spent themorning walking through the city before she left for her afternoon shift at the hospital. By the time dinner rolled around, I was buzzing with coffee and nestled on the couch.

The rain thumped against the windows overlooking Philadelphia, and I glanced into the kitchen. The conversation I had with Mason replayed in my mind, causing me to check my phone.

No new notifications

I slammed my head into the cushions.

You could fix that notification issue with one message, Sade... But I couldn't.

Morning, afternoon, and night, Elijah found a way into my thoughts. It had almost been ten days since we last spoke, but who was counting? After my epiphany, I thought I would have the confidence to message him, yet when morning broke, I couldn't bring myself to.

I was more stubborn than I thought.

Scrolling through the TV channels, I spotted the live Trumbullen baseball game and my brows drew together. I didn't know they had a game over break. I clicked the channel and Jayce's face filled the screen.

They were losing, and when the camera panned to Elijah, who was up to bat, my skin heated. He was stoic, his eyes narrowed and his hands gripped the bat hard enough that his knuckles poked through his skin.

I sat up.

The pitcher threw, and Elijah struck out. The crowd cheered him on and so did his teammates, but he seemed frustrated. Beads of rain rolled off his helmet and down his muscular arms as he tightened his grip.

"Come on, Eli," I muttered under my breath.

He struck out again, and I tugged at the roots of my hair. What was going on?

The announcer made a snarky comment about his baseball skill today just as he swung and hit the ball with all his might. I sprang to my feet with my hands in the air, watching him dash to first base before the ball made it back to him. I could hear the crowd cheering in the background, but he didn't look happy.

The door opened, and Leila walked in, causing me to fall onto the couch.

She froze. "Are you watching baseball?"

"It was just on," I said, but it sounded like a question.

"Great play from Elijah Preston!" the announcer's voice boomed through the speakers and a sly grin crept onto my sister's face.

"Elijah? Your Elijah?"

"Not my Elijah." I turned down the volume and glanced at the TV every so often. He looked just as annoyed as the first baseball party. He ran his gloved hand over his face and pulled up the fabric covering his thighs so he could squat better.

"He is very handsome, Sade." Leila stood behind the couch.

My stomach exploded with butterflies and I clicked the off button on the remote and stood.

"Hey!" she chirped.

"I am going to shower for dinner."

The warmth of the shower and cool tile welcomed me while the water cascade down my back. I loved being here, though I was itching to get back on campus and back to my routine, even if it was a little chaotic.

Drying off, I changed into my dinner outfit—skinny jeans and a loose sweater—and curled my hair before joining Leila and Mason in the living room. We were meeting Addison and Jasper at a restaurant in the city since I hadn't seen them in a while.

When we arrived at the restaurant, the host seated us at a table with a perfect view of the waterfront—per Mason's request. The city lights reflected off the lapping water as bright jazz music filled the space.

"This is where Mason brought me on our first date," Leila said.

"Yes indeed, Beauty." He grinned at her. "Then I snuck us to the edge of the waterfront."

"I thought we were going to get caught."

I listened to them retell their first date story, happy that everything worked out between them. Addy and Jasper arrived not too long after and we all scavenged the menus, catching up. Although they were my sister's friends, she always included me, which was nice since the younger sister usually got the shit end of the stick.

"How is the art program?" Addy asked.

"It is good. I just need to find an internship."

"You didn't get that internship in the art building?" Mason asked, and I hadn't realized Leila told him.

"No, they offered me the position and then revoked it." I scoffed and their faces fell. I shrugged in response, just as shocked and confused still.

"I get my art for business from a phenomenal gallery. I can make a referral for you if you'd like," Mason said.

"Oh, that's so kind of you to offer, but if I'm being honest, I haven't put in enough effort in finding one lately. Them rejecting me from the art building threw me for a loop."

"Just let me know and I'll call them," Mason reassured. "And I'd like to commission artwork from you whenever you're not busy."

I smiled. "I can totally do that. But if you ask me to draw your face, you may be offended with the outcome."

Everyone laughed.

Though I had gotten my fair share of portrait practice before and after Elijah destroyed it with that baseball. I was thankful Lee and Mason didn't bring up my love-life situation at dinner, because I had enough of that. And knowing Addy, she would've taken my phone and emailed Elijah thirty times.

That night, when I curled up in bed, Leila crept into my room.

"Can I lay with you?" She whispered, peeking her head through the door. Invitingly, I lifted my covers for her to climb under. "Do you want to feel? The little one is super active tonight," she asked, holding her bump.

I placed my hands on her stomach and waited until I felt a nudge under my palm. "Woah, they're strong in there."

"Yeah, like a little mule. You know," she paused, gathering my attention. "You're strong too."

One brief laugh fell from my lips. "How?"

"For eating tonight."

My heart practically stopped beating when she spoke, and she held my hand in response. "I know you don't talk about your mental health, but I know things. I see the way you look at food and yourself. I also see you subconsciously body-checking. Like I said, if you're feeling down again, you can get help."

