I stare at the wall feeling tired. My emotions are all over the place and I feel so exhausted, mentally and physically.

I left the prison two weeks ago and I feel like the world is coming to an end for me.

Hunter has been trying to help me but it seems that my demons are getting stronger with each passing day. I have learnt to keep them at bay but it all seems so fucked up, it fucking hurts.

Depression is so bad, I want it to leave me. I want to feel normal, I want to be like the other people.

Why can I not heal from it? Why has it become a friend to me? Why can I not feel normal? Why do I feel like a mess? Why do I feel like a failure? Why do I feel like I am not good enough?

I feel ugly. My mirror tells me that I am handsome, beautiful, perfect. My phone camera tells me that I look good, sometimes it tells me that I look bad. I try to tell myself that I am handsome.

But it's like the more I stare at the pictures and mirror, the more I realize that I have a lot of flows.

My scars, my skin, my hair, my fingers, my toes, my body and my entire face are so imperfect.

I want to look away, I want to lay asleep for a while.

I stand up from the floor walking towards my bed. I sit on the bed when I finally manage to reach it, my head falls into my hands as the thoughts become too strong.

"Why am I not perfect?" I whisper to myself. "Why is my life so fucked up?" I ask.

The room is silent, the big ass room feels so suffocating. The entire mansion feels so foreign to me. I feel like an outsider inside my own home, a home I built and spent my life in for years.

"Why can't I be like the others?" I ask no one in particular. I stand up from my bed, pacing around my room.

"Why do I ruin everything I touch?" I ask myself as I feel a tightness in my chest, it's like my heart is being squeezed out.

"Why don't my parents want me?" I ask walking towards the mirror. I stand infront of my mirror staring at the thirty year old man that is staring back at me.

"Am I such a disappoinment? Is the church more important than me? Is my happiness not important? Will the Lord punish me for trying to be happy?" I ask myself touching the mirror.

The silence is killing me, I want answers but no one seems to give them to me.

"I told you that you would make it," I chuckle looking at the mirror. "I told you that you would be happy. I told you that you would drive the expensive cars. I told you that you will find the happiness you longed for." I tell the man staring back at me, pain visible in his eyes.

"But I guess I lied. I lied to you. I promised to give you happiness but I failed." I say to myself feeling the tears at the end of my eyelids.

"I thought the good don't suffer. Don't they say that the good will be happy for life?" I ask myself, remembering all the bible readings that my parents read me. "I thought they said that happiness comes after the suffering; is my suffering till the day I die? Will I suffer for the rest of my life? Will I shed tears for all my life?" I ask as a tear finally drops from my left eye.

I leave the mirror wiping the tears that fall down my eyes. I walk towards my wine cabinet deciding to ignore the tears, I am just thankful that Hunter forgot to lock the cabinet.

I grab a bottle of whiskey and Tequila from the cabinet, sitting on the floor afterwards. I have no energy to walk towards the bed.

I open the bottle of whiskey, drinking straight from the it. I can feel the liquid as it goes down my throat.

The cool liquid does nothing but warm my throat, the bitter taste burning my throat.

I thought I will forget the pain when I drink the poison but it seems the thoughts are getting worse with every sip.

I am almost done with the bottle but I still feel sober. I feel my body getting tired but my mind seems.... dead.

It's true what Hunter said, I have become a shadow of myself. I used to be so positive when it came to my dreams and life, but now I feel like nothing is for me.

I want to see my friends and everyone else win, but I feel like winning is not for me. I do not even think I will live to see myself win.

"Lord, why was I born?" I ask as my head begins to hurt. "Why can't I be with you in heaven?" I murmur.

"I know that I am a disaster, but why can't I just rest for a bit. I feel like nothing is for me here. It's like I am not even myself anymore. I am so tired of living, I feel like trash." I chuckle as I utter the last sentence.

"I thought prison will kill me, I thought my last suicide attempt will kill me. But it seems like I am still living. Is sorrow the only thing I am destined for?" The words leave my mouth as I lay on the ground, my eyes looking at the ceiling.

"Will I ever find happiness? Will I ever smile? Will it ever end? Will anyone even want a broken bastard like me?" I ask as tears drop from my eyes, I do not realize when I begin to sob.

It all seems to hurt, I feel like shit. I do not want to cry, but I can not stop myself. A tear or two fall from my eyes, it seems even my tears are no longer with me.

I want to get a razor blade so I can cut myself. I want to get my gun so I can shoot myself.

But Hunter took everything that can harm me away, I have nothing to numb the pain.

I continue staring at the ceiling, my sobbing long gone and my tears dried.

My eyes begin to close when I feel a presence next to me which makes me snap my eyes open. I sit up when I see the person that is next to me, I did not even hear him enter.

"I promise that everything will be alright. I know that you will be happy, I know that you will have the happiness that you long for. I am here for you even when you feel like the world is against you." Hunter says as tears drop from his eyes. "You might feel alone but you aren't. I promised to stand by you and I will never let you suffer alone. I will be with you as you fight everything that is disturbing you.... I just ask that you don't leave me, I just want you to promise to never leave me. I can't live without my brother. It would hurt me to bury you, Diego. You are the only one I have. You are the reason I have all this, you worked hard just so we could survive. I want my brother back. I want to see the strong and courageous Diego. I want to have you fight for me and most importantly yourself. Conquer your demons, they can't destroy you, don't allow them to destroy you, please." Hunter adds as he begins to sob.

I watch on, failing to show any emotion. It hurts me to see him like this, but I can not do anything about it.

"It doesn't work like that," I murmur as Hunter and I lock eyes. "No one can completely heal from mental health. I want to be fine but it does not want to let me go. Death is calling out to me and the bad part is that I can see myself slipping into it. I do not even know if I will win this fight, but I am willing to try. I am willing to fight to survive because I know that I can't leave you here alone. I still need to see your children." I chuckle through my pain as more tears drop from Hunter's eyes.

Hunter throws himself into my arms, sobbing on my shoulder as I hold onto him.

The man everyone fears is crying for me to heal. But it feels like healing will be difficult, it seems like the world is swallowing me infront of my own eyes.

I just hope I survive this battle that seems to want me to lose so bad.

"As long as you try, as long as you find healing I will give you all the children you want." Hunter says as his tears wet my shirt, his words make me chuckle.

I hope I live to see your children Hunter, I really hope I do.

What did you guys think??

I am sorry for not updating yesterday, really sorry. I typed these chapters at once so forgive me for any errors. I ain't feeling well, but I will try to update at different times of the day.

Did you guys cry during the chapter? Did you like the chapter?

Whose point of view do you want next? Whose point of view do you like most? And why?

Someone who has passed or passes through depression knows that what is written above is what happens.

Mental health sucks, it's a hard pill to swallow. But my baby keep fighting, don't lose yourself in it.

If anyone needs a shoulder and ear, I am here❤️ we all need someone at the end of the day.

Don't kill yourself or hurt yourself, please🙏🏽

Be safe and happy❤️