《Life Without Memory》Chapter 8: Exposure to Light
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Why was I so determined to see him again? I can remember feeling tumbling around and overwhelming me. That type of inner emotional turmoil isn’t good for trying to reach my goal. If I want to rebuild this world I should stay away from him. I need my block in place to use my power against people.
But I promised him I would be back. In a month I have to go back to meet him.
Lizzie taps me on the shoulder, “Hey Hope, you almost ready to go?”
Since I took out the dock single-handedly, Lizzie wants to test me and see if I can do it again.
I am, but I shake my head. I am thinking and she is bugging me. Also, my hair is unbound. Is that not a sign that I am not ready?
She sighs and I imagine I can feel the glare directed toward me. She is not the girl I met in my cell, and at the same time she is. She has so much fire and energy, and she is the one driving my own cause forward.
My cause. Her cause. It’s all the same. A new world where everyone is valued and everyone can live in peace and harmony. A world where everyone can have a bed.
“Come on Hope. You’ve been sitting there for the past couple of minutes staring at the wall. Weren’t you the one that said you wanted to change this world, to make it better for the people who have to live in it?”
She is glaring at me. Her green eyes are shadowed by her brows pulled down over them.
“Take a breath Lizzie. I will get there on time, and I will redirect the shuttle for you.” She is worrying too much, and a small part of me feels satisfaction in how anxious I am making her. She needs to learn to not rely on my powers.
I do need to get ready though. I do up my hair and slip my head scarf on. So quick and easy.
“Now, don’t forget the drop locations. You remember them right?”
I nod. Why does she think I would forget the drop locations? Is she upset because I visited her brother two days ago? I told her about it so she shouldn’t be upset. Maybe she is upset because I wouldn’t tell her where he is living. He asked me not to tell her, and I kept my word.
“Hope! Are you even listening to me? Where is your head today? Is it still stuck with my brother?”
That must be it. She thinks that I am some emotionally driven girl.
“Lizzie, my emotions do not affect me when I do not want them to, unlike you. Do I need to take over control of the operation today? You seem unusually irrational today.”
“What!?” She screeches at me with all the indignity of a thirteen year old girl. Or is she fourteen now?
“Really, you are strangely upset today, as if you are worried about something.”
“I’m worried because last time you let someone escape with knowledge of you! You let them see you with your hair down!”
“Yes, but I didn’t let them see our disguise. That is why our disguise is still safe.”
She walks forward and punches the wall, and then stands there cradling her fist.
“Why did you punch the wall?” The wall never did anything to hurt her, or at least not that I know.
She gives me an exasperated sigh, “Because I am angry Hope, and if I didn’t punch that wall I would’ve punched you!”
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I have no idea what I did to make her angry enough to want to hit me.
“Well, I have a mission to do. I’ll see you later Lizzie.”
I slip out of the room and I can hear her yelling behind me. “You better not let anyone see you this time! Kill them all if you have to!”
She is way too violent for her age. It must be the information that was forced into her brain after the Xatron, or I should say I, stole her memories. Of course, I didn’t have conscious knowledge of doing this at the time.
I easily find my way to the docks on the James river where a shuttle is being loaded up from one of the boats. Just like last time there are a lot of guards around, I count 15 of them, and about 15 workers loading the shuttle. This will be a little harder.
There is also one extra person standing off to the side that is dressed way to well. I move closer and notice short brown hair slicked back with a brown stubble of facial hair as if he hasn’t shaved for a day or two. He is skinny, and the lack of wrinkles and heft to his body make me think that he is about my age. He may be slightly younger or older.
I search through the stolen memories, but I don’t see him in there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before.
He is wearing a dark black suit with a red tie. The fabric of the tie is shiny, and its looks slick. If I grab it I think my fingers would just slip through it. I creep forward a little more, keeping my invisible barrier in front of me, hiding me from their view.
He turns toward me, as if he’s heard something, though I have no idea how he can hear me over the noise of the docks, but he doesn’t seem to see me.
What is this person doing here?
A guard walks up to him and begins to talk to him. I creep further forward, till I can hear the guard.
“…isn’t safe. This demon steals memories and kills people, Sir. It can’t be reasoned with.”
“Relax Rich. I’ll be fine. I think this “demon” as you call her is just a girl with special powers. She’ll probably listen to reason if she shows up.”
“Probably, Sir? That’s a big if to risk your life on.”
He shrugs, glancing around checking over his men.
“If she exists and can be reasoned with, I want to talk to her. I suspect she is the same girl who escaped from jail. Imagine how much good she could do in the world with that kind of power!”
“Sir, she was in jail for a reason.”
“I know. She was unfairly locked up for being a troublesome orphan who was stealing to survive.” His fists clench and he looks mildly angry. “It’s not right that we lock people up without a trial for just trying to survive. And then they experimented on her! I bet she’s just scared and alone.”
This man is interesting. Should I reveal myself to him? I want to talk to him and hear more. I want to tell him what I think about this world and see what he says. No. I’m here for a mission. I need to focus and get the supplies.
