Part 1: LAG - Last Awareness Glimpse

Someone asked me, what do you feel being near death? Some said pain, many said fear, others flashbacks... Instead, I feel it. You just, stop breathing...

Maybe it's those witches drag, or maybe it's just Hades igniting a brawl. Pulled down, but grabbing out. This is a limbo, one before you drown. One you usually have no control about.

Spoiler: Spoiler

Maybe will check that quote again. Feel it has some hole... Can't grasp it sadly. Leave it to your interpretation. Probably will change it or maybe too lazy afterwards.

Anestesia is like being close to death. Sleep also. Brain dead and vegetative state also... Like a string is all that sustains life there.

The so called autocontrol systems. Yours or the external machine's one.

Fucked up right?

The second part makes reference to how you just remain still watching the train pass milimeters away from you... You lose control at those moments, you stop breathing... But well that below this is more expressive... So dive more.

(Couldn't find a good acronym... Have to put one... Like the last attatched g-string... Lol... Never... Need help... Well if the g-string fails... At least a woman and the men that are staring will... Stop breathing?)

Thankfully a lazy gamer with baggy black eyes like me helped me. It's good she didn't want to sleep. I Suspect she was drugging herself with cookies at midnight... Still, she came with the acronym. Ty lazy gamer/writter.

No one knows how this happened, but the kid awoke before entering the new area he was being transported to. It was similar to a repetitive image of lights in a tunnel. Because everything was like watching those lights, while many cars honked or people shouted.

His mind was blank, face with semi-dried blood. No one cleaned him completely because of the urgency. He heard voices of the people move, they caused oscillating pain to his sensitive just-awakened ears.

Two connections on his arms introduced chilly water at a fast rate. An unknown balloon-like thing was being squeezed, while a mask was pressed to his lower face. The ballon was deflated with an erratic rhythm. Air came from it, a cold flow with a plastic smell. It burned the nose and mouth when forced to breath.

As soon as he opened his eyes, light arrived from an FL-pen, blinding him. It was directed at his eyes by one of the physicians. Then came voiced sounds from the people pushing the wheeled stretcher. The unstable stretcher continued advancing while tickling over the ground. The voiced messages between the people were impossible to decipher, they added to the annoying noises.

A nauseating feeling invaded his head, secondary to the little jumping and fast passing lights. He couldn't remain conscious of that much information that needed processing.

As such, he fainted again. The place he appeared in now was different...

'Where... is... this... place?'

He felt absentminded, sleep but awake, his face hurt and itched. The semi-dried blood with white-red dressings felt worse than a thousand mosquito bites.

His foggy eyes and sensitive ears were capturing every moment. Yet the sounds of words appeared to be spoken in a different language, something he didn't catch. If he ever read some mangas or series, he would have thought of aliens or some isekai.

His vision stabilized and his body started to capture more of this strange sensation. He felt powerless weak and cold.

'Where... am I? Where... is mom? What... am I... doing here? Who are... these guys? What's this... thing inside... my mouth?'

Gagging sounds came from his mouth, his lack of sensation didn't recognize it at first. Something was inside his mouth, it was a temporary mouth cannula. He struggled and found his cold arms pressed by two nurses' hands.

His train of thought was slower than a snail. Still, his mind overworked as he tried to screen the current event. 'What... are... they... doing? Am... I being... like kidnapped... by doctors? Please... Take... Me... To... Mom... Where... Is... She?'

While he was trying to figure out his surroundings, the people around him were conversing about something he didn't understand.

"Did the Rx report any facial trauma apart from the wounds?"

"None, only damage to the first three layers of the skin and some muscles in the face. There is no bone or eye damage at the moment."

"Perfect, do we have room?"

"Doctor, surgery room 5 is available, the anesthesiologist is already waiting there for the operation."

"Good take him there and call the available pediatric surgeons. Did we have a response from plastic surgery?"

"The plastic surgeon is on leave for some days. He seems to be in a medical conference event that takes place every year. He won't be returning for about a week or two..."

"Eh, then who should we call?!"

"We already asked for the nearest hospitals with plastic surgery available."

"Got it, then call me an ORL specialist"

"They also went to that congress..."

"What sort of congress are they in?"

"An international congress of facial trauma near... A... Paradisical... Beach..."

"Seriously?!"

"Although our hospital is big we don't have that much of these patients during these days... The surgeons work here like 4 hours and go to other places... They have been doing this for 20 years without trouble... Residents usually take care of this..."

