The edge of the swamp was finally turning south, but the forest was starting to change. The trees were taller, and the canopy was thicker, leaving the forest floor shadowed even at midday. Thankfully, I could still make out the sun, so I wouldn’t lose my direction. Another day had passed since my encounter with the deserters.

The appearance of the forest hadn’t been the only thing to change. Since noticing the shift, I had slain a 20-foot long scorpion, cut through a pack of flightless giant birds, forced a blade through an enormous snake as it tried to crush me in its coils, pulverized some furry monstrosity I didn’t even have a name for, and crushed numerous smaller yet even more overconfident would-be-predators. I was now a Level 21 Nude Berserker; my latest Ability, Enhanced Strength, made me even more destructive to the arrogant denizens of the forest.

While leveling up, I’d made a small discovery: the capacity of my Personal Arsenal increased when I leveled. Presumably, my other Abilities also grew stronger. Not a major change in the short term, but it did mean that my speed, strength, and durability were all going to get a lot higher eventually even if I didn’t get other Abilities that boosted them further. For now, I’d just taken advantage of the various strength increases to mix in a couple 400-pound boulders with the other projectiles I had on hand. The only reason I hadn’t tried them yet was because obliterating monsters with an axe was faster. On the subject of monsters, was that movement over there?

It was big, 8 feet tall and twice as long. Scaly, covered in spikes, and swinging a clubbed tail behind it. Perhaps it was time to break out the boulders. Realizing it had been spotted, it turned to me as I retrieved one of the big rocks from my Arsenal, aiming for its flank.

HAH! SPIKES AREN’T SO TOUGH ARE THEY? YOU THINK THAT HURT? I’LL SHOW YOU PAIN! OH? I COULD DODGE THAT BITE IN MY SLEEP! BUT YOU CAN’T DODGE THIS! HAVE SOME MORE! NO, YOU DON’T GET TO RUN! DIE! TO BIG TO HACK? I’LL JUST STAB! DEEPER! ACK, DEEPER!

I felt the creature shudder and go still. With a twist, I pulled myself back out of the creature’s guts, where I had forced myself in past the shoulder. Getting covered in creature entrails was starting to become a pattern. If it weren’t for them getting in my hair, I might even get used to it.

Since no level-up was forthcoming, I recovered the boulder I’d thrown, and continued on my way. The next hour was uneventful, but I then spotted movement to my left. A small group of black, fast-moving creatures darted past in the distance, heading somewhere I couldn’t see. They were ignoring me! But wait, didn’t I want the creatures to start leaving me alone? But… then how would I level up? No matter, for now I would just find out what had gotten their attention. If it was tough, I could gain several levels from it!

As I jogged along the path they had left behind, I soon heard the sounds of fighting. There were voices. Friendly, or hostile? I slowed my advance, remaining alert. I soon spotted five people on horseback, all in plate armor. Around them, black bipeds were darting in, swinging scythe-like upper appendages, then trying to dodge the cavalry sabers of the riders. Most had been unsuccessful, to judge by the piles of bodies around the horses, but more kept coming.

As I watched, the remaining monsters pulled back, as another wave of twenty came in from the surrounding woods. In moments, they had formed up and charged as a group. Would I intervene? Would I let these riders get all of the experience?

DIDN’T SEE THAT BOULDER FROM BEHIND DID YOU? THIS SHOULD GET YOUR ATTENTION! HA, DODGE WASN’T QUITE FAST ENOUGH! NOW FOR THE NEXT- “HRK!” HOW DARE YOU! I FELT THAT! YOU’LL PAY! YOU’LL ALL- “HRRK!” OKAY, FROM NOW ON I HIT HARD! DIE! DIE! “HRRRRK!” DIE- “ACK!” FASTER! OH, SO NOW THEY HELP! I’LL STILL GET! MORE! “UGHH!” KILLS! YOU, DIE! AND YOU! AND YOU! YOU ALL GET TO DIE! AND NOW – HEY THAT WAS MINE! OH, NOW THEY’RE RUNNING! THEY CAN’T RUN FROM… Wait, that was a lot of stab wounds, maybe I should wait to regenerate…

Now I got to take a closer look at the horsemen. The leader was clearly distinguishable by the gold inlays in his immaculately polished armor, framing a collection of rubies, sapphires, and diamonds centered on the chest. He raised his ornately gauntleted hands to remove an even more ornate helmet, the single inset diamond above the forehead glinting even in the dim light as it passed above his flawless skin and revealed-

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 22!]

