《Sarsaparilla's Scary Super Power. Completed》Chapter 13: Adalace and Sarsaparilla ‘help’ Teylon with some more true confession time
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Adalace: Getting some more help from Teylon Emboldened by their eventual success, they arranged another date in two days time. Wearing her best shoes and smartest outfit, plus a brand new flower hair clip, Adalace was optimistic for an enjoyable evening. Unfortunately... Sarsaparilla came to her place, and they set of for a stroll through the entertainment/shopping district before deciding on some place to have a meal. It started off well, with each complimenting the other's outfit. They held hands. Sarsaparilla smiling as sweetly as possible, Adalace looking cute and lovely. "Although, I really think that shade of pale blue for you top doesn't go all that well with your skin tone..." said Adalace. "Oh, well I think it does." said Sarsaparilla. Rubbish, it's a complete clash. A few minutes later. "Perhaps we can turn towards the river here and watch the sun from across the waters?" said Sarsaparilla. Adalace looked that way, her eyes squinting. "But that means the sun is right in our eyes! It's too glary." "Oh, OK." Silence for a while as they walked further along the streets, moderately crowded with evening shoppers and lots of other groups out for some relaxation. At one stage Adalace had to step to the side as a happy couple, holding hands, the lady laughing at some comment the man had made, went past. "Ugh, that man almost shoved me over!" "Yeah, how rude!" said Sarsaparilla. Just then, two men, walking side by side, came charging down the path. One man thumped the other across the back - "Wow, you should have seen her, she was really stacked!" "Yeah, and did you make a move on her!" "Totally did! Stupid bitch, she ignored me completely..." They went past, totally oblivious of the two girls. Adalace had to step to the side again. The bastards! One her face was no trace of her original cute look. She looked dark and angry. Without realising it, she gripped Sarsaparilla's hand tight enough to make her wince. "How bloody rude!" "Yeah, I agree! No manners at all, and no consideration for anybody else." said Sarsaparilla. "They should be locked up by the police for behaving like that!" Sarsaparilla looked a little doubtful. "Ah, they are certainly revolting and deserve something, but, perhaps, something slightly less extreme?" "They do deserve that! Punishment to fit the crime!" "Well, I think they certainly deserve to be judged, but surely not that bad?" Adalace grimaced, and shook her hand free of Sarsaparilla's and stomped on for a few more steps. Shit, I’m getting carried away here, don't reveal too much. She slowed down and looked at Sarsaparilla. Took a breath. "Well, yeah, maybe." They continued walking, but without holding hands. "You know, you really get - upset - occasionally." said Sarsaparilla. "Humph. and is this you judging me, now?" "Ah, oh never mind.” In an awkward and stiff silence, they made their way through the crowds. Adalace looked away, at all of the happy couples enjoying themselves. We must be the only couple out here who are having an uncomfortable time. “Oh, how I hate this.” she said. “Yeah. I do too, you know.” As she said this, Sarsaparilla stopped and glared at Adalace. “And we had such a good time the other day.” said Sarsaparilla. “But that was after we had a talk with Grandma Frenzy.” “Well, we can’t do that every time...” “No, but we both know someone who we can bother as much as we like...” said Adalace. She activated her phone and made a call. Teylon opened his apartment door. He was dressed in his usual smart casual style, white shirt, slacks and a jacket, the freshly laundered clothes going well with his neat grooming. "Hello ladies, come in, sit down. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" His actions matched his speech, as he shook hands with each lady - err teenage girl - as they entered. Adalace chose one side of the double sofa, and sat down in it, all the while smiling cutely. He really can be smooth, suave, and debonair when he wants to be. I didn't really notice before, I think I must have been so intent on projecting my own cute facade. Sadly, I don't think he falls for it any longer. Neither does Sarsaparilla, for that matter. Sarsaparilla sat on the other side of the sofa, with a certain amount of space between her and Adalace. She was also practising her bright and cheery smile. Teylon pushed over the single sofa so he was facing the two girls, but from a suitable angle and distance, so as not to encroach upon their comfort zones. Yean, I can see that he has