Not wanting her to see the tears welling in my eyes, I tucked my head under her chin. "Okay," was all I said.

She rubbed my back and reiterated, "You are beautiful, and I am proud and always here for you."

When she left my room, I rolled onto my side, wiping the tears from my eyes, and got out my phone. I searched for Jayce's contact then typed:

I snorted at the way he spelled question.

Jayce sent rows of smirking emojis and then Elijah's number. I thanked him and added his number to my contacts, hoping he wouldn't tell Elijah. I asked because I didn't dare to text him yet.

Instead, I finally opened my email and drafted a new message.

_______________________________________

[email protected]

[email protected]

Hi

Good game today :)

_______________________________________

I deleted the smiley face, changed hi to hey, then hit send without thinking twice.

Laying my phone on my chest, I stared at the ceiling, blowing out a shaky breath.

There was no going back now.

spring break flew by and I was back at my apartment. Reva was still with her family, so I took the liberty of sitting in the empty living room with a candle burning, watching Pride and Prejudice because it felt right.

Who was I kidding? None of this felt right.

Enough days passed since I emailed Elijah and the app asked if I'd like to send a "follow-up" message because he never replied. He didn't reply. No, I would not send a follow-up email.

This was the very reason I protected my heart because right now I'm more annoyed than upset that he ignored me. I'd rather it stay that way. If I had let him slip into the crack in my heart, which kept growing wider and wider, I'd be watching 500 Days of Summer instead.

But going back to class on Monday felt worse than I expected.

When I walked into writing with Reva, I avoided Elijah's seat like the plague. I figured whatever fire we had before sizzled the night I made him take me home, which was bizarre to think of because Elijah didn't seem like the type.

Then again, I didn't really know him.

"So, are you seeing Penelope tonight?" I asked Reva, getting my notebook out.

"Yes, we're going out to dinner." She smiled.

"Is she officially your girlfriend?"

She gritted her teeth. "I haven't asked her and she hasn't asked me either. But it feels right, I don't know."

I squeezed her hand, my lips turned upwards. "I am happy for you. Do your parents know?"

Her shoulders bounced. "They don't know about Penelope yet because I wanted to be sure about us, not because I was afraid to tell them. They're content whenever it comes to my happiness, but indifferent toward my partner, as long as they're treating me right and we aren't sharing a bed."

"It looks like we're in need of a whooping," I said and Reva choked out a laugh.

Right as the professor began lecturing, I craned my head only to find Elijah's seat empty. Agitation settled through me like a heatwave. His seat stayed empty the entirety of the class, and when we migrated outside, he was still nowhere to be found even though this was the time of day where the tight-pants-posse huddled in the student center. They huddled there, but that beautiful head of curls was nowhere to be found.

Don't you dare, I said to myself when stupid ideas entered my stupid head.

"Do you want to run to the Coffee Shack with me before my history lecture?"

"I actually have to do something. I'll see you back at the apartment."

"Sure thing." Reva disappeared into the crowd of students. I bounced on my heels until she was nowhere in sight, then hurried toward the tight-pants-posse.

"Artsy, what's up?" Brant went in for a high-five. Jayce, Aiden, and Rocco followed suit with their greetings.

"You joining us this weekend?" Aiden asked.

"You guys never stop, do you?"

"No, gotta keep the adrenaline going," Rocco added. "We may hit the bars, though."

"I see. Well, I was wondering—" I almost choked on my saliva trying to speak. "Elijah left something at the art studio that I wanted to give back." The lie came out easier than I expected. "I was wondering if you guys knew where he was?"

They shared a knowing glance. "He's back at the house."

"Oh!" Relief and curiosity overcame me, but I kept my emotions from showing on my face. "I'll just see him later in the week then."

They dropped the Elijah topic, and small talked with me about partying and baseball. I tried engaging in the conversation as best I could, but my brain was miles away, living on planet what-the-hell-was-wrong-with-Elijah?

"Bring your roommates the next time you come," Brant grinned.

"What happened to the brunette from the busted party?"

He waved. "Oh, she hates me. That was hate fucking, Sadie."

I blinked, taken aback. Okay, then.

Before they parted ways for their next class, Jayce pulled me aside. "If you want to take whatever Elijah forgot at the studio over to the house, just go through the back door. There is a key above the door frame. He will probably be in his room."

My eyes connected with Jayce's and I realized he saw right through my bullshit lie. My mouth tipped into a smile. "Thanks, Jayce."

He winked, then caught up with his friends.

I gripped the straps of my backpack and headed for my car.

─── • ───

Happppyyy New Year's Eve (or New Years') everyone! I hope you had a safe and wonderful holiday season & ate lots of good food. I'm manifesting only good things for everyone in 2022.

: What is your go-to snack?

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annasteffeyy

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