It turned out that not only did Shane have his driver’s license, he also owned his own car. It was a beat-up gray pickup truck, but as I slid into the passenger’s seat and rolled down the window to catch a drift of sea air…it felt like freedom.

What are you doing? asked the cautious, safe voice that until now I had always listened to. You’re going to marry Connor. Why are you going out on a date with some random guy you met yesterday?

But neither Shane or I had actually said the D word, so it didn’t count, right? I was just hanging out with a guy…the day after someone else asked me to marry him.

Still, Connor would never know, so it wouldn’t hurt him. Right?

There was a little diner about a mile away from campus. Lord knows why it stayed open when businesses right and left were shuttering up, but whatever.

Shane and I ordered a plate of fries priced five times higher than before Betty. I didn’t let that bother me. Sitting at a table with a cute boy, it was easy to pretend that everything was fine again.

I sighed happily as the plate arrived. “No offense, but this,” I said as I dunked a fry into a puddle of ketchup, “has been the best part of my day.”

He grinned and snagged his own fry. “I know what you mean. This almost feels normal, and I haven’t had a lot of normal recently.”

No, probably not. If his family was anything like mine, all extra non-perishable food was stored away. Saving for life after Betty.

Nope, I thought, cutting that off short. Thinking about the asteroid would lead to despair.

Plus, I didn’t want to think about Connor when I was with Shane.

“Hmm. I like the idea of normal. Let’s roll with that,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

I smiled, tilting my head. “So, what’s your plan after high school?”

It took him a second to get I was asking him to pretend Big Betty wouldn’t, literally, impact our lives. “Actually, I’m not sure. My plans have sort of changed recently.”

Of course. I suppressed an eyeroll. Everything had changed. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice as if imparting a secret. “All my life, I wanted to be a veterinarian—specialize in marine animals. That sort of thing.”

“But not anymore?”

He shook his head and made a face. “I told you my aunt works at the Monterey Aquarium, right? Well, I started a job there after school, too. You would not believe the amount of fish and animal crap I have shoveled over the last few months. I. Am. Done.”

I laughed aloud, clapping a hand over my mouth to keep my chewed food from showing. “Okay, so what’s the plan, now?”

“I figured I’d go to college, but maybe…politics? At least then I’d be able to write laws to make a difference. Less actual dealing with blood and guts.”

“I like that,” I said, charmed. “The vet thing is cute, but you’re right, it’s kinda messy. You’d have my vote.”

Shane laughed with just the look in his eyes. They sort of crinkled like he was silently chuckling. I bet he’d have crow’s feet in a few years, but it would make him look distinguished. “You don’t even know what my platform is.”

“If it’s pro sea life, I’m for it.”

“Good call.” He took another fry, then hesitated, the smile vanishing. “But I think my plans are changing again. I’ve been getting into studying survival methods and hunting and foraging. You know, for after.”

“Ah-ah.” I shook my head. “We’re talking about normal. Betty isn’t normal.”

He dropped it without argument. Good boy. “What about you? What are your plans?”

I sighed. “It’s stupid.” At least, it was now.

“Ah-ah,” he repeated in the same tone I had used. “No Betty, remember?”

“Right.” I forced a smile. “Well, I don’t have anything super specific, but I really want to study genetics.”

“So, DNA and stuff?”

“And stuff,” I agreed. “I’ve been interested in it since I was little—being a twin and all. It would be nice to be a genetics counselor and help parents plan out their families.”

“So you would be going for a doctorate?”

“Yep.” I liked the sound of Doctor Butler much more than Mrs. Schneider. Ugh, go away bad thought. “Or maybe I’d just work for a pharmaceutical company and make oodles of money.”

“Here’s to making oodles of money.” Shane held up a ketchup covered fry. I grabbed one of my own and we ‘clinked’ them together.

* * *

Neither one of us said it, but we weren’t ready for the not-date to end after the French fries were done. I certainly didn’t want to go back to school.

There was a green space and a little grove of eucalyptus trees set at the end of the small parking lot. We walked to it, and although it was early in the season, I spotted a few migrating monarch butterflies flitting through the branches overhead.

Shane caught my hand in his, and I didn’t pull away.

Eventually, though, our moment had to come to an end. I pulled out my phone and checked the time.

“I gotta go back to school.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Yeah. My brother had a meltdown when I came home late yesterday, and I don’t want him to nark to my dad.”

Shane sighed, but nodded. “I gotta drive my sister home, anyway.”

That’s right. He mentioned he had a sister yesterday, but in the hours we’d been talking today, she hadn’t come up once. “Is she in high school, too?”

He grimaced. “You probably know her. Jessi O’Hannon?”

“Your sister is Queen Bit—” I caught myself. “Queen Bee?”

Shane barked a surprised laugh. “Yes, and yes, trust me. However bad she is at school, she is even worse at home.”

My mind was spinning even as the part of me that was interested in genetics was fascinated. Shane had dark red hair and was so freckled he looked tan, whereas Jessi had coal dark hair and equally dark eyes. Same freckles, though, now that I thought about it.

“But you’re so normal!” I blurted.

He grinned. “Thank you.”

“No, I mean…well, okay, I did mean it like that. She’s just so…”

“Yeah.” He rolled his eyes, but there was fondness hidden there. “We live with our aunt. Our parent’s marriage wasn’t happy. They both decided to be rid of each other, and us.” He shrugged like what he just said wasn’t completely heartbreaking. “I was old enough to see what was really going on and be grateful I could live somewhere away from them. She wasn’t. It’s not an excuse for how she acts,” he added, “but deep inside, I think she’s insecure.”

