This was going to be interesting. I unlocked the front door of Paul’s house with my 3D printed key; it had only taken two pictures to construct an accurate representation, and my family had a very good 3D printer. Technically it was my dad’s, but he hadn’t been using it, and it wasn’t like I was going to get caught. The last time that had happened was four years ago, and I then I had just shrugged off being grounded and ostracized for the next two weeks. It hadn’t mattered to me at all. Not one bit. Still, I’d gotten much better at evading detection since.

Now I had so much to learn. I’d decided Paul was interesting a few weeks ago. He worked harder than most of the other boys, but still managed to have dozens of friends and acquaintances. I didn’t know how he managed it all, but it was a conundrum that I was determined to solve. He also had a smooth, soft face with an easy smile, but that didn’t really matter. Did that smile say anything about how he had so many friends… it was such a nice smile… but wait, I was getting distracted, I still had so many things to learn about him!

The front door led into an entryway that opened up into a wider living space beyond. I could catch a glimpse of a dining area, and a stairway to the second floor. I closed the door behind me, blocking out a view of the steep embankment atop which the access road ran. Stepping further in, I drew closer to all of Paul’s precious secrets.

It had taken all of my skill to orchestrate this opportunity. Overhearing how he’d be throwing a party tomorrow with the other seniors since his parents were on vacation. Asking one of his teammates about academic decathlon practice times. Hiding in the bushes to take pictures of his front door key with an expensive camera. Truly, I was the only person in my high school who could have pulled this off. It wasn’t like I had just gotten lucky that everything lined up!

The first floor proved disappointing. The food in the fridge turned out to be rather normal, and there was no way to know whose books occupied the various bookcases I saw. The computer in the office presumably belonged to his father, and the room full of cleaning supplies presumably belonged to his mother. It was time to venture upstairs.

From atop the staircase, I could see doorways to several rooms. The master bedroom, a utility room of some kind, the upstairs bathroom, and Paul’s own bedroom. Here was where opportunity awaited. It was in these chambers that my person of interest worked, relaxed, and reflected on his life, perhaps resting on the bed as he considered how to keep making so many friends, or reclining in the bathtub, wondering who among his many acquaintances mattered most.

Truly, the bathtub was an excellent place of reflection, which was why I had such an easy time envisioning him there, stretching his arms, surprisingly muscular since he didn’t participate in any sports, as his bare chest rippled beneath the soapy water. With his legs propped up on the rim, he could think about how his academics were nearly as good as mine and consider what he still might be missing in life. Surely a person like that must be missing something. Yes, he was doing well in school, and had lots of friends, and his family was well-off, but that couldn’t really be enough for him. I would have to learn more, and in order to do that, I would have to go to the place where such thoughts came naturally.

I closed the bathroom door behind me, more out of habit than anything else. It wasn’t like anyone else would be coming here – Paul’s academic decathlon didn’t finish for another half-hour, and his parents were long gone. I didn’t bother to lock it. The bathroom was quite spacious, the tub large enough for me to lie down completely. Several containers of soap and shampoo rested on the edge – inspection revealed a disappointing preference for non-scented. I would have to investigate more deeply in order to gain the insights I sought. I turned on the hot water.

I heard the sound of a car passing by on the embankment overhead as the tub began to fill. The time to start learning about who Paul really was would soon be here. I began to prepare, removing first my shoes and socks, then my shirt, pants, and finally undergarments, pushing them all into a pile next to the window. As the tub reached half-full, I took another look around the bathroom, noting how there was only a single towel hanging up. Yes, this was indeed Paul’s special place. Once I was in the warm water, I too could play host to those private thoughts he must have, all by himself, his smooth, supple body floating amidst the rippling waves…

Wait, was the tub full now? Yes, it was. I turned off the water before it could rise too high, and let myself sink into its warm embrace, wondering what things Paul might consider as he let his body slip beneath the surface, arms glistening as he shifted himself, thinking about how a boy like him only needed someone else who wouldn’t be overshadowed, someone who was better than him, who could give him something to look up to, something to aspire to, and though he could never quite reach those heights, in trying he could still become better, become worthy of that other person’s attention, worthy to share his sleek thighs, rippling beneath the water, his dark brown hair, floating on the surface, framing his chiseled visage, awash with longing for what could come to pass.

