❦𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮❦

I've been living with Blake for over a month now and I've grown really close to him and the rest of the guys.

I've also tried on multiple occasions to get him to take his bedroom back, but he always shoots me down and gives me a dirty look like I'm insulting him.

I'm currently sat in the living room munching on a snack, Blake's constantly eating food and I'm just starting to adjust to eating three meals a day.

"I'm gonna go to the gym and do some shopping afterwards. Let me know if you need anything." Blake says, grabbing keys off the counter by the door.

"Ok, stay safe." I smile over at him.

"Yeah you too. Ace should be here any minute, do you want me to wait with you?" He questions.

They've come up with an agreement amongst themselves not to leave me alone, a few minutes here and there is the most I've been alone since I got here.

I don't mind, I love the company and they're doing it because Conway hasn't backed down.

He constantly threatens Blake and even tried to talk to me at a fight once. Isaiah dragged me away before he could get a word out, but that didn't stop Conway from evil smirking at me. It sends a shiver of disgust down my spine everytime I think about it.

"No, it'll be fine." I reassure him.

Blake's become more protective over me in the last month, not in a bad way or anything, he just really cares and is determined not to let anyone or anything hurt me.

The only way he sees that being possible is if he's with me twenty-four seven, the few hours he can't be with me he calls Ace over. Even though he would try his best, Blake prefers Isaiah isn't the one with me because he's afraid we would both end up dead.

Not only because Isaiah is lacking in the fighting skills that Ace and him have. But also because as Isaiah and I have become closer, well, we tend to feed off of each other's energy and that leads to many situations that might be a little unsafe in Blake's eyes.

Like last week when Isaiah and I were in the living room and the other guys were in the kitchen. I randomly blurted out that I wanted to see what the city looked like from the rooftop of the apartment.

Isaiah said he always wondered too, so we walked to the balcony area on the fifth floor and found out that there wasn't a ladder to the roof. Isaiah hoisted me up on his shoulders and I tried to pull myself up over the top only to be yanked back down by an angry Blake.

Still have no clue how he found us, but I don't want to bring it up because he gave Isaiah an earful for a good half-hour that night.

I got a light flick on the forehead and a stern 'be careful'.

Definitely don't want to aggravate him and get the same talking too as Isaiah did. So now whenever Isaiah and I are quietly whispering to each other about what we want to do, Blake sends us a warning glare.

When Blake leaves the house it's not more than five minutes until Ace is walking through the door.

"Hey Rose." He smiles.

I feel bad sometimes that they do this for my safety. Ace and Blake used to go and train at the gym together, but now Ace is stuck babysitting me.

"Hi! How's everything? Did you get the paperwork figured out?" I question, scooting over on the couch to make room for him.

"No, I'm going to have to work on it again. I hope that's ok?"

The people living above him left the bath on and it overflowed. Flooded his apartment and ruined some of his stuff, luckily nothing of sentimental value. But it still ruined a lot of his belongings, so he's currently filing a claim with his renter insurance and the paperwork is confusing as can be.

He spent a few hours here yesterday working on it before he took a break for the rest of the day because it was pissing him off.

"Yeah of course. I'm kinda tired, so I was thinking about taking a nap anyway." I smile reassuringly.

"You're the best. If I'm done before Blake gets back I'll make us Ice-cream Sundays." He winks at me.

It's become a running joke. The first week I was here, the guys did something to make Ace mad.

So to get back at them he bought stuff for Ice-cream Sundays, but only made one for him and one for me.

I love it because Ace makes the best Sundays and whenever the guys get on his nerves he makes us both one to eat in front of them.

I would feel bad if they didn't have the capability to make one themselves, Ace never said they couldn't use the ingredients. He just refuses to make them one, and the guys won't make their own claiming it doesn't taste as good when they do.

"Sounds like a plan." I giggle. Ace pulls out his laptop and gets to work so I head to my room to take a nap.

