I was, of course, familiar with computer games. I had high ranks in several games of multiplayer real time strategy, and there were a few shooters and fighting games worth taking the time to master. I’d even learned a few turn based games, although I missed being able to best my foes by thinking faster. I’d never really understood why people played most RPGs, though, and it hadn’t seemed an interesting thing to find out.

Why, when they had so many things to do with their time, would people choose to spend it on simulated interactions with fake people who could never really do anything for them? Where was the challenge in clicking through a conversation tree after picking up an object halfway across the map? I had concluded that such people must just be bad at developing proper motivation. That was why I accomplished more than any of them.

Yes, there were games with RPG elements that eliminated most of the wasteful social interaction, but most people didn’t consider them “real” RPGs. I didn’t really care about the genre distinction; it was enough to know that they were a waste of my time. Only, now it seemed I was stuck in one. At least I was free to concentrate on more important things then running errands for fake people who didn’t matter.

I had, despite some misgivings, eaten the strange crab meat. It had, despite everything, tasted like crab. I hated crab. But with no idea where my next meal was coming from, I had eaten it anyway. Now I just needed to find some flowing water, and hope it didn’t contain anything nasty. If I ever found the person responsible for this, I was going to make them suffer! But for now, I would just have to survive.

I set off again in a northwesterly direction. There was no reason to think running water was any more likely that way, but in the absence of hearing any, it was best to keep going in my previous direction. As long as I kept following a straight line, things were bound to change eventually. The worst thing would be going in circles.

My wounds had stopped bleeding. Apparently, Ironskin helped my skin heal, in addition to making it more durable. That was important, since I had no other way of healing, and more fights against the native fauna seemed inevitable. If I wanted to keep winning those fights, I was going to have to strike first, eliminating my foes before they could hurt me. I would stay alert.

The sun gradually receded in the sky. I spotted a few small mammals and birds – nothing particularly unusual, and nothing threatening. Typical: first I get attacked by two giant crabs when I have nothing to defend myself, and now that I have these new “Levels” and “Abilities”, I see nothing but tiny herbivores. If this worked anything like a regular RPG, I would need to defeat more opponents in order to grow stronger. And with evening approaching, it was time to start thinking about how to spend the night

Remaining in the open was out of the question. I’d already seen roving predators, and there was also the question of nighttime temperatures. So far, the forest had remained comfortably warm despite my lack of clothing, but I couldn’t count on that remaining the case after the sun set. Making my own shelter also posed problems. I didn’t have any tools, which limited my options. I didn’t look forward to digging a hole with my bare hands and covering it in stray branches. I still might have to, but I’d prefer to find natural shelter.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t had any more luck on that front then I’d had finding a stream. My mouth was starting to feel uncomfortably dry, and now it was definitely evening. If I spotted a large herbivore somewhere, I might be able to follow it to water, but it was more likely to just run away. And so far, I hadn’t seen any of those. Plowing through the underbrush was probably making too much noise.

I caught a glimpse of movement off to my left, and suddenly, a 4-foot-long cat was pouncing on me from a nearby tree. I had just enough time to grab it by the midsection, and then its claws were scraping into my shoulders and DIE YOU OVERSIZED PEST, IS THE GROUND HARD ENOUGH TO SMASH YOU AGAINST? NO? HOW ABOUT THIS TREE? YES, DOESN’T FEEL SO GOOD WHEN YOU’RE BEING SMASHED AGAINST IT INSTEAD OF POUNCING YOU PRETENTIOUS HOUSECAT! DIE! DIE! DIE!

I let its body drop to the ground. I had a few scrapes, but nothing serious. I considered having some of its meat, but at this point, I needed water, not food. A person might be able to survive for three days without water, but if dehydration started to set in, I wouldn’t last very long here.

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 4!]

Was that all? Not even an Ability? This system sucked.

*****************************************************

After about two more hours of walking in a northwestern direction, I finally heard the sound of running water. I picked up the pace, and soon found a flowing stream, about ten feet wide. No large animals were nearby. After going so long without a fight, I was wary, but in the end, I was able to take a nice long drink of clear, fresh, water without anything contesting me. That was one thing dealt with. Now, I just had to find shelter, which was a bit of a problem, since it was starting to get dark.

Digging a hole was looking even more questionable now, but my options were getting limited. There was an embankment off to the other side of the stream, so I decided to check that for a place to sleep, and if there wasn’t any, then I would just have to start digging.

My feet tracked mud behind me as I made my way forward. There was a patch of darkness behind a tree root over there, could that be a cave? I moved closer. It was! Now I’d just have to see whether it was occupied. But before I could advance further, I began to hear rhythmic thuds hammering against the ground, growing closer. I turned toward the stream and saw it. It looked like the crabs I had fought earlier. Except for one crucial detail: this one was six feet tall.

