The first 48 hours were crucial, and when we got through those without any setbacks, I found myself breathing a little easier.

John took me down in a wheelchair to see her the morning after she was born and we were actually able to go inside, provided we wear the sterile gown, gloves and cap. I was nervous; and that feeling turned into full on terror when I realized I couldn't tell which baby was mine.

What kind of mom didn't recognize her own child!?

I saw all of the machines in the picture taken by the nurse last night, but being here in person was overwhelming. John led me towards a cradle all the way across the room.

It was hot around Addie's overhead radiant cradle, with lots of flashing lights and beeping monitors. There was a name tag with Addie's name on it, as well as the chart the doctors and nurses were using to keep up to date with everything.

Addie was at the very center of a tangle of tubes and wires, lying perfectly still with her eyes closed. Since her hand was too small, a sensor had to be taped to her foot instead. She had very red skin, which looked wrinkled and almost translucent, as it was so thin. Her body was so small and she had so little fat on her that I could count each of her ribs and see her blood vessels.

"Is she hungry do you think?" I whispered, looking at John.

"Don't worry; they're takin' good care of her..." he replied, reaching for my hand as we stood next to the cradle. "But we can always ask a nurse, she'll answer any of our questions," he added calmly, although I knew him well enough to know he was anything but calm. There was so much pain in his gaze. He hated seeing Addie like this as much as I did.

"Yeah," I whispered, reaching towards the cradle, wanting so desperately to touch Addie, but hesitating halfway through the motion. "Can I touch her?" I asked a nurse as she passed by.

I wanted so desperately to touch her again, to hold her. I couldn't help but feel a sting of jealousy at the thought that, up until now, the doctors and nurses had more contact with my daughter than John and I.

"Yes, of course, just be very careful," the nurse replied, stopping to guide us through this new process.

The nurse was very kind and patient, answering questions we had, specifically the one I had about breastfeeding. Addie was too weak to suckle at the moment, so she'd be fed through an IV. We were assured that soon enough we'd be able to feed her milk, which would pass through a tube that fed through her nose and went all the way into her stomach.

My finger brushed gently against Addie's arm, at least a part of it that wasn't covered in tubes or wires.

"Is she in pain?" I asked as tears welled up behind my eyelids. John squeezed my hand.

"No, not at all," the nurse replied. "Don't you worry, Addie isn't feelin' a single thing... She gets to sleep through it all," she added when I didn't look entirely convinced.

"Lucky girl; I wish I could spend all day sleepin'," John smirked.

I was discharged the following afternoon. As reluctant as I was to leave Addie behind at the hospital, John convinced me that we both needed some time away to recuperate.

He made a valid point: he'd been wearing the same clothes for three days now and he said he could do with a hot shower and a meal that wasn't hospital food or takeout. In a way, I was actually a little anxious to get back to the ranch and see how my uncle, Dale and Travis were doing holding down the fort.

"I miss her already," I whispered when we turned into the driveway of Atwood Ranch.

"I know, I can't stop thinkin' about her," John chuckled.

When we got out of the truck, we were immediately bombarded by three men in cowboy boots, all eager to find out more about the baby. My Uncle Scott, Dale and Travis followed us into the house and we told them all we knew over a pitcher of iced tea and a casserole Maisy's mom had brought over the night before.

It was only much later that night, after another trip to and from the hospital, that John and I found each other truly alone together for the first time all week.

He wrapped me in his arms and I sagged into his embrace, completely and utterly drained. I didn't think I could ever do this without him.

We didn't do a whole lot of talking. He ran me a bath and I sank into the hot water, still aching from giving birth only two days earlier. He went and sent an e-mail to his college professors letting them know what'd happened, and then wrote a quick baby update, which he posted on my Facebook account. We decided not to post any pictures of her on the internet just yet, not while she was still so small and hooked up to all of those machines.

I just didn't feel right plastering her all over social media at this stage – or any stage, really – and John agreed with me wholeheartedly.

We spent most of the next two days at the hospital with Addie. She lost two ounces during this period, which concerned the doctors. She still wasn't breathing on her own and since she wasn't producing any surfactant, a substance that keeps the tiny air sacs in the lung open, they had to give it to her artificially.

Halfway through her fourth day, Addie's little neighbor, a boy named Akeem born at thirty weeks, passed away very suddenly. He was nine days old. I stood there motionless as one of the doctors called the time of death.

The mother, a young woman named Tiwa that I'd spoken to a few times before, was completely hysterical.

I ended up leaving the NICU in a rush, too consumed with grief for Tiwa and her husband, and fearing that the same thing could happen to Addie.

How could this happen? How was any of this fair?

John came to find me down the hall a few minutes later and, wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around my middle, pulling me close.

"I know," he whispered as I cried.

It was the longest month of our lives: day after day, all the way to mid-April, it'd be more of the same. We couldn't hold her when she cried, I couldn't breastfeed her when she got hungry... and the hardest part was standing in her nursery at the ranch, knowing it'd be a little while still before we could even consider bringing her home. It all made us feel absolutely hopeless.

Addie fought one battle after the next: anemia, abnormal blood flow from the heart, numerous lung collapses due to her respiratory distress syndrome, jaundice and a serious case of pneumonia that almost caused us to lose her.

She fought hard and came out victorious each and every time, gaining almost a whole pound and a half during this time. A few days after she turned one month old, we got to take her off the ventilator as she was breathing sufficiently on her own.

"We get to hold her?" I whispered.

"Yes ma'am," Nora, one of the nurses that'd been with Addie from the start, grinned at us. I looked at John and he looked at me, unspoken words passing between us. The relief I felt was enough to make me start crying again, something I'd been doing a lot of lately.

I was led to a rocking chair in the corner of the room and John crouched down next to me, holding a video camera up to my face. Carefully Nora picked Addie out of her cradle and brought her to me, placing her in my arms.She squeaked out a cute little cry, but it only lasted a split-second before she went quiet again.

"Just be very careful with the IV," Nora warned.

I nodded.

"I can take that if you'd like," she added to John, offering to take the camera so that John could be in the shot too.

I cried silently as I stared at her; without the tube down her throat I could really look at her and take in all of her features. She looked so much like John with her dark hair, which was already surprisingly thick. She had his forehead, his cheeks, his nose... but her lips and her chin came from me.

"Oh my God," I whispered, tears streaming down my face as she opened her eyes and stared right at me. It was like I was looking into John's gaze.

John kissed the side of my head.

"Hi," he cooed to our little girl, running his thumb over the back of her fragile hand, looking absolutely and utterly in love. "Hey pipsqueak, how's it goin'?" he grinned when her gaze found his. She was staring at him with such intensity that I couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you want a turn?" I asked, although I wasn't quite ready to let her go just yet.

John hesitated for a moment.

"It's okay, you won't break her," I giggled.

He took up residence in the rocking chair, which was slightly too small for his long legs. He looked scared out of his mind when I gently placed our baby in his arms, his whole body going completely rigid.

"Relax, daddy, you're doin' just fine," Nora instructed, still holding onto the video camera, catching all of this on tape.

"A baby looks good on you hon," I laughed softly as I took out my cell phone and snapped a picture.

God, this was so cute. John was at a complete loss for words; he had a ridiculous smile on his face as he stared at her, completely entranced.

I was so in love with these two people, I wasn't sure my heart could take it.

A/N: If you don't usually comment but have a few seconds to do so now, I'd love to see what you think so far!