-smooth locks of gold framing his face and pooling atop his polished shoulders.

His eyes were a deep green, such a fascinating green, there must be so much to learn just by staring into those fascinating eyes… his nose was… good? I couldn’t think of anything wrong with his nose. Yes, it was a nose that had nothing wrong with it. His lips were soft. I wanted to take a closer look at them. It was totally normal to want to take a look at lips that soft, as they moved, and opened and closed… And his jaw was square, but not too square. It was just the right amount of square. I had carefully studied the correct amount of jaw squareness, and determined the result by empirical observation. If anyone else disagreed, they were wrong. Wait, was he speaking?

“…aid, do you talk?”

“Of course I talk! Why wouldn’t I talk! What kind of person do you take me for!”

He gave me a strange look. Oh, wait… I was kind of… not wearing anything. And covered in blood. I felt heat rise to my face. I wasn’t embarrassed. This was just… his fault! How dare he insinuate that I was anything other than perfectly normal, except for my being smarter, more determined, and just better than everyone else! I prepared to give him a piece of my mind-

“Look, I don’t have to pry if you don’t like, but we’re not from around here. I was just wondering if you’ve seen an Umbral Ceraphid in the area? It’s like a giant caterpillar, but about a hundred feet long?”

Finally some respect! It seemed this one wasn’t hopeless.

“I’m new to the area myself; I’ve just been traveling south. But how tough is this monster? I might be up for a fight.”

I moved a bit closer to the leader. I needed to take a closer look at his face. It was such an interesting face. I wanted to study it.

“Well, that’s an interesting idea miss…”

“Talia”, I said. “Talia Shimada.”

“Ah, so you do have a name! I’m Prince Corinn Illorum, and these are my soldiers, Renfry, Veers, Trevor, and Shira.”

Of course I had a name! What kind of person did he take me… oh, right. Why did everyone have to assume I was an ignorant savage just because I was a Nude Berserker? Unfortunately, the next question would be even more awkward, but I needed to know.

“Oh, a prince! Of what nation?”

The look he gave was even stranger than the last. Why, why did I have to get dropped in the wilderness without so much as a hint about where I’d ended up? Stupid system, undercutting my plans to get interesting people to stay around me, so I could look at them, and study them, and think about how they surely must be missing someone to appreciate how there is nothing wrong with their eyes, or their nose, or their soft lips, all of which are nearly as good as those of that someone…

“Of what nation? Why, all of this land has been part of the Yrmanni Imperium for over a thousand years! The tribes of Ursalla have never penetrated this far in any of their raids, and the Olgierian Wars never saw this territory in their hands for more than a span of months! Where exactly did you come from, miss… Talia?”

Uh… now that was a difficult question to answer. Especially since I didn’t actually know the names of any places here besides the ones he had just mentioned seconds ago. I couldn’t take too long to answer though.

“I don’t know, it was a… magic accident. I don’t want to talk about it.”

If I could store multiple weapons and nearly a thousand pounds of rocks in an extradimensional storage space, it seemed reasonable to assume that some sort of magical teleportation was possible. And that it could go wrong. He paused for a moment, but ultimately didn’t say anything. I took the opportunity to approach further, so that I was standing next to one of his legs in the saddle. His face was still so frustratingly far away! Could I climb his horse to get a closer look? No, that would be awkward.

“Well, on the matter of fighting the Ceraphid, miss Talia, I appreciate your company, but these things are serious threats. I am personally over Level 30, and every soldier here is over Level 25. Our armor is enchanted with improved durability, and our weapons are likewise enchanted to pierce its thick carapace.”

“You fight with spirit, but I’m afraid your skin, even though it does seem tougher, won’t be enough to stop the beast if it gets on top of you. I can never condone people throwing their lives away in fights they didn’t have to take.”

Oh, so that’s how it was! As I continued looking up, his face showed regret, and… something else? I couldn’t tell what. I stepped back and placed my hands on my hips.

“Oh, so you don’t think I can take it? What makes you so special? I’ve beaten big monsters before, if they do too much damage I just won’t get hit! I don’t need any fancy armor or a magic sword, because I just fight better!”

“Show respect, you’re speaking to royalty!” snapped one of the soldiers.

The prince had kept his eyes on me the whole time. Was his face growing red? Strange.

“Please,” he said. “I’m sure you’re good, but no matter how good you are, there’s always something more dangerous. I don’t want y- anyone to get hurt.”

As if I needed protection! No matter how dangerous the monster, I would… wait hadn’t I just recognized a few days ago that I needed to be more careful? But what right did he have to tell me that? I could decide for myself which threats were too dangerous! I’d had enough of this! Time to leave.