It was moving toward me. Evidently, the cave was its lair, but now I had been spotted. Was this a fight I could win? If I started running now, I might be able to escape and… stumble around in the dark, avoiding other predators, hoping I didn’t get ambushed, hoping I didn’t get injured too badly… losing. No, I wasn’t going to run. This creature was big, but it was still just an animal. I was Talia Shimada, straight-A student, star basketball player, master of anything I decided was worth doing! I would not surrender to a foe that couldn’t even pass kindergarten! It was time to show this thing its proper place in the world! Food!

There were quite a few rocks alongside the stream, so I had one in my hands well before it reached me. I searched for weak points: the armor underneath was less thick, but still considerable. It was still the best option I could see. Now four yards away, the crab suddenly turned sideways and charged. Oh, so you think you can take me?!

“YAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” STUPID LEGS GETTING IN THE WAY! THAT HURTS! HERE HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS! STOP MOVING! LET ME HIT YOU! NO YOU DON’T! STUPID, STUPID LEGS, AHH!

Now sporting several gashes after passing through its front and back legs, both spiked, I quickly assessed things. It was faster than me; I couldn’t stay underneath it for long. And my rock hadn’t done more than scratch it, especially since I hadn’t been able to focus my swings on one spot. That was a problem.

It was now facing me and advancing again, claws ready. No time to think. I charged.

ARG THOSE CLAWS ARE TOO CLOSE! HERE, HAVE SOME OF THIS! NO NOT THE LEGS! LET ME GRAB THAT INSTEAD! AH, STUPID SPIKES! HERE, LET ME HIT THAT FOR YOU! OH, SO YOU’RE HITTING ME? I’LL JUST HIT HARDER! HOW’S THAT LEG LOOKING NOW? THERE, CAN’T MOVE IT ANYMORE CAN YOU? NOW ON TO THE NEXT! JUST LIKE- CLAW! STUPID CLAW! “AHH!”, THAT HURTS! “AHHHHHH-GNK!” BUT THERE’S A JOINT HERE TOO! “GNNNNK!” THAT HURTS A LOT! BUT HOW DOES THIS FEEL! HOW- “URK!” DOES THIS-

I was flying through the air. Landing sent a fresh wave of pain flaring through my mangled leg. My stone had fallen to the ground shortly after it had grabbed me, but I could find another. Assuming I could move. Attacking the base of its legs had been a good idea though, if I could just disable a few more, I could slow its movements to a crawl. Unfortunately, I was already reduced to crawling.

As it closed the distance, its remaining seven legs compensating for the one that was hanging limp, I frantically pushed myself toward the nearest rock that suited my purposes. I would not die here! Not to this stupid oversized bug!

It was approaching sideways again, looking to trample me. I smiled grimly; for all its size and strength, it was just a bug in the end. Clutching a rock under my shoulder, I braced my remaining leg and launched myself toward the leg in the back.

AH! YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT THOSE SPIKES? THINK I’M GOING TO LET GO? STUPID ANIMAL, HAVE SOME OF THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! ANOTHER LEG DOWN, YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING? GUESS NOT SINCE YOU’RE JUST A BUG! HERE’S SOME MORE FOR THE NEXT LEG! YOU FEEL THAT? YOU FEEL THAT HUH? GUESS SO, SINCE THAT LEG IS FINISHED! NOW ON TO THE OTHER SIDE! OH SO YOU TRY TO GRAB ME HUH? I’LL JUST PULL MYSELF ALONG THE BACK, DIDN’T THING OF THAT DID YOU? NOW FOR THE OTHER BACK LEG, HERE, HAVE SOME OF THIS! DID THAT HURT? DOES THIS HURT MORE? NOW FOR ANOTHER ONE, STARTING NOW! YOU THINK I FEEL THOSE SPIKES? LET ME SHOW YOU PAIN! LIKE THIS! AND THIS! OH, SO YOU’RE HAVING TROUBLE STANDING NOW? TOO BAD, LET’S SEE HOW TOUGH YOU REALLY ARE UNDERNEATH!

OH, SO YOU CAN TAKE THAT? WELL HOW ABOUT THIS! I CAN STILL HIT HARDER! LIKE THIS! AND THIS! YOU FEEL THAT NOW HUH? HOW DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BLEED? TIME TO RIP YOU OPEN AND TEAR YOU APART FROM THE INSIDE! LIKE! THIS! YEAH, GO AND SCREECH! IT WON’T HELP! BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST! A! STUPID! BUG! AND! NOW! YOU’RE! GOING! TO! DIE!

DIE!

DIE!

DIE!

The shrieking stopped, and its carapace began descending to the ground. I pushed myself out from under it, viscera covering me from head to toe. I had won, but this leg was going to be a problem for a while-

[Level Up: Nude Berserker Level 9!]

