TW: eating disorder

Today sucks.

It's 2 in the evening and no one is up, Ares and Ivy are upstairs doing god knows what because Ivy woke up at 8 and couldn't sleep again when she messaged me. I think the rest of the guys are all hung over, Athena is beating up some old man in the basement and Mason and D...Mason said they're making up. No more information needed.

I drank tea this morning which was kinda good, though half way through my glass I felt like throwing up. But ever since I got here to italy my eating has been a lot better than before, I couldn't even drink tea and water before. Now it's not so bad.

Akira groans into her hands and I roll my eyes before turning to look at her on my phone screen. She is my last resort.

Kidding, I love talking to her. And she loves ranting right after one of her runway shows.

she asks, turning her head to look at me and my eyes dart away, I almost passed out this morning. It was not good, I nodded to her, lying as I just walked back and forth in my room.

I hold in a groan, "This morning" I lie again with ease. I'm such a good liar, would the FBI offer me a job or do I go to the-she yawns

Ion think even the local popo gon offer you a receptionist job-

"It does not" I gasp and look into my mirror, shit she's right it does a bit. But it's so unnoticeable how the fuck did she see?

she asks as she struggles to put her hair up in a bun, not really. I don't know why but I don't even get hungry anymore, after the strict diet John set for me three years ago I started eating much less and somehow my appetite got smaller.

she grunts finally doing her bun and I sigh, I just don't want to waste food. After I can't eat and the food is just there I feel so bad for wasting it, this once I basically stuffed it down my throat but I puked it out ten minutes later.

"Akira, I'm not hungry." I mutter but then hold onto the edge of my vanity when the room spins slightly, I suck in a sharp breath and clear my throat.

"Hey, Ivy's calling me, can I call you later?" I ask quickly as the room spins more, she smiles and nods.she says blowing me a kiss and I chuckle lightly and she hangs up

I let out a heavy breath and suddenly my throat feels so dry, the room keeps spinning and I look around for my water bottle. Hearing things fall off and onto the floor as panic floods my mind, my hands shake as shaky breaths leave my lips.

Breath in and out Abby, you're fine.

Shit, I haven't actually passed out from not eating in months. And now is not a good time.

"Fuck" I mutter closing my eyes a bit longer trying to calm down, I make my way to the door carefully using the wall as I walk towards it.

Grabbing the handles and I pull it open, there's plenty of water in the kitchen, I just need to get there without fainting.

Deep breaths, I remind myself as I walk down the stairs. Snorting slightly imagining myself falling down, like a toddler. That would be embarrassing...

Successfully I make it down the staircase and I stop at the bottom wincing a bit when pain pulses through my head for a quick second. Damn bro, all this for not eating? Rude, I think it's rude to overdo it.

Jesus woman, KITCHEN

right...

Are you even supposed to pass out when you don't eat? Now I know I should have finished med school with Ivy...My nurse bitch is sleeping, cuddled up too I bet.

Everything turns, spins as I make my way towards the kitchen quickly for some water and fruits. Okay now we know, bad things will happen when you don't eat properly for a considerably long time.

I've been saying that forever

When things start spinning more and it feels like my head is a hurricane I begin to panic again, I cannot pass out right now. And with that chanting in my head I keep my hand on the wall as I keep walking taking long strides.

Deep breaths, I keep reminding myself and I finally make it to the kitchen.

I look up and see someone, can't make out who it is but it is a dude considering the biceps and height.

Not an Ivy...

Ignoring them as I reach for the fridge handle but at that second, black dots start covering my vision and my ears start ringing. "Oh fuck" I whisper before my body starts falling back not giving me a single bit of control.

I feel so fucking weak right now. Physically not mentally.

Two arms wrap around me, and as soon as the smell of a particular cologne fills my senses I'm pulled into a warm chest. My eyes closed even when I try to protest.