⇿♡⇿♡⇿♡⇿♡⇿

"Come out, come out wherever you are." An ominous voice taunts me in the darkness. I search around me for any form of light, anything that could help me see but I'm in complete darkness.

I raise my hand in front of my face and I can't see it.

Panic wells inside me when a familiar musty smell envelopes my nose. My hands reach out and slide against a cold concrete wall.

No, not here, not this again.

"Awe, come on Rose. I just want to have some fun." My brother's voice booms.

A loud bang comes from above me then the basement door smashes open. The light streaming down the wooden steps is so bright it makes me flinch.

The silhouette of my brother stands at the top, a dark body with a beer bottle hanging out of his left hand.

"There you are. What are you doing down here?" He mocks.

I'm down here because he left me here last week, he said he was tired of my face and didn't want to see it anymore so he tossed me down the stairs and this is the first time he's come back.

"Don't fucking look at me like that you bitch." He screams, the beer bottle that was just in his hand crashes beside my head splintering into little pieces of glass.

I wince because I know what's coming. He loves to drag me through broken glass.

The sound of his shoes crunching on it before the searing pain is something that replays in my mind constantly. Something about it is so haunting.

So as he steps down the first step I back up, it's useless really. The basement isn't very big so there isn't much space I can put between us.

"You know I hate a chase." He growls as he steps down the last stair, both feet land on the concrete floor.

I try not to, because it's always worse when I try to fight back. But it's hard, when someone double your size comes at you to hurt you, it's instinct to run away.

He begins his walk over to me, if I didn't know him I wouldn't think he was drunk. He has three stages of drunk, first he would get all wobbly and slur his words.

Then he would get all his functions back, but you could see in his eyes that he was still drunk. That is the one that he would always come after me, the intention to inflict as much pain as possible is the only thing on his mind.

Then he would pass out. Sometimes I would pass out too, the relief that he was done hurting me mixed with the physical damage, my body would just give up for a while.

"I got rejected from college." He sneers, spit flying out of his mouth.

It's my fault, it's always my fault.

"I fucking hate you. Why were you born? I could have had a good life if it wasn't for you!" He screams.

I'm doomed, his eyes flair up as he stands just in front of me. His right hand reaches out and grabs my hair yanking me off the wall. A searing pain rips through my scalp when the action causes me to trip and land on the floor.

His hand doesn't let go though, no, instead he starts dragging me across the ground towards the pile of glass.

No, no, no please no. I hear the crunch first, fear ripples through me at the sound.

Then I feel the glass ripping through my skin as he drags me across it. A whimper escapes my mouth, my hands claw at his trying to relieve some pain in my scalp as the cuts on my leg multiply.

Once I'm across the glass he throws my body to the wall, I crumble to the ground as the wind gets knocked out of me.

My eyes flutter open when I don't feel him near me. I see him crouched down next to the pile of glass, his hand reaches to the pile and picks up a large chunk. His head tilts up to look at me, a sinister smile plastered on his face.

He stands up and slowly walks over to me, he enjoys seeing me cower. Then he plunges the piece of glass into my thigh.

I try to keep quiet, but the pain is too much so a loud pained scream leaves my mouth.

"Rose!" A worried voice screams waking me up from my nightmare.

No. From a memory.

Ace busts through the door as I sit up in bed trying to catch my breath. My fists claw at my throat as tears fall from my eyes and land on the blanket I'm tangled in.

"Shit, are you ok?" I can't reply, my throat burns as I greedily suck in air.

"Fuck. I'm gonna call Blake." His voice is consumed with worry.

I reach my hand out grabbing his arm to stop him from grabbing his phone and shake my head no. I've managed to hide the nightmares from Blake so far, I don't want him to know.

"I'm fine." I rasp, finally filling my lungs with air again.

I blink my eyes up, one hand still clutching my throat the other on the bed and look at Ace. His face looked pinched and his eyes hold worry, emotions I'm still getting used to seeing directed towards me.

