Is that Nathan? I stop, unable to move staring at the back of this person with shaggy blonde hair that looks like it was cut with a rusty blade. He is carrying a bag, as if he took part in taking supplies from the shuttle. Is he doing ok?

Everything tumbles around inside of my, moving like the mass of people outside. He’s almost out of my view, but I follow him. I can’t help it. I know he doesn’t want to see me, but I miss him so much. I just want to talk to him, to lean against him again. He’s been gone for so long, a month, more? I don’t even know anymore. I just miss him.

I reach out, and touch his shoulder. “Nathan,” I whisper, hoping, praying this man is Nathan.

He turns, blue eyes piercing into me. “Hope.” He states in a dead voice.

“How… How are you doing? Do you have a job? I didn’t expect to see you here.” I want to go with him, to give up my dream and just live with him. I haven’t thought about this since he left. I haven’t really thought about him since he left, but seeing him everything floods back in.

“I have a job. Terrible pay though. Basically what I would expect form a job that doesn’t do a background check or even check my ID very carefully. I appreciated what Lizzie has you guys doing for the people here. What about you? How are you doing?” His voice is dead, and his eyes are staring somewhere far over my shoulder.

“It’s me Nathan! Why are you acting so distant with me?” I can’t stand this. I want him to have some sort of expression. He looks like you’ve looked since we escaped from prison, expressionless.

His eyes slowly move down to stare at me. “You have not chosen to give up your powers have you? You ran into me by accident didn’t you? I’ve heard about the body count you’ve racked up. And I know it’s you. Guards with memory loss and large numbers of guards keeling over from heart attacks. You did that so we could escape, but I never thought you would just go out and kill people on a whim.”

I – I know I’ve killed people. It was better, wasn’t it. I can see each of their faces. I’ve killed fourteen people since he left. I’ve killed them without remorse. “I – I…” I look down, unable to continue. Why do I feel as if I’ve done something really wrong now?

“You had to for your goal. I know. It’s why I left. Because I don’t approve of this use of power. This is your dream though, and all I do is cause you to feel guilt. It’ why you should pretend that I don’t exist. When you are ready to stop using your powers, come find me, and I will be waiting for you. But, since you are here, walk with me. Tell me how things are going.”

I can’t speak. I have no idea of what to say and my legs feel weak, but I fall into step next to him. “I miss you.” It’s the first thing I can say.

“I know, but you didn’t realize it until me saw me didn’t you? I know you can block out your feelings with your single minded determination to reach a goal. It’s how you can kill so many people in determination to reach your goal.” He says it so clearly, so matter of fact. How does he know me so well, better than I know myself?

“I‘ve been trying so hard to make this a better world for everyone. I’ve also followed your advice and forced Lizzie to give me every other day off. I wasn’t supposed to go out today, but there were a large number of guards at the docks and they needed me.” I’m rambling, but I don’t care. As long as I can be near him I can be happy.

Around us the buildings grow shorter and metal beams reach up into the sky to support the shuttle system. These building are almost cute with multi-color facades decorating.

We turn down a side alley. “I’m glad you aren’t over exhausting yourself anymore.”

He stops, and turns toward me. “I’ve missed you too, Hope.”

He reaches up, his hand touches my headscarf, and he unwraps it, pulling it off. “You’re hair has gone completely white now.”

I nod unable to speak. He pulls out my hair ties, and my braid fall out of the bun. I just stand there, as he undoes my braid and runs his fingers through my hair.

“Not a strand of black left.” He murmurs.

“My hair went gray, and then white. I think the use of power stressed my body and caused it to go white.” I’m not sure what else to say, or how to react.”

He nods. “I wish – I wish we could be normal people. Not worry about the other people in the world out there. “

“If we were normal, I wouldn’t be who I am, and nor would you.” And I want to give up my dream, to stop fighting. I want to just go live with him. I think about the all the people clambering into the shuttle to grab food, and even the bag he is carrying. I would hate myself if I stopped using my power to help people. I would end up leaving him anyway.

“Hmmm. You’re probably right, but it can be my dream, can’t it?” His dream, a beautiful unattainable dream, just like my own dream.

I smile up at him, “Look at us, two people with two different dreams, one so normal it will be impossible, and one so far-fetched it is impossible.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t think either dream is impossible. With your power and your will, I think you will reach your dream, and one day, when you have fixed the world, you will realize you just want to be a normal human, and you will find me. At this point, my own dream will be reached.”