"Keep your eyes open" I hear a soft voice as a pair of lips brush against my temple, humming as I lean in closer. It's him.

"I can't" I whisper, my eyebrows furrowing as I try forcing my eyes open but everything seems so heavy right now, I just want to fall asleep...

I feel him lean down a bit and hands slip onto my thighs before he picks me up like it's nothing. I try wrapping my legs around him but it doesn't work and I let out a deep sigh placing my head on his shoulder. "Abby, please keep your eyes open for me"

My ass lands on a cold surface as two hands craddle my cheeks pushing my hair away from my face, "When did you last eat?" he asks and I chuckle, I don't even remember to be honest. I don't remember when I actually ate something that qualified as a full meal. Only snacks and water.

Finally I force myself to open my damn eyes, the room spinning again before he quickly lets go of me and my hands grab the edge of the marble counter top I now sit on. I keep myself from falling off, that would be more embarrassing then the stairs.

Where'd he go?

Looking down causing all my blond hair to fall too, covering my face as I take deep breaths trying to stop the spinning.

"Open your mouth"

My eyebrows furrow and before I could react he grabs my chin and makes me look at him, my eyes fall to the bottle of water in his hands and he carefully brings it to my lips. "Abby, cooperate with me" he sighs when I roll my eyes lazily.

Abby, I think he's right for this one. I'll tell the ego to sit it out.

Sigh, I sigh before opening my mouth a bit allowing him to tilt the bottle and the cool water hits my tongue.

Finally when the water goes down my throat the black dots retreat from my eyes, the room spins less and I lean forward wanting more.

I feel his thumb rub small circles on my jaw and my eyes flutter shut, my hand wraps around his wrist telling him I don't need anymore seeing I'm somewhat fine now.

"A bit more..." he whispers and my mind goes off thinking about other things, "...Just like that" he hums in approval and pulls the bottle from my lips leaving me panting. Jesus Abby get your head out of the gutter.

My eyes meet his and he puts the bottle on the side before leaning closer, resting his palms beside my hips on the counter top not letting me move. "When was the last time you ate?"

He's so close to me

"A few days ago" I mutter not taking my eyes off his blue ones, he lets out a shaky exhale shaking his head a bit. I bite the inside of my cheeks, he looks mad-but now-a-days he always looks like this so is he mad? Why would he be mad? He hates me, called me dumb and shit. What about last nig-I chose to ignore the whole night.

Oh

"What do you want to eat?" he murmurs

My eyebrows furrow and before I could talk he does again, "Don't play the I'm not hungry, name something-what do you want to eat?" he asks leaning closer.

His eyes have dark circles under them and his hair messed up from bed, he's in only a black t-shirt and grey sweats. He just got up a bit ago, his eyes showing his hangover. I wonder if he remembers anything from last night.

"I can make it myse-" he cuts me off moving closer, his hand brushing my thigh and his eyes flickering to my lips. "-What are you craving?" he asks, in a whisper as I suck in a sharp breath.

Goddamit Sebastian you're making it hard for me to stay away from you

"Tortilla Española" I mutter, a blush on my cheeks starts to rise for no reason. Maybe how close he is to me? Or maybe because I'm not allowed to have those due to my made by John diet. But gosh, I crave those all the time but can't make them.

"That's it?"

My eyes snap to his and he has a raised eyebrow, I blush more at the know it all look he gives me. Why did I have to tell him how much I love churros? "And churros" I mutter under my breath and he hums.

"Better"

He takes a few steps back from me and points to the water, "Sit there and drink it all" he says turning on the stove and I bite down on my lip as I nod. Stop blushing Abby, please

"Guacamole on the side? Right?" he asks, his back to me as he grabs all the pans and onions. He still remembers, I ranted to him years ago how I hate guacamole in my Tortilla Españolas because they fall apart but I also need guacamole with it cause I love guacamole. And he still fucking remembers.

"Yes please" I grab the bottle of water. Fuck.