🚫⚠️Warning⚠️🚫: Suicidal thoughts, Feelings, and Actions.

I watch as Brooke walks up the stairs after her accusations towards Rose. That Fucker Diaz did things I probably can't even fathom to her and she is still a strong ass woman. I feel the need to follow her to make sure she does not do anything stupid.

"What the hell happened with Diaz," I find myself asking. Everyone looks at me before turning their gazes towards Rose. She is the only one that knows what happened to her.

"Brooke was in a relationship with him for 2 years," she sighs after a momentary silence. "She loved him but he turned his love into obsession. She thought she could trust him with her father's secret but when she told him he turned into a monster. A monster that wants all the power in the world with Brooke by his side," Rose shared.

"So he wants power," Mr. Russo says more than asks.

"Yes, he wants the empire that you built. He wants it and I bet he will also want the empire that Mr. Morelli also built," she says rubbing her temples.

"Well he can try but we will win," My father says standing up.

"I think we need to learn more about him. I will have my most trusted men find information about him but I think that we need to get the island under lockdown. Shut the school down for a few weeks to keep the kids safe. I also recommend you stay here for a few days. My men can take the other family members into one of my hotels that have been recently built," Mr. Russo says.

"Okay, that sounds good. I am going to the game room," My father says before walking off.

I rub my hands over my face and think about getting cleaned up.

***

I lay on the guest bed that Mrs. Russo showed me to. It is down the hall from Brooke's room and I have been debating for over an hour to check on her.

Fuck it. I think. I get out of bed and walk down to her room. I knock on her door but there is no response. I crack it open and see a body slumped on the ground. I open the door wider and Brooke slumped on the ground passed out.

I walk in and scoop her up in my arms. She wraps an arm around my neck. She smells divine. She smells like Jasmine and Roses.

I gently place her down on her bed and she moves to her side. I move a strand of her dark brown hair out of her face. She looks so innocent when she sleeps and she looks almost fragile but I have to remember that she killed people tonight and smiled while she did it. She is far from fragile or innocent.

I shake my thoughts and grab the pink blanket from the foot of her bed. I gently place it on top of her. I stare down at her sleeping figure and I do something I did not expect. I kissed her forehead and her nose but I quickly left her room.

I closed the door and lean my back against it.

What the Fuck is happening to me?

I shake the lingering feelings I have and go to my room. I lay down in my bed and slowly drift to sleep.

I stare at the gun in my hand.

I think about ending it. I think about ending my miserable life. I think about ending my life so he does not get me back and fuck me up even more.

But like the last 100 times, I take out the bullets before dismantling the gun. I stare at the pieces of the gun before building it back to its normal form.

I have no idea how long I have done this but when I woke up this morning I wanted to end my life and ever since then I have been doing this.

When I have the gun back together I finally get the courage to put it to my head. I stare out the window at the rainy backyard.

I think about my life. How I was a nice caring girl to the woman I am now. The little girl would be disappointed in the woman I am today. The cold bitch I was literally 2 days ago would be wanting me to either shoot the damm gun or drop it and go out in a spectacular way that people would tell stories about.

But in my broken state, all I want is the black hole of sadness to go away. I want to claw at my chest and get the agonizing feelings to leave my body.

I stare emotionless at the raindrops rolling down the windows. I hear the click of the gun going off safety. I put my finger on the trigger and convince myself to do it.

End your suffering.

You have been broken for longer than you can admit. Just do it.

Press the trigger and you'll live in a world where the thoughts of him touching you and beating you are gone.

Just pull the damm trigger and your pain and suffering will be over.

Just do it. Just do it.

It will be over before you know it.

No pain. No Suffering.

Just a quick easy death at my own hand.

Just before I can pull the trigger my bedroom door opens. The one person who I thought could give to shits about me looks at me with pain in his eyes.

Mason closes the door and walks towards me his eyes going back and forth between the gun against my head and myself. I finally feel the wetness on my cheeks.

How long have I been crying?