I turned and began walking away, back towards the swampline. If I ran into the Ceraphid, I could decide whether I wanted to fight it, otherwise I’d just keep going on as before. Shame about the prince though, I really wanted to take a closer look at his face, and his chest was probably pretty interesting too, and I might also want to study his probably-well-muscled legs…

“Wait!” he shouted. “Can you promise you won’t pick a fight with the Ceraphid on your own? You’re too… I don’t want to worry about you being dead.”

I would pick a fight with whatever I wanted! I spared a last look at that very interesting face, and then continued through the woods.

[Class Unlocked: Courtesan!]

[Level Up: Courtesan Level 1!]

[Ability Obtained: Graceful Movement!]

I would have stumbled, but I instinctively moved my other foot smoothly to catch my weight, and continued on with only the slightest hint that my motion had been anything less than completely intentional. WHAT? WHAT DID THAT SYSTEM SAY I WAS? How dare it! I was an ace student! A star basketball player! I was going to go to university and study economics to become a hedge fund manager, which was objectively the best job since it made the most money, and provided irrefutable, quantitative evidence of how you were the best!

And now this pathetic excuse for an RPG was saying that I was a glorified… prostitute! How dare it! How dare it imply that it was my job to give pleasure to OTHERS! Being the best meant that OTHER people had to do things for ME! I wouldn’t make an exception for that stupid prince! He was interesting, but not THAT interesting! I wanted to take a close look at that face-that-had-nothing-I-could-find-wrong-with-it, but it wasn’t like I liked him or anything!

I was right to leave! Questioning my superior ability could not be tolerated! And he’d gone so far as to imply he was superior – just because he had a higher level and some magic armor! He had things backwards! Those deep, deep eyes, that jaw with just the right amount of squareness, they existed for ME to appreciate THEM!

Yes, and if he couldn’t recognize that, I was just going to have to leave that intriguingly chiseled visage behind, along with the doubtlessly well-formed figure beneath that shining armor… yes, I would have to leave it behind. I couldn’t allow myself to associate with people who questioned my superiority. I needed followers who recognized the proper order of things, who…

…why was I suddenly tired? What was happening to the ground, it was getting close-

*****************************************************

I heard voices. My eyes were heavy, I didn’t want to open them. I moved to rub them, but my hands were… chained? WHAT? My eyes shot open.

“Hey, she’s awake.”

I saw five people sitting in a semicircle around me. In the center was a man with a well-trimmed beard and goatee, wearing an intricate breastplate over chainmail. To one side was a man in dark brown leather armor and a woman in robes, to the right were a man and a heavyset woman, both in full plate. It was the one in leather armor that had spoken.

“Curious choice of attire for one wandering the forest,” remarked the one in the center. “Can you tell me what brought you into contact with Prince Corinn?”

I gritted my teeth. I’d been captured, and it hadn’t even been about me! The arrogance! I was going to kill them all! I still had my weapons in my Personal Arsenal, I would retrieve one, then stab one of them, and then…

…and then the other four would attack me together while I was still chained up. Could I break the chains with Enhanced Strength and Powerful Rage? Was I willing to bet my life on it? And… could I even taken on four of them without chains? What level were they?

The man in the center slapped me. “Speak up, sweet-tits! Your appearance might be easy on the eyes, but I’m on a schedule here. You can answer me the easy way, or the hard way!”

So. Given their behavior, it was a safe bet they were here to assassinate Prince Corinn. Regardless of what happened, it seemed unlikely they would just let me go. I needed to escape, quickly.

The man in the center was almost certainly the leader, and his belt pouch probably contained the keys to my shackles. If I wanted to escape, I would need to get him alone. I would have to… no! I wouldn’t! The game couldn’t make me!

I was slapped again. “Hey, are you mute? Answer me or I’ll have to get rough!”

I couldn’t let him win. Anyway, I would just be making him do what I wanted, right?

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “Just tired. Wow, that’s a good looking beard. How often do you groom it?” The lies felt like the hardest thing I had ever said. Being nice to one of these arrogant idiots? His face wasn’t anything like, say, Corinn’s. I could spot over a dozen imperfections right away!

“Oh, why thank you. I groom it twice a day, since you were wondering.” He leaned in, and I could smell some sort of smoke on his breath. “Now that we’re getting somewhere, can you tell me what you know about that Prince you met?”

