Did I die?

The question was loud and clear in her head, but there was no answer. Because she already knew the answer. “Asri” had died, but “she” was still here. All of it was simply a dream, and it was time for “her” to wake up.

Could I die?

The same question plagued her for more than just a few decades, incomparably long compared to her time as “Asri”. There was an answer, a proven solution, but it was not one that she could take.

She sat at her bed, her hand tracing the exquisite fabric of the veil enclosing the bed. They said dreams were quickly forgotten upon waking up, but for some reason she found herself unable to extract herself from the feelings of the girl from an unspoken time. She was no longer the same, the memories of her newfound reality rushing in to remind her, but she could not help yearning for that unspoken time. The time when happiness was so simple and easy to find, when the smile of a person could bring her so much joy.

She brought her hand to her chest. There was the sound of a beating heart - or so she could make it seem to be, but she knew there was no such thing. She also knew that even if she had a beating heart, she had already forgotten what it was like to live without this feeling of emptiness. Maybe she was sad. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she was all of that combined. But her nonexistent heart could no longer feel. There was only a heavy feeling of nothingness.

There was a gentle knock at the door. She acquiesced, and a graceful figure entered and kneeled in front of her.

Her voice felt a bit estranged from her own self, but she was used to the sensation. She knew the person in front of her would also understand, seeing as she had just woken up from another long sleep.

— How are the pillars?

Truthfully, she could have gone and checked using her own power, but she was tired. Tired of being reminded of her responsibilities. The person in front of her was also someone she could trust, so there was no problem asking about it like this.

— There has been no major incident, your Grace.

— Good work. Is there anything that requires my attention?

— There are two things, your Grace - the time for the next Divinity Ritual is approaching, and a new divine being is coming into existence.

— It’s that time again… Alright. What is the problem with this divine being that requires my intervention?

No other deities were allowed to exist beside the Goddess of Fate, as dictated by the rules. Normally the angels, led by Archangel Azelia, would take care of it for the Goddess. This new deity seemed to be especially problematic if it required her attention.

Azelia, still gracefully kneeling with full composure, slowly explained.

— The narrative for the new divine being was that of a God Killer - in other words, a being with the power to kill your Grace, the Goddess of Fate. The narrative has gained traction among a group of people who has unfortunately grouped the faith of Fate with the Cassendrian nobilities. The angels have attempted to fix this misunderstanding among the people, but there are forces within the nation that are pushing for this misconception to be accepted as fact in order to fuel a civil war. As we are unable to stay in the mortal world for too long, we are currently unable to stop the narrative from spreading.

It seemed like the new divine being, the God Killer, was gaining power because some humans were determined to make a civil war happen, and the story of a God Killer was convenient to divide the people who had been united under their common faith for the Goddess of Fate. It would be hard for the angels to take care of a divine being with the power to supposedly “kill the Goddess”.

She felt the tiredness consume her just as she thought about having to personally deal with this, but she could not just abandon her duties. She could sleep for decades, she could leave all the work to her angels, but she could not turn her back on an issue that could only be solved by her. It was not something like noblesse oblige - she was simply unable to throw away her responsibility of managing the Fate of the world.

Divine identity, the same power which “killed” Asri and “created” a new Lumina, an immortal Goddess, also made it impossible for her to do anything that could harm the Fate of the world. She could not abandon her duties, she could not knowingly damage the Fate of the world, she could not kill herself.

Lumina chuckled inside, but her face remained unmoved. Azelia waited with seemingly boundless patience. For immortal beings such as themselves, forever bound to life and duty by the shackles of their divine identity, time was not of the essence.

Lumina then spoke.

— I will descend to take a look at this God Killer. Prepare for the Divinity Ritual in the mean time.

Azelia did a quiet bow, her shoulder length blue-grey hair not falling a single strand out of place. The mole under her left eye brought a bewitching charm to her otherwise emotionless face. Lumina was reminded of another girl from an unspoken time, and found herself speaking again.

— Azelia, do you want to come with me to the mortal world?

She did not know why she had asked. Perhaps she was reminiscent of the time when “Asri” was with “Elrin”, and what she had with Azelia was a little similar to that. The angels were companions, servants, loyal subordinates of the Goddess. It was etched in their divine identity that they could not disobey the direct orders of the Goddess. She could trust Azelia because of this, but beside that they had been together for close to five centuries. She trusted Azelia the most, and Azelia also understood her more than anyone else.

She knew Lumina was reminiscing about their past as humans.

Lumina almost already knew the answer, so she was not surprised when Azelia simply replied.

— Do forgive me but I have to prepare for the ritual and assemble the angels for information about the God Killer. I will send you the relevant information once I have them ready, your Grace.

With that, Azelia left the room.

———

She was Lumina, the Goddess of Fate. The name Lumina belonged to the one and only divine being with the divine identity of the Goddess. Divine beings, such as gods and angels, were distinct from human beings - with divinity, they were immortal and held powers beyond what humans were capable of. The power of faith sustained them, empowered them and also shackled them. That was their divine identity.

She used to be “Asri”, the human girl who was going to become the Chosen Star, the human idol of the faith of Fate, the living vessel of the Goddess. Little did she know, on the day of the Divinity Ritual, she would become the Goddess herself.

It sounded like a thrilling story of a human child overcoming the limits of humanity and reaching what many others could not even dream to accomplish. Immortality! Divine powers! Angels at her beck and call! Thousands, millions of puny humans worshipping at her feet as she held the Fate of the world in her palm.