Yes, this was surely the place where he could have such thoughts. I let myself drift, the tub’s warmth washing over me as I considered what he might do in this place of deep consideration. Would he rub soap on his sculpted legs as he reflected on what he was missing. Knead shampoo into his flowing locks as he thought about what he could gain, if he could only find someone superior? Would he spread that soap down there too, since a cleaning must be thorough, right? Yes he would. Oh yes. Yes, this was a wonderful place for… thinking. Yes, yes, yes. Wait, was that the front door opening?

What? And now I could clearly hear it close! And now there was the sound of footsteps downstairs! This couldn’t be happening, I had clearly planned out everything! Now I was going to have to get out of the tub, abandoning my study of Paul’s deepest mental configuration! As I retrieved the only towel on the rack, I tried to recover a glimpse of what he might have considered as he finished a round of deep thinking, but the moment was lost.

How could anyone do this! I had spent days planning this out! DAYS! Another person might be lucky to finish some homework or something in that time, but I, Talia Shimada, was better than that. My time was just more valuable! And now someone dared to waste it! If I could just give them a piece of my mind…

The footsteps were coming upstairs. I glanced at the window, but it was too small to fit through. I might not have time to get dressed. If my parents found out… no, they couldn’t find out. I would not let that happen. No matter what, I was going to make sure that they never learned of this, and whoever had dared to interrupt my plans was going to- The door opened.

I looked up, and saw him frozen in the doorway. Paul Farrier was a somewhat tall, fair-skinned boy with dark brown, shoulder-length hair and a clean-shaven face, wearing a grey polo shirt and navy-blue slacks. He was standing frozen in the doorwary. “T- Talia?” he stuttered.

“YES, IT’S TALIA!” I shouted. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT ACADEMIC DECATHLON! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK TO PREPARE THIS?”

“Um… there weren’t enough people there, so we, errr… decided to finish early, so I biked back here, and um, what are you doing here, and why are you…” As he spoke, he started to edge backward. I couldn’t allow that.

Stepping forward swiftly, I grabbed him by the shoulders, and dragged him between me and the tub. I was the school’s star basketball player, and while he might be fit for a nerd, he couldn’t stand up to me. “WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST HAVE STAYED ANYWAY! THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING YOU COULD DO THERE! I SPENT DAYS PLANNING THIS! WHAT MAKES YOUR STUFF SO IMPORTANT ANYWAY?”

He was shaking, and his face was also turning red for some reason. “I, um, just needed to use the bathroom? Please, I’m sure we can work this out? N- no need to tell anyone’s parents?”

“YOU WON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS! ANYONE! NOBODY WILL EVER FIND OUT ABOUT THIS!” I dangled him over the edge of the tub for emphasis, his spine resting on the rim, head over the bathwater, my hands still gripping his shoulders. “I CAN’T LET ANYONE FIND OUT ABOUT THIS!”

“S-sure!” he stammered. “Nobody tells anyone anything! You can just go, and we’ll all forget this happened!” He gave a hesitant smile, his head still suspended above the water.

I hesitated. If he was telling the truth, nobody else would ever find out. I would walk away, and he would continue on as well, suffering no consequences for ruining days of hard work, undermining me right when I was so close to success! No, it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Talia, w-what-” he started to say, as I forced his head underneath the rippling waters of the tub. No matter how truthful he seemed right now, he could always change his mind. I just couldn’t take that chance, not for someone who would ruin some else’s carefully planned study session, just because his school event was cancelled. Who did he think he was?

Bubbles emerged from his mouth and nostrils, as his body started to flail. His wild swings couldn’t hurt me, but they did happen to knock aside the towel I’d wrapped around myself. I remembered how a few minutes ago I’d been reflecting on what sort of thoughts he might have when submerged in this very tub. Eh, he wasn’t worth the effort. I would find someone else more interesting to study, someone who didn’t suddenly ruin all my plans for no reason at all. I wasn’t feeling any regret. It couldn’t be regret, because he deserved this, right? Was that a speeding vehicle coming down the road overhead? It was loud, and interrupting my concentration.

As the bubbles coming from Paul’s nostrils started to diminish in quantity, I heard a crash, and the sound of screeching metal. Huh? I started to turn in the direction of the noise, and the roof caved in to the sound of splintering wood. I saw the front end of a truck, plowing forward and downward at alarming speed, and for the first time since I had unlocked the front door, my thoughts went blank. There was a brief moment of intense pain, a feeling of being twisted through a space where I really shouldn’t fit, and then nothing.

*****************************************************

I became aware of birds chirping overhead, as I felt myself lying on something like… dirt? Why were they so cheerful? This had been a disaster! I opened my eyes.

