Mackenzie

When I finally make it home at 7PM I'm exhausted. After Dane left and Kate and I had worked for an hour, I'd had three TA hours in the library, which had turned into three and a half after some kid managed to organize a mob for me to walk through a proof.

I make myself a sandwich and collapse on our couch. Penny is sitting on the floor, organizing notecards. I peer over her shoulder to try to read them.

"It's vocab." Penny tells me.

"Looks complicated."

"They're literally words, Mack."

"I stand by what I said."

"You're editor in chief of a paper." Penny says like I'm the dumbest person she's ever met.

"I'm tired." I reply.

"Probably from tutoring Dane so hard." Hannah walks in. I roll my eyes. "Kate caught me up. I hear you were wearing his sweatshirt today." I hadn't realized that was going to be hot gossip. I had been smart enough to take it off and put it in my backpack to avoid questions at home. Clearly I hadn't saved myself.

"Wow, Mack. That's a big step." Penny says, clearly trying not to laugh.

My phone buzzes and both Penny and Hannah look at me. I pick it up to check. To my dismay, it's Edwin. I groan loudly.

"What's wrong?" Hannah plops down next to me and I shove my phone into her hands. Hannah, who memorized my passcode as soon as she met me, unlocks it.

"Who is it?" Penny asks.

"Good old Ed." Hannah tells her.

"I kind of liked him." Penny says quietly.

"Not helpful, Penny." Hannah snaps.

"Right." Penny goes silent.

"Do you want me to read these out loud?" Hannah asks me.

"There's more than one?" I feel like I might as well be stabbed in the stomach repeatedly. I was hoping that after I'd broken up with Edwin he'd never want to speak to me again. In fact, I'd barely thought of him since I left his apartment.

"Mackenzie," Hannah makes her voice sound breathy and romantic. "I miss having you over for dinner. I think you cut this off prematurely."

"Oh my god!" I hear Kate run in from the kitchen. "Did fucking Edwin text her?"

"Yes!" Hannah pats the seat next to her but Kate crashes down onto the couch in between us. I would be perfectly happy to not be here right now.

"We had such a good thing going. I always loved talking to you. You were the best part of all of my days. I know that junior year is really hard." Hannah is talking without taking a breath when Kate interrupts her.

"How long is this fucking essay?"

"Pretty long." Hannah tells her. "He's probably been writing it for days."

"What a pretentious asshole." Kate mutters.

"It gets better." Hannah promises before continuing on. "I know that junior year is really hard and that you're really stressed. I don't think that you're thinking clearly. The stress is clearly too much for you. I just think you should come over and I could help you relax. I can make you some lasagna--" Hannah bursts out laughing and she's joined by Kate. I can't see Penny's face, but I can tell that she's not laughing. I think Penny liked Edwin a lot more than the rest of us.

"Oh my god, I cannot with him!" Kate wipes her eyes.

"I can make you some lasagna and we can talk this out like adults. I don't think that you handled leaving very well, and I would really like the chance to talk discuss this with you."

I'm dumbfounded. Who the fuck does he think that he is? I didn't handle leaving very well? I wanted to fucking break up with him. There's no great way to handle that. I'm suddenly filled with rage, but I don't know what to do. Kate and Hannah are still giggling, repeating pieces of the text to themselves.

"Mack, are you okay?" Kate asks, seeming to realize that I'm not joining in on their fun.

"I just--" I grab my phone. "Need some air."

With that I stalk out of the house, leaving Kate and Hannah staring after me. I'm pretty sure that my vision is clouding over as I get angrier and angrier.

I've been walking for about ten minutes, not even having clear thoughts when it occurs to me that it's actually fairly dark outside. I know a lot of these houses are student houses, but I still have a weird feeling in my stomach.

I'm not that far from our house, and I know that if I run, I could be home quickly. I'm standing outside of a house, starting to feel both emotionally and physically lost, when a familiar voice says my name.

"Mackenzie?" Dane is across the street, clearly having just got out of his car. "Are you okay?" He's the last person I would have expected to see right now. Honestly, I was expecting Edwin to show up and try to convince me to get in his car. Hearing Dane's voice just makes most of my tension drop away.

"Yeah--" I don't know what to say because I'm not sure Dane is the person I want to be talking to about Edwin right now. "I'm just having a rough evening."

"You look lost."

"I feel lost." I tell him without thinking.

"It's getting dark."

"Yeah, I realized." Now I'm starting to feel really awkward. I hope that Dane doesn't think that I somehow came here on purpose. I hadn't even realized we lived so close together.

"I don't think you should be walking home alone." The way he says it, he actually sounds really concerned. He glances around, as if checking to see if anyone has been following me.

"Do you live here?" I point to the house that he's parked in front of.

"Yes." He says with a smile. "I just want to take a quick shower, and then I can drive you home? Okay?"

"Okay." I agree.

"The rest of the team went to get dinner, so why don't you come in?"

I'm relieved, because I wasn't sure I could handle a house full of baseball jocks right now. I follow Dane inside and take in their very messy house. The kitchen has dishes strewn across the counter. There's several open bags of chips just laying on the bar.

There's an awkward open space where there's clearly supposed to be a dining room table, and I'm pretty sure that I can see wood splinters on the floor. There's a table leg laying on the window sill.

"There's a couch in my room, if you'd prefer to wait up there." Dane offers. He looks around as if realizing the absolutely trash state of his house. "It's a lot cleaner." He adds helpfully.

"Probably best for my mental health then." I agree. Dane gives me a smile that makes my stomach turn over.

It occurs to me that I'm following a man to his room that I know has a girlfriend. I tell myself that I'm just his tutor, set my jaw, and follow him inside. He locks the door behind us, which does not make me feel any more comfortable, at least not in the sense that he has a girlfriend. The thought flashes through my head that I actually do trust Dane, even though we haven't spent that much time together.

It could have been creepy that he offered me a ride home, but instead I sensed genuine concern. Dane slaps the TV remote into my hand and then walks into his bathroom holding a pair of sweatpants and shuts the door.

I set the remote down, not really feeling like staring at a screen, and still trying to sort out all of my thoughts. Because the fact of the matter is that Edwin pissed me off and I'm in a room with someone who I undeniably find extremely attractive.

The smart part of my brain tells me that I just broke up with Edwin a couple of days ago, and that Dane and I have a purely professional relationship. He is paying me to tutor him after all. The dumb part tells me that I could just strip out of my clothes and try to seduce him when he gets out of the shower.

The smart part kicks back in and asks what the fuck I'm thinking, he has a girlfriend, a fact that I have to consistently remind myself. I try not to groan loudly in annoyance at myself.

Dane's bookshelf catches my eye and I stand up to look at his pictures, unable to sit with myself any longer.