Under the deep part 1: Delay

When breathing becomes harder, grief and despair arrive to barter.

The only way to bear them, is to evade the matter.

Enter your bubble and stop perceptions, keep only yourself in isolation.

Spoiler: Spoiler

Isolation one of the most important rules of life. It's an instinct to protect yourself from being drown in disorder.

I will explain isolation more in the future, so I'll leave it at that.

This one is called delay, because we try to evade the event. We don't believe it happened. We just create a barrier around us that makes us feel safe, from the broken world called reality.

A little room where you can dream and play games. The first trashcan a raccoon ever gets.

Time in the instensive care unit passed. The feelings building up inside the child dissapeared like dust. He couldn't talk for most of the day and didn't move his tied body.

The stay in PICU was truly monotonous and horrible. A experience he didn't want to repeat ever again.

The total time spent inside P-ICU was about a month. The current situation of his mother unknown. Maybe he knew what happened, but he didn't want to believe. He was moved to what they called floors a while ago. It was a way they used to call usual hospitalizations.

He had entered so many surgeries during his stay, that he didn't remember the real number. He was going to be taken to another hospital today. The current plastic surgeon had done what he could. Still, a child organization took care of his current situation. Somehow it got him one of the best teams for facial trauma aproach.

They needed him to change hospitals to continue the facial reconstruction after the infection. However, the kid didn't want to go away from the current one. The pediatricians couldn't find the right way to help the kid in his current state. The psychologist and social group selected accompanied support as the best intervention.

The problem was that the look in his eyes was indifferent towards everything. A soulless stare, one filled with nothing, not even a spark of hope. He became a complete stone in that bed. He didn't try to move in the rehabilitation program, he didn't eat or drink. Many people tried to talk to him, but no one got even a word from his lips.

The man moved his head again and stared at the soulless body on the bed. He shook his head and spoke with a serious tone.

"Inside this bag are the things left in the apartment. Obviously, the most important ones. There are also some things your mother wanted you to have." He tried to deliver the message to the kid, hoping he would understand.

The kid seemed to react after the words the man said. He only pronounced a word.

"Mom..."

The man's face turned sour and troubled, he already tried to explain the situation a lot of times to the kid. He even took him to his mother's grave to see and learn. The Physicians in the hospital stated that the current stage he was at, was one of delaying the facts. It happened when someone lost an important figure in their life.

"Kid don't get me wrong, your mom loved you. She just couldn't help it. She wanted you to become strong and live by yourself, to be independent... Who knew things would end up like this..."

The kid moved his lips slowly. "Mom... loves me..." He then looked down at the bedcover and gripped it slowly. "She... died?"

"But mom... She... Is here with me..." The kid looked towards the window and smiled.

The man's eyes blinked, he frowned while gazing at the kids smiling face. Was he totally broken by the events? He thought. Afterwards, he stated. "Little guy, your mother died... She wants you to live, you should-"

"Lying! Stop lying to me... my mom is here... Who are you? why did you do that? What do you want from me?!" The kid threw the TV controller towards the man. It missed but the man looked at him flabbergasted.

A Pediatrician entered hurriedly and glared at the man. "I didn't do anything..." the man whined.

"Leave him for now, it will take time for him to accept the situation. A kid’s parental figure is the support they have in almost every sphere. They are highly dependent on them, at least till they become mid-adolescents or experience situations such as these before." The pediatrician talked with explanative behavior towards the Van's driver.

"This is the last time I will be coming here... I wanted him to be better..." The van's driver told the pediatrician with gloom.

"I see, then say it to him. At least he can remember what happened later. He needs time..." The pediatrician left the room after making sure the situation wasn't dire.

Both of them knew the child had multiple non-planned attempts of suicidal behavior, so they were very vigilant of the little guy. He shouldn’t be left too much time alone, as he could start devising plans and jump outside that border.

