I wake up to sudden ringing pulling me from sleep and I roll away from Nate looking for the source of it. I find my phone on the floor inside of my jacket and I lean over to pick it up.

"Hello?" I ask, half asleep into the other end.

"Hey Sash, it's Kate." I hear her cheerful voice over the other end and I can help but laugh. 

"Hey Kate." I say back with a smile on my face. "What's up?" I ask, wondering why she might be calling. I was sure dad had told her I wasn't going to be at practice this week.

"Well, your dad said you quit." She says.

"That's right, it's all just a little bit much." I confirm.

"Well I thought you might be in need of cheering up, how about we go out for a girls day?" She asks and I smile.

"You're too sweet." I say feeling excited. Kate was always a nice person to spend time with, she had a big heart and she was super confident.

"Is that a yes?" She asks excitedly and I laugh a bit.

"I'd love that." I tell her. "I'll text you where I am, yeah?"

"Perfect! I'll see you soon." She says and then hangs up with a quick goodbye. I roll over and see Nate smiling reaching for me to come back closer to him in bed.

"You're leaving me are you?" He teases and I laugh wrapping my arms around him.

"Just for a while today, have some 'girl time'." I say and he laughs. "Kate's always been really good to me, I honestly miss her and Johnathan a lot."

That was really the part I missed the most, they were both amazing to me. I loved the practices I got to have with them alone, I'd always leave feeling really good about myself. 

"Then I'm glad you're going. I'll miss you." He says and I laugh. 

"I'll miss you too." I say kissing his cheek. "But I really need to get ready." He laughs letting me go and I smile finding my sweater on the floor for me to put on. "I'm just going to grab a quick shower."

"Mmm, want any company?" He asks raising his arms above his head and I laugh uncomfortably, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"I-uh....um, no thanks." I say awkwardly and he laughs again. I look at his dirty blonde hair stuck up every which way, his gorgeous torso. Stop it Sasha. Why do men always wake up and look amazing? It takes me at least thirty minutes.

"Sasha, stop staring at me and go get ready." He teases and I roll my eyes sticking my tongue out.

"Okay I'm going." I laugh and quietly poke my head out into the hallway, checking for his mom. 

The coast is clear so I close his door and zip across the hallway into my room. I sigh and plug in my phone looking for clean clothes to wear. Not many of those left anymore, I'd have to do some serious laundry soon.

I sigh and cross the hall with my clothes in hand and towel. I think about Nate's offer to shower together and I once again feel myself smile a bit. Why was I such a little kid about this type of stuff? I was sixteen, shouldn't I want to things like that with a person I really liked?

On the other hand, showering was completely out of the question. We'd both be completely naked, I didn't want that much of myself out there for too long. I know how intimate showering with somebody else is, I needed to start small and build up with Nate. If I jump in head first I'll just feel totally lost.

I quickly finish my shower and go about the rest of my morning routine, doing my make up, hair and everything else I needed to. I see a text pop up from Kate telling me she's out front so I grab my jacket and go to say goodbye to Nate.

He gives me a quick kiss and I smile, waving and walking downstairs. I pull on my shoes and run out to see Kate rolling her windows down, blaring an upbeat song.

"Hey Sash!" She says as I pull open the door and she leans across to give me a hug. "Oh I love your hair this way, it's so pretty." 

"Thanks." I say. "So what are we doing?"

"Well, I made a plan. First we'll go do mani-pedis, then I'll take you to get your hair done, then we'll get lunch and go shopping! Don't worry about any of it, it's my treat."

"Wow....big day." I say and she laughs. 

"I just want you to have some fun. It doesn't seem like you get to do things like this very often with other girls so I figured you might like a little less testosterone flooding your life."

She wasn't wrong, mom really hadn't been one to talk about anything with me. We didn't do fun girly days and I really didn't have many friends who were girls.

"That sounds really nice." I admit. "You're right, I don't get to do things like this....pretty much at all."

"Well then this is going to be fun." She says evilly, pulling her sunglasses over her eyes.