[Ability Obtained: Enhanced Metabolism!]

[Ability Obtained: Cold Resistance!]

[Ability Obtained: Regeneration!]

As I watched, almost disbelieving, the flesh on my leg slowly began to knit itself back together. Underneath, I could feel the shattered bones gradually moving back into the correct positions. Despite what I might have assumed, it was not an unpleasant sensation.

I suddenly felt very tired. With Cold Resistance, I wouldn’t have to worry about insulation, so I focused on dragging myself into the cave. There was dirt on the floor, so sleeping wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable. I would just lie down and…

*****************************************************

I opened my eyes to see what I assumed was morning light coming in from the cave entrance. Although, it was partially obstructed by… was that a bear?

I watched idly as it inspected the giant crab corpse outside. My injuries were all gone; my leg didn’t seem to have so much as a scar, though it was hard to see underneath all the dried blood and guts from last night. However, I was feeling rather hungry. How convenient that breakfast would be so considerate as to come to me!

I stood up, not feeling the slightest of aches from sleeping on packed dirt all night. Regeneration really was great. The bear turned to face me, and growled. Oh come on, why so protective of the creature I killed? If you can’t understand the proper order of the food chain, then I’ll just have to teach you an object lesson!

I considered grabbing a rock, but there wasn’t one nearby, and I decided I didn’t need it. The bear was less than half the size of the crab. I would just finish this fast. As I approached, it seemed to hesitate. Oh, so now you’re realizing I’m not prey… too late!

“YAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” TRY TO GRAB ME? I’LL JUST CLIMB RIGHT OVER YOU! LET’S SEE HOW TOUGH YOUR BACK IS! OH, SO IT IS THICK? BUT WHAT IF I BITE? YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! NOW I’M GOING TO RIP YOU OPEN YOU- OH SO NOW YOU TRY TO ROLL OVER? IT’LL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO CRUSH ME! NOW I RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP, AND TEAAAAAAAR, AND YOU ROAR, AND I TEAR SOME MORE, AND YOU ROAR, AND I TEAR! RIGHT! HERE! AND YOU STOP ROARING BECAUSE YOU’RE DEAD!

I took a moment to catch my breath, and spit out some clumps of hair that were stuck in my mouth. Between the viscera from last night and the fresh viscera from this morning, I could really use a bath in the nearby stream. I waited a moment, but there was no level-up notification. Irritating, but expected. I might not have played many RPGs, but everyone knew that the experience needed to level got exponentially higher as you advanced. Well then, time to clean off!

With Cold Resistance, bathing in the stream was quite pleasant. For a moment, my thoughts went back to the previous time I had taken a bath, right before everything went wrong. How did getting hit by an extremely improbable truck lead to winding up on another planet? Was Paul dead, or had he been transported too? No, it wasn’t worth considering such questions. Paul wasn’t worth thinking about anymore.

I wasn’t getting any less hungry, so I headed back to the dead bear. Better to go with fresh meat than meat nearly half a day old, and perhaps bear tasted better than crab? I tore off some more of the skin, and then dug around for some muscle tissue. My fingernails weren’t enough; I ended up using a sharp rock to saw through it. Taking a bite, I found that it did indeed taste better than crab; the taste of the blood seemed dulled somehow, perhaps a side-effect of Enhanced Metabolism. I would eat as much of this as I could; I’d rather not waste time hunting minor animals when I didn’t have to. Now for another bite…

*****************************************************

A fifth of the bear was gone, and I was just starting to feel full. Enhanced Metabolism clearly did more than I thought! With this, I could limit myself to hunting the creatures that would actually increase my level! After stopping to drink from the stream, I considered my next moves. Streams eventually joined into rivers, and rivers were a prime spot for settlements, so if there was civilization on this world, going downstream was the way to find it.

But was civilization what I wanted now? They had useful tools, relevant knowledge, cooked food, and, hopefully, toilet paper, but they also had governments, soldiers, and, well… nudity taboos. I didn’t have anything against clothes, but I had a feeling that the benefits of my class were contingent on actually living up to its name. And the idea of losing everything I had worked so hard to gain, being weak, and helpless, and NO! I AM DONE LETTING OTHER PEOPLE RUIN MY PLANS! NEVER AGAIN! FROM NOW ON, THINGS ARE GOING TO GO! MY! WAY!

Still, if I found that the nearest civilization wasn’t to my liking, I could always leave and find another. I would just have to be careful, but that was fine, because I was smart, and an expert in not getting caught. Except for- no, that event doesn’t count, something weird was clearly affecting probability that time. If things had been normal, there would have been no academic decathlon getting canceled, and no improbable truck, and no getting transported to another planet, and I would still have a perfect record. So there!

With nothing else left to do, I started heading downstream.