The Van's driver coughed and stared at the kids eyes, he then seriously muttered his last conversation with him. "Kid, I'll leave those things for you. There are clothes, some candies, a laptop and some of your mother’s belongings. There is also that children's book she made for you."

He stopped there but the kid remained still, looking elsewhere... he sighed and continued. "Child, I have other things to do, the place they are transferring you has better technology than in here. You will be in better hands there. The children organization that will take care of your case has given you a lot of privileges. I hope you the best..."

The man left the room afterwards. The kid remained looking at the window with a smile.

A day passed and the current child didn’t seem to change, except for the ugly bandages on his head and the thinness of his body becoming more apparent. He didn’t even react towards the bags that the man brought.

The pediatrician just left, the kid was going to be in other physician’s care when he arrived towards the next hospital. He wanted to help but couldn’t do much at the moment.

Nothing special occurred during the transfer, the kid had a stable condition. They only needed to secure the physical and psychological scars that had occurred. Food and health checks could be done with other approaches. What he currently needed was to get the will to live and the surgical approach of the scarring.

The transfer vehicle arrived at a huge hospital with more than fourteen floors; underground area included. The kid descended surrounded by the children’s organization staff and some physicians. The clinical record was delivered once they arrived at the sixth floor which was the pediatrics area.

When everything was in order and the child was left in his designated room, a pediatrician received him. She started to get to know him, but he didn’t answer to her questions.

“Hello there little guy? What’s your name? Do you know why they transferred you here?” The woman sounded a bit childish. She had long red hair, a thin and small frame. She was around 152 in height, and whore high heels to look taller. Her most interesting feature where the deep blue eyes she had, added to her charismatic and happy go attitude. If someone gave an age to her it would be around 24 or 28 years old.

“…” The kid looked the pediatrician and didn’t say anything.

“What’s with that face did the cat steal your tongue?” The pediatrician continued smiling friendly at the kid.

“…” The kid looked at her but didn’t express emotions.

“Hmm, you are really in some bad condition… Let’s see… How about we find something that can help you… those are your things right?”

“…” The kid looked at the bag but didn’t pay attention.

“He is completely isolated… Hmm, what do we have here a photo? Oh! Is this your mom? She looks like a model, really pretty.” The pediatrician mentioned.

“Mom…” The kid murmured.

“Hmm, this seems to bring some memories to you.” Murmured the pediatrician.

Another woman around 50 years old wearing a rainbow sweater below her coat arrived. Her short brown hair moved as she looked at the boy with happy eyes. She was the pediatric psychiatrist, in charge of his future evolution.

“Hi, how are you guys doing?” Asked the psychiatrist.

“Hello, I was trying to see if he reacts.” The pediatrician expressed towards the woman.

“I see, let me do a quick check-up and try to see how he does.” The psychiatrist stated and started to make some tests to the kid.

“He is in a delay or isolating moment, it’s a very usual stage of grief. Every situation should be assessed carefully, since for every person the events that happened differ on the internalization and acceptance processes.” The psychiatrist analyzed them made another summary. “Every grief experience is a unique process, it depends on the type of relationship with the parent. The amount of dependency, religious background, culture, emotional support system…”

“He gave a good response towards the photo.” The pediatrician showed the photo towards the other woman.

“I see, we should leave the kid and give him some time to touch the items the caretaker brought. Then we will see if any item gives him a reaction or resolve. We have to accompany the child till he starts recovering his will.” The psychiatrist informed.

“How much do you think we should check him?” The pediatrician questioned.

“It’s better if you try to interact with him slowly, as you are the person directly attending him.” The psychiatrist commented.

“Okay, then we'll do as you stated.” The pediatrician affirmed.

Both of them took many of the things inside the bag, organized them and put them near the child. They were expecting to see some reactions, but he just stayed seeing towards the window when no stimulus was delivered. The situation continued overtime, with no interesting response from the child. He didn’t even eat sometimes forcing them to use a different approach for food intake.