"Call the residents then. Do we at least... Like, have those?"

"Yes... doctor, they should be arriving after the call."

"Okay, finally can leave the kid to another service..."

There were lots of things going on as he was translated inside a room with one of those butthole patient coats. He felt the air conditioning system to be horribly annoying. It felt like being nude on a snowy day, with an alcoholic smell around. A person came to explain a procedure to him, telling him to cooperate. He tried to understand but it was hard with his current weakened state.

Above him was a strange hexagonal lamp that looked like some flower. It was detestable, a light too strong for him currently. If it wasn't enough, the woman behind him, injected some liquid that burned through his arm. The mask she put on his face started releasing air with a strange smell. He was sleepy, he was completely losing his body's control.

His mind turned sluggish as his perceptions started to disappear in an orderly manner. Then it all became unknown darkness.

Part 2: Losing Connection.

How does it feel when the last strand holding your life doesn't stop trying, but you don't have any control over it?

You are still alive, but know nothing of what's happening? You try, but nothing seems to matter. You just went offline as every perception shatters.

Spoiler: Spoiler

This is like going offline from a game, literally.

Being sedated contributed to feeling “Like you’re not in the same world."

You were moving your player, car or whatever. But had lag, it made your brain move slower aka drop in fps.

Then you disconnected and you can't hear, can't chat, can't move, can't see, can't think...

There are more than only 5 senses. This is included for any human. We just believe too much in this 5 sense or 6 sense thing. Even buddhism depict the ayatana or sensing base. Still humans have more than 9 senses.

Just adding some here, but you can check the internet.

Equilibrioception: a sense in the ears. It let's us feel our position. It gives us cordinates as to where our head is pointing, xyz axis. It's more complex, just doing simple explaining.

Propioception: close your eyes. Do you know where your hand and legs are? We have sensors in the articulations that let us know in what position/action they are.

Nociception (pain), thermoception (temperature)...

"The skin is badly damaged, did infectiology look at the patient?"

"They already did and selected a course with oxacillin and clindamycin for covering of MRSA."

"What about neurology?"

"Neurology stated that there is a high probability of facial nerve damage. Still, the clinical evaluation can't be done completely in urgent conditions."

"So, they want to wait after surgery... To check the outcome?"

"Yes."

"Hmm, they just want to evade doing studies on such a mangled face. We need to use a hard technique. Thanks, I'll wash my hands to start the procedure. Intern, Play the music list on my phone over there."

The kid was over the table and had the face uncovered and attached to a special system for respiratory support. The surgeons and assistants changed and put on sterilized gloves. Surgery started while the surgical technician passed the required surgical equipment the doctors required.

About two hours passed and the procedure was far from over. The anesthesiologist was a little grumpy at the time of the procedure. It was secondary to her experience probably. It was said that a kid had a low tolerance to some anesthetic substances.

"How is it going surgeon?" Asked the woman with a mild discouraging voice. She knew the guy doing the procedure was a resident.

"Everything is fine, just that the vascular tissue and many nerve areas were compromised. I am trying my best to keep those from needing long rehabilitation afterward."

(Beep... beep... beep...) The anesthesia machine flashed and released a sound after sensing the indirect heartbeats of the patient. (Buzzzz -pshhh) It also took blood pressure measurements and ventilation parameters. There was a classical music piece playing in the background.

"Parameters are stable, but you should be careful of prolonged surgery in kids, especially the urgent cases." The anesthesiologist advised with a serious expression at the surgeon.

"I know, but if we don't, he'll have facial paralysis and additional complications." The surgeon expressed.

"How about closing and doing a second procedure?" The anesthesiologist suggested.

"We can't, there is a partial compromise to the 5th and 7th nerves. It's a kid, has a lot of life waiting for him." The surgeon answered swiftly.

"Ok, I will adjust the current medication, please be careful. Do not move the mouth area too much."

Time passed and the surgery continued... The above scene repeated for some time, till...

(Beepbeepbeepbeep....) The sound starting accelerating. An alarm sound resounded as the red light in the machine flashed intensely.

"What happened?" Asked a nurse.

"Stop the surgery, it's better to leave it for another round of intervention, the child is entering shock, quick start infusing..." The anesthesiologist started to give orders as the surgeons proceeded to close the wounds on the operatory table.