The spa is really nice, I'd never really done anything with my fingernails other than bite them when I was nervous. But suddenly I had nice nude nails and my feet in a foot bath. They were getting buffed, massaged, nails trimmed and painted a fun red colour which Kate insisted on.

Afterwards we went to a salon where she'd booked us appointments. Kate was getting her hair touched up and she convinced me to put some layers in my hair and highlight it a bit. I wasn't even sure how that was possible when it was already bleach-blonde naturally. 

Surprisingly, the haircut gave my hair a lot of depth. It looked grown up, like it was something to be focused on instead of hidden away in a bun. I decided right then and there that I wouldn't put it up again, not when it was this pretty.

Then she brought me out for sushi. No matter what, I was always in the mood for sushi. It was the one food that didn't make me feel sickly and I really enjoyed eating. Despite how nice it was to eat sugar and grease, my body just didn't react well to it. I'd never been able to stomach an entire greasy meal on my own.

"Ugh, I was so right about your hair wasn't I?" She asks and I laugh with a nod.

"You totally were, thanks for bringing me out." I tell her and she smiles reaching across the table to squeeze my arm.

"Okay, now for the real reason I brought you here." She says and I hold my breath, worried she's going to start talking about skating and coming back, why I quit. I just wasn't in the mood, I already tried to think about it as little as possible because the entire situation just made me upset.

"That guy.....you know the cute one who had the scruffy hair?" She says and I suddenly start to feel my heart race for a whole other reason. "What's your deal with him?"

"That's who's house you picked me up from." I mumble and her eyes widen.

"What?"

"I'm staying there."

"Woah, woah, woah." She says waving her hands around and laughing. "You're hanging out with a boy?"

"I know it's crazy isn't it?" I tease and she shoves me.

"Sash! This is great news, good for you!" She says and I smile to myself. "Isn't that the same guy....you said you didn't know almost two months ago?" I sigh with a nod putting my face in my hands.

"It's a long story." I mumble. 

"Spit it out!" She says excitedly. "I have time."

So I quickly catch her up on all of mine and Nate's history together. I tell her about how he helped me with my practice the week before my best competition.

"Do you like him?" She asks shaking her shoulders and I laugh a bit.

"Yeah." I tell her quietly. "A lot, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore Kate. I can't even think straight, all I think about is him all the time. How much I care about him, how much I like spending time with him-"

"Aw Sash." She says. "You're in love."

"What?" I ask raising my eyebrows. 

"That's what it is!" She exclaims. "It feels like this seriously deep connection with another person, like you couldn't live without them around. Sasha it feels deeper than whatever connection you feel to the other people in your life."

"B-but we're kids......I can't be in love....." I say feeling confused by what she was proposing.

"Sash, kids fall in love all the time. Why do you think high school sweethearts get married? There's nothing wrong with loving someone you know."

Could that be true? Did I love Nate? I know feel this deep connection whenever we're together. I care so much about him and he comes first for me.

"Do you really think it could be like that?" I ask and she nods.

"Of course I do, he seems like he loves you too from what you've told me. He doesn't stop thinking about you either, you're living in his house because he wants you to be safe. He said he thought you were beautiful, in front of your rage-a-holic dad and your over protective brothers. He tossed his old friends and life away for you, because he really does care about you the same way you do about him."

"Oh my....god." I say shaking my head. How didn't I realize this sooner? Maybe because after how I'd been treated by the people who were supposed to love me, I didn't know if I'd be much good at loving anyone back. "I....I do."

"Duh." She says shaking her head and I laugh. "Sasha I'm usually right about most things."

"You are, that's why I trust you with my secrets." I tell her and she smiles getting this devious look in her eyes. 

"How far have you gone?" She asks in a teasing voice and I feel my cheeks get hot.

"Not very." I admit and she sighs.

"Why not? That guy is cute, do it!" She encourages and I roll my eyes.

"You're a bad influence." I tell her and she laughs.

"I am not." She insists. "Your stressed, take some of it out with him!"

"Ew!" I say crossing my arms.

"Why not? What's the big deal?" She asks and I look around not wanting to talk about any of this too loudly.