“You’re a lot nicer about it than I would be.”

He started to laugh it off, but I squeezed his hand. “No, I’m serious. I give my brother a hard time, and he’s not nearly so…” Again, I bit off what I was going to say. Repeatedly insulting a guy’s sister to his face was tacky, even if that girl was Queen Bee. “You’re a really great guy, Shane.”

“Yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Well, I think you’re pretty special, too.”

I didn’t know when the air had changed between us, but it had. He leaned in, brushing a piece of hair from my face.

I caught my breath, tipping my chin up as he closed the distance.

His lips brushed over my own, both soft and rough. My first kiss.

What was I doing?

I pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” Shane said, taking the hint and backing away as well. The high color in his cheeks, made his freckles stand out.

“No, don’t be. It’s not you. It’s me.” The old cliché, but it was absolutely the truth. Letting go of his hand, I crossed my arms over my chest. “It’s not your fault,” I added, looking down miserably.

He was silent for a moment. I didn’t dare look at him, but I could practically feel his confusion.

Finally, he spoke tentatively. “Did I misread something, or…?”

“No, it’s just…complicated.”

“Oh.”

We stood there for a moment. My rejection had both hurt and confused him. I hated it. I wasn’t dumb enough to explain the whole reason why, but maybe…

“Shane, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”

I bit my lip and forced myself to meet his gaze. No anger. Just confusion. “I can’t explain everything, but…if you had the chance to save your aunt and your sister from Betty, but you had to give up, um, everything, would you?”

His eyebrows crinkled. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t—it’s just hypothetical.” I shook my head. “But if it cost you your dreams and your future. Like, your family would live, but you’d have to be a janitor or a ditch digger for the rest of your life instead of a vet or a politician…” I was being overly dramatic. Marrying Connor couldn’t be that bad. Right? “Would you still do it?”

His answer was both immediate and surprised me. “Astrid, I would give up my right arm if it meant living through Betty. Yes, I want to live. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Yes,” I said, stomach plummeting. It was the answer I expected, but not the one I wanted.

He started to reach for my hand, and then stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” My answer was a little too quick—I could tell he didn’t believe me. He just looked at me for a long, long moment, searchingly.

Don’t ask, I silently pleaded. Don’t push.

“Can I still see you at lunch tomorrow?” he asked.

Despite everything, his question lifted my heart.

“Yes,” I said. “Absolutely.”

Shane dropped me off a few minutes before the final bell rang, so I was able to meet Asher in the parking lot as usual.

My brother was quiet as we walked home, and so was I. My mind buzzed with a mix of guilt and steady, persistent joy.

I had had my first kiss! And it was from a boy that I was really coming to like.

…and nothing more could ever happen between us.

The closer I got to my house, the giddiness faded and my guilt took over.

I had a great time today, but it was super messed up for me to use Shane as some sort of an escape from Connor. Shane didn’t deserve it, Connor didn’t deserve it, and I was certainly better than this.

Besides, I had only known Shane for two days. Wasn’t my family more important?

No question. Of course they were. Even Shane had said it himself: he would give his right arm to get into a SAFEsite.

All I had to do was to marry a handsome guy who really liked me.

When you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, I reminded myself sourly. It was one of my dad’s favorite sayings.

What if Connor had seen Shane and I together? Why was I taking any chance at all with my future and the lives of my brother and father?

We reached the house at last, but Asher paused as I opened the front door.

“Do you mind if I go surfing?” he asked.

“No? Why would you think I would—” I stopped and then scowled. “Get a grip, Asher. You’re getting way over-protective.”

“Look, I know you can take care of yourself, but things are different now—”

I rolled my eyes and walked into the house, shutting the door in his face. He had his own key if he wanted back in.

I heard him puttering around the garage for a few minutes, probably trying to decide if he should go all caveman and protect his home territory or not. Thank goodness the lure of the sea won out.

Five minutes later, I spotted him walking down the street dressed in his wetsuit, his surfboard under one arm.

Once he was out of sight, I went to the bathroom and brushed my hair out to give it life. Then I spent a few minutes applying a light coat of makeup. Nothing fancy—foundation, eyeshadow and a touch a lip gloss. I stood back to admire my work. I didn’t look sexy, but the makeup made me seem more mature. Perfect.

Then I walked out the door and headed to Connor’s house.

* * *

It had been a couple of years since I last visited Connor at his home. When Asher and I were kids, I used to follow my brother there if I couldn’t arrange a playdate with one of my own friends. That stopped when I became old enough to stay at my own house alone.

Connor’s home—mansion, really—was set back a good mile from the beach, perched on the top of a sharp slope. The front of the main wing was dominated with giant floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over the ocean. I remembered long afternoons playing under those windows.

A newly installed wrought-iron gate blocked the driveway and wrapped around the parameter of the property. I spotted a call box to the side. Heart pounding, I pressed the button and waited.

After this, there was no going back.

The box buzzed and a tinny voice called out, “Schneider residence.”

“Hi,” I said awkwardly, knowing that I was probably on video, but unsure where the camera was. “I’m Astrid Butler.”

Silence.

“Is Connor in? I was, um, hoping to speak to him.”

Another brief pause, then the voice came back on. “You may enter using the gate to your right.”

There was a click and I glanced over to see a door-sized gate that I hadn’t noticed before. It was meant for pedestrians, I guess.

“Thank you.”

I quickly walked over and jerked the heavy iron door all the way open, stepping onto the property. It slammed behind me with the sound of a prison cell closing.