calculated his location to a nicety. Erasyl could take a few lessons from him on that. Teylon, a perfect picture of relaxed attention, waited patiently for them to say something. "Well, you see, we're not doing too well when it comes to dating each other." said Sarsaparilla. "Yeah, left to our own devices - well you could say that we fail dismally. We get on each other's nerves, and never seem to have a pleasant time." said Adalace. "We only managed to survive our first date because we ended up, by chance, having a little conversation with Grandma Frenzy. I don't know how, but it put things into sufficient perspective that we managed to overcome our irritable feelings and allow us to have a nice talk." said Sarsaparilla. "Actually, it was about you, but that's by-the-by." said Adalace. Teylon gave a brief laugh. "I'm glad I can be of use. And, let me guess, you're trying another date tonight, and it also didn't turn out very well?" "Yeah." said Adalace, dropping her smile and looking defeated. Sarsaparilla matched her expression. "We sure can have some really unpleasant times. Not quite fights, but close." "I'm beginning to feel we are failures..." said Adalace. Teylon leaned back, looking at the ceiling for a moment. "Hmm. Well, obviously, as you know, I can't speak from much experience here, but even so..." He leant forward again and looked from one girl to the other. "I really wouldn't get too discouraged. Any real relationship involves a fair amount of strife and pain, you know. Think back to when you didn't know each other. You didn't share anything about yourself to anyone else did you? Yet alone the more negative parts of you. The mere fact that you can argue with each other, but still remain together, is an accomplishment in itself. Of course, you also need to have positive experiences together. Which I'm sure you will do." "Well..." said Sarsaparilla. "Not to mention the fact that neither of you appear to have the best of backgrounds to help you in forming relationships." said Teylon, "So you will need to be patient and work through things." "I guess so..." said Adalace. For a while, they all turned their heads to watch the night time view of Verdant City, from the apartment window. "Say, did you ever get to that stage in any of your - ah - relationships with those women you had?" said Sarsaparilla. Teylon gave a small twitch of discomfort. "No, not really. After all, the women were all professionals. It was all, err, superficial and polite, which is what we all implicitly understood our relationships were to be." Adalace was leaning forward, looking very interested. "What was the longest such relationship you had?" Slight hesitation from Teylon. "Actually, about five months. My longest by far, most of my other steady arrangements were for no more than a month or so." "Five months? Why so long? Surely, you must have had some feelings for the lady? Otherwise it wouldn't have lasted that long." said Sarsaparilla. "Ah, girls, do I really have to answer..." At this point Teylon looked distracted for a moment. He grimaced. "Ah, right, it looks like I have to." "You mean Esmeralda has spoken?" asked Sarsaparilla. Teylon nodded his head. "Hey, this is cool! It means we have the full encouragement of an Angel of Death to cross examine him!" said Adalace. Teylon no longer looked quite so relaxed and confident. "Ah, ladies..." "Right! Come on, did you start to have feelings for that lady?" asked Adalace, cutting in on Teylon's speech and looking as if she was really starting to enjoy herself. So did Sarsaparilla. "I suppose so, I mean I found her to be good company, ah, you know, not just for the stuff in bed, but also outings and whatever... But, I mean, I didn't fall in love or anything like that! We both knew it was a purely business arrangement!" "Oh, was it?" said Sarsaparilla. Yeah, was it? He's trying to wiggle out of saying anything - let's see what I can do... "Say, were you 'faithful' to each other?" said Adalace, putting the word 'faithful' in air quotes. "Well, actually, yes. That is, ah, in general when I entered a steady relationship with one of those ladies I always stipulated that she refrained from having any other clients, after all I was always a generous payer." "And what about you?" said Sarsaparilla. "Oh, well, me also. After all, I felt that, even if it was a purely business arrangement, it would still make things too complicated to be having two ladies at once." Sarsaparilla giggled and turned to Adalace. "As expected, after all Teylon is a pretty decent bloke, really." "Well, thanks!" said Teylon, I don't want to hear about him being a decent fellow! Even if it is with prostitutes. Wait