"Please pass me vycril to close wounds, quick." The surgeon expressed towards the surgical technician.

"Reduce the dose of propofol and start preparing a dose of epinephrine." The anesthesiologist added to one of the nurses.

"Start preparing the defibrillator... Ask a room for transfer in the unit, surgeon finish the mouth part quick, I need to change the current intubation equipment." The anesthesiologist commanded to prepare in case the situation needed drastic measures.

"Give me 10 minutes," said the surgeon.

"I'll give you five and that's a lot..." Said the anesthesiologist.

'Where am I?'

He looked around and found himself flying in the sky, touching the clouds of many different colors. The sun became akin to a huge linear lamp, it circled through the sky while penguins started to crowd around him. There inside the crowd, was a house somewhat strange...

He found a penguin inside the house, it gazed expectantly at him from the window. He entered its eyes as if experiencing what seemed strange and never-ending tunnel.

After the tunnel, there was an additional environmental change. Walls appeared surrounding a room, soup and a pair of chairs became visible as light shined upon the plates and glasses. He looked around the scene, it was full of dust with mid lighting conditions. But the most important addition was another person, a woman.

"How are you feeling?"

"Scared."

"That's normal."

"I see."

"What should I do?"

"Live... That's what I want for you."

"Why?"

"Because you are my son."

"But you always..."

"No, I didn't... I always loved you..."

"I know that... I wanted to ask why you won't stay with me longer..."

"You want me to stay forever, don't you?"

"Mmm..."

"It's not possible. You also know it."

"I am not that intelligent."

"Yes, you are. You are just being dumb... For convenience..."

"But, I am only 12 years old, that isn't normal..."

"This is your mind, you know the answers... Just accept them..."

The scenes started changing, the whole image turned into a whirlpool. He grabbed at his head as numerous silhouettes and figures started voicing their thoughts.

"Yes, yes... You are not normal, why are you talking about such complicated stuff? Why don't you come and play with us?"

Another timelapse happened as he appeared before a van. It felt as if he just left a luxurious apartment.

"Kid I'll take you to the hospital. Are you coming with me?"

The tunnel started to become slimmer as the flashbacks or time-lapses became faster and almost imperceptible.

"Hahaha! I'll teach you the best way to flirt with a girl kid, hear me out..."

"Eh? Who?"

"Heh you are just a piece in my dream, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing... you understand... nothing..."

"Disappointing. You'll never find a way out..."

"What are all these voices, where do they come?"

"It is I your father..."

"... Be happy!"

"Let me help you... Don't worry, just trust me..."

"It happened... because I wanted it that way... But then..."

"So fragile..."

Part 3: Raccoonection.

What are those strands that support life or allow them to reappear? How do we reattach something that broke into another damaged piece?

What is it that acknowledges us to continue to live, what is reality? What is real?

Delirium, hallucinations, and illusions. They are those moments before you find yourself in some deep context. Still, believe in your senses?

Spoiler: Spoiler

Ok this one... Didn't come out as I wanted. Had to put it like this for now.... Don't know how much but will try to make it better.

So re-connecting to your game is finding that you know nothing of what happened. Yet during your distress of re-sense, you will think about what's occurring. Delirium is something very common in extreme situations. Almost all of our senses are false, a very hard thing to understand. I will write more of them in the far future. So not a lot of hard explanation. Just read wiki for basics.

(Beep... Beep... Beep...)

He looked at the room, it had the old walls and the comfy bed he always liked. A person was reading a book to him. One of those childhood stories for kids to fall asleep.

He had a cold and was about 5 years old at that time. But the scene was reappearing with the grown-up him.

"Don't worry son, I am here for you."

"Is this heaven, mom."

"If that's what you want, yes."

"What are those sounds?"

"The sounds of life."

"I hate them."

"Because you don't want to live."

"I only want to be with you."

"Don't worry, even without me you will be fine..."

"Don't leave me..."

"I love you, my cute son..."

The hand-rubbed his head and ruffled his hair. She gave a little kiss on his forehead and started recounting the children's tale.

Time passed, he felt things touching his hair, or unknown voices whispering. He tried to talk to those, but no answer came. He felt that an octopus had wrapped him all over. It didn't let him talk, move or touch.

At least, he felt somehow secure. His mother was here at his side.

The images and apparitions started to turn foggy, he started recuperating the perceptions slowly. Sense by sense in a specific order.

