I haven't slept right since I left Sasha's the other night. I can't believe her brother knows, I'm as good as dead. In a few minutes he'll be coming through that door and I'll be history.

We'd been texting a lot, she assured me Alex would keep it to himself and I sighed with relief. Now we'd added a third witness to our ever-growing list. It was going to matter if Nik, or Sabrina or worst of all, Sasha's dad found out. I'd have to be careful from here on out.

I lace up my skates getting ready to practice with the hockey team when her brothers walk in. Nik doesn't seem any different, he doesn't even look in my direction. Maybe Alex had really kept it to himself. Then I look at Alex and see an angry glare on his face. Oh no.

The players start to file out of the room getting ready for a practice tonight. When I leave Alex drags me around the corner and I hold my breath.

"I'm doing you a huge favour right now, alright Carter?" He asks and I nod. "In return I'd like a few things. Number one, do not hurt my sister. Sasha is incredibly lonely and I don't need you hurting her because you're being inconsiderate. Number two, don't go to her practices anymore. Dad's going to be there from now on so save yourself the trouble. Number three, do not make a move on my sister. I know how close you two are, but she's....fragile. She can't take on a relationship with everything going on at home or she'll break." He says and continue to nod knowing he could beat me into a pulp.

"Do we understand each other?" He asks and I nod swallowing harshly.

"You have my word, I promise Alex." I say and he lets go of my jersey.

"Good, hurt her and I'll hurt you." He says and I gulp. He walks away and I feel like I can breathe again. 

I shake it off as best as I can and take my spot on the rink. I start my drills and see Sabrina sitting in the stands with a few other girlfriends. I cringe and look away before she calls out to me.

She almost found out the other day, I had my phone in my pocket at dinner the other night and it vibrated every so often. 

"Who keeps texting you?" She asked with this disgusted look on her face.

"Oh, my mom. She's having some issues with the plumbing upstairs and she's updating me. Dad's out of town." I said and she narrowed her eyes.

"It's been happening all week." She said and I looked up to her parents sitting on the other side of the table giving me a weird look.

"Yeah we've been having plumbing issues all week." I said with a small laugh trying to ease her stress.

"But-"

"Sabrina enough." Her mother hissed. "You're being very impolite, speak about it afterwards please."

It was Sasha just giving me a small update after her practice on Sunday. She knew I was busy and would answer later. Sabrina however wouldn't let me free to do so, she interrogated me all night telling me all these stupid things that I only half paid attention to.

"I can tell you just don't like me the same way anymore." She said shrugging her shoulders. "Why don't we have sex anymore?"

That was the thing I'd regretted most about dating Sabrina. I thought originally I'd wait to lose it with someone I really did care about. Not to distract myself and not with a girl who only wanted to sleep with me so she could move our relationship along more seriously. I knew Sabrina had slept with people before me, so it felt strange.

"Because I've got a lot on my mind." Was what I told her. The real reason was because I didn't want to keep making that mistake anymore.

"So why don't you let me help you relax?" She asked and I pushed her off. 

At that point she told me to leave, that I'd disrespected her. I was more than thankful, then I called Sasha and we talked for a few hours. Conversation seemed to flow so naturally between us. Nothing was complicated.

I didn't know how much longer I could keep seeing Sabrina. We weren't right together when everyday was a fight. When I didn't feel bad about talking to another girl behind her back.

>

"Hey, what are the chances you can come do something tonight?" I ask finding my car keys.

"You mean like officially do something?" Sasha teases and I laugh. "There's a chance I could say it's Micheal and he'll let me go. Not that I don't love you sneaking through my window." I laugh and find my coat.

"I'll park down the block alright?" I ask.

"Cool." She says and I can practically hear her smile.

Today was Tuesday so I knew she'd be free tonight. I wanted to hang out with her like we weren't being followed by a private investigator. 

Soon enough I see her walking up to my car and I smile seeing her hair flowing over her shoulders. I'd noticed that the other day, I thought she was beautiful with her hair down. I didn't tend to see it that way very often.

She slides into the passenger seat and gives me a strange look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks and I laugh.

"Oh! I just....I like your hair that way." I say and she smiles tucking it behind her ear.

"Thanks." She says quietly.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask and she shrugs.

"We can't really go anywhere there's a good chance someone might see us." She says quietly.

"Well mom's making pasta, we could go to my house." She smiles with a nod.

"A chance to eat starch?" She says excitedly. "I'm so there."

I drive her back to my house and look at her out of the corner of my eye. It's like when you take a toddler or a golden retriever out for a drive. They just seem so excited to be out in the world and see things.

"How's your mom?" She asks and I shrug.

"She's alright." I tell her and she nods. "She'll be excited to see you."

"I miss her, she was always so nice." She says. 

Soon enough we were back at my house and I open her door for her. She smiles at me and follows me back up the steps.