a minute- "You just said 'In general' there. Does that mean there were some exceptions?" said Adalace. She was looking hopeful. Teylon was looking not so hopeful. "Err, well, that five month lady did, shall we say, branch out towards the end..." "Maybe she was getting bored with you?" said Sarsaparilla. Big smile on her face. "I don't know... That is I don't think I know... Ah, well..." Both girls knew they were on to something. "So, how did you find out?" said Adalace. "Because she ended up in hospital. Apparently she picked a bad bloke, and he roughed her up pretty badly." "Oh, so I suppose that is an occupational hazard for prostitutes?" said Sarsaparilla. Adalace nodded her head. "It sure is." Teylon added his comment. "I believe so, although the types of ladies I associated with took great care in choosing their partners." "And what did you do when you found out?" said Adalace. "Oh, I visited her in hospital a several times, and made sure that when she got well she had some of her friends look after her. Hmm, also I paid for her expenses. I mean, I was wealthy, even back then, so it wasn't as if it was much of a cost to me..." "So, you actually went out of your way to look after her?" said Sarsaparilla. "Well, I suppose..." "And afterwards?" "Ah, we decided to call it quits at that point, and we parted ways. I mean, it was an amicable parting, after all, I had paid for her bills, and she had been the one to go off by herself, anyway. So, I mean, I feel quite comfortable about the whole affair. Well, apart from being dismayed by her getting so hurt." Teylon was trying to look relaxed and confident. The girls traded glances. Bullshit. He's still keeping quiet about something. And by that faint sneer on Sarsaparilla's face, she thinks so too. "So why did this lady make such a big mistake? Did you talk about that?" said Adalace. Teylon loosened his collar. He pushed himself as far back in his sofa as possible. "Only a little. I mean it was mostly her own business, after all! But, still, I believe she felt that her life was a bit of a mess, and, and, ah..." "And? And?" Adalace was like a dog that had gotten a good grip on Teylon's leg with her jaws, and was not going to let go. "And, well, you know how it is said that some people, when they do self destructive things, you know, like suicide attempts or whatever, they are said to be making a cry for help?" "So this lady - ah what was her name?" "Emilia" "So, Emilia was making a cry for help? And did you respond?" "Yes, I've already told you! I visited!" Adalace cut in. "Beyond that! Did you try talking to her about her issues? Did you try to be a companion or friend for her? Did you try to continue to be a long-term partner and keep on providing some sort of support? After all, you were already together for five months, why didn't you continue?" "No, I didn't! Because we agreed that it was over!" "Is this like your previous behaviours in repaying the money you stole? In that you only go so far, but don't take the next step?" "Well, err; I suppose it could be..." "In fact, you were running away from Emilia, weren't you? You could have taken it to the next step, even if it wasn't a full blown romance, yes?" "But, but, I mean, she was a prostitute, God damn it! How could that have possibly worked?" Teylon was beginning to sweat. "And you were a prostitute’s client!" said Adalace, "So, doesn't that make you morally on the same level as her?" By now, Adalace was standing over Teylon, not quite poking him in the chest, but close. Sarsaparilla had followed; she was standing a little further out, watching intently. "What! No, that's not how it works!" "Why not?" "Because, because, I don't know!" I've got him cornered here! I just need a few more hints... I know! "And, what happened to Emilia after that? Did you keep yourself informed about her activities?" "Well, I learnt a few things from mutual acquaintances. I, err, not much, after all we didn't really move in the same social circles, ah, well..." "And, what did you learn? What did she end up doing?" By now, Teylon had surrendered the last of his dignity, the last of his composed and confident look. He really did look like a rat in a corner, now. "I, I heard, I heard that - she died - in a car accident, about half a year later." Adalace, closing in on her kill, was now leaning forward and actually poking him in the chest. "You said the word 'suicide' before. Does that mean she actually killed herself?" "No! I don't know! Shit, do I have to undergo this ordeal? I'm quitting this, right now!" He brushed aside Adalace's hand, and half way hoisted himself up by his arms out of the sofa, only to stop and collapse back