"No you're not." He says sternly, making my heart race. "I see the signs, and I know you aren't comfortable talking about what's happened to you. But you really should talk to someone, Rose." The gentleness in his voice almost brings me to tears, but I force them back as I attempt to build a wall around me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. It was just a stupid nightmare." I can't look him in the eye, I can't look into the eyes of someone who cares when I'm this vulnerable.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Ok, why don't we go watch a movie then." He reaches his hand out to me.

Does he know my legs are weak, that if I tried to stand I'd most likely sink to the ground? The hour nap I just took did nothing to energize me, now I'm left more exhausted than before.

I take a deep breath before placing my hand in his. He pulls me up out of the bed as if I weigh nothing and guides me to the living room couch. He sits on one side and I sit on the other, but he doesn't reach for the TV controller.

My eyebrows frown, I glance over to him as he sits with a thoughtful look on his face. My pulse spikes, he knows something and I don't know how.

A cold draft that feels like late night Autumn air blows over me, and my arms cover in goosebumps.

"If you don't want to tell me your story, I'll tell you some of mine." Ace tries to keep his voice steady but I hear the waver as he speaks.

"No, you don't need to do that if it makes you uncomfortable." I say, shifting in my seat to face him.

His brows are pinched together so tight there's no gap, why would he force himself if it's unpleasant to think about. My stomach twists, why is he doing this to himself?

"No, you don't understand. Even if something is painful to talk about, that doesn't mean you shouldn't." The words pierce my heart and tear it open.

I never tried telling anyone, not since I told the cops and they didn't listen. Not since I told Max some things, he only used that information to know he could start abusing me and no one would care.

I keep trying to compare the new people in my life to the old people. But the guys have never given me any reason to believe they would hurt me, all they've done is care.

I'm constantly on a teeter totter when it comes to them. Because even though I love them, and would do anything to keep them safe. I'm also terrified they will turn out the same as Max. Up until I met Bob and the guys I didn't know anything else, my whole life was spent in isolation until I shuck out and met Max.

Then the idea of good people in the outside world shattered, like a piece of glass when broken, unable to be put back together.

But every moment I spend with the guys, they pick up a piece and glue it back together. I think I need to jump off the teeter totter and plant my feet on solid ground.

"My dad wasn't a good guy." He starts. "No, scratch that. He was a sick and vile man. Violence was his only language towards me." He grits out, palms tightening into fists.

I listen carefully as he tells me his story.

About how his mom left, and his dad was an alcoholic. His dad was abusive and would take it out on him constantly. My heart ached as he described some of the stuff he did.

So many similarities between his dad and my brother, it makes me nauseous.

Blake got back as Ace was telling me his story, he didn't say anything. Just took a seat after Ace motioned to it, then listened to his friend.

I think Blake's already heard it all before, because a look of shock never crossed his face. Ace continues to tell me about how he would get panic attacks whenever he would hear his dad's drunk footsteps.

He told me about how it went on his whole life, getting worse each year. Until one night it got so bad that it messed up his back to an extreme extent.

He didn't think anything of it at first, because the pain was always so intense after his dad took his anger out on him. But the pain didn't go away, it still hasn't completely, and if he moves in a certain way it flares up causing him to drop to the ground.

He went to a doctor, but they said there's nothing they can do without surgery, and he would risk a chance at being paralyzed.

He went to that doctor without his dad knowing, and as he walked out of the hospital doors he realized that if he wanted to live, he had to get away from his dad.

He told me that it never crossed his mind to fight back, because he'd been raised with his dad beating him. Whenever he was near he would shut down. Just let him beat him, until one of them was unconscious.

I reach my hand out to him and hold his hand as tears stream down my face. I know how that feels, how much guilt you carry for never fighting back. Makes you feel like you deserved all the years of torment.

But you didn't, no one ever does. I scream it in my head, but no words make it out of my mouth.

