I can feel her eyes on me

I can feel those hazel eyes on me, following every movement I make. Grabbing two small potatoes before grabbing the peeler but her almost fainting in my arms replays in my head and I grab another.

She still has an eating disorder, she had one before but I thought it got better. But I did not expect for her to come back with it being ten times worse. She should have told someone-anyone for fucks sake.

What if she passed out and I wasn't here? She could have seriously hurt herself, and she'd never make herself food so she just wouldn't eat then? It would be a repeat of everything that just happened.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, really hoping it's abuela with her recipe for the Tortilla Española Abby wants, it took a whole lot of convincing. And a promise to give her this album she's been wanting for a bit.

"Abby" I call looking at the potatoes in my hands as I use my fingers to pull the rest of the peel off, she hums from behind me and I hear the water being shaken around in the water.

She better have drank that, "Take my phone out for me" I say lightly and I hear her suck in a sharp breath, what? I just asked her to take my phone?

She hops off the table and I understand why she sucked in a sharp breath when her hand slides down the side of my torso pushing its way into my pocket, lightly I feel her grab my phone as the warmth of her skin radiates through my sweatpants.

Oh fuck

"it's your abuela" she mutters before clearing her throat and turning the phone to face the screen to me, I hum seeing her name but my phone has to be unlocked for the actual message. It scans my face and opens showing me the recipe

My eyes flicker up to see her hazel eyes on me, when I look at her she immediately looks down as pink covers her cheeks. I can't stop looking at her, why?

"Open my phone"

She doesn't meet my eyes as her finger swipes up unlocking it properly and clicks my abuela's message before placing the phone on the counter and walking back to where she was sitting before.

You hate her Seb, stop thinking about her. Why am I even making her food? I am not supposed to give a fuck, but I care so fucking much it annoys me. For fucks sake, Goose saw one picture of her and me together and growls and barks when anyone else touches me. He's scared of everyone, he was scared of Ivy, no one fears Ivy. And he runs around with Abby like he's known her forever because of that picture he found in my book.

He thinks she's his mom.

I think you've got a case of the feels...

Shut up

You know you love me

I don't, get out of my head motherfucker. Go annoy Goose, or Abby, or even better Ares.

Nope, I am your personal Consy

Fuck off, where's the off button?

"When did you get here last night?" I ask, letting my eyes close a second longer. Why would you start a conversation? Idiota.

"At about 1 in the morning, do you remember?" She asks and I look over my shoulder to see her sitting back up on the counter, her long slender legs crossed over one and other as she sips her water. A blush still covering her cheeks.

Her legs do things to me, everytime I look at them I can just feel them wrapping around my waist like they did that one night. Her moaning my name into my ear, pulling me deeper and whimpering. Everything about that night was amazing...Well, until it simply wasn't.

"No" I say answering her other question before snapping out of the flashbacks from that night years ago, truthfully I have no fucking idea how I got from the living room to my room. And let goose on the bed, or actually slept, or didn't wake up for no reason at all.

All I remeber is Regina texting me she wanted to talk to me on behalf of her brother, and then I smoked, drank, which I shouldn't have done because abuela would beat the fuck out of me if she found out I did drugs and drinking at the same time.

It's dangerous or something, but danger is fun.

"Do you know how we got to our rooms?" I ask, turning back as I follow the recipe, she mutters something under her breath and I miss it before she talks.

"I think Dawson took you all, not sure though I went to sleep"

Oh

I don't talk anymore, she seems bored.

She takes a deep breath "I'm going to call my friend back, be right back" she mutters and walks off leaving me alone in the kitchen. Not to be rude, but I'm happy she left because I can't do awkward situations for my life, and this was nothing but awkward.

I miss when I could talk my heart out to her

"How do you really feel?" Erika, my therapist asks and I shrug leaning back in the chair as she sighs writing in her stupid fucking book, I will throw that into the ocean one day.

"Mr. Morales, your journal gives me nothing too. If it's just doodles of random things like always we're going to need a new method." She grabs my journal, the one she sends home with me every week to write everything in and opens it.

I can't really tell her about my night job now can I? For the outside world everyone sees Sebastian Morales as the owner of Morales jewellers and Morales Corp. I run a business of jewellery, a bunch of jewellery shops around the world. And if I told her I kill people for stress relief I think she'd call the FBI on me.

I hate cops

"Who's this?" she asks turning the journal to me and I look at the pages where I drew a few days ago when I first saw Abby again. I drew her sitting down, with her beautiful hair down and she's petting goose.

Why? Great question, I have no fucking idea why she came to my mind. I was anxious so I started drawing and realised it was her when I was done with the drawing.

"No one in particular" I answer, monotone as she sighs.

"You always draw random things, never people, are you sure?" Erika asks, flipping to the next page where I already know what the drawing is.

I feel my fingers playing with my blazer, my knee bouncing for no reason. "Okay, how do you feel this week? I am asking again due to these drawings" she asks, putting the book down and holding her book getting ready to write.

"I feel fine getting up in the morning, eat breakfast sometimes, don't get angry...sometimes" I answer truthfully as I run a hand through my hair.

She hums, looking at me with a small smile. "How would you describe your mood?" she asks and I take a deep breath.

"I'm bored all the time,-" I start as I sit up straight in the chair, fixing my suit allowing her eyes to drop for a quick second "-When girls flirt with me I could care less-" well except that blond that loves churros "-I don't feel like doing anything, anytime"

"Okay, so we've improved a bit I see. What about some positive improvements you want to make until we meet again" my eyes fall to the clock behind her and I see there is no more than 1 minute left of our time.

"Not kill someone when I'm bored" I say, spiritless and her eyes widen as her grip on the book turns tighter and she scribbles something down, forcing out a chuckle before she clears her throat "I love your humour" she says shaking her head with a laugh.

"Now let's be real" she nods, I was being real. It's such a bad habit to be honest but it entertains me for at least ten minutes to thirty.

"Oh look at that, it's three thirty" I state boredly as I stand up fixing my cuff links, "hasta la próxima, Erika" I say grabbing my journal out of her hands and walking out.

[Until next time]

Looking at the drawing on the page, a woman with words in Spanish covering her face. Her blond hair is perfect and out just like I like it, the words 'Ximena broke me but is the only one keeping me in one piece' written in Spanish under the picture. I used her middle name so if anyone opened my journal they'd never know anything...

But the part about her breaking me isn't fully true, my 'parents' had a role in this whole character change I had and I fucking hate them for it.