into it. He put his head into his hands. "Shit. Shit." "You're having another Esmeralda moment, aren't you?" "Yeah." Sweating heavily, he unbuttoned his jacket and flapped the sides a bit to cool himself down. "Come on, what did she give you?" "Oh shit. She gave me a brief glimpse of her last moments. Yeah, Emilia did deliberately drive off the road and into the embankment. Bloody hell." "And, what was Emilia thinking about?" "About, about lots of things. Her horrible upbringing. Her equally horrible school life, being bullied for being different. Her horrible first couple of relationships. The mess that was her relationship with her mother, and what happened when her mother died." "And did she think about you?" "Oh Jesus, you don't give up, do you? Yeah, she did. Apparently, the time she spent with me was one of the better points in her life. Not a great point, not great romance or anything like that, but just better than what she had been used to." Teylon sagged even further into his seat. He was avoiding the gaze of both girls, instead was intently studying the carpet besides his sofa. "And, she had had some hopes that maybe it could continue. She allowed herself to dream about a permanent arrangement with me. Even in her dreams she didn't aspire to the heights of a romance, she had been beaten down too much in her life to be even able to contemplate that. But something safe and stable, that was her dream." "So, why didn't she ask you about that?" "She didn't know how to. She was too afraid. She didn't know how to ask for something better. As I said, her going out with that dickhead was a cry for help. Which sort of worked, since I did look after her to some extent, and sort of didn't work, as we ended up parting after she got better." "So you could have saved her, but you didn't!" "Bloody hell, how was I to know all of that? I wasn't getting soul readings back then!" "But, did you guess? Did you consider the possibility?" "No! Ah, well, maybe! OK, I'll admit it! It did occur to me that I could, maybe, help her some more. But, Yes! I did run away! So sue me!" "And, did you have any regrets? What do you feel about it all?" "Of course I did! But, I mean, it wasn't that easy! Damn! I feel, I feel - that I might have been able to save her. As a platonic friend only, perhaps. Or something. I feel... At the time I didn't think too much about it. Maybe I made myself not think about it. And now, well now, now," His voice trailed off. "Now, being forced to think about it, I feel, I feel." He hesitated, and finally said it. "I feel really terrible. I could have saved her. Or at least had a good chance." Adalace was by now snarling. She gripped his jacket lapel by one fist. "But you didn't, did you? You could have saved her soul, but you ran away like a coward, didn't you! Stupid bloody man, just wants to get into bed with a woman and then..." At this point, Sarsaparilla spoke up. "Adalace, that's enough!" "Huh?" "I said, that's enough. I fully agree with what you said, and I think that Teylon deserves to suffer for it... But this is enough! Don't go overboard! Sarsaparilla put one hand on Adalace's shoulder and dragged her back, away from Teylon. "Oh" Yes. She's right. I was getting out of control there. Letting things through that I should keep blocked. "Oh, right." Teylon, looking as if he had been worked over by a couple of thugs, was crumpled up on his sofa. Adalace went back to the large sofa and sat down with a thump. She looked better than Teylon, but still worse for wear. She grabbed some tissues from the side table and dabbed her face. Sarsaparilla was sufficiently collected to then take the box of tissues and give then to Teylon. She then sat right next to Adalace, with her arm around her. Adalace reciprocated, and leant her head against the side of Sarsaparilla's. Teylon mopped his face with some tissues. There was silence, a long contemplative silence. "Say, Teylon, have you received any of those soul readings from any of us, lately?" said Adalace. "No, not at all." So he still doesn't know about me. Thankfully. More silence. "I hope you're not too traumatised by all of what we have just put you through?" said Sarsaparilla. "I don't think so." said Teylon. "Well then, I don't suppose we could..." "Have some food?" completed Teylon. "Yes!" Teylon, looking a bit more alive, sighed as heavily as he could. "Strangely enough, lately I have been filling my fridge with good foods. Just in case, I might be visited by certain hungry teenagers. I think we have reached the point where you can just help yourselves, no need to ask me." "Ooh, thanks!" Sarsaparilla and Adalace helped themselves. They also provided a