"Honey, what are you doing here? I thought you said......Sasha!" Mom says excitedly and walks over to give her a hug.

"Hey Diane." She says.

"Oh it's so nice to have you back." She gushes. 

"I thought Sasha might appreciate a home cooked meal." I tell her and mom sets the table.

"So how's skating going?" She asks and she nods.

"It's good, things are still a little intense but they're getting better." She says with a small smile. "This is so good. I miss pasta." Sasha jokes and mom smiles.

Soon enough dinner's over and I smile pulling Sasha along.

"We'll be upstairs mom!" I call out.

"Alright, great seeing you again Sasha!" She calls back. 

"You too!" Sasha says with a smile on her face.

She walks up the stairs behind me and follows me into my room. Simple room really, not many people came here so I didn't feel the need to be flashy.

"This is it." I say gesturing around and she laughs.

"I see you've lost the race car sheets, very nice. Oh and the twin bed for a double."

"Yep I'm all grown up now." I tease and she smiles. She walks around my room looking at my pictures and knickknacks.

"Did you toss your figure skating stuff? I remember you used to have a big shelf right here." She says and I smile, flattered she remembered something like that.

"No, it's just all under my bed." I say and pull out the long boxes of storage. There's old costumes, awards, a binder full of certificates and score sheets.

"Aw this is great." She says and I smile. "What's this?" She asks and pulls a black photo box out from under my bed.

"It's nothing." I say and she pulls it out the rest of the way. Across the top in paint marker were five letters that made up one beautiful word.

"Sasha?" She says reading it and pulls it into her lap. She raises her eyebrows and pulls off the lid looking at the things inside.

"It's....really creepy isn't it?" I ask and she smiles, picking out pictures of the two of us when we were little.

"No, these are adorable!" She says with this endearing smile. "Aw weren't we the cutest?"

"Still are, thank you very much." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"I remember this." She says pulling out a pink shoe lace from the box. "We both got new laces for our skates and I gave you one of mine. You kept this?"

"Yeah, anything I had that was yours ended up in that box." I tell her and she looks genuinely touched.

"My old hair piece." She says pulling it out and pinning it into her hair making me laugh. "Well I'm glad you don't have anything really creepy like my hair, or an old lollypop stick...."

"I'm not a serial killer." I tell her and she laughs.

"Do you um....do you look at this stuff a lot?" She asks and I sigh.

"Sometimes." I admit and she smiles. "I know that's creepy but, it's nice to see that stuff every once in a while. Do you have a Nate box under your bed?" I tease and she laughs.

"No, but I do have a scrapbook." She says and I smile. "I do look at it an embarrassing amount too." Just then she comes across the same picture that she has on her nightstand and looks at it for a few seconds. She flips it over and looks at the two dates on the back, one written by my mom so I knew when it was taken. The other in scribbly penmanship, my own handwriting showing a far more significant day. 

"There's a reason though that I keep this one on my nightstand instead." She says with a smile running her thumb over the heart scribbled next to my own date. "This picture was a special day."

"It was." I say quietly.

"This is the scene of the crime too." She says with a laugh and I smile.

"Right where we're sitting." I say and she nods pushing the box back onto the floor.

"I'm still only going to Olympics if you come too, by the way." She says and I smile pulling the picture out of her hands.

"What's really funny is that this is just a random rehearsal picture." I say and she laughs with a nod. "Not even a big day or something important."

"I know." She says pouting and I laugh. "Those were the good old days."

"Of kissing?" I ask and she laughs throwing her head back.

"No, I was talking about practicing together." She says and I clear my throat.

"Oh right." I say shaking my head. "Of course."

"Well I guess we never did, like-like each other did we?" She sighs pulling the hairpiece out of her hair.

"Well how could you know?" I protest. "We were children who didn't know how to kiss."

"I love that you say that like I've had practice." She says and I laugh. "And what are you suggesting?" She asks in an accusatory voice.

"That maybe a retesting is in order." I say and she laughs.

"Right." She says shrugging her shoulders. "It's only fair, isn't it?" I nod and hold her hand.

She leans in slightly and brushes her lips over mine giving me a faint kiss. That wasn't what I wanted for our redo kiss, not when she's right here. Not when I've been thinking about her for four years.

I put my hand on the side of her face and lean in closer kissing her properly. It feels like someone is pouring cool water over the fire burning inside of me. She tenses up slightly, unsure of herself. I grab her hands and put them on my chest, she does one better and loops them around the back of my neck.

I grab her waist pulling her closer and I tangle my fingers in her hair. I move them over the sides of her body to the hem of her sweater and she grabs them pulling back and resting her forehead on mine.

"I don't want to go to fast." She says quietly holding the side of my face and I smile. 

I can't believe I ever thought that was weird. I can't believe I ever thought we wouldn't like each other this way.