows.
"What?" I ask and she smiles.
"When did you know?" She asks again.
"I guess I always knew." I tell her. "I just only admitted it to myself recently. I was sure I wouldn't fall in love when I was this young." I say with a small shrug. "But I do, it gets stronger everyday." She smiles and pushes her hand through my hair.
"Same here." She whispers and shuffles off me, standing up and turning out the lamp on her bedside table. She comes back to bed and pulls the covers over us. "It's almost weird to be in here again, with all my stuff and family pictures...." She says, eyes scanning the room.
I always wanted to know more about Sasha. Growing up she kept a lot of her home life and Russian culture quiet. I had a feeling it was because she felt mildly embarrassed about it, but I thought it was interesting.
"Can I ask you something?" I whisper and she nods. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to....but, I just wanted to know about.....I guess about your family. Like your past and where you come from?" She furrows her eyebrows a bit but shrugs and rolls over to pull out another album from her nightstand.
"I don't think I've ever told anyone about this stuff." She says quietly. "Nobody asks, but I don't exactly offer the information either."
I watch as she opens the book to the first page, there's one picture of her family. Two young boys, a little baby and her parents.
"So my dad grew up in Moscow, he came from a really well-off family. He skated of course and became really well known in the city. He was scouted, people really thought he had a chance at the olympics. At his tryout he choked, fell doing a triple and couldn't recover." She says quietly showing me a picture that I easily could have mistaken for Alex or Nik.
"From what I know he was really devastated, turned to drinking. One night he met my mom at a bar, she was working as a bartender. She lived just outside the city in a little shack with her three brothers and other sister. Her father died from pneumonia, so it was just her mom caring for all of those kids.
"Well they got to talking, dad I think found a lot of good from mom. She was a nurturing person and helped him pick himself up after his skating. She loved him because I think she wanted someone who made her feel safe, and that was dad." She whispers and finds a picture of the two of them together. I almost don't even recognize her dad, he looks so happy.
"They loved each other but my dad's parents didn't like my mom. They thought she was after his money, that she was just trying to get out of her horrible life and latch onto him for security. They did get married against his parents wishes though." She says and turns to a wedding picture. "That's what reminds me that they really did love each other, it's not just the fact that she feels like she needs to listen to him, but it's the fact that she really does need him." She whispers.
"Dad had a lot of issues with his temper and had some repressed anger over his failed skating. But mom didn't give up on him, dad lost everything when he married my mom so they were both breaking their backs trying to survive. I know mom really wanted kids and so did dad, dad wanted to share his passion of figure skating with us." She says and flips the page to one with two little boys photographed.
"Well they had Alex and Nik when they were still quite young. Dad instantly got really excited, I know he wanted a son and he got two. He wanted them to be great like he was, to start skating. But there was a lot that came into play with that, for one they couldn't really give the two of them anything, they were broke as broke could get.
"When they started thinking about skating for them was when Russian athletes were at the centre of tons of doping scandals. Dad and mom wanted more opportunities for Alex and Nik but also for themselves. So they started trying to immigrate here, to the states." She says and then flips another page. "Immigration is incredibly hard, it's a long difficult process. Luckily it only took them a few years."
"So how old were you when you left Russia?" I ask and she shrugs.
"Maybe one? I wasn't very old, I don't remember a thing about Russia. As long as I've been alive I've just considered myself American, I don't think of myself as an immigrant really. I'm only Russian under this roof, we don't have any family here so it was a big sacrifice for mom and dad." I watch as she flips through a few pages of her and her brothers when they were younger.
"I used to hide it." She says even more quietly. "I didn't want to be different, mom put this book together and told me the story when I was in second grade because I needed to do a project on my family. I didn't really want to do it, I didn't want people to know. She was the one who wanted me to be proud of where I came from." She whispers and gets to the last page. "I never thought I'd just be weird on my own."
"You're not." I remind her and she rolls her eyes. "I mean it, when we were younger I never thought there was anything weird about you. People only made fun of you Sasha because you were gifted and talented." She smiles a bit at that and I kiss her forehead.
"Well that's the story I guess." She says and places the book back on the floor. "That's our Russian heritage."
"Do you speak Russian at home?" I ask and she shrugs.
"Not super often anymore. When we were little we did, mom and dad didn't want to throw us off with speaking two languages to us. But now it's mostly English, we'll speak a weird combination of it sometimes or we'll say words like 'shoot' in Russian." She says with a smile and I laugh. "Me, Alex and Nik speak English together, I'm honestly surprised none of us have more of an accent."
"Too bad, accents are so hot." I tease and she shoves me. "Tell me something in Russian."
"YA-tebya-lyublyu." She whispers and I furrow my eyebrows. "I love you." She whispers, translating the jumbled words and kissing my cheek. "Detka." She adds.
"What does that mean?" I ask, thinking it could be 'so much' or 'forever'.
"It's a direct translation, not slang." She says quietly. "It means baby." My eyes widen and she smiles a bit pressing her face into my chest.
"I love you too, baby." I whisper and she smiles.
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