He was finally ending the delirium stage, a stage where people tried to connect, trying to open their eyes from a sleep-awake state.

The kid woke-up hearing someone saying 'I think he is finally coming around'. He had a different thing in his mouth that made him retch. It was taken off giving him the sensation of wanting to puke. He heard another voice saying ''Do you know who I am?''.

He thought about hearing a known voice. It was from the man standing beside him. He was his mother's friend, the one who brought him to the hospital.

'Of course, I know who you are, you are the one that made us come to this city, the one at fault.'

The picture disappeared quickly, it was as if everything changed hastily. The people faces on the wall started to become nurses and physicians. He felt something enter his mouth again, but at least it didn't make him nauseated.

Wait, no... Why is the man wearing a doctor scrub and a mouth cover? Am I dreaming? No, I am awake and this is not my bedroom. Where the hell am I? What are these things on my face? What the hell is going on?

Looking around he saw medical machinery, a metal basin and a room with the words P-ICU 06. Nurses, doctors, other people... All strangers, no one he knew around the place.

"Hello there child, I am your doctor in charge of this morning. You are very lucky... Oh, forgive my words. After your face was cut, we took you to the pediatric intensive care unit. You suffered a hypovolemic shock... Mmm... You were critically Ill."

"Sorry if you can't talk... We will try explaining everything here. Still, everything you have to do,t is to try and recover. We don't know how your mother is. Remain strong and maybe you can meet her again. Sorry, I can't tell you much. She is also in intensive care but at the adult's side."

"Hmm... I think he is still in a post-delirium state."

Time passed...

I don't remember anything after losing consciousness in the bed with wheels. I had strange visions of people I have never met, monsters and strange things appearing everywhere.

I was told that I am in intensive care, that I have been seriously ill, and that I am going to be fine here. Still, what the hell's going on? I have no memory since arriving at this place, my back and head hurt, especially my face.

My eyes feel foggy, I feel that I saw some monkeys over the lights in the room. Also, those damn beeping sounds are the worse. Every time I try to move or do something, they just start sounding faster. Why is taking care of someone having to be caged?

Mmm... Right... This is the children's Intensive Care Unit. The place is full of beeping machines, nurses, doctors, and many others coming and going. I hate the sounds, this place is so monotonous. Beep, people washing hands, beep, a nurse comes and takes note of something. Beep, another nurse comes and puts some plastic bags over. Beep, yet a new nurse appears and makes sure you have been cleaned and rolled.

I laid there frozen, with the damn air conditioning or whatever it is delivering the worse chill. I can only look at the ceiling trying to grasp the scene whilst looking around the room.

The beeps never stopped, worse than that, my head wasn't allowed to move. It hurt and I felt like a match. Cold everywhere except the face. My face felt like a wet desert. An exploding itchy thing. I felt the pulsated pain, the sweat tickling, and the foggy vision. I am sure of it, I had a fever.

Nurses came and looked, it felt as if I was some sort of experiment or zoo animal. Like not being able to talk, but allowed to see. My movement was being restricted with something like cloths. Even my food, teeth brushing, cleaning, pissing and every other necessity; weren't being taken care of by me.

I felt incompetent, undervalued, weak... completely helpless. Why am I like this? Where is my mom?! What day is this? I have no idea as one day was very much like another. Did it rain or snow? Was the sun still shining? I don't care anymore. All I knew for sure was that I was in prison. This place is worse than being at school!

I had to be moved for exams, they even took me many times to the experimental table. They called it a surgery. I even had needles put in the right side of my neck, and a mask over my face after they took off the damn glued dressings. I was put under the ocean again. How long for... I have no idea. The moment I woke up they told me the wounds were infected. It was secondary to the hurried closing during the shock. I looked worse than a puppet. The place gave me a plastic squid as a plushie. Threads and tubes everywhere on my body.

Then I woke up again with the despairing sounds of the heart sensing machines. Those annoying beeps or flushes from the whatever infusion pump thing.

Everything added towards the monotonous symphony that sounded even in my dreams. They were short though, as I wasn't allowed to sleep. Nurses and doctors appeared every quarter or half an hour to do their thing around my bed. It was part of their assessment trip.

The only reassuring thing was that I wasn't the worst. Another kid died. I now know how that feels like. The worst. I fear death but I also want to get out of this place. Mom, this place is what you told me, this is the so-called hell, those that truly suffer, they are all in this well.