I ran my fingers through my hair as I brushed my teeth in front of the bathroom mirror in my apartment in Vancouver. I hadn't always lived here, but it was home now. It was a better home than the one I'd left behind in Canton, New York. Although I did grow up in that little town, it was too full of the terrible memories of that one year that ruined everything.

If only I could've left behind that town but not my family. I couldn't though, because my parents loved it there. They had their friends, their entire lives. I was the one that had to move alone to another country to escape the pain I felt.

There was nowhere in that town where I could feel happy and at peace. Everywhere I went, there were memories of the people who hurt me most. I lost everyone that year, my best friend, every other friend I'd ever made, even the boy I grew to have feelings for and began to trust enough that I planned a future with him. But I guess it was all fake from the beginning.

It had been seven years since that day. The day my parents talked to me about marriage. I was only eighteen at the time, but I was at that point in my life where I felt it was time to see if I could find someone who I could see a future with. My mother sat me down and told me that one of her friends was looking for a girl for her son. It made me nervous, but when Mom told me it was just a meeting to see if we had anything in common and liked each other, I felt a little better about it. If we liked each other, we could establish a relationship with the intention of marriage in a year or two.

I didn't want to say no to meeting the man and regret it later if nothing else came up. So, I agreed, and we went to meet this man. I hid behind my father when we arrived at the meeting place. Even seven years later, I remembered how nervous I felt going to meet a man under such circumstances. But I remembered when I saw him, how it felt like someone had thrown a cold bucket of water over my head.

I knew this guy very well. His name was Noah. He was always at my best friend, Jordi's place. They got along well, but I despised him for the man he'd become when we hit junior high. Noah was a player. He slept with any girl that would let him, and he knew how much I hated him for using women like that. Not to mention, he turned into an angel with his parent's or his family friends. He was such a two-faced liar.

He looked like he had been forced to be there, but when he saw me, he smirked. He looked like he was ready to have some fun with me. He knew he couldn't get to me like the other girls that fell at his feet, but he knew he could make me angry with his stupidity.

My parents had no clue how much I hated him, they knew nothing about him. But they sent me off with him so I could get to know him. I walked around with him, trying my hardest to ignore his existence so that I didn't lose control and kill him. He teased me, said things he knew would trigger me, and then even went as far as to tell our parents we had a great time and wanted to see each other again. I saw the happy look on my mother's face when he said that, how she lit up at the prospect of her daughter being happy with someone.

And then my father revealed how he wanted us all to go on a camping trip. I made a few excuses which all failed and then ended up going with them. The trip was a disaster, I kept trying to avoid him, and trying to push him away and make him hate me as much as I hated him. And then one night, we were left out by the campfire together, waiting for our parents to come back with some more firewood.

That's when he made his confession. He offered me the blanket he was wrapped up in and I refused, making him sigh. I remember it very clearly. The day I destroyed my future in Canton. The day I solidified my fate of leaving my parents and my childhood home behind.

I sat there in front of the fire and he asked me why I was so eager to push him away.

"Why are you like this, Ava? Why are you so insistent on getting rid of me?" Noah asked.

"Because you're a player. You mess around with every girl you lay your eyes on, and then your parents and all your friends think you're an angel. I'm not one of the other girls, Noah. I'll never be like them." I said to him, sighing deeply.

"Don't you think I know that? That's the reason I like you so much. This trip has been enlightening, Ava. I realize now that I was wrong to do what I did with those girls." He said. "Will you please give me a chance to redeem myself?"

I shook my head and he smiled, telling me he was going to show me he was serious about me no matter what. And part of me didn't mind that he wanted to try, part of me fell for the lie that he'd changed.

That's when Noah's game began. He spent the next month finding me in all my first year classes in university, getting me my favourite coffee, bringing me flowers, chocolates, donuts, and lunch. He made all these grand gestures, expressing how desperately he wanted me to give him a chance, telling me how he wanted to be my man and assuring me that he had changed.

After a month of all that, naive little Ava gave in. Well, she was grabbed and kissed when she was at her best friend Jordi's pool party. I remember being extremely caught off guard, I wasn't expecting it at all. But he said when he saw me, he couldn't control himself anymore. After everything that went down between us, it was obviously a lie.

I pulled him aside after that, sitting down with him and having a serious talk with him. I remember how he didn't seem to be paying much attention, brushing off all my comments and points as if they were silly and he cared too much about me to care that I couldn't cook or didn't have other attributes that I thought he'd want in a future wife. It made me happy to hear him say all those things about me. How beautiful and smart and amazing I was. But he just knew how to please me, just to get closer to me.

I put my all into that relationship, thinking it was going to be my last. I began to trust him more, feeling like he was going to be there for me forever. He seemed to be serious about me. He was always kind to me and respectful and he treated me the way any sweet boyfriend who cared deeply for their girlfriend would.