snack for Teylon. Sometime later. Hand in hand, Sarsaparilla and Adalace, both with lovely smiles on their faces, said their good evenings to Teylon. Then, after a little hesitation, Adalace went up to Teylon and gave him a very brief hug. "Sorry, I might have been a bit rough there. Although I still think you deserved it." "Ah, that's fine." Sarsaparilla took this sight in, and also gave Teylon a hug. An even briefer one that Adalace's. Everyone looking a little uncomfortable at such an unseemly show of emotion, the girls waved good bye to Teylon, and walked out of his front door. Teylon: Recovering from his ordeal Teylon, having seen them off, threw off his jacket, and flopped down on his bed, face up. Bloody hell! Could I have saved Emilia? Could I? Shit! I might have been able. Or I might have failed. Face it. I never tried. I'll never know. I feel horrible. After a while. And, when we get to know about Adalace's dark past, I bet it's going to be a doozy. Teylon: Hosting a social get together That weekend there was a full gathering at Teylon's. Sarsaparilla had just finished recounting their previous visit. Teylon was sitting there, head in his hands. He looked up and saw Adalace and Sarsaparilla with their brightest expressions on, while the other three gave every indication of being rapt in the story. "That's - amazing." said Maggie, "I don't quite know if I should laugh at Teylon's inquisition in your hands, or be sorry for Emilia’s predicament." "I really hope, in any situation like that, that I would try to save the lady." said Leroy. "Of course. That's what you're like." said Sarsaparilla. "And Teylon isn't. At least, not back then." said Adalace. "So, Sarsaparilla stopped you from continuing your attack?" said Erasyl. "Ah, yes. Well, but I did apologise to Teylon. For going just slightly too far. But, of course, everything before that he deserved!" "OK, OK, I'll won't argue." said Teylon. Bloody hell, I can't argue, can I? Otherwise, I get pulled up by my personal Angel of Death. Small laugh from Maggie. "Sarsaparilla showed some judgement there, didn't she?" "That's right. No upper case Judgement required, with dead bodies left behind. Just some sensible lower case judgement!" said Adalace. "Why thanks! I really like the idea of judging people." said Sarsaparilla. "Oh-oh I hope she never gets to judge me, I'll be in deep shit." said Erasyl. A withering glance from Sarsaparilla. "I believe I could accommodate you. Just as soon as I get my judgemental powers." "Whoa there, Sarsaparilla. Now who’s going overboard? Erasyl I'm sure doesn't deserve such attention." said Adalace. There was a wave of laughter from the group. Even Teylon joined in. "Well, it looks like you have all had your turn at torturing me." said Teylon. "Hey, wait a minute! I've haven't! And I don't really feel any need to do so, either." said Erasyl. "Oh, that's right. For that I'm thankful." "That's interesting. So Erasyl is the nicest of all of us?" said Maggie. She looked momentarily impressed. There was a knock at the door. "Ah, that must be catering!" said Sarsaparilla. During the meal, there were a couple of interesting topics of conversation. "Say, it's just occurred to me, do you think there might be other people running around with Judgemental powers granted to them by some passing Angel of Death?" said Erasyl. "Wouldn't have a clue," said Teylon, "What's more, I certainly don't intend asking Esmeralda. I get the strong impression that the deal with her is strictly limited to her eventual goal of eradicating the evil on Mars. She is certainly not going to indulge in idle chitchat." "So, for all we know, we have already met someone else with a direct line to an Angel?" said Sarsaparilla. "Hmm, who knows?" said Leroy, "But, that brings up another matter; what about religion?" "Err, what about it?" said Erasyl. "Well, you know the thing about going to church, and following various religious behaviours, and all of that." There was a little silence, all the teenagers turned to Teylon. "Ah, actually I am, I mean I was, an atheist. And, apart from communicating with an Angel and bringing down extreme judgement on various people, I have continued acting exactly the same way I have always acted." He scratched his head. "After all, Esmeralda has made various demands on me, and pushed me to do various things, but none of them have had the slightest religious connotations." There was a brief conversation about this. It turned out that all of the teenagers were atheists - or provisional theists, depending on the degree that they believed in Teylon's Angel of Death story. The next working day, at the Watch Centre, Sarawatch was also