Ainsley

I am just cleaning up the living room after tucking Willow into bed. I hear my phone ring and my heart patters, hoping it's Billy, but Emily's name flashes across my screen.

"Hello?"

"Ainsley! I need your help!" She sounds panicky and I start to worry.

"What's going on? Is something wrong?" I ask and she laughs a little on the other end.

"No. I'm sorry. That probably sounded ridiculous. But Ellie will not stop talking about Willow. Can we please schedule a play date? Or even better, a sleepover! The girls would love it! What do you say?" I chuckle a little at her enthusiasm. It's infectious and I can't help but smile.

"Sure. I'm sure Willow would love that." I say and we make a plan for Saturday.

Billy comes over almost every night during the week and I can tell he hates leaving every night after we have some alone time. I don't like it either, but I haven't discussed things with Willow yet and I have no idea how to navigate this situation. And really, until I know exactly what Billy and I are doing, I don't really want to explain it to her.I don't want her getting used to the idea of him being a permanent fixture in our lives until he gives some kind of indication that's what he wants. I sigh, thinking about it. But there is one thing I know for sure, I want more with him.

I drive to Jax and Emily's to drop off Willow, her bouncing excitedly in the backseat. I smile at her, excited for her to have this experience. I've never allowed her to have sleep overs before, but I trust Emily and Jaxon and the way Willow's face lit up the moment I mentioned it... Well, you'd think it was her birthday and Christmas all rolled into one.

She bounces up the stairs with her furry pink bag slung over her shoulder and her ponytail swaying from side to side. I think there's more toys than clothes in it, but she was so excited to pack herself I just let her do her thing. Ellie and Emily answer the door and Ellie grabs Willow's hand, pulling her upstairs towards her bedroom. Willow follows without so much as a backward glance. Emily welcomes me into the house and gives me a little hug.

"Thanks again for this. She hasn't gotten quite as much attention since Olivia was born, I'm hoping things like this make her feel special again." She says and I smile at her warmly, eyeing the little pink bundle in her arms.

"She has been so good for Willow. She's really come out of her shell. I appreciate it so much." I say earnestly and Emily laughs a little.

"I just hope that sass doesn't rub off on Willow too. I'd feel bad about that." She says and I chuckle out a laugh.

"That girl has plenty of her own attitude, that would not be Ellie's fault." I say, a little pang of grief going through me at the thought. Willow's attitude is all Sarah.

"Do you have any special plans with Billy tonight since you'll be kid free?" She asks suggestively, wagging her eyebrows at me. I laugh a full belly laugh at her expression before shaking my head.

"I'm not sure. He has to work tonight and we haven't really discussed anything." I say with a shrug and she eyes me curiously.

"You look disappointed." She says and I shrug again.

"More like frustrated. How do you... move things along with a guy. Billy is so damn respectful. Which is great. Really, it is. But good God I want to mount that man like a freaking horse." I say, my words spilling from me like word vomit despite me trying to pull them back. Emily tilts her head back and let's out a roar of laughter as I feel my face heat up with a blush. She laughs so hard she has to swipe tears from her eyes before she focuses back on me.

"Girl. Just tell the man what you want." She says and I ponder her words.

"Just tell him to fuck me?" I ask, lowering my voice to make sure the girls don't hear. She smiles and nods excitedly.

"Hell yeah. There's no shame in being the one to initiate that shit. Billy is probably worried. He hasn't had the best luck with women in the past. He's probably worried he'll screw things up or you don't take him as seriously as he takes you." She says and I nod in quiet contemplation.

"Or maybe he's just not that attracted to me." I say with a shrug, my old familiar insecurities bubbling up in me. Emily snorts and coughs on her drink before choking a little.

"You can't be serious." She says, giving me firm look. I shrug and look away.

"I don't know! It's been years since I've been with a guy. I was more focused on Willow. But she and Billy get along great and he's so sweet with her. Every time he does something fatherly with her my heart melts a little more." I say and Emily's eyes soften as she listens to me talk. She takes a deep breath before reaching over to grab my hand.

"Ains, I've never seen Billy look at a woman the way he looks at you. It's like he always knows where you are in a room. If he goes too long without seeing you, his eyes naturally gravitate towards you. You and Willow are all he ever talks about. He's fucking smitten, girl." She says with a warm smile and I nearly have tears in my eyes.

"Thanks, Em. That means a lot to me." I say clearing my throat. She pats my hand again before pulling away just as I feel my phone going off. I give Emily a mischevious smile when I see it's Billy.

"Tell him you wanna fuck!" Emily says excitedly, grabbing for my phone as if she will text it for me. I cackle out a laugh and push her away, practically wrestling it out of her hands on the couch.

"I'm gonna go. I'll think of my answer on the way home." I say, still laughing as I gather my stuff.

"Lame." Emily says with a disappointed huff. I chuckle and hug her quickly before leaving and shutting the door behind me.

I drive slowly, nervously, thinking about my answer. Is it really a good idea to come off so forward? Maybe he won't appreciate that. Or maybe he's just waiting for some kind of signal that I'm ready to move forward in our relationship.

I let out a long, frustrated groan as I pull into my driveway and walk in the house, wandering around picking up Willow's things. It feels weird being here alone, no little voice chattering, no random sounds of her dropping things or her feet running from room to room. The thought that one day she'll be grown up and she'll leave me hits me like a fucking brick. I take in the silence for a beat longer and a heavy thought spills over me.

I don't want to be alone.

Not only do I not want to be alone, I want to be with Billy. That sweet, kind, patient man has made me fall head over heels for him and I know that I can see a future with him. The thought both terrifies me and excites me. I run to grab my phone and type out a few replies before I settle on the sassiest one I can think of.