They are almost finished loading the shuttle. I need to move now or lose my chance.
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“White haired lady!” The man shouts. “If you are here, please don’t hurt my men!”
What? His men are guarding the shuttle. How else does he expect me to take the shuttle? The men part, opening up a route to the shuttle, and I move through the opening being careful to not to be heard and give away my position.
“I bought all the contents on this shuttle for you to take. All I want is to talk to you. I will go into the shuttle and wait for you. None of my men will shoot.” This man is insane. He has to be of the wealthy lording over this city, but most of the wealthy don’t care about other people.
Well, what is that saying that Ray loves? Curiosity Killed the Cat. That’s it.
I walk onto the shuttle, and look back at the guards standing near the shuttle staring straight ahead. I pull the handle, and the shuttle door closes behind me, and the guards do not move. This little Lord might be an idiot.
“Are… Are you here?” He whispers, and I can hear the stutter in his voice.
Maybe he is slightly afraid. He should be. I could stop his heart just by touching him. I don’t want to talk to him yet, not here with his guards watching the shuttle, ready to burst in at any moment. I give the shuttle the coordinates to go to, and pull of my head scarf. I don’t want this man to suspect women walking around with head scarfs.
My hair slides out of the bun as soon as I release it. He’s standing there, gripping the edge of the shuttle to keep from falling as the shuttle moves.
“Please, can I meet you? Talk to you? You can see I have no intention of hurting you right?” Maybe he’s starting to realize how bad an idea this is.
I release my invisibility screen, and feel the weight slide off my shoulders. Holding the screen that long has left me tired.
He is staring at me, and I think he is too shocked to move. He asked me to appear, but obviously he didn’t actually expect me to appear in front of him.
“You wanted to speak to me?” I ask in the loftiest tone I can manage.
He nods, still staring at me.
“Well?”
He just continues to stare at me, but I don’t have all day.
“I guess I will start then, since you can’t seem to speak right now. I am Ghost. I am the memories of the downtrodden, stealing from the wealthy to give out to those who are forgotten.”
“Don’t give me that crap.” He finally speaks up and then rubs his eyes. And then stares at me again. “You are the girl who escaped from jail, Lily. I can see it in the shape of your face. What happened that made your hair go white? Is it… Is it the - God, I can’t believe I’m saying this – is it the magic you use?”
“Magic?” He calls my power magic. I haven’t really thought of it that way. “I call it my power. And I don’t know why my hair went white. I think it’s the stress of using the power.” What else should I tell him? Should I hide more from him, or make him think I am working on my own?
“And I go by the name Hope now. As in hope for a better world.”
“Hope.” He actually has a really nice sounding voice. Its deep, but smooth like honey. He’s probably a person people love to listen to. A politician’s son?
“So, you use your power to steal to give to the poor?”
I nod. “Yes, that’s what I do.”
“So, what would you do if I had a shuttle full of food and other necessary supplies delivered to the location you’ve been sending the shuttle to everyday? Would you continue stealing shuttles?”
I don’t know. Why would he pay for an entire shuttle to be delivered to the people?
“I guess that’s unfair to throw at you. I guess the better question is, do you think that would help people? Would it make it so that they can get a job?”
“Many of them have jobs, but don’t make enough to survive.” I’m not sure why I am answering this wealthy man’s questions. I should just shove him out of the shuttle and let him fall to his death.
“Really? I didn’t realize that the wages in this city were that bad. Unfortunately my father doesn’t believe in raising the wage cap. Once I get into the government I plan on trying to balance things better. Which leads to my why I wanted to talk to you.” He stops, and stares at me, assessing me. “Hope, would you be willing to come with me, back to my place after we deliver the supplies?”
The shuttle stops. We are at the location where the orphans pick up the supplies. Shoot. I can’t let them see each other.
I grab his shoulders and pull him toward me, toward the front of the car. “Stand quietly and look to the front. Do not look back here, or I will know. The people picking up supplies will not see you as long as you don’t speak.”
“Wha-“
I shush him and he stops and stares forward just like I told him. I quickly place a screen between him and the supplies. I don’t know how to make it invisible on both side, but I don’t know how so I simply make it a black screen from his side, and invisible from the side that the orphans will see. Hopefully they don’t accidentally step through the screen.
The shuttle door opens, and its Alice and Jack again. Thankfully it’s not Jay. I could just see him saying Hi Sis, and giving away that I am not working alone.
Jack stares at me through the open door for a moment before Alice pushes past him, not looking at me. Why is Jack staring at me so strangely?
Alice tugs on my hair as she passes, “You should cover up your hair. Someone might notice hair like that.”
It suddenly registers in my brain; Jack is staring at my hair. A strand of white hair glimmers under the light. My hair represents my power to him. I back away from the door, and he enters, still watching me carefully.
I don’t belong amongst the orphans. If this man will deliver supplies, they won’t need me anymore, and they are scared of me. I can never lead them as my Army if they are afraid of me. If I can get into the government, maybe I can force change. Maybe I should leave with this strange man.
They finish removing the supplies, and Alice shuts the door without speaking to me.