"Love put the gun down," he says squatting in front of me with pain-filled eyes.

"No, I-I c-can't suffer a-any-m-more," I sob.

"Love...." his voice cracks with emotion that I can not begin to decipher in my suicidal state.

"I don't want to do it anymore Mason," I cry. My hand with the gun in my hand begins to shake as sobs rack through me.

"Do what?" he asks with tears brewing in his eyes.

"Live. I can't the pain it's too much. The memories. The emotions. Watching as everyone is happy and I-I am broken. I can't it hurts too much," I wept.

"Love, I am here," Mason tries to comfort.

"No," I shake my head in denial. "Why are you here? My friends and even my family did not check on me. They don't love me. They don't care that I am here and they are god knows where," I choked.

Mason looks at me with pity and sympathy. "I came up here because I was worried about you. Your friends and you're are family advised to leave you alone. Let you heal by yourself," he tells me while rubbing my knees to try and comfort me. Which is kind of working.

"I don't need to be left alone I need help," I cry looking down to my lap.

"And I am here just give me the gun," he says holding his hand out. I shake my head repeatedly.

"No, no one loves me. I am ruined. I lost the only thing I ever wanted to wait for. I lost myself," I cry pressing the gun harder into the side of my head.

He looks confused. "Love what did you lose?" he asks.

Then the heavy sobs come. The sobs rack your whole body and make you shake.

"My virginity," I cry. Mason freezes at my words and looks at me shocked.

"He raped you," he states with shock and a loud piercing sob is his answer.

He quickly pulls me into his lap into a hug. The gun falls to the floor beside us as I hold onto his grey shirt. Afraid he will leave and I will fall apart in this terrible state.

"Don't leave," I sob into his chest.

"I will never leave you," he reassures.

We sit there for a long time. Him rubbing my back comforting me. While I cry into his chest. He kisses the top of my head and pulls me away from him and cups my cheeks.

"Listen never do that again. If you need someone to talk to call me. I will help you through this. If you ever feel comfortable telling me what he did to you I will listen and comfort you. Just do not try to kill yourself. It hurts to see you like that," he says looking into my eyes.

I nod my head but before I can comprehend what I am doing my lips meet his. At first, he is surprised until he kisses me back.

This kiss is not like the other one. It is slow and comforting. It makes me feel protected and loved. This is what I need right now someone to be there when my life gets fucked up.

My hands go around his neck and my hands tangle in his soft hair. His hands go to my waist holding me steady.

We break away and rest our foreheads against each other. I look into his dark brown eyes. His eyes are filled with lust but also something more.

"I need to get ready," I whisper.

"Okay, I will leave," he says.

"No," I nearly shout his eyes widen out at my outburst.

"You can stay here in my room. I just... I just can't be alone," I say looking into his eyes. He looks understanding and sympathetic.

I push myself off him and go to my closet. I need to be confident and get out of this suicidal state. I find the perfect outfit. I go into the bathroom and change into it.

I put on a white ribbed crop top with a black leather skirt and matching jacket. I grab black pumps and a gold watch. I put my hair in a messy bun and I decide I do not have the energy to put on any makeup.

I walk out and see Mason sitting on the edge of my bed. When he hears the door open he looks up and smiles. I smile warmly and walk over to him. I grab his big hand and wrap mine around it.

We walk out hand and hand. We walk down the stairs and when we near the kitchen we hear laughing and talking. Like it is a normal day. Like I was not just having a breakdown and I am still close to going over the edge.

I take my hand out of Mason's. "Go, I need someone time alone," I tell him. He looks unsure but I give a small smile and he walks in.

Anger rackets through me at them greeting Mason and laughing at a joke. I straighten my spine and become the confidant girl they have known for the past week.

I walk in and my heels clicking against the marble makes their eyes go to me. I ignore them and go to the cabinet and grab a mug. I slam it down onto the counter.

"LB are you okay?" Emery asks cautiously.

I pour the coffee into the cup before turning towards the group I glare at each and everyone here, except Mason. I place the mug down onto the counter in front of them.

