The world is a pretty shitty place at this time in the past, no?

Well fear not humans, for I am Torra and I will save the world!

Global warming, overconsumption, the patriarchy, and even pandemics… they ain’t got nothing on me. Be prepared, for by the end of this century I will usher in a world closer to paradise than has ever existed in the age of humanity. It will be… Parrotise!

I used to live among you, was quite a fan of the things you produced, like memes, and the MCU. My solution to the world’s problems was actually based on Thanos’s misguided snap. If I had been Thanos, or Ironman, or Hulk, I wouldnt have wasted the infinity stones on such stupid things.

Take Thanos for example, it would only take humans less than 100 years to recover the population he snapped out. Resources would become a problem again. How idiotic. With the infinity stones he should obviously have just turned all intelligent life forms into birds!

This is the solution… that could save the world!

I firmly believe this. Unfortunately, y’all are incredibly hopeless and if I don’t preempt my solution to you in this book in the past before my solution comes about, y’all will think I’m making a dystopia. I assure you this is not the case.

Allow me to explain my story. And give you hope for the future once more.

It was a casual day in the city of Seattle. On this casual day I was casually chatting with some friends over a cup of coffee. It was in this casual chat, before the covid-19 pandemic, while we lost hope in humanity as the world went to shit that I came up with the solution.

As we were discussing global problems, I recognized that there were a few critical problems plaguing the human species.

First, power distribution.

Second, the patriarchy.

Third, we were consuming too many resources and it was unfair to think the developing world would have to jump to clean tech without the economy needed for it but if they didn’t, climate change would never cease.

Fourth, we really don't care about trees.

And fifth, walking takes forever and you have to meander around obstacles.

And all of them, and more, would cease to be a problem, if we were birds!

…

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

15 agents stand armed and ready while 1 more smashes a battering ram against a reinforced door to a basement. The air was fraught with tension. The team had attempted ballistic breaching but it seemed like the door was actually welded shut so blasting the lock of did nothing! There was also some strange array on the door which prevented any explosives from working.

The agents had no idea how that was even possible, but as one of the highest ranking MSRA teams they had seen their fair share of novel technologies.

MSRA, or Mad Scientist Roundup Agency, was a governmental agency dedicated to finding the geniuses that helped keep the nation's technological edge and then making them work for the government.

This particular MSRA team was headed by agent C.R. Wayfinder, one of the agency's founders who was particularly obsessed with rounding up these borderline criminals. She definitely did not come out into the field because the agency was understaffed as hell. Definitely not.

After a few more rounds of smashing, a hole opened up in the door. From that point on, smashing apart the rest of the door became a lot easier and within a minute, the opening was wide enough to walk through with their bomb shields.

Turning on their lights the agents quickly but carefully poured into the basement.

“Captain, I think you want to see this,” agent 12 stared in horror at a monitor.

Captain Wayfinder quickly made her way to the computer monitor agent 12 was looking at. “Oh… shit…”

RENDER SUCCESSFUL is written in green on the screen.

The monitor next to it blinks to life with a message:

Fear not my dear ASMR agents. For I will save you.

~ Torra P.

Sizzle!

All the computers in the basement suddenly made that same sound. Their hard drives had overheated and fried themselves. Almost all of the monitors had been turned off and none of the fans were making noise so none of the agents had thought the computers were still running. Also, none of them really understood computers so they didn’t realize that all the computers here didn’t use SSDs but old hard drives that needed internal fans. That oversight cost them all the data on the computers.

“There’s no one here captain,” Agent 1 reported after the rest of the team completed their search.

“What now captain?” Agent 12 asked.

“Tell them to classify this lunatic as a class 13.”

Really? The agency’s first class 13… to a guy that is trying to become a bird? Agent 1 thought silently but didn’t want to openly question his captain so he silently obeyed.