Loni

The project is finally done. Thank the fucking lord. Now we just wait for Professor Quinn to review it and give us our final grade. But we're done. I'm done. I'm done with Adam and his bullshit. At the beginning of the project, I honestly thought the two of us could be friends. But I can't stand that guy.

The rest of my group though, I like them. We even celebrated, without Adam, after we turned in the project. It was nice to hang out with them and get to know them outside the classroom.

With the volleyball season being over too, I have more free time. I miss it though. We almost made it to the championship. But Addison tore her ACL during the last playoff game and then we were done for. But I have a feeling next season will be ours. We will win that championship. It just stings to know that Jace probably won't be there. Towards the end, he was the only part of the game that got my blood pumping.

Fuck, he's all I have been able to think about.

The way he fell apart in the elevator after Thanksgiving, how he was so vulnerable, scared me a little. But I have never felt closer to anyone in my entire life.

Now that I have nothing else going on in my life, I have all the time in the world to see Jace. Though, I need to have some self-control.

So, I'm walking up to this new coffee shop that just opened up outside of campus, The Bay Cafe. It's pretty packed considering this is opening week. Hadley luckily was able to snag us a table. The place is cute. Plants hang from the ceiling and their vines brush my shoulders as I maneuver through the crowd. Sunlight cascades through all the large windows that wrap around the space. And the smell of cinnamon flows through the air.

My mouth waters. And thank God I have a friend who knows me so well.

Hadley is sitting at a corner table by the window. Two coffee cups sit on the table along with two blueberry muffins. I love her so much. I feel like we haven't spent time together, just the two of us.

"Over here!" She flaps her arms in the air, acting like I didn't totally just see her sitting there. But I don't think she can contain her excitement. Jumping up from her chair, she throws her arms around my neck. "I missed you, babe."

"We saw each other last week," I chuckle into her shoulder before she lets me go and we both sit down.

"That was at the game. I need actual time with my girl." She grabs my hand from across the table.

"These look so good." I pick up the muffin in front of me and take a huge bite, laughing as crumbs fall down my chin.

"So, what's new? Did you get the grade back on your project?"

"Not until the end of the week."

"I'm sure you did great. One of my sisters took that class last year and said Q was an easy grader."

I shrug my shoulder and take a swig of the still-hot coffee. "I hope you're right. I'm sure if we get anything under an A, Adam will hunt me down and murder me in my sleep."

"That's so gruesome." Her nose scrunches. But she doesn't know Adam. I honestly wouldn't put it past him. "What are you doing for the holidays this year?"

"The usual. Why?" I shrug.

"Rachel is renting this cabin in Colorado for a bunch of the girls for the week. They are bringing their boyfriends along. Do you want to go with me?"

A cabin for a week in the middle of the woods with a bunch of sorority girls? No fucking thank you. There's a reason I didn't join one. I didn't want to do any of that shit. Hadley has made that impossible though. It's hard to say no to her when she asks me to join her at events, especially when she looks at me with her pleading blue eyes.

"I'd rather watch the horror movies on my TV. Not be in one."

I've seen enough movies about the slaughter of sorority girls in the woods to ever take part in that shit anyway.

Hadley shrugs. "Then I'm not going either."

"No, don't do that," I sip my coffee again. "Don't skip out on a fun time just because I'm not going."

"What fun?" She asks with a mouthful of muffin. "You would be the only reason it's fun. Plus, Marie is going to be there," Her face contorts.

"Marie?"

"The bitch hates my guts. And she is the worst president in Kappa Zeta history. She makes my life a living hell. I'd rather not be trapped in a cabin with her for a whole week. I would need you to protect me."

"Me? You know I have the fighting skills of a stick bug, right?"

Hadley laughs at that. "Well, that's unnerving to hear considering Adam may show up at your apartment and, how did you put it, murder you in your sleep."

I flick a blueberry at her. "I think I'd have more of a fighting chance against Adam than a bunch of sorority girls."

"That's true. Those bitches are brutal."

"Why do you stay in it then?"

"The free shirts I think," she laughs again and I join in.

Did I mention how much I missed her? She has no trouble making me laugh and I need that right now. Considering for the past couple of weeks I've been so tied up in knots and my head has been so cloudy.

My smile quickly falls and Hadley notices because she stops laughing. I pull my coffee cup up to my lips to conceal my expression.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head.

"Loni? What's going on?"

I let out a deep sigh and place my cup back on the table. "Jace."

"Jace? What about him? Oh shit," her fingers cover her lips, "is the sex no good anymore?"

Actually, the sex is still amazing. Like mind-blowing amazing and it only gets better each time we do it. That's the problem. "The sex is fine." Better than fine, but I'll keep those details to myself. "It's just... I can't do it. I can't do casual sex. You were right. I need," I lower my voice, realizing I'm getting a little too loud and the customers waiting for their scones are probably getting a free show right now, "I need more. I want more."

"Then have more!" Her outburst gets us a couple of awkward glances.

"I can't"

"You can't?"

"I can't. I don't know what is wrong with me. My chest aches when I'm not with him. He's all I can think about. And when I am with him, I never want to leave. It's not even about the sex. It's him. The way he makes me feel. How he speaks to me."

"I'm still not seeing the problem here?"

"Because this is exactly what I didn't want. I can already feel the pain, the heartache. The mere thought of losing him makes me want to fucking lose my mind."

Hadley shakes her head. "Who says you are going to lose him?"

"I just know it. No one in my life sticks around."

"Loni," she shakes her head again. "Jace is not your parents. He's not Eric. He's not any guy that has fucked you over in the past. You need to let that go and do what your heart is telling you. If you want to be with him, then be with him."

She makes it sound so easy. And maybe it is. But maybe it's not. That little sliver of doubt that's lingering in my mind is enough for me. It is enough to keep my feelings in line and not let them get out of control.

"Look," Hadley begins, finishing off the rest of her muffin, which I have now lost an appetite for. "If you want to keep on the path of casual sex with him, then maybe you both need to hook up with someone else." She shrugs and my eyes glare at her.

The thought of Jace hooking up with someone else is enough to send me on an Adam-like rampage. That is the last thing I want. And I can't even imagine myself with anyone else. But still, I let that idea mull over in my brain.

Maybe it's not what I want, but what I need.