Dane

When I step back into the bedroom, Mackenzie is stooped in front of my bookcase, looking at my pictures. Something about having her in my room sends butterflies through my stomach. Her eyes are on the picture that's at eye level when I'm sitting at my desk.

I know exactly which one it is. It's me and my mother when I'm about two. We're laughing, and every time I look at it I can feel her love for me radiating from it.

Mackenzie looks at me, seemingly unfazed by the fact that I'm shirtless. This is a first, usually girls drop their jaws for my abs. "May I?" She motions to the picture. I nod, unsure of what she's about to do.

She simply picks up the picture and stares at it, a small smile on her face. "Your mom?"

"Yeah." I nod even though she's not looking at me, instead she's just staring at the picture.

That picture brings up so many feelings in me. Mostly guilt, because my mother's family was from Mexico, and my father is a white American, and I don't honor any of her traditions in any way. My father pulled us away from her family, and it got worse after she died. It was like she never existed. My heart drops just thinking about it.

"She's beautiful." Mackenzie's voice is raw and honest. "She looks like she really loves you."

Before my next words slip from my mouth, I already know that they're going to tell Mackenzie far more about me than I was planning on. "She did." I yank on a shirt before Mackenzie turns back around.

When she does, Mackenzie's eyes are on mine, suddenly sad. "I'm sorry." Her hand rests on my forearm, and I swallow, unused to the feeling of tears coming to my eyes. Now is not the time to fucking cry.

No one ever knows what to say when I tell them this. It's always awkward. I kick myself for saying the wrong thing. I wasn't planning on letting Mackenzie get to know me like this. "It's hard to lose someone that you love like that." Mackenzie says softly.

She squeezes my arm, and looks down at the picture once more before turning and setting it back on the shelf. I notice that she manages to set it in the exact same place that it was.

I'm unsure of what to say next, but Mackenzie saves me. "Who's this?" Her eyes move to the picture on the top shelf.

"My step-brother, Henry." Mackenzie is leaning in close to the picture. I'm suddenly uncomfortable, because it's my brother at his wedding. No one can ever tell when they look at the picture that it's his husband, and the couple of baseball players that ask, I tell that it's my half-brother's friend.

The baseball players haven't historically been the best about being respectful about gay people. There's a lot of slurs that they use still that come across as pretty homophobic. I hate that I can never confront them about what they say, but I don't want to drive a wedge between me and them.

The only person who knows is Noah, because we've been best friends since we got to college. He also was my roommate freshman year, and so he met Henry and Henry's partner, Jadyn, when Henry came into town to take me to lunch and insisted that I bring my roommate. Noah was super chill about it, but he understood that I didn't want the baseball team knowing.

Mackenzie brings me out of my reverie. "And his--" She pauses for a long moment. "Partner?" She doesn't sound judgmental, just nervous that she got it wrong.

"Yeah. Jadyn." I say. I can't help myself, I need to know. "How could you tell?"

"Henry--" She points to his face. "Is looking at Jadyn. And he just looks really happy. I don't know-- It gives me romantic vibes." Mackenzie shrugs. "They're really cute together."

"It's just--" I hesitate. "I don't talk about it with the team. Some of them are kind of--" I search for a word.

"Assholes?" Mackenzie grins. It's hard to ignore that I find her extremely cute and easy to talk to and just generally enjoyable to be around.

"Yeah, let's go with that." I agree. Mackenzie gives me a once over, apparently assessing how ready I am.

"You good?"

"Yes, ma'am." I grab my car keys off of my desk and open the door for her. "Let's get you home."

We exit the house in silence, thankfully avoiding the team still. I didn't want the questions that would come from having Mackenzie in my room, and I honestly didn't think she would want to deal with them either.

As soon as we get in my car, Mackenzie crinkles her nose. "It smells like sweat in here."

"That's the smell of hard work." I tell her.

"It smells like a middle school locker room."

"Do you spend a lot of time in those?" I can't help myself from asking.

"No. But I was in middle school once." Mackenzie gives me a glare.

"I just assumed you'd jumped straight from being a baby to going to college." I tell her. Mackenzie smiles.

"God I wish. That would have saved me a bunch of trouble."

"Trouble?" I raise an eyebrow as I back out of my driveway. I realize that I have absolutely no clue where I'm going.

"Don't worry about it." She gives me a sly smile before giving me directions. When she's finished, she stares out the window for a long moment. I can't help but look over at her. She seems better than when she showed up in front of the baseball house. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I got the feeling that she wouldn't tell me, and I didn't want to push it. "Thanks for doing this."

"You're welcome."

"Sorry if I disrupted your evening."

"No worries, I was just going to watch Netflix and avoid my responsibilities anyway."

She laughs and the sound makes me smile.

When we pull up in front of her house she turns to me. "Thanks again, Dane."

"Anytime." I can't help but tease her. "As I told you before, I wouldn't want my tutor getting murdered. That would be very traumatic."

"I imagine so." She hops out of the car and gives me a small wave before walking up to her house.

My eyes stay glued on her ass, even though I know that it's probably inappropriate. She's got muscular legs, and I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to run my hands down them.

When she gets to the door she turns around to look at me, and gives me another wave. I honk my horn once and then drive away.

At home, Noah is in the kitchen, actually putting away stuff in the kitchen. I stop and lean against the counter, watching as he shoves stuff in cupboards.

"You gonna help? Or you just gonna stand there like an idiot?"

"Do you ever notice that we're the only two that ever put things away?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I've fucking noticed." Noah mutters, and slams a cupboard door shut.

I laugh and begin picking up the bags of chips that are on the counter. I clip all of them closed, knowing that no one else would bother, and put them back in the pantry. You can walk into the pantry, but there's barely enough room for one person to stand behind the trajectory of where the door swings.

Noah asked me once if I thought you could fit two people in the pantry for the sake of having sex. I hadn't dignified him with a response because I didn't want to think about him fucking some girl against food that I put in my mouth.

"Where have you been? I thought you came home after practice." Noah asks casually.

"I went for a drive."

"After you showered?" I don't reply because I'm not sure I like where this line of questioning is going. "Oh!" Noah makes it sound like he's discovered the answer to a really hard question. "Did you find a new girl?"

"Nope." Although it did involve a cute girl.

"So it didn't involve a girl?"

"Nope." I lie, not ready for any of Noah's questions.

"Uh-huh." He doesn't sound like he believes me in the slightest. "How's tutoring?" Noah asks, apparently deciding this is a good time to pivot. I wonder how many times he's going to ask me this fucking question.

"Good so far." I start unloading the dishwasher. "You were right. She's brilliant."

"I wish I was dumb enough to need her help." Noah tells me with a wink. I shoot him a glare.

"Maybe you should date her then." The thought makes me a little nauseous, which bothers me. It's not like I have any sort of claim to her. And, she hasn't made any comments about her boyfriend, so I have to assume she's still seeing him. At least I haven't had to see them kiss again.

"I don't want to date her." Noah says. I make a noise of agreement, hoping Noah will let this go, even though I know that he won't. "I just think she's good for you, that's all."

"Uh-huh." I manage to mimic Noah's earlier tone, earning me a punch in the arm. I punch him back and jump out of the way before he can retaliate again. Noah holds his hands up in a truce, and we finish unloading the dishwasher in silence.

After we finish, I retreat to my room. I'm tempted to turn on For Love of the Game after mentioning it to Mackenzie, but I stop myself on the off chance that she agrees to watch it with me. Two tutoring sessions and I'm already wondering if she'll want to watch a movie with me.

What is wrong with me?