Then he told me that he got out of that house, and his dad ended up in jail for a D.U.I. When he finishes his story his eyes meet mine. An intense look filled with worry and pain, but most of all understanding.

No matter how much I try to hide it, he knows, we went through a lot of the same things and he can pick up the little pieces of me that slip. But whenever they see a piece of me slip and fall to the ground, they pick it up and put it back together better than before.

My chest constricts as I process the information he just told me.

First I feel anger at his dad. Then it's sadness, for all the things he went through. Then it's admiration for being able to stand up and get himself out. Then they all get mixed together and the walls I've spent so much time building come crumbling down.

My chest heaves as sobs rack through me, I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugs me back, one hand holds me tight while the other smooths out my hair in a calming manner.

"You're really brave." The words leave my mouth in a whisper. I untangle myself from him and slide back to my original spot.

Our eyes meet, both holding so much intensity it's almost unbearable. But I can feel it, a bond building between us, fusing us together in a way only trauma can.

"Thank you." The light smile on his face doesn't do much to lift my spirits. The weight of my story is crushing me.

I know why he told me, he did it to get me to open up, so I'm not fighting this battle alone. He did it to show me we aren't that different.

But we are, he was able to deal with what happened to him. I'm weak, I still panic when I feel overwhelmed, nightmares haunt me every night and I feel so alone even when surrounded by people who care for me.

I keep myself from ever healing from the events of my past because it's all I've ever known.

Being happy, loved and cared for are things that terrify me. I'm used to the pain of feeling unloved and unwanted, those are normal.

Even though they hurt, they bring me a sense of normality. I struggle to let them go because I don't know who I'd be without them.

But everyday I'm with Bake, Ace and Isaiah. They chip away at my walls and force me to see how much they care. It scares me so I push them away.

But now, as I sit here after Ace shared his story, I want to be like him. I want to live my life without letting my past hold me back. I peer over at Blake, the man who's taken me in, protecting me at all costs. He sits attentively, watching the interaction between Ace and I.

Then his eyes lock with mine, and for the first time I can clearly see it.

It's not a new look, I've seen it plenty of times. But I never allowed myself to truly see what his eyes were speaking to me. Love. My chin wobbles, Blake's eyes shift over me in worry.

I searched for that look for years, just a glimpse of love in my mothers eyes would have been enough. But I never got it, never once did she show a single sign that she cared about me.

But now, right in front of me... Is a man who chose to, he has no obligation to me. The pain of all the years come crashing down, a cry of pain leaves my lips as I clutch my hands on my chest.

Blake's with me in an instant, lifting me off the couch, he sits down with me on his lap sideways, my legs facing Ace. My arms wrap around his neck, cheek pressed to his chest as I cry. Every tear I held over the years comes rushing out.

All the time I forced myself not to cry because it made everything real. I thought that if I didn't cry I was stronger, that somehow what happened didn't affect me as much. And maybe that's true, maybe it didn't affect me as much at the moment because I was suppressing it.

But it also made me unable to heal, it made the pain last longer.

Blake never let go, he held me tight as I cried, soaking his hoodie. He whispered comforting words in my ear, he let me cry for as long as I needed. Never told me to stop even though I could tell by the rasp in his voice that it was killing him to see me cry.

That made me cry harder. A few tears ran down Ace's face as he watched me crumble, he knew that this was necessary. But it doesn't make it any more plestent to watch.

Eventually my cries became whimpers, then settled into hiccups. I stayed curled into Blake's chest, it brought me comfort and I wasn't ready to give that up. I played with the strings on his hoodie, trying to even out my breathing.

"H-how do you deal with it?" I hiccup, my blurry eyes looking towards Ace for answers. His head drops as a harsh breath of air leaves his lungs.

My words confirm that what he assumed about me was true. Up until I admit what has happened, there could always be a little sliver of hope that he was overreacting. But my words destroyed that.

"How do I, I don't want to l-live like this anymore." I cry.