It was a good day.

I was feeling pretty good when I woke up at seven so after a long shower and some breakfast I made my way to the stables to catch up on all of the work I'd been neglecting ever since finding out about my pregnancy.

By the time evening rolled around and the boys came rolling back into the driveway, I was just about done with the evening's dishes, a pretty easy chore since I was eating alone.

"How did it go?" I asked when I went to welcome them on the porch.

"Fantastic," John grunted, slamming the truck door and making his way purposefully to the back of the truck.

I didn't miss the look that passed between Darryl and Steve. Something had happened. I looked at John; he looked rigid, his expression hard and stormy, like he was trying really hard not to punch something.

I looked at Darryl. He shrugged and started making his way towards me.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I uh... I don't know if it's any of my business," Darryl said a little uncertainly. He looked at John again and seemed to make up his mind, leading me towards the other end of the porch, further away from John and Steve so that we were out of earshot.

"Somethin' happened to John out there," Darryl said, his dark eyes locked on mine. "I don't know if it was the gunfire that triggered it or what... but uh... he kind of lost it... started yellin' stuff... I think he thought I was one of his old army buddies or somethin'... I think... I'm pretty sure he thought he was back in Afghanistan."

I stiffened.

"Okay... Thanks for tellin' me Darryl, I'll... um... talk to him," I nodded.

More often than not now he woke me up in the middle of the night with all of the tossing and turning that he did, and sometimes he'd wake up in a cold sweat, yelling out somebody's name. Sometimes it was someone named Mick and sometimes it was Alex.

Then, come morning, everything was fine again... or so he made it seem.

This was different though; they weren't just nightmares anymore. I was getting really worried about him and I didn't know what to do! I needed to talk to him but how was I supposed to do that? This was all new territory to me, and I didn't want to piss him off or scare him away.

Needing some time to think things through, I made my way to the barn, checking on the horses.

"Alright, we're all set!" John grinned when he came to join me twenty minutes later, showered and changed into clothes that didn't smell like... hunting. "Hope you've got a soft spot for quail baby, because we ain't runnin' out any time fast!" he chuckled.

"Yeah," I smiled, turning around to look at him. He looked calmer, more relaxed.

I hesitated for a second, trying to figure this all out. I couldn't help but think that maybe I shouldn't be talking to him about the incident in the woods just yet. Maybe I should do research first, figure out how to handle this situation... how to help him without pushing him further away.

"What?" John asked, seeing right through me.

Damn it!

"Nothin'," I shrugged.

"There's somethin', you're makin' that face you make when you're thinkin' too much," he said with a sly smile, closing the distance between us and putting both his hands on my hips.

"Are you hungry?" I asked suddenly, gesturing towards the barn doors. "We can talk about it over dinner... Did you put all of the quail in the freezer? My mom used to make a really great–"

"Carly," he drawled, looking halfway amused, halfway annoyed.

"Darryl told me what happened today," I blurted out before my brain could figure out a gentler, less in-your-face kind of way to spill the beans.

John glared at a spot just over my right shoulder.

"He's makin' a bigger deal out of it than it really was," he said simply.

"Maybe, but babe it wasn't just today... You've been havin' trouble sleepin' for months... You wake up yellin' in the middle of the night..." I whispered.

"I'm just... it's nothin'... I'm handlin' it, don't worry about me," he shrugged.

"John," I told him stubbornly, putting a hand over his forearm and giving it a light squeeze. "I know you're tryin' to–"

"Damn it Carly, I said I'm fine!" he yelled, yanking his shoulder away from my touch so hard that the force of it knocked me back against one of the stall gates. The horse behind me gave a nasty kick against the wall and snorted his discontent.

I tried to steady myself before I went toppling down, but my hand caught on one of the sharp edges of the metal latch locking the gate.

I hissed out in pain, whipping my hand away and inspecting the damage. I was bleeding.

"Oh... shit... I'm sorry," John whispered, looking horrified. He took a step back, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry, I don't–"

I didn't try to touch him again, but I did take a step closer, looking him dead in the eye, letting him know exactly what I was thinking right now. This wasn't just about us anymore. We had a baby on the way, and I needed to know I could trust him.

"John, I don't know what's goin' on with you... I don't know if it's PTSD or what... but this... this...behavior and this not sleepin', it's not workin' for you... for us. You need to talk to somebody... if not me, then... a professional or... somebody," I told him urgently.

"It's not that simple," he said between gritted teeth.

"Maybe not, but what is simple is the fact that we have a baby on the way and I can't do this alone," I told him, fighting back tears. I couldn't cry. I was so goddamn tired of crying.

"I know! Don't you think I know that? The baby's all I think about!" he hissed, raising his hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm scared out of my damn mind!"

I took a deep breath. I needed to keep calm; yelling back at him wouldn't help anything.

"You're talkin' to me, this is good..." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He wasn't talking to me about the nightmares or the episode with Darryl and Steve today, but at least he was talking about something. "Why are you scared?" I asked him quietly.

He looked caught off-guard by my question and for a fleeting moment, watching his expression harden, I was sure he wasn't going to answer me. Then his mouth slackened and his shoulders sagged. He took a deep breath.

"I... don't know..." he sighed, looking around the stables, as if looking for a reason not to meet my eye. "I've never been around babies... or kids... I'm scared I won't be good enough," he said finally.

"You will be," I told him.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that he'd be a good dad to our child, but if he wasn't ready to believe that yet I couldn't force him to.

"And when we do make mistakes... because we will... that'll be okay too. We'll learn from them, and we'll work together... that's how this works. Together," I told him, reaching for him. He didn't move away this time so I took that as a good sign. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let my head rest on his shoulder.

"Together, I like the sound of that," he muttered.

"Who knows," I added, looking up at him and smiling a little. "Maybe we'll screw up early enough that she won't remember," I giggled.

"Yeah," John chuckled humorlessly.

"So... whatever happens, John, no matter what, I'll always be here for you. You can talk to me, just like I know I can talk to you about anythin' that's botherin' me," I whispered, looking up at him.

"Don't take this the wrong way Carly, but uh... I need to go," he sighed, stepping away once again and turning his back to me. "I'll do whatever you want... I'll see a therapist... but... I just... need to be alone right now... to think," he said.

"Oh," I whispered, watching him walk away, leaving me alone in the barn.