"The big deal is I'm a virgin. In every sense word I don't know anything about any of this and all of it makes me really stressed out." I answer quietly and she changes her face, softening a bit.

"Well talk to me, what makes you worried?" She asks. "I swear, you can ask me anything I won't judge. Deciding to swipe your v-card is a big deal."

"Well I-um.....the thought of being naked with him, makes me anxious. The thought of him being naked, makes me anxious." I tell her starting somewhere easy.

"Why?" She asks and I furrow my eyebrows.

"What?"

"Tell me what about that worries you." She says again and I sigh.

"On my behalf it's knowing he's going to see parts of me that nobody's seen before. It's the fact that there's no where to hide, that I'm pretty sure I'm not the type most people would want to sleep with. Flat-chested and overthinking everything."

"You're not really insecure about how you look are you?" She asks and I nod. "Sasha, you're really pretty. There's nothing wrong with having small boobs, nothing at all. There just as good, don't let this whole lack of experience thing get you down either. Most likely, he's done this stuff before, so just let him take the lead. He'll go slow because he cares about you."

I think that over for a minute. My whole thing had been about what I didn't know, I'd never even stopped to consider what he did know.

"Does it hurt a lot?" I ask quietly and she shrugs.

"It can, for some people it really does. For others, not so much. I know you've got one hell of a pain tolerance so it mostly has to do with a few things. You need to make sure that you're into it, if you're really not feeling it, it's going to hurt. The other is based around how much warm up you have beforehand and......how big he is." I feel my breath leave my throat when she says that and I quickly clear my throat.

"I don't know.....like I said we haven't really been undressed together yet." I mumble. 

"Maybe start there." She suggests. "I'm not saying leave here and screw but.....start working up to it. If it feels like it's too much, take a step back. But I'd suggest getting comfortable with yourself and feeling good in your own skin."

"That's probably a good idea." I tell her, understanding exactly what she means. You need to know yourself before you do something like this with someone else. And we most certainly couldn't have sex if I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

"Anything else?" She asks and I shrug.

"Were you sort of nervous?" I ask and she nods with a laugh.

"Of course I was. It scared the shit out of me at the time, but at the end of the day I knew I really trusted the person I was doing it with. And after it was over, I couldn't figure out why I was so worked up about it." She says and I nod. "And the thing is Sash, it's just a million times better with someone you love."

"Do you think I should tell him?" I ask and she sighs.

"Wait for the right moment, there's no rush with that. You know how you feel about each other." I nod a bit knowing I didn't want to scare Nate away. "Do you want to know anything else? Like shaving.....or contraception-"

"I'm not worried about either of those." I tell her and she looks mildly confused. "When I really started to grow body hair dad made mom take me and get it lasered off so that I wouldn't have to worry about it with leotards and.....that sort of stuff. When my period started, mom took me to start getting the shot. Mostly to stop it, once again, so it wouldn't be a source of concern when it came to skating." She looks momentarily surprised and I nodded knowing why, most sixteen year olds wouldn't be in that sort of situation. 

"But it's not like I had a ton to start with, I am blonde after all." I tell her and she laughs. "It's actually pretty convenient, two things I don't have to think about."

"Lucky you." She says with a chuckle. "I would have killed to have that when I was your age."

"I'm lucky." I say with a laugh and she smiles.

"Look Sash, I know you're second guessing a lot of this stuff. If you're not ready, don't force it." I nod, knowing Nate said exactly the same thing yesterday.

"Thanks Kate." I say and she smiles. "I won't, I'll take it as it comes."

Together we dig into lunch and I just felt genuinely relieved. Relieved that all my concerns about this were understandable, that Kate herself understood my situation. Mostly, I was just happy to have received advice from somebody. Kate was always in my corner and it meant the world to me while I was suffering through figure skating.

"Will you let me do one more thing for you?" She asks and I laugh.

"Sure, what is it?" I ask.

"Don't be offended.....but I want to buy you some clothes that really fit." She says and I shrug looking at my loose outfit. "I promise they'll make you feel like a new person."

"I'd love that." I tell her ready for whatever Kate had in store next.