impressed. She was currently talking with Teylon in her office. She leant forward at her desk, elbow on her desk, chin supported by her hand. "What I think is that Esmeralda is working in a bit of Judgement here. After all, technically speaking, you have died. Assuming your story is at all true, that is. You lived a life without any deep connection to others, and didn't go far enough in looking after others when you could have. And, so, now you're paying for it. In fact, it's sort of poetic justice." "Don't think that I haven't thought of that already, young lady." Deep underground "OK, this special meeting is open. I'm sure none of you will object, but it looks like we are going to have to fit into our already busy schedule quite a few of these." said Lenny. "Well, hopefully this time we can take control of this situation with Teylon and his merry band." said Arnold. "Wait, before we get to that, let's talk about the latest development, shall we?" said Lenny, "If we can start with Teresa?" "I think this is all so weird. I mean, we were thinking that Teylon was the leader of whatever he is leading. But, but, apart from his farcical intelligence gathering foray where he almost died, he had never really taken the lead and been proactive in doing anything. Adalace proposed the field trip, and various of the teenagers have basically confronted him with his past, and appear to be actually making him face up to some unpleasant facts about himself." "Don't forget he did kill three men!" said Arnold. Show of annoyance. "No, I haven't forgotten that. It's just that those deaths don't appear to fit into any coherent plan that we can see. And, remember, our attempt on Teylon himself failed dismally but he didn't appear to be involved." "And he has somehow managed to save those five teenagers. At the current rate, I don't think any will end up suitable for our programmes!" said Prakash, "He's a bloody pain!" "What the hell is he trying to do?" said Terrence. "Can we have some order please?" said Lenny. He pointed to Prakash. "You seem to have something you want to say..." "I think it is obvious by now that Teylon isn't the one calling the shots. It's this Esmeralda gal. Although, of course, we don't know who that person really is. The real question is, what does Esmeralda want?" "Well, for a start, she’s been working on Teylon, changing his attitudes. And working on the five teenagers, subverting our influences and deepening their connections to each other." said Teresa. "In other words, creating an independent group, with powerful Espers and high wealth. With their combination of abilities, they could be quite dangerous." said Lenny, "And what does she intend to do with that group?" "Obviously, to challenge us in some way. Otherwise, what is the point? We are the ultimate power group on Mars. With her apparent power, she certainly wouldn't aim for anything lower." said Arnold, "Course, the question is, does she want to replace us, or merge with us?" "I'm sure that is a very interesting question." said Lenny, drily, "Hopefully she will be convinced to share with us, after all we do know how to run this place." "Ha, how are you going to convince her of that?" said Arnold. "We shall have to provide such convincing display of our capabilities that she has no other rational choice." said Lenny. "Here's hoping." said Terrence. "And, how come we have never seen this Esmeralda?" said Prakash. "Presumably she is too cautious to reveal herself. What's more, she might not actually be on the planet. Maybe she's somewhere out in the asteroid belt. Or in one of the little communities floating in space in one of Mars' Lagrange points. If so, she is totally out of our reach." said Terrence. "So, she's up there somewhere in the heavens," said Teresa, looking upwards. Then she looked down. "Or in orbit currently on the other side of Mars, or whatever." The leader made a show of sighing. "I think we can save further discussion of this to more informal meetings. Shall we get back to Arnold's proposal?" "Is this going to result in the loss of another highly trained and expensive to replace assassin?" said Prakash. "No, I certainly hope not. If you look through the outline, you should see that we have made allowance for that possibility." There was a small amount of discussion, and then his proposal was approved. At the end of the meeting, there was a some informal chitchat. "I see you got burnt again, another little accident?" said Terrence. He was pointing at the ten centimetre wide bandage wrapped around Teresa's wrist. "Yeah, another little accident. Sometimes I get careless and forget to take proper precautions..." "Oh well, that's life."