With a supreme effort of will, I avoided grimacing. All those times I had to avoid reacting when Mother criticized my grades in elementary, or lectured me about how my… less overt pursuits were disgraceful and unladylike, were now paying off.

“I don’t know much. I just happened by when he was fighting some monsters. They were… two legged and black? He didn’t seem that special. Hey, how much do you stretch those muscles, under your armor. I’m… curious.”

It was hard not to cringe from the blatant lie. He was clearly nowhere near as muscled as Corinn. I could tell.

“Hey, you’ve got rather nice muscles yourself, for a lady.” His hand reached out and pressed against my stomach, sliding upward. I wouldn’t murder him yet, I wouldn’t murder him yet, I wouldn’t murder him yet-

“Hey Saul, if you’re going to enjoy the prisoner, mind doing it where the rest of us don’t have to watch?” It was the woman in full plate who had spoken up. “I’ll be busy killing Corinn’s bodyguards in an hour, and I’d rather not be distracted by images of your limp dick.”

“My dick is anything but limp!” protested Saul smoothly. “But if you insist.”

He grabbed the chain connecting my hands behind my back, and pulled me to my feet. The chain between my ankles was just long enough for me to barely walk, as he pulled me along beside him. The feel of his arm behind my back made me want to snap it off at the shoulder and beat him to death with it, but I would have to wait just a bit longer. This was all going according to plan.

He stopped as soon as the camp was obscured by trees. “Well there, my eager young lady, you said you wanted a closer look at my chest?”

I looked on silently, not trusting myself to speak without revealing my utter contempt.

“Well, it’s your lucky day, because you’re getting a lot more than that!”

The breastplate came off first, then the chainmail shirt. It was time. Seeing much more of him than I had ever wanted, I slowly edged closer to him, turning to present my side, then my back.

“Oh yes, eager indeed! Don’t worry, I’ll be just one-”

I retrieved a dagger from my Personal Arsenal, clutched in both my hands, facing backward. Putting all my weight behind it, I plunged it into his chest and dragged upward.

“HUUUGGAARRKKKAKAKAKUGHKUGHKURGLUGLUGLUgluhhgluhhhgluuhhh!!!!!!!!!”

He fell to the ground. Returning my dagger, I quickly let myself fall on top, leaving my hands in reach of his belt pouch. I ignored his hands flailing at me as I searched for the keys. They were easy to find.

There were five keys on the ring. I heard a commotion coming from the camp, so I would have to act quickly. The second key fit into the shackle on my left wrist, and now my arms were free. As I reached down for my legs, I saw a glowing red streak in my peripheral vision. Rolling aside, I felt a searing pain along my back. Moments later, something sharp, possibly a crossbow bolt, plunged into my torso. Willing myself to ignore the pain, I shoved the second key into the shackle on my left ankle, and for once, it worked. Time to go.

I got a running start and leapt forward with all my might. The projectile inside me made the movement agonizing, but I was now airborne. An entire volley of crossbow bolts arrived from behind me, and despite the forest below me passing by so fast it blurred, most of them hit. Not as hard as the first, but I had still nearly landed by the time my Regeneration forced them back out. A massive swarm of silvery projectiles slammed into me moments later, and though I felt most of the force dissipate on my skin, some penetrated, and there were a lot of them.

The force of the last impact had altered my motion, but I was still able to land on my feet. Ignoring the encroaching feeling of tiredness and the pain in my side, I jumped again. Another volley of bolts passed by, but this time only one hit. I was now feeling more exhausted than I could ever remember, but I couldn’t stop now. I jumped a third time, and felt my vision waver as the ground below me blurred. I still landed on my feet, and stumbled onward, continuing for perhaps three minutes before a voice spoke inside my weary head.

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 24!]

[Level Up: Courtesan Level 5!]

[Ability Obtained: Enhanced Evasion!]

[Ability Obtained: Mental Clarity!]

[Ability Obtained: Selective Fertility!]

Did that mean they’d lost me? Yes, it had to, the message had never popped up when I was still in the middle of a challenge. Despite being so tired I was having trouble seeing straight, my thoughts were nearly as sharp as during the start of a school day. Those thoughts told me it was time to lie down.

I unlocked the remaining shackles from a resting position, and slowly breathed in and out as my Regeneration pushed the lodged projectile the rest of the way out of my side, stitching the wound back together afterward. It was quite a powerful ability to have – arguably better than anything I’d seen on my higher-level opponents. Presumably, the inherent restrictions on being a Nude Berserker were compensated by useful perks.