I helped him out with his school work, made sure his grades were high enough that he would get into the program he initially wanted to get into. I made sure he always had a good lunch and dinner even though I myself couldn't cook. I cleaned his apartment for him if I felt he was too busy or he was too stressed out. I planned some of our dates and let him plan some of them, just so it wasn't all his effort, but mine as well. We were doing great. He was very passionate and very sweet and supportive.

We finished our first semester of university, both of us with near perfect GPAs. Our parents got excited, seeing how well we were going together. But then, something clicked in both of us. Once the second semester of our first year started, Noah began getting really touchy, too touchy for my comfort. I was inexperienced and the idea of that level of intimacy had always scared me. I expected him to ease into it, maybe find ways to make me more comfortable with it, but instead he'd get mad.

I remember how red his face would turn, how loud he would yell at me for not loving him enough. He would tell me it was his right as my boyfriend to touch me wherever and however he wanted and that I shouldn't feel uncomfortable. He started accusing me of lying about the discomfort. He would try to emotionally blackmail me, telling me how sweet he was and how I was being unfair to him.

After every fight, I would just back off, give him his space to cool down and then he would come to me when he was ready to talk again. He'd come to me an hour later, apologizing for it and telling me he just didn't feel good being rejected by his girlfriend when all he wanted to do was show her how beautiful he found her and how much he loved her. And my little naive self forgave him for his outburst every single time. It became a frequent occurrence. Our relationship became more yelling and screaming than anything else.

I started to feel like everything was my fault, like I should just let him touch me. Like I should let him have sex with me the way he clearly wanted and get it over with. And those thoughts scared me. Because to me, it wasn't that easy. I'd always been the type to be closed off, to try and keep my strength and not be vulnerable around people. We hadn't even been together that long in my opinion. It hadn't even been a year.

I began applying to universities outside of the state, outside of the country even. I just wanted to go somewhere and maybe get some distance. Or maybe I knew that the relationship was destined to be destroyed.

I started hanging out with Jordi more, instead of Noah. Although he was at her place very often. Her boyfriend Alec on the other hand was not. Jordi had been with Alec all throughout highschool and then into university and they were still very close. They didn't seem to be splitting up anytime soon.

But ever since my relationship with Noah began, I hadn't been spending enough time with my best friend. So I changed that. I told her about our troubles and she told me to get some distance because he was acting like a jerk. I did as she said and while I was getting some alone time away from Noah, I noticed how he didn't even care. Usually he'd call me after an argument and tell me he would go slowly if I needed it and that he loved me too much to let the relationship die.

But this time around, he didn't text, didn't call, didn't even ask about me. And that's when I knew, there was no point in fighting for a relationship when neither of us were bothered enough to check in on each other. I sat with my thoughts for a while, thinking about whether or not I truly had enough feelings for him to fight for the relationship. I even went and spoke to my mother about it.

She sat down beside me when I told her I needed to ask her something and I had a conversation with her about relationships.

"What's going on, Darling?" She asked me.

"I just wanted to ask you about love, about you and Dad and how you feel." I said to her, looking down at my hands awkwardly.

"Oh." She said, smiling at the mention of her and my father.

"I just want to know how you know he's the one. Like how are you sure you actually like him and aren't just settling because it's easy that way." I said, looking up into her eyes.

"Well, I can tell him anything, go to him about anything. He makes me happy... I mean... haven't you heard of butterflies and hearts thumping, sparks flying... that kind of thing?" She asked me.

"No, Mom. I'm serious... I'm not talking about that fairytale stuff... I'm talking about real life." I said.

"So am I, Sweetheart. Whenever your dad walks in with that smile plastered on his face, ready to eat with us and have our little family time, I get this flip floppy feeling in my belly. Just seeing him takes my breath away. My heart beats faster, and I just feel like my entire mood has changed for the better." She said, giggling lightly as her eyes sparkled with joy.

"Ok... but maybe that's because you've been together for so long... right? Like you didn't feel that in the beginning of your relationship, did you?" I asked her.

"I did, of course I felt it, Ava. I mean... why else would I have married him without hesitation after only being with each other for a year?" She asked me.

That was the moment I realized that I'd made a huge mistake. I was in a relationship with a man that I didn't love. And I doubted that he loved me either. I realized that if he had truly loved me, he never would've tried to push intimacy. He probably wouldn't even have had to do that. It would've come to us naturally and I wouldn't have been so hesitant.

So I thanked my mother, went up to my room, gathered everything that belonged to my boyfriend, Noah, and I made my way to his apartment. I was ready to do what was right for me for once. To end this toxic relationship once and for all. All he wanted was sex and I wasn't prepared to listen to him screaming at me and calling me names because I wasn't ready.