He sounds so certain, and I wonder if he is right and one day I will be satisfied with forgetting my power and simply living with him.

“One day,” I whisper, and then I pull him close into a hug. I can feel his heart beat under my chest, and his arms wrap around me, holding me close and comforting me. I’ve missed him so much. I’ve missed how he is the one person I even feel semi-comfortable around.

“I’m not sure I can go without seeing you,” I mumble into his chest. He is warm and comforting. His arms hold me tightly and I don’t want him to let go. I don’t want him to leave

He laughs quietly. “Hope. I don’t feel right when you aren’t around. All I do is worry about you and listen for stories about you. I miss you so much all I want to do is go back to the hideout where the orphans are just to be with you, but I can’t. I would hold you back.”

“What if we met once a month? A way to reassure each other that we are each still ok.” I don’t want to let go of him. I don’t want to slip back into my colorless world.

“Once a month. It’s such a long time.” He whispers. “Yet, I wonder if meeting up will make it harder to leave each time.”

“Of course it will be hard every time, but what if one of us dies or is captured and this is the last time we see each other?” I can’t help but be realistic. I want to not have this be the last time I see him. I want to meet with him again.

He runs his hand through my white hair. “Neither of us will die, but I don’t want to go for years without seeing you.”

He pulls away slightly, and I let him. All I want to do is stay there in the warmth of his arms.

“Do you mind walking all the way to my apartment with me? I want you to know where I live so we can easily meet up.”

I nod, unable to speak. He reaches out with his free hand and grabs onto my right hand, and then stops.

“Your hair. We should hide it again. White hair like that will stand out.”

My headscarf is in his right hand along with the bag of supplies he grabbed from the shuttle. He drops my hand and sets down his bag.

I hold out my hand to take the headscarf, but he shakes his head. “Turn around; I’ll do it for you.”

I laugh. “Do you even know how to do a girl’s hair up?”

He nods. “I have a younger sister, and I always had to do her hair when she was a kid. I actually was the one who came up with using the robes of religion as a disguise. Now, will you turn around and let me do your hair for you? I am the one who took it out.”

He taught Lizzie how to do her hair?

I turn around, too surprised to argue with him to let me do my own hair. His hands are gentle as they run through my hair, carefully combing it out.

“Your hair, it’s so beautiful.” He whispers as he braids my hair. His hands carefully and gently doing up my hair feels good, and I just want to lean back into him.

What is wrong with me? I am not some emotion controlled girl, I am the Xatron. I am an emotionless weapon. But I wish I could just sit here with him doing my hair forever.

He finishes twisting it up into a bun and turns me back to face him, and gently wraps the headscarf back over my head. “There we go. An anonymous citizen walking through the city.”

I nod, not trusting my voice. His lips are turned up in a soft smile. He looks almost happy. He so often looked worried, upset, or frustrated that I haven’t seen him with this softer, carefree expression.

He grabs my hand and leads me forward. “Come on. It’s not that fancy a place, but I think you’ll like it. I have plants lining my balcony and I even have a stray cat that’s moved in with me.” He sounds so excited to share his new life with me, and his excitement make me feel lighter, and a laugh escapes my lips.

“What, why are you laughing? It’s a nice place.”

Shaking my head I smile up at his questioning eyes, “Your excitement for something so simple. I never thought. This world is so similar to my cell I couldn’t imagine being excited about living in it, but you seem to have found joy in this simple life of yours.”

His smile broadens and lifts his cheeks making his eyes look like the sky on a clear cloudless day. “I have found joy in this life. If you joined me…”

He stops and looks down at the ground, his shoulders hunched over. When he looks over at me, the smile is replaced by a look of deep sadness. “I don’t think you would enjoy it for long. Maybe a day or two when it is new and novel, but later, I think you the city around you and you own inaction would tear you apart. I shouldn’t take you there. I shouldn’t even tempt you.”

I reach out and touch his cheek looking straight into those blue eyes. “Nathan, I promise I will leave at the end of today, and I won’t come back for one month.”

He is so worried about what I want, about making me happy in the long run, but the me right now wants to see this home he is so happy about.

He nods, but the smile doesn’t come back. The joy is leached out of him by my own darkness. He leads me along, and we are both silent.