My exhaustion was slowly disappearing, as my Enhanced Metabolism kicked in. I’d always been sure to keep it topped off, so there was no immediate concern about finding something to eat. Which meant it was time to figure out what I was going to do next.

With an escaped prisoner, the remaining four assassins were going to have to act quickly. They’d already said they intended to strike in an hour, now, they might be making their move any minute. Did I want to help the prince? I wanted to look at him again… purely for academic reasons. And I didn’t want those four… lackeys… wandering around afterwards. Yes, I needed to kill them. Painfully if possible. I couldn’t let anyone get the impression that capturing me was a good idea.

So, where would the battle be happening? I had no idea where the prince’s group was after being ambushed and carried an unknown distance, so I would have to follow the assassins. If they weren’t coming this way, that meant they’d headed back to camp and left in a different direction to spring their trap. I would have to retrace their steps and follow them.

*****************************************************

Following them had been easier than expected. Two warriors in full plate left very obvious tracks, so here I was, arriving at a battle already in progress. One of the prince’s guards had already fallen, and the man in leather armor was dueling another, both on foot. The woman in plate was taking on the other two, who were partly restrained by sticky webs, while their mounts slumbered nearby. The armored man was engaging the prince, the only one on horseback, while the woman in robes, clearly a mage, was preparing to cast something at him. Then she turned and saw me.

Well, I’d been about ready to attack anyway. I jumped toward her, and she hastily cast something, causing a barrier of force to materialize in front of me. I threw my arms out to cushion the impact, and landed on my feet, racing around the barrier as she tried to put more distance between us.

I could run considerably faster than her, so I decided to stay on the ground where I could dodge whatever she threw my way next. Instead, her next spell caused a familiar drowsiness. Again? She though she could just incapacitate me AGAIN? NO! NOW I MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR YOUR PRESUMPTION!

ANOTHER BARRIER? PATHETIC, I’LL JUST GO AROUND! A WEB? I’LL JUMP OVER- OH, NOW A WALL TOO? I CAN STILL PUSH BACKWARDS, AND YOU ARE STILL GETTING CLOSER! WALL AGAIN? I’LL JUMP TO THE SIDE, SLING THIS BOULDER FROM BEHIND MY BACK… AND NOW YOU’RE DEAD!

I paused a moment to cherish the look of shock on her face when she had seen the oncoming projectile. She could give the ranged attacks, but she couldn’t take them! I couldn’t stop here though, I still had to deal with the others.

Two full-strength leaps brought me back into sight of the main confrontation. Prince Corinn was holding his own, and the two guards who had been webs had now recovered and were only slightly wounded. However, the single guard fighting the assassin in leather was in more serious condition. I jumped toward the assassin as the guard gave ground, retrieving my axe from my Arsenal. The woman shouted a warning, and he looked moments before my blade connected.

NICE DODGE, IT MEANS YOU’LL DIE SLOWER! LET ME FINISH! OFF THAT ARM, AND…

The injured guard turned out to still have some fight in him: he’d just ran the assassin through while his back was turned.

The man fighting the prince looked our way, in what proved a fatal mistake. Corinn’s enchanted saber crackled with energy as he struck the man’s halberd; his body seized up, and then the polearm fell through his fingers before he could recover. The prince’s mount closed the distance in a moment, and another swing of the saber severed the man’s head from his body.

The woman in armor turned to retreat, but the webs on her two foes were long gone. She took two blows to her armor as she turned and ran, both leaving dents, and made it less then ten feet before Prince Corinn had ridden to cut her off.

She spat on the ground. “Fine, I surrender.” Her greatsword fell to the ground. “What now?”

“Who sent you?” demanded the prince, watching her carefully.

“We never learn their names,” she replied. “All I know is that they were paying twelve thousand kehlmarks for confirmation of your death.”

“Who was your leader?” he asked next?

“Saul Yorandim,” she answered through gritted teeth, turning to glare at me. I smiled, the blood from his untimely demise still encrusted on my back. “He’s dead,” I offered smugly.

The prince briefly looked at me in surprise, then turned back to the woman. “The Umbral Ceraphid: does it actually exist?”

“Of course not. We would have been briefed if that silly rumor had anything to it.”

He paused a moment, his expression turning hard. “And why should I let you live?”

Her expression became weary. “I just lost people I’ve worked with for nearly ten years. I’ll never get the same results with a bunch of rookies. Time to retire while I still can.”

The prince paused for a moment to consider, then his saber blurred, decapitating her with one swift stroke. “Not worth the risk.”

Why did those words seem familiar?

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 26!]

[Ability Obtained: Distant Throw!]