I was in a forest. Paul’s house had been on the edge of the woods, but looking around, I saw no sign of it, or any other residence. Even more strangely, I was now unharmed, even though I distinctly remembered getting hit by a truck. Also, I was still naked.

Seriously, what were the odds of a truck driver losing control, plowing through the barrier, and crashing right into a house’s second-story bathroom? Had I just hallucinated that part? But no, that couldn’t be right. My memory had never failed me like that. So how did I end up here? The collision couldn’t have knocked me that far, which meant that someone must have moved me out here. Paul? Had he dragged me away so that he could tell my parents what happened with nobody to contest the account? How could he! Truly he deserved what I would have done to him!

I stood up. I had to stop this, and the first step was finding my way back to a road. I could follow that back to a residential area, find some clothes, and then hotwire a car so I could catch up with him on his bike and finish this for good. He might be nearly as good as me at school, but he had nothing to match my practical skills! Looking at the sun, it was still early afternoon, so I turned to face northwest and started running.

A few minutes later, there was still no sign of a road, and something else caught my attention. Two strange creatures were scuttling along the forest floor. They looked almost like crabs, but with a dark brown carapace, and sharp spikes covering their claws and shells. Also, they were both over two feet tall, and twice as wide.

I stopped and stared. I had gotten good grades in Biology, so I knew for a fact that no arthropods could grow anywhere near that size. It was a fundamental limitation of having a thick exoskeleton: past a certain size, the organism couldn’t sustain the weight and still obtain enough food to feed itself. If such a creature existed, it would have been front-page news nationwide. And now two of them were apparently wandering around near my hometown?

They turned to face me. Their eyestalks swiveled, and their mandibles began to click. Now they were starting to advance. After everything else that had happened today, they were going to try to make it worse! Well, I’d had enough! If things weren’t going to go my way on their own, then I would just make them! A couple of stupid pseudo-crabs weren’t going to stop me!

I spotted a heavy rock nearby and reached it before they had closed half the distance. I threw it at the closest one, smashing its eyestalks and leaving it blind. They shouldn’t have picked a fight with a basketball player! I picked up another rock, and moved out of the way as the first crab scuttled past. The second one was nearly upon me. This time I would have to face it up close.

I swung at the left claw as I dodged around it. It was a direct hit, but its carapace didn’t crack. Suddenly, the claw darted out, and though it wasn’t able to grab me, one of the spikes grazed my thigh. That HURT! I HAD HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! It turned to face me again, pinchers ready to strike, and I charged forward, swinging downward for the head, its claws and mandibles striking, slicing, HOW DARE IT HURT ME LIKE THAT! I reached underneath and lifted, its claws and legs tried to strike at me, I picked up my stone again and swung, and swung, and HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW HUH, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GET TAUGHT THE NATURAL FOOD CHAIN! I swung again, its legs went limp, WHAT A DUMB BEAST, GETTING WHAT IT DESERVES, its head was flailing wildly, I swung for it, it went crunch, I swung again, and again, and again, and – wait weren’t there two of them?

I heard the sound of its legs behind me, and jumped over its dead partner before it could catch up. I vaguely recalled that some crustaceans had olfactory senses; that’s how it must have tracked me down. Turning around, I saw it scuttle left around the corpse, moving fast. I would be faster.

As its first claw darted toward me, I grabbed, and twisted it backward, putting my weight into it. It was heavy, this STUPID animal that DARED to attack me after my day had already been RUINED but I was going to PUSH and it was going to FLIP, yes FLIP YOU STUPID CRAB, THERE, NOT SO TOUGH NOW WHEN YOUR SHELL IS ON THE WRONG SIDE, NOW FIND OUT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN MY ROCK IS SMASHING YOUR INSIDES TO A PULP! DOES IT HURT? DOES IT HURT? “DOES IT HURT?!!”

I noticed that it was no longer moving. Much of the insides were now a pulpy mess, but I could spot some mostly-intact musculature in the arms. It didn’t look like anything an arthropod should have. It didn’t look like anything from a bird, or a reptile, or a mammal either. What was going on? Where was I? Was I even on Earth?

[Class Unlocked: Nude Berserker!]

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 3!]

[Ability Obtained: Powerful Rage!]

[Ability Obtained: Ironskin!]

A voice in my head interrupted my thoughts. For the second time today, I was briefly at a loss. I slowly started to consider the implications, even though they made no sense. Was I stuck inside an RPG?