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Fifteen years ago the Kingdom of Livnar was overthrown by a coven of vampires that lied in waiting and plotted for years before making their move and claiming their prize. The world was shocked, as in a single bloody night the ruling nobles of the kingdom were either killed, fled, or aided in the vampiric coup. As such, the Sanguinium was formed. To south the Kingdom of Dragons--Draconia did little, and even begrudgingly accepting the new vampire Kingdom. To the east, the Yfanorisian Republic eagerly opened trade with the newly formed kingdom eager to monopolize trade rights within the land. However, to the east, the Empire of Nimastar refused to acknowledge the fledgling kingdom.An unsteady peace has hovered over the land for the past fifteen years--but in the shadows, there are forces at work to stoke the flames of hatred and disdain between the Empire, and Vampiric kingdom. Tyrius and Leanna Elmount, a pair of orphans living in the southwestern part of the empire are caught in the middle of the plot to stoke the flames of war--and are forced to flee east for fear of their lives.
8 182To Blunt The Sharpest Claw
The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels are a series of New Fable genre novels that involve cats and dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases. With large casts, exotic locations and an absurdity only possible in the absence of human characters, the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels blend Wind in the Willows with James Bond, though with more cafes and fewer badgers. This submission is the third title in its Morigan Trilogy, beginning two-thirds of the way through the series' longest adventure yet. Here's a quick recount of what's happened so far: When Oscar Teabag-Dooven, a Velvet Paw of Asquith, is ordered to investigate how a mysterious poet, the Ar'dath-Irr, is able to travel instantaneously around the world, two very bad things happen. Firstly, he meets Lydia, an insane librarian who punches everyone in the face, and secondly, the Ar'dath-Irr reveals he is intent on taking over the world. Although this second thing might be considered worse than the first, Oscar feels differently following Lydia’s destruction of a cafe, a library and his face in one afternoon. In comparison, thwarting world domination just seems easier. Along with Binklemitre, a fellow Velvet Paw of Asquith, and Lydia, Oscar infiltrates the Ar’dath-Irr’s realm of dark poetry to discover the dog not only intends wrenching the world apart but has no intention of cleaning up afterwards. As a result, Oscar decides it’s all too hard and goes home to have a bath. After lots of arguing and the sort of food fight that posh restaurants were invented for, Lydia and Binklemitre convince him that they must stop the Ar’dath-Irr for several reasons, one of them quite serious. A vibrant cast of characters collide as Oscar, Lydia and Binklemitre battle the Ar’dath-Irr and his disciples in an adventure involving exploding cafés and appalling hotels, car chases and inadvertent surgery, dreadful poetry, lots of arguments and at least one temper-tantrum, all of which draw the three into dark and convoluted corners of a world they weren’t aware existed. Moreover, any chance of sitting down and discussing things over some buns disappears when Lydia punches the Ar’dath-Irr in the face. This results in her having a psychotic episode and Oscar getting run over by an ambulance. Although Binklemitre suffers neither, he witnesses both, which is almost as dreadful, though not nearly so messy. An enormous battle ensues, followed by a dinner party and then everything explodes.
8 330Confusion
It's horrible, but I tried.
8 141