Then, another man came to visit him. It was a Tall man that looked like a modern Jesus. He wore a suit and high quality clothes. Had brown hair and green eyes. He had a modern styled beard and looked like a man that knew how to wear classy. He was the Plastic surgeon in charge of him.

“So this is the child.” The plastic surgeon confirmed to himself.

“Yes, he is. Do you want to remove the bandages and dressings?” Asked the pediatrician.

“There’s no need right now, I can't take him to surgery if there is no solution to his food intake. You know this right?” The plastic surgeon questioned.

“Yes, it’s been hard, we haven’t achieved any result even with the psychiatrist intervention.” The pediatrician shrugged.

“It’s hard to take a kid in this conditions to surgery. There will be no point to rehabilitation. The risks are higher than the benefits. The infection compromised too much tissue, and they removed areas of bone during PICU stay. This operation needs him to be in good shape.” The plastic surgeon shrugged and explained.

“We will try our best. It will take a while but we hope it can be done.” The pediatrician looked a little down.

“I know, but there is nothing I can do at this time. We will have to treat him like a dependent patient and do gastrostomy if he doesn’t earn weight.” The plastic surgeon suggested as if making a conclusion.

“We are preventing that things end like that.” The pediatrician’s face turned gloomy.

“Hmm, how about you take him to see a kid in a worse condition? Like the girl I saw the other day?” The plastic surgeon gave another possible attitude to take.

“Wait… That could actually work. You say the kid is in depression, so his black dog needs a bigger black dog to become small?” The pediatrician made an “I get it” expression with her grip and other hand, like playing Rock paper scissors.

“I am actually talking about the inevitable end with a happy go feel. The girl there is happy but her situation is worse than the kid's… She can make him want to live…” The plastic surgeon expressed nonchalantly.

“I see… Why didn’t you become a Psychiatrist?” The pediatrician asked the plastic surgeon.

“Because I am hot maybe?” The plastic surgeon made a dumb answer and went away while winking at the pediatrician.

“Damn, are all plastic surgeons playboys?” the pediatrician looked flabbergasted at the man. She then cried softly. “I am not into religious guys… you freaky Jesus…”

“Hahaha!” The man went away laughing at her comment.

The people went outside the room. Meanwhile, the kid was in a petrified condition staring at the window. He looked lifeless, but his mind was processing many things at the same time.

It was a strange situation but the disorderly thoughts inside the kid's mind were breathtaking.

“Good morning mom.”

“Good morning son.”

“I want to eat your food.”

“Then you just have to wait till I return to your side.”

“Mm. I know. What will you prepare?”

“Your favorite.”

“When will you come back?”

“When you can see me over the window.”

“I see, can you sing me a song or tell me a story?”

“There was once a…”

Although his expression didn't change much, his head was a mess.

“Kid your mom is dead.”

“Lies”

“Child your mom loves you, she left this-“

“Lying!”

“Did you see this photo, your mom was beautiful!”

“True! But my mom is always with me…”

“Kid I brought you the things your mom left for you when she left…”

“Nooo! Leave me ALONE… MOM will always be with me, go away…”

A tear fell from the kids eyes. They regained a little light when staring at the picture left over the night table in the room. The book was deposited inside the first drawer, the kid didn’t get a real reaction towards it.

“How can these guys treat mother's photo like that. Mother will be angry with me if she sees her things moved to such a place…” The kid murmured while in the bed, but then remained still for a longer time.

An unexpected morning arrived and the kid was taken by the pediatrician towards another room in a wheelchair. She was betting the need of a special surgery for food intake over the kid. He was not cooperating, the current nutrition wasn't enough and carried risks. If this didn't work, there would be trouble with his recuperation.

They quickly arrived to the ninth floor of the huge hospital. It was the floor designated for oncological patients in paliative conditions. Kids and adults patients could be seen here.