Why hadn’t I thought of trying to get into the government before? I let the screen drop and tap the man on the shoulder. “They are gone. Now, start with your name, and explain everything to me. Especially why you want me to come with you back to your place. That statement itself sounds very strange.”
He doesn’t say anything, so I grab his shoulders and shift him so that I can access the navigation panel again.
“I – Well – Um – I guess that did sound awkward.”
I nod and type in the next set of coordinates. Will Nathan be there getting supplies today? No. I can’t look for him. I can’t take the chance that this man will try and get him captured.
“Where are my manners today? My name is Patrick. Patrick McNeil.”
The shuttle speeds off, and I turn around to face Patrick. He is holding his hand out toward me – oh, he wants to shake my hand. The greeting thing. I reach out and grasp his hand and shake.
“Nice to meet you Patrick, now can you explain your quite sudden proposition to me?”
He leans back against the wall of the shuttle. “I guess I should start with the beginning and give you the whole story.”
I nod. Yes, it would be nice to hear everything and understand why the heck he wants me to come with him.
“Well, I think it starts with your escape. Everyone freaked out. The news channels were all saying that a dangerous criminal escaped from prison, and everyone bunkered down in their safe houses waiting for the guard to catch you, except the guard couldn’t. And you didn’t come after them, so life began to go back to normal, but that was right when the strange robberies of shuttles started, and people became fussed that their goods were being stolen from the shuttles that were supposed to deliver their purchases.”
He pauses and stares at me for a moment. What is he thinking? It’s so strange how well people can hide behind their masks.
“Well, your robberies made them send the guard down to the docks, and the way you attacked scared the guards terribly. One of them used to be a prison guard, but wouldn’t go back after your strange escape. After he ran into the docks he kept yelling things about a demon with white hair was coming to punish him for trying to stop her escape. It was that that gave us the idea that this was you, the dangerous escaped prisoner.”
I held up my hand and he stopped. “So some madman’s rambling linked the escapee prisoner with brown hair to the white demon?”
He nods. “To be more accurate I made the connection. I took a picture the jail has of you and changed your hair to white on the computer and showed it to him. He started screaming that it was the white haired demon. I figured it was likely that the strange escape and the strange robberies were done by the same person. So I looked into your record to see what kind of dangerous criminal you were. And I realized you weren’t a criminal, and neither were the people locked up with you. You were simply orphans being locked up for experimentation.”
He pauses and waits. Does he want confirmation that he is right?
I nod and he continues, “So, I went and arranged homes for the orphans, well at least the ones who are still kids. Those who are adults I found jobs for, and I shut down the practice of taking orphans and experimenting on them. Well, I haven’t finished that project yet, most of them are living in a group home right now that I set up for them when I got them released yesterday, but that is the eventual goal. Some of them seem, well, they seem off. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s like they aren’t there.”
He looks at me, as if expecting an answer. I guess he has helped the people I couldn’t help if what he says is true. “They had all their memories stolen. I can give them something back, but it won’t be their original memories.”
“Really, you can help them?” He sounds so incredulous, but was he not the one who linked me to the escape and the robberies.
“I can do many things, but you would have to guarantee my safety. I don’t want to go back to my cell.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t want to send you back to that place! I guess, that goes along with the end of my story. I want you to help me make this city a better place. You will get a role where you advise my father and me on things in the city. You will go with me to different charities with me to help people. And, to help soothe the guards fears, if any big event or riot happens in the city, you will gear up and help the guard. In return you will get a room in my father’s house, you will get a good monthly salary, I will personally send a shuttle with food and basic items to the people of the city every day, and you will stop robbing and terrorizing the guard. It works great for everyone, right?”
His voice is so hopeful and his eyes like a puppy. He hasn’t seen much of this world. “It all sounds beautifully perfect, but the guard hates me and would lock me up as soon as let me work with them, and who’s to say the guard won’t just take supplies from the shuttles for themselves?”
He looks mildly offended. Did he just expect me to accept his offer? “I will send my personal guard to watch the shuttle and make sure it arrives properly. I can also make sure distribution of supplies from the shuttle is fair and goes equally to all the people gathered around.”
“Will I be free to come and go as I please? I can’t advise you on the city very well if I am not allowed to wander.”
“Of course you would be free to go and go! This is a job offer, not a fancy form of imprisonment. And if you have any friends who need jobs, just let me know and I will try and find them a place.”
He seems so convince. Am I just cynical? Is this not a trap, but a strangely legitimate offer? To work at the level of the government... To change things. Maybe I could make this a better world without killing anyone or stealing more memories. It would probably make Nathan happier to know that I am not using my powers to harm people.
What am I thinking? I can’t just throw caution to the wind.
“So, will you come work for me?”
He looks so hopeful.
I nod, “I’ll come work for you. We’ll let the people take the stuff from this shuttle, and then we can take the shuttle to wherever you want to go.”
What have I done? Have I just signed my own death warrant?
But you, who I barely even notice anymore, you are smiling. Are you happier with this path? Is this the path you always wanted me to take?
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