You are walking next to us, watching us, looking out at the steel rods the shuttles run on. You always seem so curious about this world, even after all the time we’ve been free of the cell. Just who are you exactly, and why am I the only one who can see you? You glance at me, and shrug.

Nathan stops in front of an old four story apartment with a half circle outcropping on the front and a pointed circular roof above the outcropping. I search through my memories, and eventually find a term for this. It is a tower added to Victorian era architecture. The trim of the house and the stairway to the front porch also suggests Victorian era architecture. Peeling pieces of paint reveal a once purple house with blue trim. It seems strange to think that so much color used to be in this city. Everyone used to paint their houses with fancy colors.

“This is it, my place. I have a room on the third floor.” He pulls out a set of keys and leads me up to the door. A pale woman with a red-haired pony tail opens the door next to the one Nathan is fiddling with. She looks completely in her element in jeans and a ripped t-shirt.

“So Roger, see you finally got yourself a woman like I kept suggesting, but really, going for the religious type? You know they won’t sleep with you till you join their faith and sleep with them?” She leans against the frame of her door, her eyes glancing at me before trailing over Nathan.

Nathan’s cheeks turn bright red. “Umm, yeah. She’s an old friend. Umm, Kara, meet my neighbor Hellen.”

Kara must be the name he is making up for me. I nod my head in greeting, but she sticks out a hand at me.

“Hi religious freak friend of Roger’s.”

I reach my own hand out, knowing that these people greet each other by shaking hands. She grabs my hand forcefully and shakes it.

“You religious freaks are all the same. So shy about talking to anyone. You must be a saint for putting up with a girl that’s one of them. So, want to come over for dinner tomorrow Roger?”

This woman is inordinately talkative.

Nathan shakes his head, “Sorry Hellen, I am on shift tomorrow night. Got to make enough to pay the bills you know.”

She shrugs and smiles, “The invitation is always open ya know.” Her door closes softly as she heads off toward wherever she is going.

Nathan sighs. “Well, that didn’t go too badly.”

He leads me up to his room, which is apparently sub-rent rooms of this apartment from the person renting the apartment. His room fits a bed and a wooden box thing, a dresser, one woman’s memories tell me.

“Look, I saved enough for a bed. I never imagined I would sleep on a bed.” He smiles at the room, so proud of what he’s done, and I can tell why he was so excited to bring me here. We never had simple amenities before.

I touch it, and lean down on it feeling the strange springiness.

“Sit on it,” he urges.

I sit down, and it softly sinks under me, supporting me, but gently, like a cloud. “This is… it’s amazing.”

“I know, right?” He is grinning like an idiot, and I begin laughing.

“It’s a good thing you got that promise out of me, or I might want to come and crash at you place.”

He sits next to me, making the bed bounce a little underneath me, and throws his arms around me.

“I know. But you have your little rebellion to lead,” He whispers in my ear before falling back into the clutches of the bed.

I let myself fall back, and let the bed support the weight of my body. I turn to look at him, lying next to me. He is staring at me, a strange half smile turning up his lips.

“I’m glad I saw you today. I meant to avoid you. I didn’t want to see you again till you finished your mission, but I am glad to see you.”

My mission. I should head out. I should get back and tell Lizzie the details of my operation. I should stand up, walk out, and not look back till next month, but instead I reach out and grab his hand.

“Nathan, I’m glad I ran into you also. But you are right. As much as I am deliriously happy right now, I will not be satisfied.

The smile shifts and fades away. A fleeting thing that can’t be caught. “I know. So, are you leaving now?”

“Do you mind, if I stay for just another hour?” One more hour when I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. One more hour dealing with these feelings. One more hour till I block them away and rebuild this city.

“No, I don’t mind. Stay as long as you like. As long as you leave before nightfall you are still making good on your promise,” he says this, but his voice is flat. I can tell he is pulling back, preparing for me to leave.

One more hour to simply listen to his voice.

“So, tell me about this neighbor of yours. What is her name? Hellen?”

He laughs, the rumble of his chest shaking the bed. “Is that jealousy I hear?”

I shake my head. “I just want to know more about your life. About how things are going with you.”

“How ‘bout this. I’ll tell you about my neighbors, and then you tell me about the missions you’ve taken part in.”

I think for only a moment before nodding. “Sounds like a fair deal to me.”