If they knew, no one would pay attention to the small fact that she never asked to be the Goddess.

Her memories of what happened were hazy, but they were nevertheless etched upon her soul.

She found herself inexplicably sleeping in her room a long time after she was announced the Chosen Star, and then woke up in a secret pathway that led straight to the chamber where the Ritual was to happen. She came upon the sight of her closest friend, her roommate, being held with a knife to the neck.

As she was trying to come to terms with more than one surprise, the Head Priestess came to talk to her. She remembered this conversation so clearly, even though it felt like a dream to her.

The Head Priestess had a glint in her eyes as she told Asri.

— I thought my blessing was failing me, pointing you as the next Chosen Star when you were just a normal unremarkable child. All the other Stars have been different, special in some way - befitting of their high fate value. But you, you were just a naive commoner with nothing to speak about.

— But you were hiding all this time, weren’t you? You had all of us fooled, even that boyfriend and roommate of yours. You knew all this time, didn’t you?

— Your boyfriend was an assassin sent to sabotage the ritual, he probably thought he had you in his palm when you were scheming against him all this time. At first I thought your little roommate was trying to take your place as the Star, but what are the odds that she just happened to be mistaken as the real one by the assassin, who’s also coincidentally your boyfriend?

— I thought it was weird that a naive little girl like you had so much fate value… yes, you were pretending this whole time.

— You tricked your boyfriend, then your good friend as well. Now they will kill her, and your boyfriend will also be exposed. Who else but you will benefit the most from this!

— It could also be that friend of yours trying to save you by taking your place, but that’s even more ridiculous! That prostitute child, that mother murderer!! Sacrificing herself for someone else, I’d be a fool to believe that!!

— You’ve done well, Chosen Star.

Asri heard every single word, but she could not make sense of it. Her mind was struggling to catch up to the reality in front of her, and she could only come to one realization. Elrin… if it was not for Elrin, she would be the person standing there, with a knife on her neck. The words trickled out of Asri.

— …No, Elrin, she definitely…

— She loved her mother. She didn’t kill her mother! She definitely… for me… Elrin!!

Her friend, whose face looked even paler with a knife right next to her small neck, noticed her and paled one shade further.

— Don’t come here! Why are you here!!

After this, Asri lost consciousness… and found herself back at the same pathway she woke up from. She had thought everything was a dream, a cruel dream that her anxious mind cooked up before the ritual. But when she walked out of the pathway and entered the chamber again, she was faced with an even harsher reality.

In the dream, Elrin had a knife pointing at her neck… by Lute. Lute, her dear friend whom Asri had spent countless afternoons with. Lute, her beautiful friend whom Asri had thought to be an angel. Lute, her beloved friend whom Asri had ticklish feelings towards whenever he smiled.

And in front of her, then, was Lute, sitting among the fallen bodies of priestesses, holding a knife that was inch away from Elrin’s face.

The dream… no, was everything a dream? Was this a dream within a dream?

No, it was not.

She remembered this as well, barely a conversation as it was.

Lute turned to her, and his face almost twitched. In a resigned voice, he said.

— You… do you have resistance to drugs or something?

She was still flabbergasted at what she was seeing.

— Lute… what does this… mean?

He did not answer her, only raised his hand with the knife in order to strike. The horror consumed her and she uttered a silent scream as the knife fell. But it never hit its target.

Because right at that moment, the Goddess descended. After telling some meaningless story that Asri could not remember, the Goddess stabbed her with a black dagger. She felt the excruciating pain of being transformed into a Goddess, then the rest was history. An old unspoken story of centuries prior.

“Asri” died, and she was now Lumina, the Goddess of Fate. The old Lumina took pity on her, perhaps, and made two other nearby humans into angels that would accompany her on top of the existing angels. Azelia was one of them.

Their human past had long been forgotten, by history and time. They had become so different, their story felt like it belonged to someone else completely. After all, they were no longer humans - they were gods and angels.

Lumina closed her eyes. The familiar sleepy sensation came to her, almost like it was silently whispering to her, tempting her to return to her dreams. When she slept, when she let herself be drowned by the dreams her frazzled mind came up with, she could temporarily escape her current shackled reality. She could forget that she was Lumina, and return to being Asri. Even if the dreams always ended the same way.

Lute was lying the floor, blood seeping through his garb from when he was swung against the wall by the Goddess. The Goddess continued her meaningless story as Asri held Lute’s hand, which was rapidly growing colder. Perhaps she was still trying to persuade herself that there was a misunderstanding, that Lute didn’t kill all the priestesses and was not about to kill Elrin as well. Perhaps she was unable to accept that the person she loved, as she found out, had possibly been deceiving her this entire time. Perhaps…

Lute looked at her. Did he know what was going through her mind? He breathed heavily as if trying to laugh, and said.

— You… you are so…

The words laboriously trickled out of him.

— …gullible…

It was at this point that the Goddess stabbed her. She did not know which was more painful, being stabbed in the heart or finding out that the person she loved had been deceiving her. And he died. Possibly because of her.

She could remember the pain, whichever it was. Her tears had all but dried up, and so her face remained unmoved even as she recalled the bitterest of memories. She could not let herself break down. As Lumina, the Goddess of Fate, she could not break down. She was no longer Asri.

Her dreams as Asri had ended. It was time for her to be the Goddess again.