Reaching into the waistband of my skirt I pull out the gun I tried to end my life with. Their eyes widen at the sight of the gun. I slowly take the bullets out and place them in a neat line on the counter before taking the gun apart.

It takes less than two minutes before I have all the pieces in front of me. I slowly start to rebuild the gun while beginning to talk.

"How was your morning?" I ask in a tone that says don't answer. "Good, Good I am so happy that your morning was spent laughing and joking around."

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" my mother asks concerned.

I look up from the gun and glare at her and my father. "The problem is that my own parents do not know when to be worried about their daughter," I tell them.

"We do, we have been worried the whole morning but we know you do not like it when we are checking on you or try to get you to talk to us," my father says a little harshly than he probably intended.

"This morning I needed someone anyone to check up on me," I say tears wanting to pour out but I remain strong and expressionless.

"We are sorry but you are here now and fine," Rose says coming around the counter towards me.

I pick up the half-built gun and continue to reconstruct it. After I place the bullets into the gun and click the safety off I hold it loosely in my right hand. I stare at Rose with an empty expression.

"You may believe I am fine but I am far from it," I tell her. Her brows wrinkle up into confusion. I sit down on one of the bar stools and relax into it while studying the gun.

"There are many things a gun can do," I begin. "It can kill. It can protect. It can be a hobby. It can kill millions of people but probably the 2 worst thing it can be used to do is to take your own life."

"What are saying ladybug?" my dad asks walking towards me. I move my eyes to him.

"Over the years I have starred at guns in fascination. Today was the thousandth time I starred at a gun to take my life. Today was the closes I came to ending my life," I sigh.

Pin drop silence is all that can be heard before I interrupt the shocked silence. "I had my finger on the trigger ready to take my life until Mason walked in on me about to pull the trigger. He helped me put the gun down but what made me angry was the fact that my own flesh and blood did not know I was on the brink of suicide."

I stand up and put the gun back into my waistband. "To answer your unanswered questions I have done this multiple times before but today was the closest I was to doing it but as you can see I am fine. Now I am leaving," with that I exit the room.

***

I can feel his presence behind me. I take a sip of my coffee and watch as he sits down beside me.

"So you wanted to throw it in their faces that you tried to commit suicide," he scoffed. I look at Mason as he stares at the pool and the drops of water from the rain.

"I had no intention of doing that on the way down but hearing the laughing and not knowing what I just tried to do pissed me off," I agree.

He looks at me studying my face. "Have you really tried to take your life before?" he asks me.

"Yes," I answer honestly. "I tried to end it 5 times in total before today."

"When were the other times?" he asks clenching his jaw.

"Once on Christmas when I was 13. Another time was when I was 15 and I was in his clutches," I say with Venum on the 'his'. "Once right after I escaped him. Then this past January on New Year's eve and the last time was over the summer when I was in Italy with my friends for summer break," I tell him staring blankly at the rippling waves of the pool.

"When you say him you mean...." he stops himself from saying his name.

"Yes, Declan Blue Diaz," I answer his question.

He looks at me with an unreadable look. "What did he do to you?" he finally asks.

I tense at that question and he immediately notices. "A lot. A lot that would fuck an innocent soul like mine," I whisper loud enough for him to hear.

We stay quiet for a long time just staring at the pool and the rain until he stands up and offers me his hand. I look at him quizzedly.

"Let's go somewhere," He says wiggling his fingers for me to grab.

I take his hand slowly and he pulls me up. We walk to the garage and he helps me get into his white range rover. I buckle up as he is getting into the driver's side.

He pulls out of the garage and drives down the long road to the gate of my parent's estate.

"Why are we leaving when we are supposed to stay here until it is safe?" I question him.

"I think that we can both use a moment to ourselves away from the judgy eyes," he says glancing at me before looking back at the road.

I look at him and realize how relaxed he is when he usually is tense and ready for action. I feel content being here with him like it is the most natural thing on earth for me and him to be together.

I never want it to end.